Hi everyone! I have a question that is really hard and I could use some advice. Just a background I have 2 kids 6 and 3 and I have been married for 8 years but have been together since I was 20 and I am now 34. Our relationsship has always been rocky, very hot and cold and he has always been very jealous and moody. We are also from two different cultures so this may add to our differences. Well two years ago I started talking to an ex and we carried ona four month friendship (emotioanl affair) and talked frequently. We did kiss but there was no sex. My husband found aout about it and all hell broke lose. After that he became very physically abusive and I stayed b/c I felt that I deserved it after the pain I had caused him. I immediately stopped the friendship with this other person and have not spoken to him since. My husband and I went to marriage counseling and it did not help and we stopped after a few times. I kept going to see someone on my own. It is two years later and the physical abuse seems to have died down as it was a once in awhile thing but evertytime we have an arguement now or if I am upset with something it is back to what I did two years ago. I feel so sad and depressed and I am trying to focus on caring for myself and having lap band and getting healthy. I have been putting my all in the relationship and my hubby is hot and cold one day great and the next day evil to me. I am so sad for my kids if the marriage ends and I think that is a big part as to why I have put up with it. Please help me figure this out????

I have a very simple piece of advice for you and you can take it or leave it of course. Imagine it is 20 years down the road and oyu are having a conversation with your children who are now in their 20s and married. They tell you they are in the exact same situation as you are in right now. Do you tell them to stay or go? That is your answer because you love them more than you love yourself and you will help them do what is right. Good luck dear!

Leave... Physical abuse is NEVER OK.. and never your fault. If he hit you once he will do it again..

Why do women feel they deserve to be treated any less than a human being. Dont let him ruin your life. Life is too short. If a man does not support you emotionally, financially, physically and mentally 100% without asking for anything in return then leave him. Men are supposed to be providers and take care of us. I have the most loving awesome husband any one could have. Not one week goes by that he doesnt bring me flowers home, gives me more affection than anyone can ever need and most of all he provides for me 100%. Yes I work but he will not let me pay the bills. If I want something he tells me to get it. He said if you work get what you want or even if I didnt work I would still be able to get what I want. Men have forgotten how to be husbands and understand what women need. Get out now and get your self esteem back and find someone who deserves you.

First off, do not discuss marital issues with your kids, it puts them right in the middle. Second, do you know how to protect children, by protecting their mother. You have to protect yourself. I grew up with an alcholic father who was always fighting with my mom, she was just as abusive to him. I told my sister I resented our dad for the childhood we had. My sister shocked me by saying she resented our mother for allowing it to happen. (not leaving)

The reason he blows up on you around every 3 months is because domestic abuse works in a cycle. It go's from good to abusive to apologetic then starts all over again. You need to get up and go cause I doubt he will change.

RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!

You obviously have not been happy or you would not be cheating on him. Cheating is not fair to anyone, just foolish to think kissing is somehow Ok. He doesn't sound like he's particularly nice to you anyways and abuse is a definite escape clause.from any relationship. Don't put up with it. The kids don't need to see the abuse OR watch affairs destroy the already fragile family.

Gosh!! What a terrible situation you're in. When I read your initial post and then read the quick, subsequent "solutions" suggested I was annoyed. Annoyed because #1, you didn't give enough information for people to so simply and easily say:LEAVE HIM (actually, that's my ONLY reason) Buuuut, after you shared more information, and answered Mariasha's very important & smart questions, I can voice MY opinion.

It boils down to do you love him and does he love you AND are you BOTH determined to be vested in putting in ALL THE HARD WORK it takes to safe a marriage. It's freaking hard-but possible only if there is love on both sides. He knows how unhappy you are... He probably also feel guilt over not giving you your place, and kinda pushing you to have an emotional affair, but men are too prideful to fess up- specially if its things related to emotions. Men are emotional dinosaurs (for the most part).

If you think there's a slither of hope, try everything and anything to safe your union... You should start by asking HIM if he's 100% 'determined and vested in putting in all the hard work'... That includes NEVER bringing up the pass. Good luck, my dear. I hope The Lord can lead you in the right path & I hope he gives you wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. (((HUG)))

Life is not black & white

****! I didn't notice how old this post is...!!

I wonder whatever happened in this situation...?