So I decided to surprise my bf with a san francisco trip this weekend. So the drive was uncomfortable for me and there was nothing good on the road to eat that didnt make me feel like I was having a dumping moment. We get here and normally we would order room service and then go out and explore etc. So we get here he orders with out telling me, and i get out of the shower to chocolate Cookies and sweet potato fries. This starts a huge arguement, so i have a few fries and feel ok and he is like why arent you eating more.... at which point i freaking lose it, screaming in this suite that is bigger then our apt.

So i have a few more and then start to feel ill, mainly i know I was feeling crummy from the drive as my big inscision is still tender two weeks out. SO i am laying down feeling sick and he comes in and is like this is not how i envisioned this weekend..I AM LIKE NO SHIT, sorry I dont mean to curse. So we had plans to go to a comedy club tonight and I nixed it for tomrrow. Anyways he is like ok lets eat dinner now and I aam just annoyed because I guess I needed to plan ahead. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. ok sorry to vent I just know you would understand group

It does get better, and as we progress the options open up. Just the other night I got to go out with the wife to On the Border she ordered the 3 enchilada dinner, I was able to eat the refried beans and half of the inside of one chiken enchilada. It was wierd to only spend 15 bucks on dinner, but it was nice to go out and kinda feel like a date night again. She has really started to help me out. Go back a couple of weeks before that where I was on soup and she wouldn't come to the table to eat with me and I had a major breakdown--the point is I was getting a little of that post WLS depression and something just set me off--surprised us both. We discussed it and it has gotten so much better just over a couple of weeks. Like we are in this together now.

Ahh neighbor of mine, I feel sorry for you and you gotta cut both you and the boyfriend some slack. You are still healing and though your intentions were good for the weekend there has been a big change in your body literally overnight. Things will take some time to get used to and from what I have read it gets so much better. Just give yourself time to heal and adjust. Try to relax and start fresh tomorrow.

Hello...am I the only one thinking that your boyfriend is clueless? It sounds kinda insensitive of him, kinda like bringing vodka along when someone just got out of rehab.

Maybe that is just me.

Ok, no pumkin you are very accurate in your assesment. I am not sure why but for some reason probably low self esteem i feel stuck to this guy and its sort of rediculous because before I met him I was a strong woman.

But your right, he laughs while I cry, never touchy or complimentary (probably because he hates himself). So I have been sleeved for two weeks, after telling him my post op schedule for liquids and soft foods etc, he has asked me 4x since my surgery if I could go get a steak. Then when I flipped out because yet again I had to explain it he called me dramatic and said hopefully losing weight will improve my attitude. Blah ok I need not talk about him now since I think my low grade fever is finally going away thanks to some liquid tylenol. BTW how cool i just went to an all night cvs and they had fresh fruits and veggies. (random side not) So i got a mango for Breakfast to have with my 100calorie muscle milk.

I knjow that a change in my pathetic relationship is coming up I guess I just need to feel a little more confidant. Also I have never ever lived alone. I am 33, i went back and forth to each parent after a divorce (weekly) met the man I was going to marry at 18 moved in right away and then lived with him for 12 years followed by an abrupt identity crisis for missing my youth, then I hooked up with this winner for the past four years and well I guess i might be scared to be alone. My dad says its the best way to find out who you are and what YOU like. He is right but I am still scared.

xoxo all

So I decided to surprise my bf with a san francisco trip this weekend. So the drive was uncomfortable for me and there was nothing good on the road to eat that didnt make me feel like I was having a dumping moment. We get here and normally we would order room service and then go out and explore etc. So we get here he orders with out telling me, and i get out of the shower to chocolate Cookies and sweet potato fries. This starts a huge arguement, so i have a few fries and feel ok and he is like why arent you eating more.... at which point i freaking lose it, screaming in this suite that is bigger then our apt.

So i have a few more and then start to feel ill, mainly i know I was feeling crummy from the drive as my big inscision is still tender two weeks out. SO i am laying down feeling sick and he comes in and is like this is not how i envisioned this weekend..I AM LIKE NO SHIT, sorry I dont mean to curse. So we had plans to go to a comedy club tonight and I nixed it for tomrrow. Anyways he is like ok lets eat dinner now and I aam just annoyed because I guess I needed to plan ahead. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. ok sorry to vent I just know you would understand group

He is trying to sabotage you, and at this stage he might succeed in killing you. Don't be forced to eat on your newly healing stomach. Personally I would ditch the jerk, and you can show him this if you like.

You really need to live alone for a while. It's not so scary, in fact you will end up loving it. Only then will you feel that you are chosing a man because you want him, rather than because you are scared of being alone.

Pity the poor women who ends up with your guy next! You are way way too good for him, do your self another good favour, you have made a brilliant start with this surgery, now take complete control of your life, you can do it.

Edited May 30, 201016 yr by Jane_J
Additions

He is trying to sabotage you, and at this stage he might succeed in killing you. Don't be forced to eat on your newly healing stomach. Personally I would ditch the jerk, and you can show him this if you like.

You really need to live alone for a while. It's not so scary, in fact you will end up loving it. Only then will you feel that you are chosing a man because you want him, rather than because you are scared of being alone.

Pity the poor women who ends up with your guy next! You are way way too good for him, do your self another good favour, you have made a brilliant start with this surgery, now take complete control of your life, you can do it.

Amen!!! The only way you're going to get the guts is to do what you're scared of anyway, and then discover you will survive, and then not only survive, but thrive! Your dad is so right!

Wow, a road trip so soon. What could go wrong?

It's funny how we plan and plan for surgery and then continue to plan for our regular life....I am not planning anything for 3 months, nada, nothing! Traveling is so tough...after surgery, yikes!:lol0:

Guess this is a great time to remind BF of your sacrifice and how it's going to effect him, too.

You have embarked on a difficult journey mentally and emotionally. I am still adjusting and get frustrated. It sounds like you know what you need/want to do about the bf. You just need to do it. I love living by myself - or now, at least having my own space that I can hide out in when needed or wanted.

this could be your new theme song!

[nomedia=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUBnxqEVKlk]YouTube- Helen Reddy - 'I Am Woman' (Live) 1975[/nomedia]

I Am Woman

-Artist: Helen Reddy from "Helen Reddy's Greatest Hits": EMI ST 11467

-peak Billboard position # 1 for 1 week in 1972

-Words and Music by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

I am woman, hear me roar

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back an' pretend

'cause I've heard it all before

And I've been down there on the floor

No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to, I can do anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

You can bend but never break me

'cause it only serves to make me

More determined to achieve my final goal

And I come back even stronger

Not a novice any longer

'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo

With a long long way to go

Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to I can face anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

Oh, I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

FADE

I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

I am woman

I hear your frustration, Phatcurves! I had to do a trip 2 weeks out from my surgery and it was all I could do to take care of myself! It is difficult to have to develop whole new ways of eating after a lifetime of eating anything (and sometimes everything) around me! For me, part of this challenge has been putting my needs, emotionally and physically, as the highest priority. The sleeve has FORCED me to change, and change is hard!

I'm of the opinion that it is probably not a good idea to make other major changes in your life right now. You have all you can do just taking care of yourself. Let the problems with the boyfriend slide right now. That can be addressed when you are stronger physically and have adjusted to your new sleeve.

Focus on yourself and what you need. Then take steps to take care of yourself. Plan your day's meals. Drink as much Water as you can and make sure you get your Protein. Make yourself the first priority!

Hang in there, this is a tough time emotionally. You don't need to end things, but you should put some space in between you and your BF for a while. Find out who you are, what YOU like, what YOU don't like etc....

Living on your own is wonderful! I long for those days (married with two teenagers ). I get a taste of "my time" when I travel for business, and boy do I LOVE IT!

Phat Curves.....most of your posts have been about your boyfriend being a jerk....why are you still with him.....why in good God's name did you book a getaway so soon....you know what he is like. You're going to have to grow a pair of ovaries, woman up and dump him. This has been toxic for so long and you are as much a part of it as he is. I think if you could get some support from your mom and get on your own for the next six months or something you'll have a chance. I feel you are sabotaging yourself with this guy. I don't mean to be a bitch here, but you are are a young, beautiful girl, who needs to start going in the right direction. Time stands still for no man. Good luck. YOU CAN DO THIS FOR REAL.

Stella

I can't keep reading these posts because it breaks my heart. You deserve better. People are pointing out that he is sabotaging you but what it truly comes down to is YOU are sabotaging yourself again. You know he is bringing you down and you are letting him, so you are doing this to yourself. I'm almost two weeks out also and I'm still on cottage cheese, refried beans, egg beaters, and yogurt. It will be at 6 weeks before I eat solid food. You've been at Olive Garden, eating cherries and mangos, and room service - I am not judging this as "unhealthy" eating but it is just plain unSAFE to be eating these foods before your sleeve is healed!! If you've been having a 'low grade' fever it's quite possible you're getting an infection sweetie.

Please - start taking care of yourself!!!! You deserve so much more.

Hey, just got back from a gig and as pissed as a parrot, in the UK thats good. Basically we all care and we want you to ditch the anchor and fly free and become what you really are sweetie. God knows I am old enought to be your Mum, I am 52, but please don't waste all you love and potential on someone who doesn't even care. Love yourself even 50% as much as we all love you and you will be fine. You could always come and stay with me in the Uk to sort yourself out sweetheart.

Cheers,

Jane

Bklyn Lady, Compliments on your sentence, "You're going to have to grow a pair of ovaries, woman up and dump him." You are a born writer. :thumbup1:

SteveO: Thank you for the compliment. I see you are due to get sleeved on the third. Good luck and keep the faith. I have no words of wisdom to offer as I don't get sleeved until June 15th. Let us know how you are doing. Wishing you all the best.

Stella