My Hubby Is Upset That I Scheduled My First Consultation, Help ;0/

[difa 114]

I agree and disagree. I'm so sorry you're having trouble with your husband. I don't know what I would do without my husband's full support. Saying that - if he was completely against it, there'd have to be a reason. You married him. Therefore, you rely on him, trust his opinions, and overall respect him as head of your household. So, yes, take him to the seminar and meet with the surgeon. If after all that info he's still not on board, you need to have a deeper conversation - I know I wouldn't have gone through with it if my husband felt that strongly against it.

the husband is the head of the household? In my home My wife and I are both jointly head of the house.

[jflo 40]

Difa, did she tell you to say that or hack your account?? Lol just kidding thought that was funny. Hopefully her husband will come around especially if he sees that's what she really wants!

[fitchick911 2]

i scheduled my first information seminar' date=' which is required before moving onto the actual consultation with the doctor.. so i have mixed emotions, im super excited but also very nervous. i chose dr harrison from lehigh valley hospital in allentown pa. i am hoping to get more information on how everything works and if they think ill be a good candidate for the procedure.

my husband isnt really on board with me doing this, he feels i shoild keep attempting to lose it naturally, which is a bit frustrating, but over all i honestly dont think i care if he is on board or not.. im not sure if thats a good or bad thing. when i told him about the free info night he wasnt thrilled, and said he thinks i shouldnt do it.. has anyone else not had the full support from their spouse or friends?

i know he wants me to be healthy and it isnt some fetish to have me big or anything.. i think he is genuinely worried about the procedure and the efffect on me negatively, if any, and the skin. i showed him some images and videos on youtube of people showing all their excess skin. i feel like im not flabby, im big but no that big, my skin has remained pretty tight, except for a little pouch im starting to get in my lower tummy.. i know hes scared what i might look like if my skin doesnt tighten back up.. to be honest i am too..[/quote']

My husband joined me at my consultation. He also had similar reservations. He wanted me happy AND healthy. He also admitted he could never really understand my struggle. (I compared food/weight issues to depression. You can't just "snap out of it.").

I am not sure if it was the Drs, the 100 heavy people, the slide show backed by medical research or or the few tears of relief that there was an answer that created a huge shift, but it happened. On the way home from the first meeting, my husband sincerely looked at me and said that for the first time, he had a clear understanding of my struggle.

We opted for the band together. I wanted bypass but we agreed TOGETHER on the band which helped him feel more engaged and part of the process.

Encourage your hubby to join you. Suggest you make the decision together. The Docs are experts and counselors can help you make the decision best for both of you. Doing it without his buy in might cause resentments. Just a thought.

[carymom 4]

My husband was not totally on board either. It took the husband of a friend of mine to say, "Look, we're both married to strong willed women. She's going to so what she wants to do, so you might as well support her in it." (This was in a private conversation that I heard about later.) My husband turned the corner, and has been supportive. He does get upset if I throw up - which is not often - because he is afraid I will wreck my health. My husband has never HAD a weight issue, so had no idea how difficult it is to lose.

I've lost all but 5 of the pounds I wanted to lose, and he is ready for me to stop. I'll stop when I lose the other 5 pounds, but I won't go into that with him. Good luck. I'll bet he is more scared for you than he is willing to admit.

[Shelleymb 75]

the husband is the head of the household? In my home My wife and I are both jointly head of the house.

I like you. : D

[TexasDy 53]

the husband is the head of the household? In my home My wife and I are both jointly head of the house.

If all you got was that my husband leads my family, you weren't listening. A marriage takes 100% from both people. 1 + 1 = 1.

The lapband is an amazing thing and I'm very grateful for it. But if I disrespected my husband enough to spend that kind of money and have surgery knowing he was against it, it'd cause more problems than weightloss would solve.

Communication and mutual respect are extremely important. I never once suggested the OP should not get the band nor did I say her health is more important than her marriage. I just said if he's that against it then to respect her husband enough to find out why, educate him, and make the ultimate decision TOGETHER. That's what true "joint-HOH" is about.

It's another point of view than "he'll appreciate it later" that others have given. And that's why we're all here - for other bandster's opinions.

[khouri 5]

Yea I agree your hubby will come around. Maybe sitting him down talking to him about it. You know the band isn't a magic wand you don't have surgery and boom ur thin. It's a tool to help you lose weight. Maybe that approach will help him understand it.

[Catherine55 43]

A good friend of mine who is also banded had the same experience with her husband. She showed him my blog and the blogs of a few other people who have gotten to goal with the band, and that helped him to get more comfortable. She's been banded for more than a year, and he's completely changed his take on it and is now a big fan of the band, and really proud of my friend for how well she's done.

I think it was fear more than anything else that made him not want her to do it. He loves her as she is (and as she was), and didn't want her to take any risks. Also, it's hard for people who haven't struggled with their weight to really understand just how hard it is for us to lose -- and how impossible it would be to keep off any lost weight -- without the band.

I'll be four years out in October, and it is one of the VERY BEST decisions I have ever made. I'm including a link to my blog and a before/after shot below. Sending best wishes to you for a wonderful outcome and much success! BTW, be sure to take a bunch of before photos and your measurements now! You will DEFINITELY want them later!

Best,

Catherine

[difa 114]

Difa, did she tell you to say that or hack your account?? Lol just kidding thought that was funny. Hopefully her husband will come around especially if he sees that's what she really wants!

Nope. I'm just so anti sexist anything...towards any sex.

[difa 114]

I like you. : D

Thanks!

[difa 114]

If all you got was that my husband leads my family, you weren't listening. A marriage takes 100% from both people. 1 + 1 = 1.

The lapband is an amazing thing and I'm very grateful for it. But if I disrespected my husband enough to spend that kind of money and have surgery knowing he was against it, it'd cause more problems than weightloss would solve.

Communication and mutual respect are extremely important. I never once suggested the OP should not get the band nor did I say her health is more important than her marriage. I just said if he's that against it then to respect her husband enough to find out why, educate him, and make the ultimate decision TOGETHER. That's what true "joint-HOH" is about.

It's another point of view than "he'll appreciate it later" that others have given. And that's why we're all here - for other bandster's opinions.

*eyebrow raise* I suppose if both me and my spouse were selfpays, but even then I'd be a jerk if my wife who had all kinds of medical conditions wanted the band and her doctor supports her, and then me her husband didn't. My wife's health and safety comes first over me being a man and the anatomy I have.

I have heard of stories where the band has led to divorce ... if that is the result of getting the band and getting healthy, then the relationship was stable to begin with and being obese was something the one spouse was hanging onto (whether one or both were overweight).