Hey ya'll. Had my surgery in February, 2009. I am down about 70 pounds. :thumbup: Halfway to goal! It has been hard work, but worth every second. And having such a supportive family helps. ALOT!

Recently, I found out I don't quite have all the support I thought I did, and it has been devistating!! My daughter was talking to my nephew, and they began discussing my weight loss. Turns out my sister has been extremely mean behind my back and has been telling my nephew that I "cheated."

I should have seen this coming. When I had the surgery it took her two weeks to come see me. And when she did, she sat and cried complaining that "fat people" don't visit people who've just had WLS. (my sister is morbidly obese)

Then about five months later, at my son's birthday party, when I saw her, she said nothing about my appearance and just dove into this "me me me" story. I tried to be kind throughout the party, but must admit my feelings were hurt and I did withdraw a bit. Days later my Mom tells me that my sister is mad at me for IGNORING her at the party. Whatev..... :smile2:

Anyway, this comment about "cheating" just grates my cheese. I mean we work just as friggin hard as "normal" people to lose weight. I bust my a##. I work out seven days a week, I can't remember the last time I had my favorite food!! I'm constantly watching fat grams, calories, carbs and proteins! HOW THE HELL IS THAT CHEATING??

My thing is that I have worked harder since being banded than i EVER worked preband. This takes commitment!! If this is cheating,there has to be an easier way to cheat!!! Just ignore it and keep making the band work for you!!!

People like this, whether they are family or not, should not be allowed to bring their negativity into our lives. Your sister sounds like a very sick person to punch you in the stomach. I have a sister with a lot of issues and because of that, she is stressing because of it. Just because they are family, doenst mean I have to tolerate that behavior.

I haven't read all the posts, because i only have a few minutes before it's bedtime. I just read your post.

My sister has my dad's genes....she's tall and skinny. Before she went into rehab, (right after she found out i had the LAP-BAND®)....she punched me in the stomach. She was in rehab the next day and is still in there. She has only written one letter to my dad and she signed it...."your daughter, the pretty, skinny one".

Honestly....when they have "issues" with your choice of a healthier life, then it's THEIR problem.

If you're semi-close with your sister, then things will work out eventually.....I was very close to my sister, but she "got some 'splaining to do, Lucy".

I feel that your sister might harbor some jealousy that maybe you can do something that she can't or isn't able to do (insurance, co-pay, balls, etc).

When I sent my most recent pictures to my family, from my birthday party......one of them wrote back and said "who's the skinny, pretty one now???".

Take your journey, accept that they have issues....if you're close to her, then i'm sure it will all work out, but only if they get their own issues worked out first.

Family.....ya just gotta keep loving them in spite of their issues.

Be well, my friend.....:smile2:

I don't consider it cheating at all.

Think of it this way....

If I had to walk a tight rope, many feet over the ground, I would likely fail. I'd fall, I'd not succeed at getting to the other side.

If, however, I was given some tools - a safety net that meant when I fell, I would bounce back more easily, and maybe a weighted balance bar that I could carry while I crossed the rope.... well, is that cheating? It's HELPING - no doubt.

The band is definitely helping me. It is making it easier to be successful than it was before I had it. But I still have to make the right choices in eating and I still have to exercise a tremendous amount.

Would this person who thinks it is cheating begrudge the tightrope walker her net and balance-bar??

While I might be hurt by comments coming from someone who I cared what she thought, still, in the end I would know she was wrong. And I would want to ask --- why does it MATTER whether it's "the hard way" or not (yes, I know - that's a whole different debate whether this is the easy way or what).

Ultimately, the goal is to achieve a more healthy weight. If someone chooses to do it "the hard way" and never succeeds, they have not done themselves any favors. If someone chooses to use surgery or medication (which may be considered "the easy way" by some) and they DO succeed, well - there you go. Given the goal/objective... I would rather achieve it by cheating (in her view) than not achieve it at all.

It's a legitimate approach. It's not cheating in that it's not come by dishonestly, it makes no one a victim, and the only risk is on the person who chooses it (and I assume these individuals measure the risk of action against the risk of inaction).

I'd probably work up a pretty righteous indignation toward her. I'd want to let it pass and then try to educate her so she can adjust her perspective. And if that doesn't work, then I'd roll my eyes and write her view off altogether.

I have quite a sense of humor.....sometimes a "sick" sense of humor. Nothing like a good laugh to make it through the day!

Jealousy can do very sad and strange things to people. Accept her negativity for what it is. It's about her, not you. Let her feel that way. Does it REALLY matter in the big scheme of things? YOU know that's not true. It's an effort to make herself feel better. If that works for her, fine, but don't turn your back on her for it. She may have a LOT of undealt with baggage regarding her weight that you're totally unaware of. Beleive me, she's dealing with her demons. When she's ready to face them, be there to set a good positive example.

Sounds like something a fat person who is still making excuses for being overweight would say about someone they are jealous of who had the courage to do something about their weight.

Let her wallow in her own misery while you are busy getting healthy and beautiful.

Amen, Sista! Sometimes, family or not, you have to get rid of bitter, jealous, negative people.

Sounds like something a fat person who is still making excuses for being overweight would say about someone they are jealous of who had the courage to do something about their weight.

Let her wallow in her own misery while you are busy getting healthy and beautiful.

The only people I have found who think this way (including myself at one time in the past) are obese people who are afraid---afraid they will lose you to the skinny crowd and you will be one of THEM (the people who judge and mock us)---afraid that it will work and you will change. Maybe you won't want to hang out this them anymore---afraid that others will put pressure on them to do it too and so many others

If anyone ever says that to me, I plan to say "Even if is cheating (which it is not), so what? I need to be healthy and I don't care how I get there, as long as I get there."

DOn't let her get to you :tongue2:

Hey ya'll. Had my surgery in February, 2009. I am down about 70 pounds. :tongue2: Halfway to goal! It has been hard work, but worth every second. And having such a supportive family helps. ALOT!

Recently, I found out I don't quite have all the support I thought I did, and it has been devistating!! My daughter was talking to my nephew, and they began discussing my weight loss. Turns out my sister has been extremely mean behind my back and has been telling my nephew that I "cheated."

I should have seen this coming. When I had the surgery it took her two weeks to come see me. And when she did, she sat and cried complaining that "fat people" don't visit people who've just had WLS. (my sister is morbidly obese)

Then about five months later, at my son's birthday party, when I saw her, she said nothing about my appearance and just dove into this "me me me" story. I tried to be kind throughout the party, but must admit my feelings were hurt and I did withdraw a bit. Days later my Mom tells me that my sister is mad at me for IGNORING her at the party. Whatev.....

Anyway, this comment about "cheating" just grates my cheese. I mean we work just as friggin hard as "normal" people to lose weight. I bust my a##. I work out seven days a week, I can't remember the last time I had my favorite food!! I'm constantly watching fat grams, calories, carbs and proteins! HOW THE HELL IS THAT CHEATING??

The band is not cheating. It's a brave and aggresive way to put a tool in place to help us achieve our goals because it wasn't working before. But it's just a tool. We still have to eat proper food. Bad food like chips, ice cream, cookies, etc. have very little or no restriction. I've always told people that it is half the band and half me in order to be successful. To make the decision to get the band is a bold and brave decision to take control of your wieght. No body wants to go into surgery. And no body wants the throwing up and/or having trouble eating many foods (especially in public). But to me it is what I must endure in order to keep from getting heart disease and Type II diabetes like both my older brothers have contracted.

Don't ever let anyone knock you for taking this bold step in your life. Besides, it's not like they can't do it too.

I sure wish the LAP-BAND® was cheating and was easy. All I have found it to be so far is hard work and patience. Glad I have it but sure is not EASY.

I hear ya sister! I always thought it was cheating too, and had no idea how much hard work it is to get where we are going! If I dont exercise and watch what I eat, I dont lose a pound! People dont realize that the band is a TOOL, not a solution (like gastric bypass).

You know, after reading this post and all the replies, I realized that I have been "judging" my sister in law regarding what she has done to lose weight as "cheating." She is using a prescription medication to lose the weight, and she is doing great! But I always thought to myself that by using a drug it was taking the easy way out.

However, after thinking about it, and looking back at the meals we've had together, she is eating less, she has also been exercising more. So for her, the medication she is taking is a tool, just like the lap-band will be a tool for me.

What will be interesting to see is if she can maintain the weight loss after she quits taking the medication. But now, rather than hoping she isn't able to maintain it, I will be cheering her on, because I wouldn't want someone wishing me ill-will.

I'm glad the original poster wrote this entry. It has opened my eyes to what I was doing.

I have quite a sense of humor.....sometimes a "sick" sense of humor. Nothing like a good laugh to make it through the day!

me too..... LOVE IT!

When someone I loved told me lap band was cheating I told them yup its cheating death do you have a problem with that, now they dont make anymore negative comments.

It's hard dealing with negativity like that especially since it is your sister. I'm in the same boat with my sister. She weighs about what my starting weight was. I've been banded now almost 10 months and she has seen the progress I've made and decided that she wants to do that for herself and has been going through her process. Hopefully next month she will have her band as well.

I don't know if it's because she truly wants to change her lifestyle or if it's because she's jealous of the attention that I get and wants that for herself. Either way I told her the lapband is only a tool and how you use it is up to you.

Talk to your sister, maybe she wants to get the lapband but doesn't know what she needs to do. Tell her that even though you have the band to help you lose weight, you still have to change your lifestyle and the foods you eat. Maybe she will change her mind and be supportive or better yet get the band done for herself so you guys can be supportive of one another and go through this together!!!

Like everyone has said, the band is a tool. Just like the equipment in a gym are tools. If having the band is cheating then everyone that goes to the gym and use the equipment are cheating. Instead of using the machines, they should go outside and walk or run and use their body weight for weight training. The band was created to help lose weight just as the equipment was intended to do. However, when you tell a trainer or a gym freak this they say NO THAT IS DIFFERENT. How it is different, they can't tell me. The most important thing is you are not living for you sister so don't let your stand in the way of your success. Keep up the good work girl!!!:thumbup: