Am I ever going to be able to take a compliment?

[lipara 0]

I work with a trainer at the gym and she makes comments to me about how she sees my "middle" getting smaller and how proud she is of me. My knee-jerk reaction is to make a face and shake my head "no". I don't see what she sees when I look in the mirror. However, I've gone from a pants size 22 at the time of surgery down to 16 or 18 sized pants even though I have only lost ~40 pounds.

Part of me just wonders if I'm working my butt off to get to my goal weight, only to still be unhappy with myself when I get there because I have a screwed up body image in my head. It's never going to be enough.

That's a very scary thought.

[TQUAD64 9]

I think perhaps if you change the goal around that it might be easier to hear the compliments.

Perhaps not seeing the goal as looking better from weight loss hence compliments, which are hard to hear right now. But maybe change the goal to becoming healthy.

That is how I look at it. When people say I am looking good now, because of the weight loss...I say, I always looked good but now I am looking healthy. It helps me get my head around the compliments.

Plus, I force myself to stare in the mirror so I can recognize the changes happening to my body as the weight loss occurs. This is really hard to do, but I do this.

[babbs3772 1]

I understand how you feel. It is hard to accept compliments and it is hard to "see" how you are changing when your mind just won't wrap around it. Simply say thank you when you get a compliment and maybe have some updated photos taken that you can compare your old ones with?

You are so much more than your weight loss - but I have to say that 40lbs is freaking amazing! Your hard work is obviously paying off. Good luck to you :wink_smile:

Edited January 5, 2009 by babbs3772
because

[BigMomma1981 0]

I have the same feeling. I was given a compliment today on how well Im looking and I said "no, not yet". I know that Im changing but until I hit a point where I can look normal in clothing then I will still feel the same. It will take alot mentally to get past this but I know we'll get there!! Good luck and great job on the loss!!!:wink_smile:

[lucyavery 0]

I know, it is hard for me as well. I am working on it though. The getting and looking healthy comment is a great way to look at it.

I get so upset at myself for feeling like I need to explain things. Anything...the other day, I deposited a large sum of money in the bank. I knew the teller, so I felt compelled to tell her how my grandfather had given me the money. I mean really....why did I tell her. She was not a freind, I just knew who she was. Afterward, of course I thought...I am such a goof!

I am working on taking compliments and not explaining myself to people!!!!!!!

[thenume 2]

I work with a trainer at the gym and she makes comments to me about how she sees my "middle" getting smaller and how proud she is of me. My knee-jerk reaction is to make a face and shake my head "no". I don't see what she sees when I look in the mirror. However, I've gone from a pants size 22 at the time of surgery down to 16 or 18 sized pants even though I have only lost ~40 pounds.

Part of me just wonders if I'm working my butt off to get to my goal weight, only to still be unhappy with myself when I get there because I have a screwed up body image in my head. It's never going to be enough.

That's a very scary thought.

What do you mean that you've ONLY lost 40lbs???

That is alot of weight you've lost. You have to work on just saying Thank you! That's your first step. Compliments can be a little embarassing, especially when it's given toward our weight! I had to learn to just say thank you and try and see what others saw. Whenever you feel like the compliment shouldn't be given to you, think about those size 16 pants and smile! Think about how those 22's are TOO DAMN BIG!!!!

and smile again!!!

Good Luck- you WILL be happy, even before you get to goal. We all go through this, you are not alone!:confused:

Edited January 9, 2009 by thenume

[WOWOX7 0]

I must say, this is one of the hardest things for me to accept. COMPLIMENTS.... I am just not used to them. Up until a month or so ago, I would just brush it off and make some comment about having so far to go yet. Then I decided to look at it in the sence that I am almost there. almost to my first goal. Now I say thank you and let them know I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Looking in the mirror... I still see the old Lois, when I look down, I still see my old body. BUT give me my progress pics that I have taken, and I see the results. My mind has not wrapped around the new me. But it will.

lois

[JABBA THE MUTT 0]

My 1st post, here goes.

The inability to accept compliments or praise is more involved than just weight. There are self-image issues at work here.

If you have the means, I might suggest seeing a therapist (I resisted for years, but have found it a wonderful indulgence)

I have just received my surgery date after over a year of jumping through hoops. Do not underestimate the mental adjustments required for a complete life change.

I am currently struggling with the question? Do I dislike myself because I am fat, or am I fat because I dislike myself?

[babbs3772 1]

My 1st post, here goes.

The inability to accept compliments or praise is more involved than just weight. There are self-image issues at work here.

If you have the means, I might suggest seeing a therapist (I resisted for years, but have found it a wonderful indulgence)

I have just received my surgery date after over a year of jumping through hoops. Do not underestimate the mental adjustments required for a complete life change.

I am currently struggling with the question? Do I dislike myself because I am fat, or am I fat because I dislike myself?

Hi there, I really wanted you to know I enjoyed your comments above and I agree that a therapist is priceless! And that is not just because I am currently in college to become one - I really liked your question - about disliking yourself and why - it hit home and I understand it.

[dietpeach 0]

First of all, congratulations on your amazing progress. Well done! Sometimes it's hard to accept a compliment about our looks because we're used to getting negative feedback, or no feedback at all. Also, it's possible that the compliment might be hard for you because while she's praising your progress from where you once were, you're critical of yourself for being so far from where you wish you were.

At any rate, you're working out with a trainer, so I don't think you have to worry about being unhappy with your appearance when you get to goal. I think you'll look awesome and fit.

[bubbles09 1]

I struggle w/the same thing. Not so much because I dislike myself, but because the whole compliment thing is so new to me, I'm unsure how to react internally. My current motto is "fake it until you make it." I thank whoever compliments me, without explaining how I got here or disagreeing w/them because I'm embarrassed, and in doing so I'm starting to truly believe that yes, I am looking healthy and happy these days. Some people think it's because of the weight loss, but I know I really do look better because inside, I feel more beautiful. So fake it - simply say thank you to compliments - and eventually, you'll start to believe that you are looking better, healthier, and then, when you fully buy into that, you've made it, regardless of what the scale says.