Help on a Situation, food bully

[dandleon 1]

Hi everyone..I had my surgery on 11/20/2009. I'm feeling great besides my port site being very sore..Bleh! I have a situation at home that I just can't explain to my husband without almost getting into an argument. My hubby has been so supportive throughout this whole procedure, but there's just a couple problems. My brother in law and my husband eat really horribly. My brother in law buys my husband all this horrible food. However, I feel like they are not helping me by bringing home Sonic, Burger king and McDonald's. Today I asked my husband to tell his brother to please not bring that type of food around the house anymore. I do not want to be selfish but, I just don't want to feel left out or tempted. Does that make sense?? My husband didn't seem to understand. Before and after surgery there have been times where my brother in law ate something in front of me really enjoying the food telling me "Too bad you can't have any" I was so mad but, did not say anything. How can I go about this without arguing and causing animosity between my brother in law and I?

[tarajim 20]

ABUSE.

ABUSE.

ABUSE.

That is the only word that applies here.

You have to have a frank, clear, conversation with you husband and tell him how you feel and what the ground rules have to be so that you can LIVE.

You did not chose the lapband surgery to suffer, hurt and be in pain, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. You chose it to LIVE a long life. You are entitled to be happy also.

If your husband is not able to stand up to his brother, you have a problem. You need to get control of the food that comes in to your house. Stand up for yourself. Make the rules that you can live by. (DH can go out to eat his junk).

If he cannot listen to you on this, he is not supportive, he is destructive. You will not succeed if you have to live in a home that is polluted with temptation and junk calories.

You will find a lot of support here. Ask for it. And find the courage within you to stand up to this abuse.

(by the way, I am a guy.)

TJ

[marmar 0]

Did you eat like this with them before the surgery? If so they probably are doing it out of habit. Lets face it they didnt get the surgery. I have 3 kids and a husband that works alot of hours. During preop and post op liquid diet I still had to cook for them and it was hard but temptations will always be around no matter what. That being said if they are doing it just to be mean and rub it in then thats just plain mean.

[sil 0]

that,s just mean would it be possible for you to leave the room.when he comes over.or go for a walk.

[Patterba 6]

I think you need to set the rules quickly, otherwise the pattern and comments will continue.

its challenging enough to start out on the right track, you do not need this distraction.

Put your foot down and let your husband know what you need to be successful and it starts with his support.

[soocalchic 1,087]

Did you eat like this with them before the surgery? If so they probably are doing it out of habit. Lets face it they didnt get the surgery. I have 3 kids and a husband that works alot of hours. During preop and post op liquid diet I still had to cook for them and it was hard but temptations will always be around no matter what. That being said if they are doing it just to be mean and rub it in then thats just plain mean.

Ditto marmar i also have 3 kids and a hubby that i have to cook for and temptation is always there as a matter of fact i just sat with them as they all had McDonalds. I had beef broth i'm less than 2 weeks out so i did get over it but man was it hard..

[ElfiePoo 109]

I would let your husband know that having these types of food in the house is very hard for you right now and ask him if he would please not bring it into the house...and not let his brother do so.

We may have to deal with these temptations when we leave our home, but we shouldn't have to deal with it in our own home.

If neither complies, start spraying air freshener around the house to cover the odor. They'll probably take it elsewhere. :confused:

.

[dandleon 1]

Hey! Thanks for the advice. The thing is that we hardly ever ate that kind of junk. I am a victim of overeating on good home cooked meals. And ever since my hubby's bro moved in he has been buying my husband all that nasty food and teasing me with it.I,m going to have a long talk with the husband. Thanks everyone, you guys have been a huge help.

[pipedoc 0]

ABUSE.

ABUSE.

ABUSE.

That is the only word that applies here.

You have to have a frank, clear, conversation with you husband and tell him how you feel and what the ground rules have to be so that you can LIVE.

You did not chose the LAP-BAND® surgery to suffer, hurt and be in pain, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. You chose it to LIVE a long life. You are entitled to be happy also.

If your husband is not able to stand up to his brother, you have a problem. You need to get control of the food that comes in to your house. Stand up for yourself. Make the rules that you can live by. (DH can go out to eat his junk).

If he cannot listen to you on this, he is not supportive, he is destructive. You will not succeed if you have to live in a home that is polluted with temptation and junk calories.

You will find a lot of support here. Ask for it. And find the courage within you to stand up to this abuse.

(by the way, I am a guy.)

TJ

Very sound advice! tell him how you feel and do not allow this distructive behavior to continue! and yes I am a guy too, who got very fat eating the same crap they are flaunting in front of you

[Northern Mist 2]

Bravo tarajim and pipedoc! Said like real men!

Edited November 30, 2009 by Northern Mist
Had to add pipedoc!

[jujuvee 0]

Well I agree with a lot of what others have said.. My husband is very supportive of my decision but he is over 400 lbs and is not ready to go the surgery route. At one point I told him that his eating habits were bringing me down... But at our last support group session we had an addictions specialist speek and boy did I have an awakening... My husband does not force me to eat bad foods, he does not hold my fork... I cannot fix him he has to fix himself... I have to have my own control during those situations.

Now it doesen't help my cause but he is not the root of my problem.

And it's not easy to make good food choices when others around you are not but that's life.. And I have started noticing that my good habits are affecting him in a positive way!!

Is it a perfect arrangement... No. But I have to focus on me!....the more he sees my sucess the more he wants to change.

Good luck..

[elcee 3,340]

My husband made muffins whilst I was still on liquids. Not because he was being mean but because he's a man. Men don't think!

It was tough but I survived it.

You should speak to them both and try to get them to stop doing it. After all it's your home. But the other side of the coin is that you will often come across situations like this. We can't spend our lives avoiding food so we have to learn how to deal with it.

[happy2lose 0]

My thoughts were very similar to elcee's on this subject.

You really do need to learn to deal with people eating in front of you. You made the lifestyle change not everybody else.

However, it is your home and you should have a say over what food is brought into it. If your brother-in-law continues to be so disrespectful perhaps he should move out and get his own place. Try having a discussion with both he and your husband.

I have to tell you, it doesn't bother me to see others eating things I used to enjoy. What does bother me is having those foods available to me in my home. My kids made Christmas Cookies this weekend and they were sitting on the counter all weekend. Of coarse I couldn't resist and ate more than I should have. Because of this I told my family they could not have junk foods in our home. They may eat it but don't leave around any extra that may tempt me.

I really wish you the best,

Donna

[minimeme 1]

My suggestion is get up and go exercise when they come in to eat. My friends and family tease me all the time, I just keep a sense of humor about it and when it gets to be too much, I go for a walk.

[CantB2noty 0]

Temptations is every where and so are buttheads! If it was me, I would respond to a snippy comment with something like "yea, I can't have that but I'm not gonna die from a heart attack either." There is still stuff in our house I cant eat. Love blueberry muffins and my hubby keeps bringin them home for me. "But they are made from wheat flour, they are healthier." And he is right, but that still doesnt help me on the whole I cant eat bread cuz I cant swallow it!

I have three kids that love McDonalds. I am their best friend there now when we eat there, they get to be my garbage cans, more food for them. I order a meal, give the kids my fries, my 13 yr old son eats my bun, and I am left with my Protein from the meat. Not perfect or the best for me. But my kids and hubby have really changed how they eat because of how I cook now. They made a sacrific and so do I, they just make theirs more often.

If the BIL is that intolerable and he sounds like it, I would take that as an opportunity to go for a walk, get on the puter, anything that would take me away from him.