My family has been very supportive of me since I had lap band surgery. I'm a single mom, with two (daughter 24 and son 16) at home. We all have been over weight. Here is what I need help with. My son has been exercising like crazy and has lost 25lbs. My daughter has gone the other way and gained more weight. Of course they see my weight coming off and hear me talk about the dietary and exercise changes happening in my life. I've been encouraging them both to be healthier. I have talked about the sugary drinks and the fast food. I have had a heart to heart with my daughter about her health. I don't know if I just need to shut up and lead by example or to keep encouraging them. She says I'm nagging. She has also told me that while she is happy for me, she is jealous of my weightloss. I think she is being self destructive. (I haven't said that to her)

I don't expect my kids to whip themselves into shape because I am working on it. I want them to be happy and healthy.

Have any of you experienced this? I need some good advice from someone that has been there.

I think that if you have had the talk now it's time to let it go.She is an adult and have to make her own choices.Just lead by example she is DEFINATELY watching you.Maybe start walking or something with ur son and invite her once or twice if she refuses just keep moving forward.You can't make her do it BUT you can control what comes in your house.So no sugary drinks and high fat snacks allowed in the house.keep stock of fresh fruit and good snacks.She is being self destructive and she knows it.if it gets to out of hand u may want to point it out but don't "nag" she has to decide.

Maybe she is thinking if she gains enough weight she can have the surgery too. I wouldnt buy one ounce of junk food or keep any drinks in the house except bottled water. I also wouldnt take them to get fast food either leave that up to them. But I would tell her if she is doing this thinking she can have surgery that you dont approve. She is young enough to lose the weight without surgery. Sometimes you have to give them tough love. I would not stop talking to her about it even if she thinks your nagging. She will wish she had listened to you at some time. Just my thoughts. I had one over weight son and one skinny son. After I had surgery my overweight son took it upon himself to lose the weight and he is doing good

I would lead by example. She's an adult so ultimately the choice is hers. I am very certain watching you get thinner and happier will make a MUCH bigger impact than any words you could ever say to her. Plus, the last thing you want to do is alienate her or make her feel worse than she already does, I mean, I think of all the times over the years well meaning family had said stuff to me about my weight. Not necessarily bad or mean things, things said with the best of intentions but nonetheless still upset to hear. I'm sure your daughter feels the same.

And leading by example does work. My mom has become downright jealous of my weight loss and is now seriously considering it for herself. I never said a word to her- until she said "maybe I should consider Lap Band", That was when I said "You really should, I think you'd be so glad you did".

Best wishes to you. It's obvious you're a good mom

Thanks for the input . I do not bring junk or sugary drinks into the house. They both love fast food and usually go out when I'm at work. If we all go out, they drink coke. I feel like I cannot and should not force them to drink diet coke or Water. I just hope one day they will choose for themselves. I know nagging doesn't work. Still, I feel distressed because I know how hard it is to lose weight.

I asked her what she thought about lap band and if she thought it would ever be an option for her. She said, no, she definitely does not want to go that route. I've only mentioned it one time. Lap Band has been the only thing that has worked for me. But, she is an adult and has a mind of her own. I guess I just have to love and respect her and try to keep my mouth shut. Its hard because I have been overweight all my life and truly understand how she feels. Argh...frustrating.

Thanks for the input . I do not bring junk or sugary drinks into the house. They both love fast food and usually go out when I'm at work. If we all go out, they drink coke. I feel like I cannot and should not force them to drink diet coke or Water. I just hope one day they will choose for themselves. I know nagging doesn't work. Still, I feel distressed because I know how hard it is to lose weight.

I asked her what she thought about lap band and if she thought it would ever be an option for her. She said, no, she definitely does not want to go that route. I've only mentioned it one time. Lap Band has been the only thing that has worked for me. But, she is an adult and has a mind of her own. I guess I just have to love and respect her and try to keep my mouth shut. Its hard because I have been overweight all my life and truly understand how she feels. Argh...frustrating.

We could be living the same life. I actually started researching lap-band as something my 24 year old daughter might be interested in. Shortly into my research I knew that where her head is in regard to her relationship with food, that lap-band would not be a good solution for her... but it was perfect for me.

I had lap-band surgery in January and she is really happy for me and my weight loss, but she is still not interested in it for herself. She's had a weight problem that began in college with emotional issues and has only continued to get worse. Like you, I tried to talk to her and help her, and I'm sure she just saw it as nagging. I have talked to her until I'm blue in the face and have offered anything and everything I can to help her. I have FINALLY realized that I can't do anything but make her situation worse and make it harder on her if I keep "nagging".

Now that I have finally backed off, she's just started Weight Watchers, and had her first weigh-in yesterday. She lost two pounds her first week and was thrilled. I know that two pounds is not a huge loss for the very first week, but since she was thrilled with it, I told her she was a Rock Star in my view!

Bottom line, we're going to love them regardless of what they weigh. We hurt when we know they hurt, and we worry about their health, but there is absolutely nothing we can do to help them until they decide to help themselves. I honestly think all of my "care and concern" in the past probably exacerbated her weight problems.

As an overweight daughter who has concerned parents of her own, I say this in the kindest most empathetic way possible...

I don't think you're in a position to "lead" her one way or the other. You haven't gained complete control of your own weight, your still in the losing phase, and she's 24... Unfortunately your high-impact parenting days (in terms of being able to affect her habits) have been over since she was about 7yo. And now that she's 24 and an adult, you only barely have in an influencing role, because it's something that you haven't completely mastered for yourself... Your experience is only a help to her if she decides to have the surgery herself.

It's great for YOU that your surgery is working, congratulations!!! But it's probably a lot of pressure for her. She probably feels like a failure, is depressed, or feels hopeless about her own situation because she identifies with you, and yet she's not losing herself...

My suggestion is to say nothing. Tell her when she looks good. Try not to be the food police. Don't talk about her weight or habits unless she wants to, and then only be a listener.

At this point the best thing you can do is be the kind mom who's supportive with unconditional love. That's it. Anything else will feel like you're rubbing your success in her face.

I agree she is an adult and you can't/should'nt deal with her like she's a child. If you gave a co-worker the lap band speech once you would then move on if they said it wasn't for them.

I would keep all junk food out of your house and lead by example.

My family has been very supportive of me since I had lap band surgery. I'm a single mom' date=' with two (daughter 24 and son 16) at home. We all have been over weight. Here is what I need help with. My son has been exercising like crazy and has lost 25lbs. My daughter has gone the other way and gained more weight. Of course they see my weight coming off and hear me talk about the dietary and exercise changes happening in my life. I've been encouraging them both to be healthier. I have talked about the sugary drinks and the fast food. I have had a heart to heart with my daughter about her health. I don't know if I just need to shut up and lead by example or to keep encouraging them. She says I'm nagging. She has also told me that while she is happy for me, she is jealous of my weightloss. I think she is being self destructive. (I haven't said that to her)

I don't expect my kids to whip themselves into shape because I am working on it. I want them to be happy and healthy.

Have any of you experienced this? I need some good advice from someone that has been there.[/quote']

I would encourage you to let it go at Thai point. I had a loving mom who tried for years and years to get me to lose weight. I was in my mid teens when it first became an issue. She offered bribes threats and dire warnings as well as her support. Sometimes I think I gained weight just to spite her. Now at 58 and having had success with weight loss before my lap band she is not alive to be able to share my progress. I did lose a significant amount of weight before she died and at the end she didn't recognize me. But I regained a good portion of it after she died. So my hope is that you let your daughter see your success and come to lap band on her own if that is what is right for her.