No Support from Husband

[Boo_68 6]

My situation is just the opposite...My husband was was supportive in the beginning, and now that I'm here and have lost the weight, it all gone downhill. I liked dfav's comment about the dance steps....guess we need to learn the steps again. Communication is key...I feel like I have to stroke my husbands ego by telling him I'm not going anywhere, which I feel is ridiculous. As I've said many times before, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have told anyone....not even him.

[RealityCheck 0]

First... Please excuse any typos...

I am so sorry to know that you have to go through this. Have you ever given thought/consideration to the fact that he may just be scared? My husband does not handle the whole "Surgery" thing well at all. Sounds like you guys need to talk... I like that earlier reply post about having changed the beat and giving your parterner time to adjust. Because it is just that, it is going to be a huge adjustment and you will need his support before/during/and after. I know it seems as if this was really cut and dry for some people... Step A-B-C yea I made it to Z. Well I know for me it was not so! That support though, is what supports and can navigate you between where you need or want to be... and can definitely get you out of where you do not need/want to be.

I hope that this will find you well and that your concerns are put at ease as well as your spouse's.

[kaobserver 0]

My situation is just the opposite...My husband was was supportive in the beginning, and now that I'm here and have lost the weight, it all gone downhill. I liked dfav's comment about the dance steps....guess we need to learn the steps again. Communication is key...I feel like I have to stroke my husbands ego by telling him I'm not going anywhere, which I feel is ridiculous. As I've said many times before, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have told anyone....not even him.

I heard that's pretty common and my wife actually voiced that to me before I was banded. I did assure her though that was the furthest thing from the truth. She did lose a lot of weight a year ago with running and working out and at that time she was thinking of leaving me. Sooo.. I'm not sure if its a mentality thing or insecurity thing really but I do wish you the best of luck.

[wvmommy 0]

I hope its not the insecurity issue..He knows how crazy Ive been about him for these past nine years. I put up with a lot and kept giving him chances. Now that we are older and have one child and one on the way, we haven't had any issues, other than I think he spends too much money on hunting gear, lol. I tried to talk to him last night and he told me I was too emotional and wants me to go back on my zoloft. Ugh. I keep reassuring him and joking about how things will be better when I am thin. Not to be gross, but I have no sex drive at all and I know its because I am overweight. Its not fun for me....so I tell him to prepare himself when the weight does come off...lol...He is a great guy, it just stinks that I cant talk to him about this. Thank goodness I found LAP BAND talk!!

[L12 13]

My husband overall was supportive, but he did get sick of me talking about weight loss, being fat, insurance, etc. between the time I was thinking of LAP-BAND® and the actual surgery, and he did complain a bit about my "obsession." That stopped once I actually had surgery; waiting for me in the hospital, then being around for post op seemed to make it "real" for him, and not just another goofy idea. I'm sure he likes me being thin and attractive now, but even more he seems to enjoy having his happy, active, energetic wife back!

[NC Dave 1]

Do what you wanna do. If he doesn't like it or whines like a little girl about it, kick him to the curb and move on.

dave

[Cocoabean 430]

I hope its not the insecurity issue..He knows how crazy Ive been about him for these past nine years. I put up with a lot and kept giving him chances. Now that we are older and have one child and one on the way, we haven't had any issues, other than I think he spends too much money on hunting gear, lol. I tried to talk to him last night and he told me I was too emotional and wants me to go back on my zoloft. Ugh. I keep reassuring him and joking about how things will be better when I am thin. Not to be gross, but I have no sex drive at all and I know its because I am overweight. Its not fun for me....so I tell him to prepare himself when the weight does come off...lol...He is a great guy, it just stinks that I cant talk to him about this. Thank goodness I found Lap Band Talk!!

You give a bit more insight to the story here. You say you are expecting now (congrats!). So this of course will delay the surgery. He's probably seeing it is as never ending obsession, and that you might not go through with it after the baby is born. How far in the future is your surgery? A year, maybe more? That's a long time for him to listen. Yes, I understand you have listened to hunting stuff for years. I've been going to drag races for years, too! I excused my hubby from Harry Potter watching this year. He's so thrilled he doesn't have to go to ONE movie....When we normally make a day of it. Meeting up with friends, doing brunch, movie, then dinner. But my freind's hubby couldn't make it this time, so I gave him the out. He's over the moon!

You also say you've been on zoloft (I am on it now), your symptoms will need to be under control before most surgeon's will proceed with surgery. Many insurance companies/surgeons require a psych eval as part of the pre-op work up. Mine was no big deal. Just a chat with a psychologist. We discussed my mental history. It wasn't anything that would cancel my chances, but if my symptoms weren't well treated it could have.

[wvmommy 0]

You give a bit more insight to the story here. You say you are expecting now (congrats!). So this of course will delay the surgery. He's probably seeing it is as never ending obsession, and that you might not go through with it after the baby is born. How far in the future is your surgery? A year, maybe more? That's a long time for him to listen. Yes, I understand you have listened to hunting stuff for years. I've been going to drag races for years, too! I excused my hubby from Harry Potter watching this year. He's so thrilled he doesn't have to go to ONE movie....When we normally make a day of it. Meeting up with friends, doing brunch, movie, then dinner. But my freind's hubby couldn't make it this time, so I gave him the out. He's over the moon!

You also say you've been on zoloft (I am on it now), your symptoms will need to be under control before most surgeon's will proceed with surgery. Many insurance companies/surgeons require a psych eval as part of the pre-op work up. Mine was no big deal. Just a chat with a psychologist. We discussed my mental history. It wasn't anything that would cancel my chances, but if my symptoms weren't well treated it could have.

Well I am expecting, but am proceeding through all of the insurance paperwork and going to my first seminar in December. I am due Feb. 7th. My insurance is pretty good and the lady at the hospital I am going to thinks that I will be banded about 6 months after the baby is born. I am actually NOT on zoloft, but was taking it at the beginning of my pregnancy due to hormones...I feel a lot better now that my body is used to the different hormones in my body. I am not worried about the psych evaluation as I am not usually a depressed person. Im actually quite optimistic. Almost to the point that I can get on a depressed persons nerves easily. I have been talking about LAPBAND for a while and it has never bothered him until I started going through all of the motions to actually get the procedure done. My obgyn says I can have surgery 6 weeks postpartum, but I figure it will take a little longer to get everything my insurance needs.

[Cocoabean 430]

Ok, so even more of the story revealed! Men! Can't live with them, can't shoot them, but I love mine!

[Beachy_Babs 5]

Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that. My husband wasn't so thrilled about me considering bariatric surgery either. He keeps saying "Why can't you just watch what you eat and exercise instead of getting the easy way out?" But he didn't understand that this isn't the easy way out. It's a tool to help with weight loss. Honestly, it's not gastric bypass where pounds just fall off of you. You still have to work hard for your weight loss, count your calories, and work out. That's what alot of people don't understand.

Now, my husband is more understanding since I already have a set surgery date. Even though it won't be until next spring...he's still trying to change my mind about it. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! lol

I honestly think that your husband has his own insecurities that he isn't talking to you about. He may feel that when you lose weight, you will either leave him or find someone else. That's what my husband admits to sometimes. So that could be a reason. However; it's not your fault and you should not feel bad. I know it sucks that the person you want support from the most isn't giving it to you, but like the others have mentioned...bring him to a class and let him learn about it. He may even consider it.

Best of luck to you dear.

[Boo_68 6]

I want to thank you for your post and reading through all of the responses....I realized I missed my husband, just as much as he missed the "old me". We now have set one night a week for a "date night" to relearn the so-called dance steps of life...and pleased to say its AMAZING

[justawallflower 0]

Wow, that really sucks! It is such an easier and more enjoyable process when you have a good support system in place. I also became very obsessed before my surgery, but I was lucky that my husband at least pretended to be interested! You will need to have a good support system in place to be successful, so even if you don't get it at home make sure you are getting it somewhere. The on-line support can be amazing, so hang in there!

Hi guys....I just completed registration forms for the hospital I will be going to and my seminar is December 14th. I am so excited, as I have been heavy my entire life. My husband at first, when I told him I was going to do this, was okay with it...Now that I have been on the phone with our insurance and the hospital he is starting to get annoyed. He called from work tonight and I told him I was looking at before and after pictures of people that had been banded and he said I was "obsessed" and he was tired of the word lap band already. This wouldnt bother me, but I am so supportive of all of the things that he does. He is an avid hunter and spends most of his time in the woods or watching outdoor television. As this is not my cup of tea, I have learned everything I can about his sport and am even going hunting with him this year. I am completely crushed. How can he be soooo insensitive?

[RyanTheGirl 1]

One on the way? So, are you pregnant now?