To tell or not to tell? That is the question.

Hey girlies how do you tell your family or friends that you are having or had wls?

I haven't told many people for cultural and regional reasons.

#1 In the south it's ok to trust a big butt and a smile

#2 Most of the people I know consider themselves "thick" but are actually medically obese

Maybe it has nothing to do with culture or region. Maybe it's just a human thing.

I kinda struggle with this. Look at my avatar, it's a cartoon, Will I ever be brave enough to replace it with my own photo or will I Keep it in the closet!?

Holla!

Right now I am not telling anyone except my husband. And I swore him to keep it quiet. I am not wanting to hear eveyone's two cents on the matter. When I am ready I will tell those who need to know. Mine reason is not about culture, it is just privacy. I have always been "thick" and I just want to be healthy again.

Chanel, you are so right! When my best friend had her pre-op lab tests, a very obese sista behind the desk look at her orders and said, "Girl, i know you ain't about to do what I think. Don't you know how unhealthy that is!" I told her she should have told her how unhealthy it is to be sitting around with all that extra weight minding other folks business. She said that she was so taken aback, she couldn't say anything! The nerve of some people!

The same thing happened when I went for my labs. The sista drawing the blood just shook her head and said " too many folks having this surgery":angry_smile::mad: I told her everyone was an adult and could make their own choices. Needless to say she and I said nothing else to each other. That just made me so angry! Mind your business! This is a hard enough choice to make without everyone's two cents.:biggrin:

Hello all...I am from Ohio. I told my Mom , my husband,my sister. I also told my supervisor at work, who let it slip to some of my co-workers.I wish they all did not know because they all have comments about my weight now.I have only lost 15 lbs and I can not see it , but i put on a pair of dress pants that i haven't been able to wear in a while...Yea Me!!!

Hey ya'll,

Reading the posts on this topic has really made me think about how I am going to handle this. I confided in a few trusted people what my plans are...but I think that when I get the surgery done and I start losing weight I am going to say that I started LA Weightloss again (hell, that's what everyone that I suspect of having had wls told me:lol:) Thanks girlies your input!

Not even my father will know because like anybody else in my family or circle of acquaintances, he will say that all I need to do is eat less and walk the track like I've always done to loose weight. My best guy friend even said to me: "..all you need to do is get back in the zone like you did the first time you lost weight," when I mentioned the LapBand. It's not fair. People don't realize the struggles I've faced all my life. I feel as though I have lived in a fat suit for the past 25 years that have been interrupted by a few months of sporadic weight loss here and there. And everytime I've gained the weight back, I feel like a total failure. I see it in people's eyes. They look at me and want to ask, "Weren't you loosing weight? What happened?" IN FACT THIS did happen to me just this week. I was helping a former graduate at the high school where I work. She walked in my office for a letter with her three kids in tow, one of which is in the belly and asked: "Have you started gaining weight? Your arms are looking fuller." My heart sank.

In our community it's damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you don't loose weight, you're not accepted as attractive or smart or worthwhile. If you do, and it's through WLS, you're a cheat. It's frustrating.

I haven't told anyone that I'm having surgery. My mom/dad would be worried out of their mind and wouldn't understand. They would think that I'm only doing it for my hubby and not for a healthier 'me'. My husband is a military man and in great shape (yes he is fine as hell!!). He would love for me to lose weight but loves me. He thinks that excercising and diets are enough. But like many of you have said that just isn't enough.

So here is my dilema...would love to have the surgery without telling anyone but don't know if that is possible. If I could get away with it I would. My hubby is suppose to go to Iraq in Sept and my surgery is scheduled for Sept 15th. My deal would be having someone to pick me up...I might see if a hotel is in walking distance and stay there.

I know I'm being selfish but i just don't want the grief!!

Hi ladies,

I am having the surgery (hopefully in about three weeks--gotta finish all the pre-testing). I am not telling one person. Not anyone. Why? There are so many reasons. First they would say I should just go on a diet and pray. Well, I have been doing that for since I was 7 and now I am 37. It hasn't worked. Second, if for some reason I don't loose or don't loose fast enough, the horror that would be. Also, my family is against any surgery so this would be too much for them to take.

Unfortunately, I am single and have no kids so I live alone. That is good for my secret though. Only problem is getting home from the hospital--so if anyone is in Miami . . . .

Good luck to all of you.

Unfortunately, I am single and have no kids so I live alone. That is good for my secret though. Only problem is getting home from the hospital--so if anyone is in Miami . . . .

Wish I live in Miami or you in Dallas!! We could pick each other up after the surgery since neither of us want to tell anyone!!

Welcome Janet and Mommie of 4!

Good to meet you! I was just thinking that most surgeons have a lapband support group. If your doctors conduct such a group, you may be able to find someone in the group able and willing to assist you. Just a thought! Congrats to both of you on making the decision to go banded!

Tammygirl

Tammygirl,

Thanks for the welcome. I don't think my surgeons have a support group (they haven't mentioned one).

Mommie of 4,

That would be nice. I think I will have to get a cab, because I am not going to tell not even one person. I even thought of having someone pick me up and say I had a "test" but then I thought when I loose weight they might put two and two together so I can't risk it. LOL. This has got to be what its like to be in the CIA.

I am also going to vlog on Youtube--in a Halloween mask and disguise my voice. No I'm not crazy but they have good support over there too and I want to take part but not be identifiable. OK,maybe I am crazy.

Hi Ladies....

At first I wasn't going to tell anyone but my mom and dad....I didn't even tell my boyfriend until after the surgery! But, then I told my best friend (who is a size 4!...even after a baby) and she is so supportive. My boyfriend was more upset that I didn't confide in him from the start than he was about the surgery. He has been very supportive and he is my walking buddy. I haven't told a lot of people, but I don't feel like I should be ashamed of this. I did this to make my life better...so that I can be healthier. I know there are some people that I couldn't tell...but I don't really consider those people my close friends...I wouldn't tell them a lot of stuff. My point is, this is a long journey...and you are going to need some support along the way. If there is anyone that you can trust, I would encourage you to tell them, so that you at least have one person to lean on. I've been blessed with a lot of support and I know that I wouldn't be able to do this alone.

As for some random receptionist or nurses opinion...who cares....like the song says.."Hi Hater....I see you..Bye, Hater!"

I think I will have to get a cab

Never thought about a cab!! Great idea!!

Mommie of 4,

I don't think the surgery center or hospital will let you leave alone even if you are walking. At least thats how it was where I got my surgery done at. The hospital staff walked me out to the car and made my mom pull in front of the door. I really don't blame them because I was so sleepy that I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't even dress myself. I felt that way for a while. If you really want to keep it a secret don't tell anyone about the surgery. Call around the day before your procedure and tell someone that you have to have your gallbladder removed ASAP and you will need a ride home. Have a cab drop you off the day of the procedure. The surgery staff will call someone for you when you are ready to check out. My friend had her gallbladder removed and our scars are identical except she doesn't know I had surgery. No one does except my mom and I wish she didn't know. Its cool though because she is sworn to secrecy and if she tells there will be hell to pay lol!

Wishing you all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey mommie, I understand your need for privacy but i think your husband should know. He might feel betrayed otherwise. losing weight would be a nice welcome back present and a great surprise. the only thing is that it is surgery no matter how less invasive, and you are is loved one. this is a big dilemma ...