I had the first consult with my surgeon 2 weeks ago and came home full of emotion. The weird thing is that, happiness wasn't one of the emotions i felt. I felt so anxious, scared, etc. Late that night after tossing and turning for hours, I got up and started searching for some answers. That's when I found this forum. WHEW!!!

Let me tell you, I thought I was losing my mind. But when I read how so many others had been on the same roller coaster of emotions, I finally relaxed and saw it was normal to feel this way.

I'm scared about having such major surgery for something "self-inflicted". That whole feeling like a failure thing hit me all of a sudden. I know I need to look to the future and all that but, it's still hard to swallow.

Thanks goodness I found terms on here like "food funeral" and stuff like that. Because I thought I was being really foolish. I am already in mourning. lol

Part of me says this is the best thing to happen to me in 30 years. The other part of me says ohhhhh noooooooooo!

Anyway, I am scheduled for the sleeve on June 4th. Just wish it would hurry up and be over with.

I want to thank you all already for the help I have found in just reading the forum.

Welcome Maddie. It is such a huge decision. Last night I watched the surgery on Youtube just to see what really went on. It was a bit of a shock to see so much stomach gone and I admit, "what the hell am I thinking" went through my mind but I am excited too. I think you made a good decision and wish you the best of luck. I am having my surgery 5 days after you so keep in touch.

Just noticed you are from Dallas. I'm in Rowlett. Who is doing your surgery? Maybe I just found a sleeve buddy?

Welcome Maddie. Yes I think what you're feeling is totally normal! I don't have my surgery date yet, but when my doc told me I should consider having this surgery I went through those emotions about going through this surgery for something "self inflicted." Then I went to the seminar put on by the surgeon, and the things he said made me feel so much better. Namely, the fact that 3 things come into play - genetics, environmental, behavioral. He said genetics loads the gun and environmental fires it, and then we develop these behaviors that are extremely hard to reverse. He also shared statistics that when it comes to those 100lbs overweight or more, even with a combination of diet, exercise, pills AND counseling, you still only have a 2% chance of succeeding at the loss on your own and keeping it off. 98% will never succeed. When you hear all of that I think it takes away a little of the guilt over what have YOU done to yourself because there are so many with this problem, and so few succeed... so obviously it's not just you.

I tried to start looking at it as a life-saving surgery. Even though I am not sick enough that I will die tomorrow without surgery, that's kind of like saying I don't need to stop smoking because it won't kill me tomorrow (I'm not a smoker, but just sayin'). This life is unhealthy and is slowly killing me. Also look at it as improvement... what I mean is if you had only one foot and it made your life harder and you could get yourself a prosthetic foot and get your life back, wouldn't you do that? Now what if you lost that foot because of diabetes caused by your weight... does that make you any less deserving of getting yourself the prosthetic foot and getting your life back? I don't think so :wink0:

I am rambling but... I know how you are feeling and wanted to tell you some things that helped me to get over that guilt. I have realized that by doing this I am FINALLY doing what I have never done before, which is deciding that I am worth it and I deserve a better life.

Also every since we set the consult date with the surgeon hubby and I have both been going through the mourning the loss of food. We've been eating all of our favorite bad stuff and sort of saying goodbye. It was worst the first week or two and kind of wearing off now but I expect I'll probably go through it again when my surgery date gets set. I think it's only natural. This way of life is what we know and it's scary to change it... but it is all going to be so worth it in the end!

Congratulations and welcome to the site. I was sleeved in January and I read and re-read the forums December up until the date of my surgery. It really does help to talk with people who truely understand what you are going through. Feel free to post any questions (fears, anxiety) you may have.

Maddie, I totally agree! Since I've begun this process I have lost the little willpower I had left. The closer I am to being sleeved, it seems the more I have to eat. It's crazy! I'm a lurker and thank everyone else that is not. I'm making the switch from RNY to VSG since my insurance just started coverage. I have one more nutrition class and then the big sit down with Dr. Nick. I want it over yesterday. It seems all I do is read about VSG. I can't wait to be healthier and start living a better life!!!

Now I am starting to wonder will I do this when I get closer? I mean, I have been good so far but I usualy make it 2 weeks on any diet I do.

Believe in yourself! I'm a low willpower person. It took me about 5 years to quit smoking after two heart stents. Stupid right? I gained about 50 pounds on top of already being overweight (obese). I'm so mad at myself. For my mid-life crisis, instead of a sportscar or two 20-somethings I'm getting WLS and a new bicycle!

HI Maddie

I think a lot of people go thru the dilemma of why can't I do this on my own without the surgery, but then if we could, we wouldn't be overweight....

I have overcome the balance in my head on that one, knowing that in reality I will never have the willpower to reach my goal weight, and it'll take this surgery to do it for me.

I don't doubt I'll have hard times along the way, but then any normal diet would produce hardships too, so I'll face them as and when - but the knowledge that everyone here is chasing more or less the same ghosts is inspiring and supporting for me.

Good luck

Kathy

Thank you all for your responses. It's so comforting to be among people who are just like you and understand everything you are going through.

The more posts I read, the better I feel about the whole thing.

You guys rock!

P.S. My surgeon is Dr. Barker