To tell or not to tell? That is the question.

Hey girlies how do you tell your family or friends that you are having or had wls?

I haven't told many people for cultural and regional reasons.

#1 In the south it's ok to trust a big butt and a smile

#2 Most of the people I know consider themselves "thick" but are actually medically obese

Maybe it has nothing to do with culture or region. Maybe it's just a human thing.

I kinda struggle with this. Look at my avatar, it's a cartoon, Will I ever be brave enough to replace it with my own photo or will I Keep it in the closet!?

Holla!

You need to have someone with you on the day of surgery. I am a old military spouse (husband retired after 26 years) I was banded on Friday 11 Jul, believed I would be fine back at work after the weekend no problem. Well there is a problem, pain and pain medication. You need to have someone with you for at least the first 24 hours. I know how it is you want to be strong and do it on your own and take care of yourself and everybody else, Well this is one time you need to take care of yourself and that means letting someone else help

The same thing happened when I went for my labs. The sista drawing the blood just shook her head and said " too many folks having this surgery":angry_smile::Banane03: I told her everyone was an adult and could make their own choices. Needless to say she and I said nothing else to each other. That just made me so angry! Mind your business! This is a hard enough choice to make without everyone's two cents.

The thing happened to me the morning I checked into the hospital the woman working the desk who took me back looked me over and said I really don't need to have the surgery, she said compared to her she needed it more...

Mommie....I feel you. I had decided not to tell anyone about my decision to have surgery. My body, my business, my decision. I went through all the information sessions, pre-op testing and insurance drama by myself. Was gonna tell everyone (including hubby) that I had to have a hernia repaired. I debated long and hard, then I prayed about that thing girl. My hubby is and has been my best friend for almsot 20 years, he's been there for me when I wasn't even there fo myself. Could I really keep something this life altering to myself? I decided I would share my decision with him, listen to his opinions (I knew he would be against it) then continue to do what I had already decided to do.

So ...I told him, he was very upset and very much against it. He felt it was dangerous and not worth it. He loves me just the way I am and yada yada yada.....I stuck to my guns and made an appt. with my Dr. so he could have his questions answered. Well the Dr. answered all his questions and broke everything down to him like I never could have and he finally got it.

Just consider all your options carefully and make the best decision for you and your family.

Peace and continued blessings.

The thing happened to me the morning I checked into the hospital the woman working the desk who took me back looked me over and said I really don't need to have the surgery, she said compared to her she needed it more...

I think I would have been mean about my answer...I would have told her yes you do need the surgery but I have the nerve to do it.

Blessed1 ~ I have been thinking about it. I want to share this with my husband but really don't need the added drama or stress. But at the same time IF something did happen to me while I was in surgery I would hate for him to get a call from some unknown person about this. So I'm really torn and I have been praying about it. I know I need to suck it up and just tell him.

But should I wait until a few days before the surgery (9/15) or tell him now?

Mommie.....You keep praying about it and believe that the right choice is most times the hardest.

I love my husband more than words can express and I am so thankful that he has always loved me no matter what size I was.....But at the end of the day it's me that's not healthy, it's me that's huffing and puffing up the stairs, missing out on so much of life due to embarrassment. It's me that doesn't feel comfortable in the my body. At the end of the day I was the miserable one not him.

My husband's nickname is Slim. He's active in sports and all types of physical activities. He's never had to think about what he eats or being out of shape. I didn't expect him to understand the pain (physical & emotional) that being overweight brings. What I expected him to do is love me enough to respect my decision and know that it wasn't made lightly. And he did.

Mommie....I feel you. I had decided not to tell anyone about my decision to have surgery. My body, my business, my decision. I went through all the information sessions, pre-op testing and insurance drama by myself. Was gonna tell everyone (including hubby) that I had to have a hernia repaired. I debated long and hard, then I prayed about that thing girl. My hubby is and has been my best friend for almsot 20 years, he's been there for me when I wasn't even there fo myself. Could I really keep something this life altering to myself? I decided I would share my decision with him, listen to his opinions (I knew he would be against it) then continue to do what I had already decided to do.

So ...I told him, he was very upset and very much against it. He felt it was dangerous and not worth it. He loves me just the way I am and yada yada yada.....I stuck to my guns and made an appt. with my Dr. so he could have his questions answered. Well the Dr. answered all his questions and broke everything down to him like I never could have and he finally got it.

Just consider all your options carefully and make the best decision for you and your family.

Peace and continued blessings.

OMG Blessed that sounds like my Ol' man, does not care what size I am just wants me to be happy and healthy. And your right at the end of the day I am the only one accountable for my actions and I needed to change because there should be more to life than work, smoking & eating... these are the three things I had energy for. Sad but true. Lana

I think I would have been mean about my answer...I would have told her yes you do need the surgery but I have the nerve to do it.

LOL Mommie of 4,

I can't and could not do that to another person, weight as we know is such a sensative issue. If she felt she needed it then she needed it... but I am not going to make it worse by telling her I thought she had a fat ass...lmao...no....just not my style....lol

Blessed1 ~ I have been thinking about it. I want to share this with my husband but really don't need the added drama or stress. But at the same time IF something did happen to me while I was in surgery I would hate for him to get a call from some unknown person about this. So I'm really torn and I have been praying about it. I know I need to suck it up and just tell him.

But should I wait until a few days before the surgery (9/15) or tell him now?

I would tell him now. You share your lives together and this is no small secret. You may really hurt his feelings and damage the trust factor in your relationship if you don't share such a life altering decision with him. It is also a stressful time for you as well. It would probably make it easier for you if you could share this with someone close to you.

As far as the added drama and stress is concerned, do you think he would tell you not to go forward with the surgery? Are you afraid that he would be unsupportive? Maybe the key might be to find the best way to cover the subject with him in a way that he might be more open to. You could probably feel around for a good path that might minimize his discomfort with the situation.

I have told quite a few people that I know. However, only 3 of my family members know. My family can be so hard on a sistah, that I don't want any negative vibes heading my way. I've really only told people who I know will pray with me and be supportive. My husband is really supportive because he's seen some of my diabetic episodes, and has had to call 911 on occasion when I was on one of my crazy diets! I can't wait to be banded. My surgeon's appointment is july 30th and hope I will get a date pretty soon afterward. God Bless to you all! :thumbup:

I understand where everyone is coming from. When I decided that I was getting the band, I "TOLD" my DH that I was. My insurance, my body, my deductable. Now looking back on it, I don't think there was EVER a conversation about it, except that I was getting it. So even though I'm almost a yr out (8/10/07), he really doesn't comment one way or another about my weight-loss. I did tell him the other day to please not bring junk food in the house and if he did leave it in HIS pantry outside in the mud room. Well, what did he do? Brought it in the house and had the nerve to show it to me. Gotta figure if he's trying to sabotage this journey for me. He loves the "heck" out of me and thinks that he's going to lose me when the weight is gone. I told him not to worry, this house address will be mine until WE either die or move.LOL

Now, to my sister-----when I told her (she's a RN and over weight), she HAD a pissy fit. "It's too dangerous, yada, yada, yada". I swore her to secrecy, what did she do? Yes, told the "heck" out of it. Told my mother, which told my other sister, which ask my other sister (she knows and supports me 100%) if I have REALLY lost a lot of weight. What's so crazy about it is that they (mom & sister) don't know that I know that they know. I do tell those that I think are supportive and some know where I work (school system) because a co-worker (and good friend) and I had it done almost 2-3 wks apart last yr. She started telling so I followed and told a few people. I thought that they would constantly ask "How much have you lost?", but so far, they just say that my clothes are too big.

Mommie of 4, who will help take care of the 4 when you go to the hospital? I say as well, be very prayful and ask God to tender your DH's heart. My DH didn't even take me to the hospital, I had to get a cousin to take me and I was staying with my mom (shh, but I called myself leaving my DH at that time, stupid on my part) and just told mom that I was having surgery and gave her nothing else (she knows her daughter very well and didn't ask one ??) little did I know at that time she already knew, big mouthed sister:mad: had already told.

Sorry to be sooooooo long, but it sure feels good to vent:cursing: LOL

Be blessed all

A Lot Less, Wow at least now you know your sister is the last one to tell your personal business to. It sucks when family can't keep their mouth shut As for your husband, sometimes there are no amount of words that can ease a person's insecurity. You'll just have to show him you're not going anywhere.

A lot less ~ My husband will be here with the kids and they go to school during the day.

I have absolutely no intention on telling anyone else but my husband. (not my mom, dad, brother) My mom would worry entirely too much!!

A Lot Less, Wow at least now you know your sister is the last one to tell your personal business to. It sucks when family can't keep their mouth shut As for your husband, sometimes there are no amount of words that can ease a person's insecurity. You'll just have to show him you're not going anywhere.

Yes, she has proved herself many times to be untrustworthy. But you know you want to be close to your family, but believe me --ugh-- let's call her--Jane-- won't know anything about me ever again.

You are so right ,no matter what amt of words you say to ease ppl's minds, sometimes it might take actions, huh? He takes care of me very good, if he would only realize I'm here to stay. I'm his 3rd wife (2nd wife died) and he is my 2nd husband, no kids together.

A lot less ~ My husband will be here with the kids and they go to school during the day.

That's good. But he will be wondering why you are so sore and in pain. I couldn't drive, (I did consider it, though) and glad that I didn't. I slept ALL the way home (I live about 45 mins from the hospital) and then more when I got home. I did feel pretty good the next day, but the 3rd day, I felt like a big mac truck had hit me. I hope that you all can talk and that he is very supportive cause you will need him. Take care and let us know how everything goes. After all, we ARE in this together. Even if we can't talk about this journey with family, we have our lapband family.:seeya:

Be blessed