Hi all. Reaching out is hard for me. Dealing with body issues, I still see 340lb in the mirror.... 6yrs post op even though I'm down by 130lbs and physically healthier than ever. I want to embrace joy and be happy at this stage while I'm working towards my goals. Anyone else struggle with this? Criticism from family all my life and past experiences really are hard to shake. Thanks all

Hello AngieNM, That is a body image issue that sometimes will rear its ugly head. We all here can tell you that we experience it. Just the other day my husband asked to see my hand. I didn't know why but he looked and said "wow, you are losing weight". I didn't believe him so I got on the scale, which I try to avoid, and sure enough, I had lost weight, lots of weight and I looked into the mirror and saw the same large body, just flabbier. I'm a member now of BariNation, which you can be too. They have Licensed Social workers, Registered dieticians, physicians and registered dieticians all that are bariatric specialists and they hold groups where you can learn, get therapy, ask questions, and a whole host of other things. Instead of waiting for a response like in this forum, you get instant gratification from having a community of people like yourself, and friends that are long lasting can be made easily.

Remember that your goal was not just a weight loss surgery but a metabolic surgery that will bring you to a state of wellness. As you lose weight, you will have body image issues, and because you see yourself as the large you and do not see any differences this is because you have no real record unless you took pictures of yourself and still do to help you with your differences that you can see. It takes time, but it is worth it in the end if you can work through your feelings in groups or with private therapy about the criticism from your family that is a life long battle. All of us were criticized, mocked, teased and otherwise shamed about how we carried our weight never realizing what it was doing to us on the inside emotionally and psychologically. Join me in BariNation, get some group therapy, at least try it for a month and see how you like it. It is really worth the 40 bucks a month, just a little over a dollar a day for all kinds of therapy and peer support to help you.

I wish you the very best!!

Hi WendyJane! Thank you so much for your response and positive energy! It's hard to tell myself not to believe the negative criticism from decades of it. I will look into BariNation. I'm someone who always thinks I can handle everything on my own, but realizing it's really unhealthy for me to continue to carry all of the awful feelings and I can't fully celebrate the successes I've worked hard for.

Thank you SO much for your kind response.

Angie.

15 hours ago, AngieNM said:

Hi all. Reaching out is hard for me. Dealing with body issues, I still see 340lb in the mirror.... 6yrs post op even though I'm down by 130lbs and physically healthier than ever. I want to embrace joy and be happy at this stage while I'm working towards my goals. Anyone else struggle with this? Criticism from family all my life and past experiences really are hard to shake. Thanks all

Welcome!

For me personally, body image and self-esteem issues are potentially two different things? I'm obviously not a therapist so take this with a grain of salt, but while they may be related, it seems to me that they may also not be related at all?

I know a lot of us have struggled with the body image issue, me included. I think for me that's mostly just because I was so big for so long and I have not yet gotten to the place where being small is "normal" for me yet. i still will grab clothes out of my closet and think "No way I can fit in that", yet I do. I also will look at my stomach and think I don't look that different, but I went from a 44 in waist to about a 30-32 in waist, so obviously I am objectively a lot smaller.

I would not, however say that I have self-esteem issues, at least I don't think so! Am I sometimes overly hard on my bodily appearance, sure. As an example, you'll never catch me going without a shirt, even though as a guy I "could" do so. I'm older, have a lot of scars from various surgeries, and still have a fair amount of loose skin that is unlikely to go away. Ain't nobody want to see that! I'm also honestly too cheap to spend the money on plastic surgery.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my perspective. I suspect even if your body was perfect (and no one has a perfect body), you might still have self-esteem issues due to your past life experiences? I mention all this because I do have to wonder if you're not thinking "if only I got to a normal weight, I'd feel better about myself", but in my experience, that never works. If you are not currently seeing a therapist, it might be a great time to start?

2 hours ago, SpartanMaker said:

Hi there! Thank you for your response! You make some great points. I've always been someone who thought once I lose weight I will be worthy, loved, yadda yadda. I really agree with what you've said here. Actually researching therapists in my area as well. I feel like each day is a gift I'm squandering because I'm too stuck on self-criticism to truly embrace the achievements I've had. All great points and appreciated! You're an inspiration!

2 hours ago, SpartanMaker said:

Welcome!

For me personally, body image and self-esteem issues are potentially two different things? I'm obviously not a therapist so take this with a grain of salt, but while they may be related, it seems to me that they may also not be related at all?

I know a lot of us have struggled with the body image issue, me included. I think for me that's mostly just because I was so big for so long and I have not yet gotten to the place where being small is "normal" for me yet. i still will grab clothes out of my closet and think "No way I can fit in that", yet I do. I also will look at my stomach and think I don't look that different, but I went from a 44 in waist to about a 30-32 in waist, so obviously I am objectively a lot smaller.

I would not, however say that I have self-esteem issues, at least I don't think so! Am I sometimes overly hard on my bodily appearance, sure. As an example, you'll never catch me going without a shirt, even though as a guy I "could" do so. I'm older, have a lot of scars from various surgeries, and still have a fair amount of loose skin that is unlikely to go away. Ain't nobody want to see that! I'm also honestly too cheap to spend the money on plastic surgery.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my perspective. I suspect even if your body was perfect (and no one has a perfect body), you might still have self-esteem issues due to your past life experiences? I mention all this because I do have to wonder if you're not thinking "if only I got to a normal weight, I'd feel better about myself", but in my experience, that never works. If you are not currently seeing a therapist, it might be a great time to start?

@AngieNM I can seriously relate to this so much. I still have to really fight to get out of my own head some days. When people look at me now, I automatically assume the worst, because when I was bigger, people would either stare or act like I didn’t exist. It really does mess with your mind.

My past plays a big part too. My ex-husband used to make awful comments about my body, and that stuff sticks with you. It’s something I’ve had to really work through in my current relationship, to make sure that I didn't bring the insecurities and the fear into the relationship. Family

What I do, is text my bestie, who also had the VSG and send her a pic so she can hype me up! She will do the same to me. or if I am struggling with my food choices, lack of workouts ect, she is there for me as I am for her.

4 minutes ago, AmberFL said:

@AngieNM I can seriously relate to this so much. I still have to really fight to get out of my own head some days. When people look at me now, I automatically assume the worst, because when I was bigger, people would either stare or act like I didn’t exist. It really does mess with your mind.

My past plays a big part too. My ex-husband used to make awful comments about my body, and that stuff sticks with you. It’s something I’ve had to really work through in my current relationship, to make sure that I didn't bring the insecurities and the fear into the relationship. Family

What I do, is text my bestie, who also had the VSG and send her a pic so she can hype me up! She will do the same to me. or if I am struggling with my food choices, lack of workouts ect, she is there for me as I am for her.

Hi Amber! Thank you for your message. I really appreciate your understanding. WOW you're an inspiration! 5lbs to go! I'm proud of you! It sounds like you have a great support system and that is so huge. I admire your strength!

Hi Angie, your feelings are valid and completely normal. This can apply even to things outside of weight or body image. Sometimes we hurt ourselves by still seeing our past but remember the things you had to go through because progress is still progress.

Good morning, NinaK92, I really appreciate your message. I've been down for months and am finally pulling myself back up to meet my goals. Thank you SO much for your kind energy. I truly have been hurting myself by holding onto the past, others' influence in my past experiences, etc. I write my own story, I guess, so I have got to wake up and dig myself out.

I always tell others to be proud of themselves for starting anew each day, to value themselves, I need to listen to my own advice as well. thanks so much!

Keep in touch.

best to you on your journey as well.

Angie

I started in 2009, I got the lap band, at first there were a lot of people saying that I was lazy because I had surgery for weight loss, and my family talked about it but the best advice that I was given was by my wife she told me not to pay attention and remember I went through the surgery for me, not to please anyone and that nobody help pay for it. I did it because I had a few medical issues. I was 320 pounds the week of my surgery in February of 2009 I am now in 162 pounds on 2025. I don’t have any medical issues. Remember why you chose this journey and be happy for yourself.