How do I deal with my friend???

[hansnmerl 0]

Ok well, last night I went to visit my friend. While we were sitting in the kitchen just chit chatting she says "I have a terrible feeling about you getting this lap band." She had gastric bypass in June and has already lost 60 lbs. She continued to tell me how she strongly feels like the band will fail and how it always needs to be replaced every 10 years. She said "You should just go for the gusto, do the right thing and have the bypass." I was so winded by this conversation, I couldn't do anything other than sit there and listen. It went on for like an hour. She wouldn't stop bashing the band! How do I handle this???? I am not sure why she is trying to change my mind...

[JillianRN 0]

Ok well, last night I went to visit my friend. While we were sitting in the kitchen just chit chatting she says "I have a terrible feeling about you getting this lap band." She had gastric bypass in June and has already lost 60 lbs. She continued to tell me how she strongly feels like the band will fail and how it always needs to be replaced every 10 years. She said "You should just go for the gusto, do the right thing and have the bypass." I was so winded by this conversation, I couldn't do anything other than sit there and listen. It went on for like an hour. She wouldn't stop bashing the band! How do I handle this???? I am not sure why she is trying to change my mind...

The conversation would put up several red flags for me...first if you are settled on your decision then do not allow anyone to change your mind...does your friend just want you to be like her? If she has not had a lap band how does she know it will not work? My brother has Gastric Bypass and did very well, but he was the exact opposite with his feelings about my weight loss journey. He encouraged me to research for myself the differences in RNY and Lap Band. Search your heart and do what is best for you. I would tell your friend that life is about choices and that this is the choice that you have made for yourself. My Granny had a saying.."Negativity breeds negativity...do not let yourself be brought down by your friend. Friends should encourage each other....Best wishes to you.

[honk 780]

The way I look at it is some people can't stand to be wrong. They also refuse to accept that their decision might not be the right one for everyone. Kind of the opposite of buyers remorse. Do you even know you are a candidate for bypass? Last year I had a mild stroke at 39 no warning. I was not a candidate for bypass because it is so intrusive and the chance of having a bloodcot was so much higher.

I also see this when a fat person starts exercising or dieting. People always want to tell you what you're doing wrong. It's not "Great your going to the gym!" Instead people want to tell you you're doing the wrong exercise or should follow their diet plan.

[gingerjane 5]

It could also be the old concept of "Misery loves company", you know? She might feel like she made the wrong decision and might want someone else on that journey with her. I think that if you feel the band is right, you should stick with the band. I've had people tell me that I should just "try diet and exercise" and I've had others tell me that I should do the bypass. Everybody has an opinion. As annoying as it is, they all do.

I literally had a girl in my office tell me that I would be miserable and hate life. She never had weight loss surgery but that was her feedback. Obviously, she was wrong.

Welcome to the wonderful world of people telling you what to do with your body. LOL!

You'll do great. Stick to your guns.

[clohse 0]

During the weeks before my banding my sister-in-law would ask me over and over "Are you SURE this is what you want to do?" As it turns out, she had a friend that had lots of complications resulting from her band surgery. Her friend almost died, and ultimately had to have the band removed. I told her that I was aware of all the possible complications, had done lots of research, and that my doctor was very experienced at doing this. Once I had addressed her REAL concerns, she felt much better and has been supportive. Whatever her reasons, don't let your friend change your decision. If you have questions or concerns, you should ask your doctor. I would also try to get her to focus on the two of you as WLS support buddies afterward.

[John_Yeti 0]

The main thing is to focus on the pros and cons. The main pro for me dealing with the Lap Band is the fact that if anything went wrong, it could easily be taken out.

People who get the full Gastric Bypass are screwed from that point forward. If they feel as if it is not right for them or problems occur.... it can't be taken out.

Also, another pro, which came after surgery, are friends of mine who had the Gastric Bypass having problems with hair loss, stomach issues, and constant sickness.

I haven't had any of these problems at all. I may be one of the lucky ones, who knows... but i do know that i have not regretted my decision at all, and am very happy I chose the band over the Bypass.

In the end, it's your decision. If it were any political topic, you wouldn't be bullied into thinking a different way by friends, so don't let them do it to you with this. Do what YOU want to do.

BTW, it seems that your friend is not well informed on the issues about the band, and I have noticed that a lot of people who go Gastric Bypass look down upon those with bands. Not sure why, My guess is that they, once again, can't go back if something goes wrong.

Good luck, and do what's best for YOU and YOU only!

[GipsyGirl 6]

hey its better than my co-worker. She constantly reminded me to be very careful about eating right things because a friend of a friend died because of lap band. Before i started researching the band consequences I was terrified by what she was telling me.

[LarraineM 6]

Your friend is probally worried about long term sucess of gastric bypass. There is a high rate of death attributed to malasorbtion in bypass patients. I d like to bet that eventually gastric bypass will no longer be done because of such seriuos issues

[bunny106 0]

Your friend is probally worried about long term sucess of gastric bypass. There is a high rate of death attributed to malasorbtion in bypass patients. I d like to bet that eventually gastric bypass will no longer be done because of such seriuos issues

I agree! I know surgeons who only do the sleeve OR lapband but who will not perform RNY, do whats right for you! If you decided on the lapband do your research and trust your desicion.

[StrangeDz 1]

the main thing is to focus on the pros and cons. The main pro for me dealing with the lap-band® is the fact that if anything went wrong, it could easily be taken out.

People who get the full gastric bypass are screwed from that point forward. If they feel as if it is not right for them or problems occur.... It can't be taken out.

Also, another pro, which came after surgery, are friends of mine who had the gastric bypass having problems with hair loss, stomach issues, and constant sickness.

I haven't had any of these problems at all. I may be one of the lucky ones, who knows... But i do know that i have not regretted my decision at all, and am very happy i chose the band over the bypass.

In the end, it's your decision. If it were any political topic, you wouldn't be bullied into thinking a different way by friends, so don't let them do it to you with this. Do what you want to do.

Btw, it seems that your friend is not well informed on the issues about the band, and i have noticed that a lot of people who go gastric bypass look down upon those with bands. Not sure why, my guess is that they, once again, can't go back if something goes wrong.

Good luck, and do what's best for you and you only!

amen brother!!!

[WrenBird 11]

Do you feel like if you get the band she'll disrespect you?

If you're getting that feeling then she doesn't sound like a very good friend. She needs to respect your opinions and your choices, just as I'm sure, you respected hers.

There's actually more risks getting the bypass than with the band - so let her know that and let her know that you will make a decision on what you think is best for you. Just because it was right for her to get it done, doesn't mean it's right for you

In the end it's your body and your decision and she needs to respect that. I think she's only worrying about you, but it might be a bit annoying.

[Melissannde 41]

You should introduce her to Jessie Ahroni, a nurse educator who works in Bariatrics.. who's been banded with the same band.. never replaced.. for 13 years now. Jessie has also written a book on banding that's very good.

I like the idea of telling your friend "Thank you for your concern, but this is what I've decided is best for me".

[Beachbunny 5]

tell her the truth , alot of bypass patients gain back the weight!

[zuchinno 4]

My aunt got the bypass and it's like the movie Thinner. She has terrible gastric dumping syndrome and it creates irreversible damage to the inside of you. So what if you have to get minor surgery to replace it every decade or so, (if that's even true). I'd rather have a piercing that can be taken out, than a tattoo that I'll hate forever.

[mabinty 3]

I have a saying for people like that!!! What u eat dont make me fat!!! Do what make u happy:thumbup: