what the hell is wrong with me lately? since my last fill it seems i can eat anything and am doing so. last week i had a migraine that required me going to the hospital. in the 3 days since then i have gained almost 10 lbs! 10 lbs! at first i thought it was from the shots i got. but today i was almost like binging. i ate so much. i feel so nasty and gross. i feel out of control. i walked/jogged with my sauna suit on for 15 minutes this afternoon. but then i ate a bunch of chicken at dinner. and a pudding cup. not to mention all the other crap i ate today. why am i feeling so out of control? why am i doing this to myself? i am gaining all the weight back that i have lost. i cant do this anymore. why am i able to eat so much since my fill? i have to schedule another fill. i have to get restriction. i have to get control of myself. i have to get my head back in the right place. i hate being fat. i hate feeling like this. omg i am just rambling on here. i dont know what i need. yes i do. how do i get back to the right place? why do my bad times like this seem to come w/ the pain i have in my back? i have back problems and when its at its worst seems to be when i eat like this out of control. are they related? well duh, they sure seem to be. its not like the eating makes the pain go away. it just makes me feel worse and then i eat more and then i feel worse. why cant i get a grip on this and get the damn disgusting weight back off? i am getting fat again. seriously fat! i am going to start all liquids tomorrow for the week. i bought slim fast and fat free milk. that and water is all i can have this week to get a jump start on this until i can get scheduled for a fill. why have i done this? i was so close to being at goal and getting to schedule my tummy tuck. why? so close to goal! i could touch it. but not now. not now.

Edited March 30, 200917 yr by want_so_bad

Sounds like you have had it rough lately . . . we all go through these phases. I have spiraled out of control myself a few times and I have three suggestions for getting out of it.

1) Start over but don't think about what you did or did not do in recent times. Let go of guilt, don't worry about it. Just focus on today and let the past fade into history without dwelling on it. Too much guilt = too much pressure = too much fuel to go on emotional overload = continued stressing and eating.

2) Chart every bite you are eating, good or bad, 1,000 calories a day or 3,000 calories a day. Just make sure you get every bite posted online (dailyplate or fitday, etc.), or in a journal . . . whatevery your prefer. You might just find that you would rather not eat something then to have to commit it in stone to your daily intake. It also helps you to take more ownership of your choices.

3) You already mentioned going on more of a liquid diet for a little while to get back in control. There is also a five day pouch test diet that really helps to get back in control of your eating. If you google five day pouch test, you will find it easily.

We all fall off the wagon from time to time. It is accepting it for what it is (a temporary hiccup) and climbing back on that gets us to goal.

Good luck and try not to beat yourself up over it.

heather- thank you so much! i was at a bad place last night when i posted that and was an emotional wreck over my weight. i was feeling a little better today, but after reading your post i feel much better. i am trying not to belittle myself over this "hiccup" as you said and just get back to doing what i know i need to do. thank you for not judging me and thank you for understanding. i have thought about doing the five day pouch test before but never have. i am going to take a better look at it, thanks for the suggestion.

i got up early this morning and walked/jogged on the treadmill. that was a great way for me to start the day off right. and so far today i am doing good with my eating/drinking choices. i just have to remember its not the end of the world when i mess up, i just have to start over.

WSB, I was really concerned about you so I was glad to read your 2nd post where you sounded a little better. As Heather said, we ALL fall off the wagon from time to time and the thing to do is start over again. Please keep posting and I hope you feel even better soon.

Mimi

thanks mimi for the concern. i am really yo-yoing right now. with everything! up one minute, down the next. you would think i had gone off my meds or something, lol.

i was feeling better until i got on the scale this morning! i am headed in the wrong direction! but i know i can get it turned around and thats what i am gonna do.

i brought my slimfast to work today and i have plenty of crystal light so i can drink drink drink Water. yesterday i got rid of the junk food i had accumulated in my desk over the past week or so. so that's another step in the right direction.

i just have to try and stay positive. i find myself dwelling on the fact that i have regained so much weight and have all that to lose AGAIN, plus what i had left before hand. that is hard for me. i know that i need to just get over it, whats done is done, but i just cant seem to get there, ya know? i hope i do soon. and get outta this funk i am in.

Hi Heather! Are we related? I am going through exactly the same issues that you are. You are living my exact story!! I was banded on July 21, 2008. I am 8 months out and had lost 60 pounds, but since January have gone up and down the same 14 pounds. I can do everything I thought I wasn't supposed to do. I am a diabetic, type 2 and have had two back surgeries and need to have both knees replaced and am on so much medication twicw a day plus insulin. I am a young 63 and want to feel better, look better but most of all be healthier and be around awhile. I go next week on the 8th of April and hope to get a proper fill to help me feel more in control of my eating and drinking!! Do you think we could be of help to each other? I am very frustrated and down on myself right and need a new attitude and motivation. I have made excuses for not excercising since the beginning but I think that is one of my biggest problems. Hope to hear from you or anyone else that can help me get serious again before I do anymore damage!

noel- congrats on the amount you have lost thus far. great job. i hope your fill goes well next week and gives you back the control you are looking for. i am going to call this afternoon and make another fill appointment as well. i bet that will help us both. since you need both knees replaced, what kinds of exercises can you do? even something small, like walking around the block would be a good place to start. or have you tried water aerobics? that would probably be excellent for you since the water would keep your weight off your knees. please let us know how your fill goes.