Hello, I'm getting a surgery date on Nov. 2nd & I've decided not to tell anyone, except my husband, that I am getting the band. I came to this decision because of the negative people I have in my life. I needed a babysitter when I went for my psych. eval & then again when I met with the nutritionist. I told my friends/family that I was seeing a nutritionist to help me with weight loss. Had I known that this would cause negative responses I would have just shut my mouth. I heard things like "You were thin when you were younger, you already know how to lose weight"., "All you need to do is eat less & exercise"., "How many times are you going to try losing weight? You're hurting yourself by yo-yo dieting". and so on and so on.

(You have to exercise and eat less to lose weight? I had no idea! )

On top of this.. My husband & I had a bon fire at our house with a few close friends & family. Someone brought up the issue of weight loss & how a girl at work had the bypass done. They were saying how she took the easy way out & that it isn't fair to the people who need to lose 20 pounds and have to work it off.... How someone can just say cut me open and make me skinny. And our insurance goes up because these people want to be skinny.. and so on.

Well.. I couldn't believe what these sweet, kind hearted & caring people said about this poor lady. I was shocked that they could be so ignorant. That this lady wants to be healthy and the insurance could be paying for a hell of a lot more if she didn't have the surgery done. Thank GOD I didn't tell them that I was thinking of getting the lapband.

I am 5'5 and weight about 235. I have had surgery on my back 3 times with a spinal fusion, a bone graft on my hip and a intrathecal pump implanted in my tummy that goes to my back. It's very hard for me to exercise, so I have a harder time losing weight. This is one of my main reasons for wanting the lapband. I want to use the tool to help me, since I can't exercise that much.

In the end of this long winded message (I'm sorry)..

My questions to you are:

Do you regret keeping yourself in the closet?

How did you explain yourself when you couldn't eat a lot or certain foods? What about BP'ing in public?

The liquid phase? or any other related issues.

What type of questions or remarks did people make about your new eating habits?

Last but not least, is there some people who told others and wish they did not.

Thanks you, in advance, for any replies. I'm very curious to see if there are others who feel the way I do about keeping this secret.

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not a shallow person nor am I ashamed of getting the band. I just don't want to be judged or treated differently because I made a decision that will help my health. I don't want to be in a wheel chair so young in life. I'm 34 years old and my doctor told me I have a skeleton of a 60 year old.

Dana,

I'm a Scorpio too... November 13... so this is my birthday present to me! Best of luck in your surgery day and the days and weeks to follow.

angie

Hola all I am in the medical field and everyone knows. I am also an alcoholic sober for 10 years and everyone knows that too. I tell people because I need the fishbowl for both my alcohol and my eating.When people ask I get pissed but thats just because I am getting into old behavior. I get over it and start eating right.

I was embarassed at first because I too felt " easy way out" until I really got informed about the procdure. This is NOT easy!!!! This is still about changing behavior and getting to the core of the compulsion.

Anyway ... one day at a time TODAY I did not overeat.

Elda

Good luck

Good luck with your surgery! I still am sticking to not telling my family and friends. My husband is my rock for this one. Also, I have so many people on LBT that I can share every feeling and thought with, knowing that I will get love and support back. I won't have to worry about being osterized or put down for my choice.

I get my date for surgery on Nov. 2nd. I met with the nutritionist last week and she thinks I need to tell someone beside my family so that I'll have extra support. She did say it is my choice not to tell and that I'd have her and the rest of the clinic by my side, no matter what my choice was.

From what I am reading.. there are many who said they would not tell and they have, only to be surprised with support. While some didn't want to tell and then did, and regret it.

I love this thread! I've learn so much from it.

Nope, I just went ahead and told. I know myself and I'd never be able to keep it to myself if I lost a bunch of weight and I figured I may as well give credit to my "friend" LOL! It is hard sometimes, the things people can say to you, though. The other day, a man who I've known for years, a friend of my husbands and mine, came up to me and said, "I heard something, is it true you had the ....holding his hand on his stomach. I just laughed and said yes. When you live in a town of 1800 people and you've lived here all your life, let me tell you, there just aren't secrets LOL! Something he said took me by surprise, though. He told me how when I was young I was just very beautiful. He meant it as a compliment, but you know that it means I'm not beautiful now. At least on the outside. I laughed at the time, as that is what I do when I have to swallow at something someone says, not knowing it is not really making me feel great at the moment. I told my husband he said it, then my husband saw him the next day. He told my husband the same thing, that I used to just be so beautiful. My husband told him he has always thought I was and that he still thinks I am. I don't look anything like I used to, I know that, but I have to say, my husband has been very good to me about my weight problem.

I seem to be a magnet for people telling me honest things they are thinking I guess LOL! But I try to take it in a good way, if it hurts, I talk to the Lord about it, since He loves me anyway!

I smiled once at a lady on the sidewalk who I don't know, she smiled, and said, "can I ask, are you a healthy person?" I knew what she was thinking, but I just smiled and said, yes, I'm healthy. She said she had to ask because when she sees someone as big as me, she has to wonder if they are healthy. I smiled, but cried later, since I really hate being fat anyway. The weird thing was was she was very skinny, and not really seeming to be in her "right mind" anyway, so I gave her some grace. But she asked me if I thought she was too skinny, I said, yes, I thought she was a little too thin, and I thought she was going to cry!!! Some people can dish it out, but they can't take it.

I have friends who have always been friends and that is good for me! Karen

Karen,

I can feel you on this issue. I hate it when people say, you have such a beautiful face, you'd be so much prettier.. if you lost weight. It doesn't change WHO you are, you're still the same person. I used to walk away and then cry later when people would make such rude comments to me, so I started to snap back. One time someone had said " You have a model face and such a great personality, you should lose weight and your personality will shine and I'm sure you'll have more boys turning their heads at you". she contiuned to tell me that there is no reason to be fat, when you are it just means your lazy and you don't care about yourself. My comment was "You're such a lovely lady as well, I feel if you had that mole removed off your cheek, get a face lift and lose 5 pounds then maybe you wouldn't be on your fifth husband". She was so stunned! She told me that was very rude and I turned back to her and said... so wasn't your comment. Needless to say.. this went a lot further than that, but I walked away with a smile on my face. Ever since then, when I run into her at parties, she is so nice to me.

Way to go Karen!!!! I wish I could do that.

Karen, I wanted to add that your husband is so awesome! How sweet of him to stand up and tell that guy that you were and you still are beautiful. AWWW

Here's to your hubby***

Wow.. after reading so many posts.. I can see why some don't tell. Some people have so much support and others don't. It's sad, nobody should be treated differently because they are banded. We're are not aliens... we are people trying to get healthy.

I have found that since I started this lapband journey, I have been able to talk about things that hurt that I didn't used to talk about to anyone. I don't mind people knowing, even the ones that are totally rude in what they say. I especially don't mind now as much because for once I feel like I have some hope! I have told my family things people have said and they can't believe it. They're probably especially surprised that I didn't cry when I told them, now I try and laugh about it. After all, aren't people like that just really .... not worth getting upset over. If they are sooooo stupid to say something like that, who cares what they think? I think it's ignorance, or else they are very insecure on their own.

I don't think I've been a "perfect" fat person either. I think a lot of fat people probably are like me. I get bummed because of being fat, I get fatter, I don't take as good of care of myself, I don't want to go anywhere. I have a lot of improvement to go, but mostly on my head!

Off the subject, guess what? Today I got into a pair of jeans that had a real live zipper!!! I have had to wear those jeans with elastic waist band and I am sick of them! Yippee!!!! And yes, my husband is very good to me where my weight is concerned. I wasn't overweight when he married me and he has seen me put on a LOT of weight. It has bothered him worrying about my health, and I'm sure he's anxious to see me thinner, but he has been very good to me and patient. He knows I hate being fat. I wish people understoon fat people better. Do they think we want to be fat? I heard that studies have shown that fat people have a slow satiety level. Well, it would help if we actually felt stuffed like we do with the band! Karen

Karen, Good for you!!! no more elastic waist. You really are an inspiration to me and I'm sure others. It's really a great attitude that you have. I wish I was the same way. I, for the most part, don't care what people say. I'm just one that doesn't tolerate being berated for my choice in life and I don't want to listen to "She lost weight only because she has the band". Not to mention, the reason I started this thread, I know how my friends and family feel about the band and gastric bypass already. I'm not ready to explain or defend myself to them. Maybe later in life I will, but I want to be banded and doing well before I take that battle on.

Best of luck to you, congrats. on your weight loss so far.

"She lost weight only because she has the band".

I guess I don't care if I do lose weight because I have the band. I know skinny people who eat a ton and don't gain weight, they have a fast metabolism. That's what keeps them skinny. Others inherit skinny genes. Others feel full fast. Well, now our bands give us that full feeling, just like them. So what if we didn't have it naturally, I'm just glad that they have found a way to help us!!! Karen

Once, I am banded I will come back and read this thread. I'm sure I'll feel the same way you do. I think you make a great point of saying skinny people have fast metabolisms, you have the band. Thanks a bunch!

bumped for a band friend i made in mexico... :mad:

i am being banded 1 dec 05 and had a lot of stress thinking if i should tell or not. i have decided to tell my parents, my bro and sister (and spouses, but not their children except my adult niece) and 2 very close friends. about 3 years ago i went to an in house program called structure house to help me control my bad eating habits. i stayed a month and lost over 30 lbs...i felt great.

a few months after that i volunteered to go to iraq to support the effort there. i was there 7 months and lost an additional 40 lbs (i looked great)

i gained every lb back in the last year. the disapointment on my work "friends" faces is very clear....a few people have said "you used to look so healthy" meaning you are fat. another friend said "how long has it been since you were at that in house weight loss program" in other words...how could you have gained every lb back? i even have a friend that has had the gastric that tells me to just give up and get that because i will never be able to do it on my own.

i have decided to keep this important thing to myself...later down the road i may tell (i am usually such an open book...and love that about myself)...just don't want to have to deal with the judgements!!

this thread is great....thanks

My story is this...

My parents actually were the ones to tell me and suggest the surgery. They have been very supportive through the whole process of me deciding what to do. I have also told my husband who is nervous because he doesnt really know alot about it but is learning. My husbands dad is a doctor and so my husband asked him about it and so he knows that I am thinking about it but he doesnt know that I have a surgery date. I also have a friend who had a gastric bypass and she went to my orientation with me and has been a great support system for me and so she knows. I am not sure if I am going to tell my immediate family or my husbands family about the surgery. I might tell my family because if they didnt know and they found out about it they would be totally devasted because we are all really close. I am definitely not telling my husbands family because they are the type that they came from a medical doctor family and so they have the just eat less and exercise rule attitude. They just say well if you only eat 3 meals a day and exercise 3 hours a day you will loose the weight. Its all about self control and then they look at me like I have none. They are also the type that none of them have ever been fat a day in their life, so heaven forbid they have tolerance for any one else. They are also the type that there opinions are the only ones that matter and everybody else is stupid for not thinking the same way. So anyways enough about the inlaw bitch fest. So I am having my surgery Jan 9th and am so excited to start my new life. I cant wait to make some heads turn.