Hello, I'm getting a surgery date on Nov. 2nd & I've decided not to tell anyone, except my husband, that I am getting the band. I came to this decision because of the negative people I have in my life. I needed a babysitter when I went for my psych. eval & then again when I met with the nutritionist. I told my friends/family that I was seeing a nutritionist to help me with weight loss. Had I known that this would cause negative responses I would have just shut my mouth. I heard things like "You were thin when you were younger, you already know how to lose weight"., "All you need to do is eat less & exercise"., "How many times are you going to try losing weight? You're hurting yourself by yo-yo dieting". and so on and so on.

(You have to exercise and eat less to lose weight? I had no idea! )

On top of this.. My husband & I had a bon fire at our house with a few close friends & family. Someone brought up the issue of weight loss & how a girl at work had the bypass done. They were saying how she took the easy way out & that it isn't fair to the people who need to lose 20 pounds and have to work it off.... How someone can just say cut me open and make me skinny. And our insurance goes up because these people want to be skinny.. and so on.

Well.. I couldn't believe what these sweet, kind hearted & caring people said about this poor lady. I was shocked that they could be so ignorant. That this lady wants to be healthy and the insurance could be paying for a hell of a lot more if she didn't have the surgery done. Thank GOD I didn't tell them that I was thinking of getting the lapband.

I am 5'5 and weight about 235. I have had surgery on my back 3 times with a spinal fusion, a bone graft on my hip and a intrathecal pump implanted in my tummy that goes to my back. It's very hard for me to exercise, so I have a harder time losing weight. This is one of my main reasons for wanting the lapband. I want to use the tool to help me, since I can't exercise that much.

In the end of this long winded message (I'm sorry)..

My questions to you are:

Do you regret keeping yourself in the closet?

How did you explain yourself when you couldn't eat a lot or certain foods? What about BP'ing in public?

The liquid phase? or any other related issues.

What type of questions or remarks did people make about your new eating habits?

Last but not least, is there some people who told others and wish they did not.

Thanks you, in advance, for any replies. I'm very curious to see if there are others who feel the way I do about keeping this secret.

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not a shallow person nor am I ashamed of getting the band. I just don't want to be judged or treated differently because I made a decision that will help my health. I don't want to be in a wheel chair so young in life. I'm 34 years old and my doctor told me I have a skeleton of a 60 year old.

I'm a closet bandster. Only my hubby, sister, mother-in-law and a TRUSTED co-worker who also had WLS knows. I've told my employer that I had hernia surgery and now I'm telling everyone that I lost so much weight from "not feeling like eating" after surgery that it's encouraged me to diet. I'm sort of regretting telling the co-worker because it would be very easy for it to slip. But I'll cross that bridge if I get to it.

I do not plan to tell anyone else unless I find out that they're going to have WLS. I just didn't want to deal with the prejudice.

I had to deal with the liquid phase for the first time yesterday. I was at a company event where Breakfast and lunch was provided. I showed up late, avoiding breakfast. For lunch, I told my manager that I was still tired from surgery (true- it was only 9 days out) and wanted to go lay down in my car. I drank my Protein shake there.

I'm lucky that I telecommute 3 days a week and only have to be in the office 2 days a week, so it's very easy to avoid the lunch invites.

Congrats on your date, and good luck!

I have not been banded yet-I hope some time in November but only my husband, my mom and one close friend know anything about it and I plan to keep it that way. I refuse to allow anyone to to bring me down and I don't want any negative responses to ruin my excitement so I rather just keep it between a few people that I know I can trust.

I've told most of those close to me that this is what I'm going to do apart from my inlaws. I really felt I wouldnt be able to hide it anyway from family - we seen enough of both sides that they sure as hell would notice if I was out of action for a week or so. Yes I could say I had something else done but why? They sure as hell would notice that I was eating way less, I couldnt avoid them for the liquid/mushy phase etc.

But I havent told the IL's yet - I'm saving that for the last minute. They're so ignorant and so dramatic, its not going to be easy. MIL will be recounting stories of all the peopel she's seen die under anaesthetic, that type of thing. They wont "approve", they'll say "just eat less", etc etc. But I"m still just going to get it out of the way and tell them.

I'm not working at the moment and wouldnt go telling every acquaintance I have because then yes, you may be the subject of gossip. Just those close to me. And I've had nothing but support so far, although my family were a tad upset at the beginning, my mother to her credit has done loads of research on it.

I didn't tell anyone but my husband (of course) and my daughter because my husband doesn't drive so I needed her to take me. I did not want to hear everybody's opinion about weight loss. We've all heard it for many years. I'm glad I am keeping it to myself.

Carrie

222/204/125

I am not a closet bandster, but I don't go around annoucing it, so some people know and some don't. The only regrets so far are: 1. in the very beginning my closest friend kept telling people " oh, she can't eat that" when offered certain food (nipped that in the bud right away though!!). 2. Those who do know seem to check me out like I am going to drop 50 pounds over night (they have no understanding as to how the band works compared to having bypass surgery).

So far I am glad that I have been open about it especially since my eating habits have changed so drastically.

Bottom line though....you have to decide for yourself what is best....there is no right or wrong here.

WOW! I'm so glad to hear that there are many others who feel the same way I do. It took me a while to start this thread because I was unsure if I was going to be battered with WHY BE ASHAMED or WHY HIDE! I came to the conclusion that everyone has opinions and I'd love to hear any and all of them (neg. & pos.) No one is right or wrong about what they chose to do or who they chose to tell.

I'm glad to see that there are many others who stated that it's tough Cookies if anyone had issues with the decision to have the band, good for you. I'm happy to know that you have the support that you need. As many stated, I guess I'm not willing to deal with all the negative comments. Like.. Why aren't you losing more weight & You took the easy way out. I also didn't want to be watched as I ate or have people commenting on what I ate.

I'm sorry to see that others experience the same type of ignorance that I have. It just makes me sad that some people can just be mean to FAT people. It's amazing how when you are fat, people, most of the time, ignore you or make fun of you. We can only stay strong and stand by what we feel was a good decision for ourselves. I have not been banded yet, but I am 100% confident in my decision to keep this between my husband and myself. I plan on going to a lot of support groups now and after my surgery. If I meet someone who will be banded or if they are considering RNY, I will then tell that person about my experience and I will share my story. Just not with my friends or family.

I have all the support in the world from the man I married and from the wonderful group of friends I have talked with on LBT. Thank you..

KEEP ALL YOUR OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS COMING! I'M VERY INTERESTED IN WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT BEING A CLOSET BANDSTER OR A SHOUT AT THE WORLD BANDSTER. :Bunny

Thank you for all the advice and answers. I'm making a list of what I can say or use as my excuses. You ladies/guys are the best!

go read this thread.I wish I hadn't told anyone I was getting the band

So far I am glad that I have been open about it especially since my eating habits have changed so drastically.

This is the reason I have told some friends apart from family. Several even said they would definatley have noticed the liquid stage. One of my friends said she was glad I'd told her as she already thought something was wrong with me as I seemed to be going to alot of Doctors. (for the dietician, surgeon, psychotherapist etc I just said I've got a doctors appointment). So she was relieved there was nothing wrong with me Funny what people notice isn't it?

I know however, that I have told enough people now that if it 'leaks' out I won't really know who told :straight Part of me wanted to tell no-one (only hubby) but I knew that this was not realistic for me.

I told only a few people. The rest I did not want their comments or remarks. Also I did not want too many people putting pressure on me by asking "How much weight have you lost?". They do not understand that this is a slow weight lose surgery and you can still eat almost anything you want, not as much as you used to. I am glad I did not tell my in laws. They too would have many negative comments to make. I threatened my husband with his life if he opened his mouth!!!! My family, and the couple of friends who know, have been very incourageing. I have lost 22 lbs. and people are starting to notice. I just say I am eating smaller portions, protein first, and watching the carbs. I may eventually have to tell but it will be when I am ready. My weight is a very touchy subject to me and I am not ready to have family group discussions about it.

Hi I just wanted to say I didn't tell anyone about my surgery as I felt I would have to explain too much and you know people are too judgmental plus Ive lost 21 pounds after my june surgery and I am pretty much stalled for the past month and if I had told everyone I would have to start explaining why I have not lost anymore weight so only my DH and close work friend know ultimately its your choice but once told you can't undo

Cheers Lottie

Do you regret keeping yourself in the closet?

Nope.

How did you explain yourself when you couldn't eat a lot or certain foods? What about BP'ing in public?

The thing with the band is it's gradual -- once you've recovered from surgery (and the liquid diet post-op), you eat normal foods. The only thing I can't tolerate any more is fluffy bread - which is pretty consistent with someone on Atkins. You should be PBing often at all. Don't try foods in public that you haven't tried at home first. Chew well. Eat slow and you shouldn't PB.

The liquid phase? or any other related issues.

That was hard to hide as I was on liquids for 6 weeks. Yes, 6 weeks. My immediate family knew, so we didn't have family dinners, and I just said no to lunches with co-workers at that time.

What type of questions or remarks did people make about your new eating habits?

Since I've lost 90 lbs now, my weight loss is pretty noticable. They just notice that I am eating less, which is what anyone does when they lose weight.

Last but not least, is there some people who told others and wish they did not.

There are 2 friends that I wish I wouldn't have told. But, in total, I've only told them, my mom, my sister, her husband, my brother, my roommate, and 1 aunt. Not even my other aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, grandparents know. Not their business.

Nickie,

It was your post that I was looking for. I knew I replied to a post pertaining to this issue and I could not find it. I'm glad you linked it. I hope things are going better for you!

I'm a closet bandster and don't regret it. No one needs to know my business except for my parents and my boyfriend - not even my siblings know. And its true - I was wondering how in the hell I could conceal this - but if you don't draw attention to what your eating or what your NOT eating - NO ONE NOTICES! If your at a family gathering etc etc. you can put more than you can eat on your plate. Eat what you want and push around the rest - no one has noticed yet and I've been banded almost 4 months. There are times when I'm tempted to even tell my "big girl" friends about my band, but I haven't yet - if I did it would only be to encourage them to do so also and maybe I will once I hit goal. But as of yet I have one good friend, my boyfriend, and parents who know and I don't regret it one bit. I also have heard people talk about WLS being the "easy way out" - these people are plain ignorant - until they are fat - they will never understand. My boyfriend sometimes has a hard time understanding, but he supports me - he also has NEVER been fat or big. For the first time in his life he's put on some weight which is like 20lbs and to me - he just now looks healthy - he was too skinny before - NOW since he's put on 20lbs in 2 years he thinks he's fat - HE HAS NO IDEA!! It bothers me immensly sometimes when he might make a comment - and I just tell over and over - he needs to shut his mouth because he has no idea what I've dealt with my whole life. That is why I have this website for support of my journey - people here understand what its like and those who don't - have no idea. I don't regret keeping it MY secret. I'm not ashamed one bit, but for simplisitic reasons I have not told.

I am kind of having this weird issue with being able to tell friends/people I know in passing, but not my family/co-workers. In otherwords, I have avoided telling the people I see everyday and find it easier to talk to more casual aquaintences....Maybe it's b/c I don't want to be watched or feel in a fishbowl like Jessie & the Chef talked about. But I do get a feeling of guilt over "being sneaky". I, too, am a very open person and it is not in my nature to not have it all laying out on the table for everyone to know. I am just not willing to accept negative opinions/criticism/judgements on this topic and I know that's what will come from those closest to me -- whether it is out of love or not, I just will not hear it!

"I overheard one of my friends yesterday telling someone that she thought I should have lost more weight by now."

I have heard this too, i am only 4 weeks out, but i am often times compared to someone they know who had the gatric bypass. And i constantly feel like i am explaining myslef...

I am def not a closet bandster, There are times where i wish i did not tell some people i did, but such is life, for the most part i have had nothing but support from everyone