I have a strange question to ask, which leads into a delicate question. How well do you know your surgeons, and how easy is it for you to call them and ask questions after surgery? I have only actually seen my surgeon once in person, and that was at my consultation on September 18. I actually haven't seen him since, even though he did the surgery on Monday, October 20. He had car trouble and was late coming to the hospital. The hospital staff had another patient and I ready for surgery since we had been waiting for probably 2.5 to 3 hours for him to get there. Before I knew it, I was being whisked into the OR for surgery. I saw the anesthesiologist from a distance, and in fact, he put in my IVs, but I never did see my surgeon. Neither of them really talked to me before the surgery, even though I knew I was having the Lap Band done as well as having my huge hiatal hernia repaired. When I woke up he was in surgery with the other patient and my husband and I left the hospital before he came out. So I never saw him, never talked to him about what happened in surgery or anything. The nurses in the OR said my pulse had gone down into the 30s, and I think (not sure) I remember them telling me that had to give me something to bring it up...but even then I'm not sure.

Prior to this I had been contacting his office staff nearly every day to get a status on the surgery date. It was tentatively set for the 20th, but I didn't know it for sure until the Friday before. That's really difficult for me to handle at work, because I have meetings and other responsibilities that I have to reschedule. I'm afraid I made a pest of myself with the office staff with both emails and phone calls. I tried to be as nice as I could, I really did.

So I had a couple of questions about the gas pains I'm having and sent a note to the office staff. At the end of the day I got a note telling me to call my surgeon on his cell phone since he was on his way to the hospital and could talk in the car. I did call him, and he was very gracious on the phone. But it's hard to get a feeling of knowing someone when you are only on the phone, and I didn't get a really good understanding of how much of a task it was for the hernia, how big it really was, where it was, etc. I just knew it was huge and was potentially wrapped around my esophagus.

So now the delicate question. My dear husband doesn't want to hurt me by having sex without asking the doctor first. I know my PCP fairly well, so left a message with his assistant to ask. But she called me back and said that my questions were really for the surgeon, and to be really specific in the questions I ask him. (I asked about more than just sex.) Would you personally feel funny asking these kinds of questions to someone you don't really know? I have an appointment on November 13, but I don't want to wait that long to talk to him but I feel like I'm bothering them with so many questions. His surgery was great, all the symptoms I had (and some I didn't know I had) from the hernia are totally gone. I just need to know for my dear husband's sake (so he doesn't feel that he's hurting me because of the hernia) how much physical activity I can do and what kind, when, etc. I'm still in a lot of pain from the gas. In fact, I had to leave work early yesterday because I could not stand the pain any longer and sitting at my desk was too difficult.

I'm being overly sensitive, aren't I?

You could call the office and ask to speak to his nurse. She/he is usually easier to reach and to talk to...and usually more personable. When is your follow up appointment? Make a list of questions and ask them. Even if your surgeon is not there, the nurse has your chart in front of her.

As far as sex, I would wait at least 2 weeks. I don't know about you, but I use a lot of stomach muscles and I would not think that would be comfortable for you. Unless you can't keep your hands off of each other...you may just have to be "creative".

At my 2 week appointment I was ok'd to work out at the gym, but no abdominal exercises. Keep in mind, i had complications post op too and was in the hospital an extra week.

Edited October 29, 200817 yr by JWRN

I have a strange question to ask, which leads into a delicate question. How well do you know your surgeons, and how easy is it for you to call them and ask questions after surgery? I have only actually seen my surgeon once in person, and that was at my consultation on September 18. I actually haven't seen him since, even though he did the surgery on Monday, October 20. He had car trouble and was late coming to the hospital. The hospital staff had another patient and I ready for surgery since we had been waiting for probably 2.5 to 3 hours for him to get there. Before I knew it, I was being whisked into the OR for surgery. I saw the anesthesiologist from a distance, and in fact, he put in my IVs, but I never did see my surgeon. Neither of them really talked to me before the surgery, even though I knew I was having the Lap Band done as well as having my huge hiatal hernia repaired. When I woke up he was in surgery with the other patient and my husband and I left the hospital before he came out. So I never saw him, never talked to him about what happened in surgery or anything. The nurses in the OR said my pulse had gone down into the 30s, and I think (not sure) I remember them telling me that had to give me something to bring it up...but even then I'm not sure.

Prior to this I had been contacting his office staff nearly every day to get a status on the surgery date. It was tentatively set for the 20th, but I didn't know it for sure until the Friday before. That's really difficult for me to handle at work, because I have meetings and other responsibilities that I have to reschedule. I'm afraid I made a pest of myself with the office staff with both emails and phone calls. I tried to be as nice as I could, I really did.

So I had a couple of questions about the gas pains I'm having and sent a note to the office staff. At the end of the day I got a note telling me to call my surgeon on his cell phone since he was on his way to the hospital and could talk in the car. I did call him, and he was very gracious on the phone. But it's hard to get a feeling of knowing someone when you are only on the phone, and I didn't get a really good understanding of how much of a task it was for the hernia, how big it really was, where it was, etc. I just knew it was huge and was potentially wrapped around my esophagus.

So now the delicate question. My dear husband doesn't want to hurt me by having sex without asking the doctor first. I know my PCP fairly well, so left a message with his assistant to ask. But she called me back and said that my questions were really for the surgeon, and to be really specific in the questions I ask him. (I asked about more than just sex.) Would you personally feel funny asking these kinds of questions to someone you don't really know? I have an appointment on November 13, but I don't want to wait that long to talk to him but I feel like I'm bothering them with so many questions. His surgery was great, all the symptoms I had (and some I didn't know I had) from the hernia are totally gone. I just need to know for my dear husband's sake (so he doesn't feel that he's hurting me because of the hernia) how much physical activity I can do and what kind, when, etc. I'm still in a lot of pain from the gas. In fact, I had to leave work early yesterday because I could not stand the pain any longer and sitting at my desk was too difficult.

I'm being overly sensitive, aren't I?

Like everyone reminded me when I was having trouble getting answers out of my surgeons office....he was paid to perform the surgery (either by you or your insurance) and part of that payment is follow-up care. I ended up calling my patient advocate and complained to her that I wasn't getting questions answered in a timely manner and that seemed to change things quite a bit. BE PERSISTENT!!! IT IS YOUR RIGHT AS A PATIENT!! You will find lots of good, practical advice on here but your Dr. should have the final say since he knows your case personally, or should anyway.

Best of luck and congratulations on your new band!!

I'm being overly sensitive, aren't I?

Yes you are but that's to be expected under these circumstances. As for knowing our surgeons well, I personally don't know mine very well. When I have interacted with him post-op, he's been friendly but like most doctors, very rushed. I think many here have similar experiences. Some have worse and some better.

My doctor said I could resume sexual activity as soon as I felt like it, including the same night of surgery. I didn't have a hiatal hernia though so I don't know if that makes a difference.

Most successful surgeons (any doc actually) are busy. And honestly many surgeons don't have the greatest bedside manner...but so what...you want one who's good in the OR, not hand holding. Having said that...bariatric surgery is different from many types; follow up and after care are CRUCIAL to success. If I were you, I'd write down ALL my questions (So I won't forget) and then call and ask to speak with his nurse. She will probably know the answer to many/most of your questions. What she doesn't know, she can ask for you, or have him call you. Realistically, I love my surgeon but he has a great staff and they can answer many of my questions.

And...it can be hard to ask intimate questions of anyone whether you "know" the person or not. You aren't being overly sensitive, but it is your body and health (mental, emotional, and physical!). Since they didn't address it with you, call and ask. The nurse should be more approachable. Just tell the receptionist you need the nurse and ask her to call you at her earliest convenience.

Please understand I do NOT mean that you can't or shouldn't approach your surgeon with ANY question related to the band, your surgery, and your recovery. You are paying (or your insurance is) a good chunk of money, not just for his expertise in the OR, but for that follow up care I mentioned. Since you seem uncomfortable approaching him, however, his nurse should be a good buffer for you.

Good luck. Advocate for yourself. They may be busy but if they are as reputable as you feel they are, they want you to recover and have every success. Help them help you.

Thank you all SO much! I do feel better about calling tomorrow to ask. I don't know if the nurse would specifically know about my hiatal hernia, but maybe so! Seems like most people have them; I just know mine was very large. But that's all I know.

I appreciate everyone's responses, thanks!

She should have access to his notes about your surgery...maybe not what he charted in the hospital, but at least what's in your file at their office. So it's possible she can answer more than you realize and again, if not, she can either get the info for you or have him call. You have every right to wonder and ask about this stuff; they won't resent or be bothered (shame on them if they were, but they won't be!)

Yes you are but that's to be expected under these circumstances.

I completely disagree. Besides being a patient that is looking for something more than fleeting moments with a person who did her surgery, he was paid GOOD MONEY for doing so. And part of that procedure is being available to talk to the patient. He owes her that much. This isn't about Grateful and her circumstances. This is about yet another doctor who is shirking his "bedside manner" and, imo, collecting the check and nothing more. She's entitled to talk to him, and he owes that to her.

I was told by my surgeon that I could have sex as soon as I was ready and comfortable...I made it about a week maybe a week and a half, it was a little uncomfortable in the area where my port is, but that's solved easily by a position change...lol (tmi I know). Just take it slow and comunicate Also the sqeeky wheel gets the grease....call call call...bug the crap out of them until you get the answers you want...make an appointment with the surgeon to talk to him/her...