My Hubby Is Upset That I Scheduled My First Consultation, Help ;0/

[mommykristie 59]

I would suggest bringing him to your seminar if it is conducted by your surgeon. My required seminar was conducted by my surgeon, his nurse and the nutritionist. My husband was skeptical but after attending the seminar and having all of the questions answered, he actually opted for the surgery too! In fact he was banded 6 months before I was ( insurance issues...grrr). Anyways, 11 months and 80 lbs later, he wouldn't have it any other way!

[christinanewhart 1]

thanks everyone.. I have spoken to him and tried to get some reasoning behind how he feels. I'm

hoping moving forward he can be more supportive

[Wisdom2KnowTheDifference 32]

I am dealing with this issue *as we speak*. so upset. hubby seemed totally on board, when at the info session, etc. now, a week later, I am getting ready to have my initial consultation and he is against it. i can't figure out if it is about the money or what. i asked him if he wanted to go to the consult and he said yes, but now i don't know if I really want him to come, knowing that he may not truly be "on board." I just want to be surrounded by only supportive people right now, you know? I feel like if he came and he asked some doubting question we might get in a fight right there at the office!

Its hard when your husband, significant other, etc is not obese and has never had a weight problem. i don't think there is a way he will ever really "get" it. He told me tonight that he senses "desperation" in me, in that I would be so quickly making such a big decision. Damn right, i'm desperate. I'm fighting for my life here.

[mizvicky 14]

Take an older gal's advice. Do this now while you still have your health. While you can still walk without pain, before you become diabetic, before you develop hypertension and an even more increased risk of stroke and heart attack. Do this before you ruin your heart, kidneys, joints, your digestive tract with years of overeating and weight loss and gain over and over and over until your heart is broken from repeated failure. Don't let anyone stop you from taking care of yourself, not even your husband. I believe he's probably like most men, not comfortable with changes and just needs as much support from you as you need from him. I only wish that I had started this journey years ago before I did so much damage to my body. Don't wait like I did, take charge now, you can do it !! Best of luck to you and your husband.

[krisp5013 3]

I also am having my surgery at Lehigh Valley on July 25... My husband attended the first seminar with me and has been 1000% supportive , I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't. I think you need to take him to a seminar and try and convince him this is something you need to do! Without his support, i believe you could be in for a hard time. The pre-op program at LV was great and they can help you with many different issues, just ask!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Ask your sweetie if he would feel the same way if you had to have extreme dental surgery. Would he be so against it that he would encourage you not to have it ? I doubt it, because dental surgery is something he is more familar with. Lap band ? Not so much. Its easier to say " Dont do it !" when you're unfamilar with something. So take him to the appt. so he can ask questions directly. i was very lucky as my hubby was and is 100 % supportive. His sister and her hubby had just had it and are doing very well. I was banded last December, down 45 lbs and he's always complimenting me or encouraging me. He just wants me slim and healthy, and could care less about the future possibility of loose skin. So far he's VERY happy with the results ! Tell your sweetie you'd rather live a long happy healthy life with him !!! Good luck !

[pink dahlia 2,513]

PandorasBox.........................well, damn girl ! You are one strong chickie !!!! Good for you for making the decision to get healthier ! You go girl !!!!!

[Angelizz10 76]

I don't think you should have any kind of serious medical procedure, and this IS a serious medical procedure, without your husband's full support. I don't know how old you are, but trust this 69 year old lady who is scheduled to get a band July 25th, 2012, that loose skin is one of your very, very least problems. The doctors have you go thru many 'exams' to get a band put in. I've spent two years getting to this point. At first, my husband of 47 years was against the band or any surgical procedure for weight loss. He went thru two seminars, a year apart, to change his mind and to make me more certain.

This will change YOUR life. Period. You will never be able to eat the same. Period. You must work exercise in every day and faithfully. Talk to somebody else your age and gender from the seminar who has had it done. During my two year journey toward weight reduction help... and that is all the band is, help, I had to see a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, have an endoscopy, blood work, and eight (8) months of documented monthly weigh-ins with my primary physician. Oh, and my primary physician had to RECOMMEND ME for the surgery. I started out with the surgeon suggesting I have the band, plus the gastric plication. Insurance only pays for the banding costs, not gastric plication. However, and luckily for me, my surgeon no longer recommends NOR does the gastric plication. Many complications from the sewing up of the stomach (gastric plication) have arisen. I'm sure you have read on line the Mexican Dr. who does thousands of just the gastric plications on American's who go over the boarder. God help them if they have a problem!

Through my 2 year journey to get to being one month away from banding, I found out I was in A-Fib, had diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Thank God I had to go thru all the above necessary exams to get banded, that they found all my medical problems. I had absolutely NO idea I was so sick and probably from being 100 Lbs. overweight for years. As I stated in the beginning of this comment, if I hadn't had the full support of my husband I would not be alive today to finally get the help I need on losing this poundage. Hopefully, as in most cases of weight loss, diabetes disappears and your off meds for that.

As I said... loose skin is the least of your worries. Talk to your husband... Talk some more, start the conversation with him. If you two can't talk about the banding, you have more problems than just losing weight honey. He probably is scared for you and for everything concerning the banding. It IS scary for everybody. You will not only make a huge change in Your life, but in His life. Your married and need to be and should be in this together to get you help in losing weight.

I know the band is not the answer to everything, but I have tried everything, including taking the Phen/Fen drugs, Medifast (remember Oprah??), Slimfast, Atkins, drinks, powders, uppers, downers, you name it I did it, swallowed it, inserted it, or rubbed it on. The whole gambit. This banding is approved by my Internist, my insurance will pay for it, and I'm going for it WITH the support of my loving husband. If I don't lose the weight, it will kill me. I will NOT lose my life because of weight. Good Luck to you. Write me back and I'll give you more old lady 'sage advice' about to go on The Last Life Giving Journey. Angelizz10

[difa 114]

I'm 36. Luckily I only had to have six months of weigh-ins with my primary care doctor. I didnt have to have any other testing. I did go to a nutrition class, and have some blood drawn two weeks before surgery, but thats it.

[ddrobins 58]

My husband came with me to my consultation and asked the surgeon lots of questions. He and I talked a lot about the surgery and he seemed fine with it when I booked it too. I was really surprised and disappointed to overhear him talking with one of his friends and I heard him say that he thinks I'm just setting myself up to be depressed after I fail. He said my surgeon was quite a salesman. That wasn't true at all. At this point, I'm doing this for me. I'm putting me first.Maybe for the first time in all of my adult years. I'm not going to stress over making him meals while I'm doing my Protein fast either. He can figure out how to turn on the stove, microwave and barbecue. He's a very spoiled man, my fault. I think he's afraid that things will change around here. And you know what, he's right. Things are changing. I'm starting my journey to help myself to a longer and more active life. He can come along for the ride and be my partner in this or not.

[Kekeboo 47]

My husband supports me and I am very blessed for that, HOWEVER... He did ask me to try harder to eat healthier and excercise. I thought about it and then I asked him about his cigars.

I said why do you smoke?

He said well he is addictied to the caffiene and he didn't want the cigaretter smell on him anymore.

I said; My eating is like your smoking. It's a vice, and addiction, my comfort.

He thought about that for a minute and I couldn't believe my ears..He said; I get it now.

It's not that i don't want to try...I am mentally incapable of doing this on my own. I wake up everyday and say "that's it, this is the day" then I find myself planted on the couch with a bowl of grits with cheese and think to myself...there is always tomorrow.

food IS as addicting as drugs for some people.

[TexasDy 53]

I agree and disagree. I'm so sorry you're having trouble with your husband. I don't know what I would do without my husband's full support. Saying that - if he was completely against it, there'd have to be a reason. You married him. Therefore, you rely on him, trust his opinions, and overall respect him as head of your household. So, yes, take him to the seminar and meet with the surgeon. If after all that info he's still not on board, you need to have a deeper conversation - I know I wouldn't have gone through with it if my husband felt that strongly against it.

[Sojourner 2,446]

So surprising to read how many spouses are not supportive of a life improving surgery for someone they "love".

The core issue is usually their own insecurities about the relationship...and then they project these feelings onto their significant other, and expect you to understand and cave.

Ultimately, you have to make a commitment to do this for you...try to involve him in as much of the pre op planning as possible. If you have been motivated to the level of going this far in your anticipated weight loss journey, let no one stand in your way. There will be another emotional support system to turn to...

Any relationship which dissolves as a result of band surgery was not healthy enough to put in the effort to maintain it...IMHO.

Your mileage may vary...

[PandorasBox92264 61]

Thanks for the positive support on my experiences too guys to those that posted!

I will also say that one of the things that REALLY helped me right my brain after all that was jumping out of a perfectly good airplane! If your feeling down and depressed, or feel like you really need a tune up 'It will fix what ails ya"

Unless the chute doesn't open!!! lol

But IF you have thought of doing that, really look into it. different jump zones have different weight limits for tandem jumps. It depends on the jump instructors that they have on staff etc. I still jumped at over 230 lbs. No issues and NOBODY looked at me like what the hell... there are all shapes and sizes. There are some zones that will take a tandem jumper at 250lbs. They did not put me on the scale either. Just figured I would toss that out there for someone interested. And my band/port was perfectly fine. The pic on my post is me jumping out at 13,500 feet! grin

[Short and Chunky 230]

ddrobins - you go girl. My husband was not really on board - he wasn't against it, he just thought - here we go again - she'll loose and then gain back like every other time. Well, 1 yr down - 99 pounds down - he now is thoughtful and reminds me to eat slowly, he tries not to eat junk in front of me and he encourages me to exercise. I have been married to him for 43 yrs - that is as good as it is going to get (in the support catagory) ! NSV - last night, he fixed his own dinner as I was in a non-eating mood. You are so right - if he is hungry - he knows where the kitchen is. I spoiled my husband too - now it is his turn to do some of the spoiling.

Melinda in Florida