Keeping The Silence

[DesertRose80 137]

My surgery is scheduled for this Thursday, the 27th. The ONLY person who knows about it is my Husband. I have chosen not to tell any of my family and friends. I think my siblings would be receptive to it because my oldest brother was banded 3 years ago this month. He has lost over 100 lbs and is keeping it off. He looks fantastic and feels even better than he looks.

Our Mom died 2 days post op with DVT (deep vain thrombosis) after having Gastric Bypass. This was in May of 2001. We know it wasn't the GB that caused the loss of our Mom. She could have gotten a clot at home. Any of us can! Certainly the surgery increased the risk. But we are all at peace with our Mother's passing.

This isn't why I've chosen to keep my surgery a secret. I've made this choice because I don't want ANYONE to judge me. Maybe I'll open up later. Till then, I have LBT!

[Maddysgram 6,159]

I'm terribly sorry about your mother!

Having a brother successful with LB must be a little comfort to you.

I wish you the very best!

Please stick around and post often. There's a lot of support, wisdom and inspiration here.

[kidlaa 6]

I do not blame you! I too have decided not to let anyone other than my husband know! This is a very personal decision and not a lot of people will understand what we are going through.

[Banterwonder 63]

I , too, only told husband and 2 adult children. All sworn to secrecy. Personal decision and I didn't want to have to listen to horror stories. Also, I am not interested in hearing other peopl's opinions about my personal medical choices. If someone asks, I tell them I am eating less and getting lots of exercise, then I change the subject.

[tattoomommy 37]

I too have chosen to only tell no one about it. My husband is the only one & is very supportive. Imma tell em I'm smoking crack & laugh it off, lol. I think it's insensitive to poke & probe & pass judgment.... Anyway, good luck to all & i promise i won't tell :-)

[binab 50]

My husband is also the only person that knows. I feel a little guilty about not telling my bff, but she made it clear shortly before my surgery that she was against it. We know several others who have done it and been successful, and I guess she's noticed me asking them questions, so she asked me if I was doing it. I told her I had looked into it a few times over the years. She promptly told me that everyone she knows has trouble with it, throwing up and stuff. Then showed me a picture of one of her cousins who recently lost a lot "and she did it all on her own". My friend has seen me lose to goal on several occasions, and also seen me gain back and then some every time, yet I knew from that conversation that she wouldn't understand. It makes me sad not to be able to share my experience with her. (I actually wish she would do it for herself...)

[Tammy12 9]

I hear ya. I would like to keep it secret too but it's really not an option for me. I've decided not to care what my extended family thinks. I'm going to honest about it.

They can judge all they want.. I'll be laughing all the way to my goal weight and feeling like a million bucks.

[Cupkeezy 28]

I am also keeping it a secret. I told my dad and he reacted horribly. He told me that I was too lazy to work out or strictly diet. That is totally untrue. I am young, VERY active, and am in WAY better health than him (I am 220 lbs and he is close to 400) I would like to keep this personal so I can heal properly and not be stressed about losing the weight. My immediate family knows, but other than that, mums the word!

[DesertRose80 137]

I'm so grateful I'm not the only one who has chosen to keep this to myself. Thanks for the love and support. It makes me feel ten million times better knowing I'm not the only one who has chosen to keep it under my lid.

My In Laws are very loving and acceptive people, but I think they'd think I was totally and completely crazy....but they are all super thin people. Even my kids (thankfully) take after them and are long and lean!

I love being here and having you all for support! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[taysidebell 176]

I have only told family and a few close friends, it's my business and I want to know this will work and that the weight will stay off, I work hard with my band to get my results but sometimes I feel embarrassed that I have lost 10 stone this past year 60 pre and 82 post. Don't get me wrong I feel amazing but when people ask how much I have lost Iam embarrassed that I got into this mess. People ask what's your secret and I say diet and excercise. And it's true they see me walking to work ect and saying no to treats and cakes but now that's peole notice I feel a little guilty not telling but i am not ready. I will be one day though Thanks for reading ps anyone else feel the same.

[kvr1977 28]

Hello all! I am not banded yet but the only people I have told is my husband, my sister and my adult daughter. I dont feel that anyone at work needs to know, they are pretty good friends but like many of you, I don't want to feel like I'm being judged for my decision, I know they will tell me horror stories and try to talk me out of it. I have done too much preparation and soul searching to get to this point and I can't let anyone discourage me now. The ones I have told are very supportive and know this is a big step for me, they love me and want to see me healthy and happy. As others have said its a very personal decision and it's your business not anyone else's.

[kidlaa 6]

My husband is also the only person that knows. I feel a little guilty about not telling my bff, but she made it clear shortly before my surgery that she was against it. We know several others who have done it and been successful, and I guess she's noticed me asking them questions, so she asked me if I was doing it. I told her I had looked into it a few times over the years. She promptly told me that everyone she knows has trouble with it, throwing up and stuff. Then showed me a picture of one of her cousins who recently lost a lot "and she did it all on her own". My friend has seen me lose to goal on several occasions, and also seen me gain back and then some every time, yet I knew from that conversation that she wouldn't understand. It makes me sad not to be able to share my experience with her. (I actually wish she would do it for herself...)

This is exactly the reason I decided not to tell anyone! I started by telling a few people of what I was contemplating and received negative comments from all of them! The misconception is that people who opt for the lap band are lazy and have no sense of self-control! No person will ever understand other than the people who really care, who are going through the same situation and who have seen what we go through (our husbands)! I have suffered so much to lose weight; I have even gone as far as becoming a strict vegetarian! I have the healthy lifestyle down but cannot manage to lose weight long enough because of my extreme hunger! I am ready to follow the healthy lifestyle for life....now if I could only lose this hunger!! :-/

[brlgirl 112]

Sorry to hear about your mom. I don't see any problem with not telling everyone. I told my husband, my family, 2 friends, and two co-workers (one of whom is considering lapbanding). I told these people because I wanted a few people to know so that I could do what I needed to do without strange looks or questions. I think that it is your right to tell anyone you want. Wishing you tons of success!!!

[sbb1222 112]

I am so glad that you started this post! I also have only told my husband, as everyone else makes comments about another family who was banded...and quite honestly, I don't want the judgment and comments to distract me! My husband is there for the daily struggles, not the judgmental people! Glad to know I am not alone.

[TheDuchess 106]

I truly don't intend to come to this discussion being negative, so please don't take it as such.

It does seem, though, that people will know that you had some aid - there is a very certain look to most (not all) who go the weight loss surgery route, be it band, sleeve, or bypass.

I can't imagine not telling people, I intend to be completely open about it and very upfront, that I tried weight loss without, and it came down to this - that I'm not satisfied with my quality of life. I don't see any issue with admitting that I needed help with my problem.

From my point of view people will either say it behind my back, "I bet she got surgery and just won't admit it," or I can confront it all immediately. Though I do not intend to tell many people before I get it, only after, for the same reasons listed here - I don't want to hear their opinions on it before it gets done when I've already made up my mind.

I'm mostly curious - do a lot of you intend to deny it, if asked directly?