female only Going through or considering divorce?

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Hey ladies

I am having a rough go of things, and I know I am more than likely not alone. So I thought I would start a thread for those of us with marriage problems to chat or b*tch or whatever we need...

What is your story?

[Carrie_C 9]

You are sure not alone because I have considered divorce many many times. I have only been married 3 1/2 years, but it feels like a lifetime. I really don't know how people stay married for so long. I see these couples who have been married forever, and I just wonder how they do it and if they were happy all those years, or just miserable and stayed together anyway. I know one thing, if I had more money and a better job I would have probably been divorced a long time ago.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I am on year 15 and done. It still hurts like hell even though I am leaving him. Why?

[Carrie_C 9]

Well, I can understand why it would hurt, you have been together so long. It would really hurt me to leave my husband too, even though he has been really mean to me. It would also just really hurt me to admit that my marriage was a failure.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

They say that going through a divorce is just like going through loss through death. It's still the death of a marriage.

[angie61 6]

I have been separated for two years now (not divorced yet) .We were married for 23 years when I left. He was unfaithful. He continues to "date" this other woman but seldom openly. He and I remain friends, but it is really hard and hurtful not to be "married" to him. By the way....he put me on his insurance plan so that I could get this surgery done AND paid the 2,500 mandatory gym membership (that I can't go to because it is 1 1/2 hours away from my home.) I Think I should go ahead and file for divorce (he won't, for some reason he doesn't want to get a divorce...maybe so he'll have an excuse NOT to commit to her???) but I'm really afraid...it's a BIG step.:tongue2:

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Angie-- I think you know what you want in your heart. I would have a really hard time watching him date while I have his last name.

Carrie--I agree I don't want to be a failure, however I don't want to be unhappy forever as well. :confused_smile:

This isn't easy to say the least!

[Carrie_C 9]

Yes, I know, I don't want to be unhappy forever either. But sometimes I feel like if I leave I will still be unhappy, there wouldn't be any difference.

[cattoy71 0]

This has to be one of the hardest things to go through and I hope you can find some refuge here while going through this difficult time.

My best to everyone.

[*Love* 2]

My husband left me on Saturday after just 3 months of on & off fighting (not over anything really serious). I had been bauling my eyes out til I choked, gagged & then puked. NOT good for my band. I had only PB twice before.

I had told him he better be sure this was what he wanted. He only gets to leave me once. He quit on us. He ended our marriage. He left me. I was totally gutted for days while he packed & after he moved out.

26 hours later he sent me a text telling me he had 'some ideas for our future' & did I want to talk tonight (the day after the text). He took me from devastated to furious in seconds. What future!? He left me! He made the choice. If he can change his mind in 26 hours, wait another 26 & it'll change again. After a few more texts back & fourth & one email exchange, he bailed again (surprise, surprise). He didn't like that I didn't have anything positive to say. Is he f**cken kidding me! He left me the day before & I should be all flowers & sunshine! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR :blushing:

So now, he gets to do whatever he wants which includes spending his very long Christmas vacation with his kids at his (single) ex wife's house. (We'd been arguing about how inappropriate it was for him to spend 4-5 hours a week every week at her place, (plus full 'kid' weekends except for sleep, while we were fighting). The impression I got from his email was that he wanted to 'have his cake & eat it too'. Spend all the time he wanted over there, while I sat at home alone & we'd talk or 'date' a couple of nights a week. Hell will freeze over before I will settle for being demoted from wife to occassional date.

I went & got some happy drugs from my doctor today. So far I haven't noticed any difference.:crying:

Sorry for the vent, been doing that a lot the last few days. :mad2:

[Kat817 19]

First of all, my heart goes out to all of you going through this right now. My DD is going through it right along with you. While I am very happily married now--I DO know where you are at. I have been divorced......twice!

I did not make the same mistake twice, I made totally different mistakes, but the biggie was not listening to those that loved me and tried to steer me in the right direction from the beginning!

One of the big things I have learned, is that being single can be lonely at times, when the kids are with him, and you find yourself truly alone-------but it is a less lonely feeling, than the one you have sitting in the same room with your DH or SO----and feeling like there is a Grand Canyon between you! Being in a room with someone you love, or loved at one time, and knowing you should be connecting somehow and are not is a far lonlier feeling that actually being alone.

Time passes, and while you might at times feel like a chump for letting him/her get their way all the time, if you keep the kids in mind, and conduct yourself in a way that you are not afraid to let your kids see, or to tell them about, then in the end you will win....as you will have their respect. Who cares about what the ex ends up thinking about you? The kids matter.

My first D(in this case it is Damned Husband NOT Dear!!!)H, my DD's Dad, was a cheater. He is still a cheater all these years later. It was not me, it is him. By the time I got my fill of his actions, he had 2 kids with other women! I just feel extremely lucky to have my loving DD and no diseases!

My second was not a cheater, he was an abuser! I cannot tell you how strongly or how many times my family and friends told me he was a loser----but I knew better, he was an abused child, and he needed love. Uh huh! He literally tried to kill me. After many serious beatings, he tried to kill me and is finishing an attempted murder prison sentence.

I took a serious time out then! I spoke with a Victim Impact Panel, trying to get our state to get better laws for Domestic Abuse. Through that I spoke with many people, from psychiatrists, to family therapists, to court advocates....lots of people with similar stories and suggestions on how to learn to accept my mistakes and move on.

I did. I had days I laid on the couch and cried over injustices. I had days spent in the hospital recovering from #2. And I had girlfriends who are saints for listening day in and day out to my whining, and crying, and hating, and plots for revenge, and for not calling me on never following through with all my tough love plans!

As each day goes by.....and they will, one minute at a time, and all you have to do is get through the next one....and the one after that! It does get better.

BBK, I am really glad you opened the thread to get some support, it is something you really need, and deserve!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers---all of you---right along with my daughter, as she too goes through this.

I bet though if you look around you, you will see strong successful women, and be surprised how many of them have a divorce behind them.

It is VERY sad, and mourning the death of a marriage should be done! Blaming yourself for every aspect leading to it, should not.

Hang in there----I'll be here pulling for you!

Kat

[Telecia 1]

I am on year 15 and done. It still hurts like hell even though I am leaving him. Why?

Because he is or at least was a huge part of your life. Probably for a long time not only spouse but best friend, cohort, lover etc.

Part of it could be the fact that the relationship has failed.

Fear of the future.

Fear of being alone.

I know I stayed in a serious unhappy relationship for 13 years, he was a cheater and emotionally abusive.

I stayed for the kids, I stayed cause of the $$, I stayed cause I refused to give up on my marriage, I stayed out of FEAR of change, the future and being alone.

He was such a BAD cheater he invited his lover out with us on the evening of our wedding aniversary and I didn't realize it cause his lover was also his BEST MAN.

Now after 8 years with my current BF I am GLAD I got out. I am much happier, kids are much happier.

And while I havent even had my surgery yet and have no clue if our relationship will make it though that when it gets here. I know how hard it can be to make such a drastic decision.

And if thats what you decide you have to do you can make it through and come out ahead.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Thanks guys for all of your support. I can say this is the hardest thing I have ever done....

[Esmeralda 2]

I separated last year 07/07 and this is my second marriage, I finally filed for divorce this year and it was just final last month, its hard especially because I have 3 kids from 2 bad marriages, its scary to think that I can go through this again. My kids keeps me going and focused to do good even though lately I have had no motivation to keep my weight loss going I am so close to goal but just can't get their.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Well if any I had any doubt, he cleared it up for me today. He didn't put up the tree with the girls and I, he let us do it alone while my kids cried. Jerk....