Come out of the band failure closet!

[BJean 16]

Brandi I just came back to this thread to check in. Good grief! I can't believe what's been heaped on your head.

Encouragement is one thing - slapping someone in the face is another. Some of it reminds me of one hilarious doctor who told my mom that she needed to exercise... by pushing her chair away from the table. Har-de-har-har-har. That's really helpful.

I believe we both have some issues that we aren't dealing with. I believe that you and I both take on a lot of other people's problems and sometimes that doesn't leave a whole lot for ourselves. (By other people I mean family members and friends.) But that isn't the whole answer either.

The one thing that I was told when I was told "this is only a tool", was that I wouldn't be hungry. Yeah, right.

I have broken knees and both need to be completely replaced. Like I can really obsess about running a marathon. Or tramping on a treadmill. Right...

Every other day, I do any combination of Water aerobics, the recumbent bike, upper body free weights and floor exercises for at least an hour. Those things are helping, but my metabolism actually is shot and it is very hard for me to burn enough calories to get it to any reasonable level of burn again. (I've been told this by my doctor and by my exercise therapist.) The one thing that I have been told and that I have proven is that I can no longer skip meals. I have to take in enough calories or my very efficient body (at saving fat for the times that I don't eat) will shut down any weight loss possibility. So much for thinking that not eating was a good thing.

This whole diet thing is complicated. Everyone wants to believe that it is simply calories in, calories out. But in fact it is not that simple for everyone, just MOST people.

I too have considered the possibility that all my obsession with dieting and weight loss could be planting the seed in my mind that I will fail like I have in the past. That has made me want to just continue my exercise and eating decent food and getting on with my life and stopping the infernal obsession with losing weight.

Btw, if you will take a serious look at the numbers game with the lap band, many, many people have an approximately 40 lb. loss in the first 3 to 6 months. Then they plateau and begin the battle. Many stay at that weight for a couple of years. Some people after the second year go on to lose more. The younger you are and the fewer medications you're on, the higher the rate of success.

This is not a simple thing and for others to dismiss your frustration out of hand and decide that you are a slacker because you're not willing to do what they have done to succeed only proves that they have no idea what you are going through.

Please don't let it get you down. You are not alone. We are not freaks of nature. Hmmm or maybe we are. We have unique problems that many others are unfamiliar with. I know Wasa thinks she's the expert on banding, but she obviously is not. She may have enjoyed a large measure of success and I congratulate her on that, but to judge you, me and others so harshly is pretty darned unattractive.

I'm right beside you, girl. I'm not giving up the fight, but I'm also not going to accept comparison with others who are far younger and have far fewer medical and probably emotional issues than I have. No excuse, just fact. I don't care if they understand or not. They have to live in their skin and I have to live in mine. I am darned happy with what I have accomplished and I am not going to feel like a failure no matter what they say. I hope you won't either!

[brandyII 9]

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

[anonemouse 1]

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

Brandy, no matter how harsh posts get, no one here truly wants you to leave. And I DO mean no one, even Wasa. You're a great person and an asset to the board. It's just hard for many of us to sit here and watch someone defeat themselves. We just want to step in and intervene and set you on the right track to being a success. Sometimes, that comes across too harshly, and I apologize for all of our posts that have seemed that way.

[Fanny Adams 7]

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

This makes me sad, Nancy :thumbs_up: I tried to send you this PM but you've turned them off. I don't know if you'll be back to read this, but I hope so, so I'll repeat it here:

Hi Brandy,

It sucks how that thread has turned out but I wish you wouldn't leave. If you do decide to go, I'd like to stay in touch. You can email me on Fanny_Adams99@hotmail.com, if you'd like to chat more.

Good luck on your journey!

*hugs*

Fanny

[tommaney 0]

BrandyII--After reading through these posts, I'll understand if you decide to go...but I just wanted to say that I'll miss you and your brave comments everyday. And, if you do stick around, I will be here for you.

[georgia girl 35]

Brandy, I'm a little late coming into this thread (I don't how in the world I missed it, lol) but I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

I have to say that, in the beginning, I lost weight pretty darn fast and I loved it! But, in that last couple of months, I've barely lost anything. I am really struggling with getting good restriction. I've had at least 7 fills and I am up to 7.25cc in my 10cc band. My fills seem to work for a week or so, then loosen up to almost nothing again. It was my choice to be conservative with my fills (I was afraid of getting overfilled, so I suggested we take it really slow). I am regretting that now, lol. I do have an appt for a fill on the 30th....YAY!

I haven't always exercised like I should but for the last couple of months, I've been exercising faithfully and still not losing weight. I have PCOS and I have low DHEA levels that I am on medication for. My Endo is working with me to try to straighten this out but it has been really hard these last couple of months. Since I've been banded, I've pretty much stuck to high protein/low carb. Well, I don't even like meat much and I was soooo burned out on meat. I just recently became a lacto-ovo vegetarian, so focusing on high Protein is out of the question now. I'm hopeful that my new eating lifestyle in combination with my exercise will start to pay off.

Even though I am struggling right now, I still love my band. I'm determined to make this work, whatever it takes. I commend you for admitting it is your own problems causing it, not the band. That takes guts...so good for you! Now is a perfect time to re-evaluate what you are doing wrong and start working towards making it right. You can do this and so can I! It's just gonna take some really hard work.

I don't think anyone intended to hurt your feelings. Sometimes we need that kick in the butt to get us going again!

I really think if you had posted this in the General Support forum, you would have gotten a totally different set of responses. Since you posted it in the rant and raves, it's not far fetched to think that people would debate the issue because that is what this forum is for. I agree with Laurend, I really don't think anyone wants you to leave LBT. I hope you decide to stay, but if you don't, I wish you the best. I am sorry you are struggling right now and I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

Edited June 12, 2008 by georgia girl

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Hey Brandy,

Boy you created a monster of a thread. LOL Afterall this is what we are here for. To vent. There is no better catharsis. Get it off your chest. If you need motivation girl, let us know. We all want you to succeed. Honestly Brandy, if people didn't give a darn whatsoever, they wouldn't take even a minute of their precious time to even reply to your post. Sometimes it seems like reverse psychology. If someone yells at you and tells you just to give up and get rid of your band, what they are really doing is trying to get you mad and enraged within, so you can tell yourself that you CAN do it. Just take the critique and try to apply better behaviors throughout your day. We are here for you Brandy. I don't care what it is that bothers you, like you said, it does no good to keep it bottled inside.

Excellent post, absolutely correct.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Brandy, I do not want you to leave either! Believe me, I know what it's like to live with a slow metabolism. My resting metabolic test proved what I already knew. I don't know how I got a slow metabolism but that's what the problem was.

I exercised my brains out for 3 years before I got the band. I never lost anything.

The Beck Diet Solution is not a diet. It's about positive reinforcement when you stick to whatever plan you choose. You make little cards and on each one, you write down why you want to lose weight. You're supposed to look at them several times a day. It's a whole routine to change your thinking. It helped me a lot because my biggest problem is junk food, sweets in particular.

[SheilaK 0]

Hi Brandy,

Because of you and after reading most of the replies to you, I feel much more educated about the Lap Band. I wanted to know about the problems. So thank you!!! I joined this site because of reading about your situation. I have never joined a site before and I do a lot of research on whatever I am interested in.

I have similar health problems as you and take the same meds, plus blood pressure med. I am constantly struggling to get my thyroid meds right as I had my thyroid removed years ago. I have been struggling ever since. I was not overweight until my thyroid got hashimoto's disease.

A year ago I was approved for the band. The doctor told me because of my thyroid problem, I would probably not have the success others have. I did not do it, but went on a cleanse and nutritional diet and lost 25 pounds, injured my knee, had knee surgery and gained it all back and more.

Now I can get the surgery done if I want to. My insurance will pay 100% and I am still hestitant for just the reasons you have stated. I thank you, as I am not a large eater with the steak and potatoes thing, etc. And I get head hunger, even if I am not in the mood to eat. So at this point, thanks to your honesty, I am going to cancel the doctor's appt. and wait. Thank you again. I have been trying to find out this info from someone who has the medical problems I have.

I wonder if any more Thyroid problem people have had similar experiences?

Sheilak

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I wonder if any more Thyroid problem people have had similar experiences?

Sheilak

I have Hashi's and had no problems losing weight but the key is to get your meds stable. If your blood work is in normal range it shouldn't be a problem.

[SheilaK 0]

Thank you. for some reason, my meds have never been stable and I get a blood test every 1 to 2 months. I have absolutely no thyroid gland. I have searched on line and found there are people who have had thyroidectomies who stay on the same med for years and others who are constantly struggling to keep it in the normal range. I am the latter. Over the years I have been to thyroid specialists, and now an endocrinologist. No one has been able to stabalize it for long. I use a thyroid cocktail med at this point which works the best but still needs constant adjusting either up or down. So it appears even with the lap band the thyroid med adjusting would possibly continue. I have a friend who had a thyroidectomy from hypothyroidism of some sort, eats sugar, and is thin and energetic. She hasn't had to change her thyroid meds in 20 years. I think I need more info from more thyroidectomy people before I make my decision.

[plain 12]

Personally, I'm a little sad about how this turned out. I think people get waaaaaaaaaay too emotionally invested in a "position" to rationally discuss things. I can see how BII might think she was attacked. But also I think that if you post something in "Rants"......well you're kinda asking for extreme opinions.

If I want support, I'll post in the regular sections of LBT. If I want to stir something interesting up, I'll post in "Rants".

Either way, I try to play nice......but everybody's different.

[KatW 0]

Hey! Sorry that this happened to you! Sorry for how this made you feel! Don't leave-......unless you really want to.

You did open yourself up to what other people said, but you are still not responsible for what they said. They are. So much vitriol. DOn't sweat it. All those hurtful words are not about you at all- it's about them. I know in the past when I have attacked so hard, I generally have some fear around the issue- in your case, maybe it was easier to attack than give understanding. After all, if you understand......you might be the same as this person who is struggling, and with lapband and weight loss ON THIS WEBSITE- hot button issues.

You did open the thread, but we are all always responsible for what we say and do. You asked for it is not a rationalization to me.

Luck

KatW

[Jachut 487]

I dont get why you think its vitriolic? There's certainly no feeling like that from my end, its more frustration that she just cant see the negative through processes. If I didnt give a toss about people achieving their goals, I just wouldnt bother.

The way I see it BrandyII's problem is the number one problem you see on this board - people just utterly unable to really allow themselves to change, stuck in destructive behaviours and thought processes. They reach out for help, but real help does NOT come in the form of commiserations and justifications, real help can feel like a slap in the face.

Brandy may have had a point, that she just wants to be able to vent about it all without people's advice and help, and that's fair enough, rants and raves is probably not the best place for that however, because people assume you're inviting debate.

I dont think this thread was at all vitriolic. Certainly not compared to some of the threads in this forum!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Jacqui....

I'd have to agree with you. I think there is a world of difference between being plain mean and simply giving someone a bit of tough love and honesty.

It's like when someone is cheating on the post op diet. There are some people who will pat the heads of the cheater and tell them it is okay. It is NOT okay, I want to smack these people. If you go back and look at posts of the heat patters you'll find they too, are post op diet cheaters. It's like they want others to cheat so they can justify their own behaviors.

Sometimes we all need a bit of honesty, we are all supposed to be in this one together and patronizing someone does absolutely nothing beneficial. Confirming and supporting bad habits is not helpful to another, we are doing nothing but confirming and reinforcing our own bad habits sometimes. It's almost an attitude of, "I can't do it and I don't want you to do it either." It is selfish, nothing more.

If you have a kid who refuses to study, is out all night with friends, sabotaging themselves, you don't pat their little heads and tell them to try really really hard to do better. You tell them to knock it the hell off. If you tolerate poor behavior from your child, you are reinforcing that bad behaviors are totally okay and acceptable.

We have a person here, Brandy, who went through surgery to obtain a lap band and flat out admits she refuses to diet and exercise let alone do a bloody thing for herself other than to make up one excuse after another for not accomplishing a darn thing. People, she's trying to lose weight! Hello???? How is patting her head telling her others who are being honest are nothing short of mean, how is this helpful? Since when is flat out honesty a bad thing?

Losing weight is hard, that's a reality. Nobody promised that it would be easy. The band does not absorb calories, it is not wise to reinforce that "it's all metabolism," to someone who is eating junk all day long, it is not metabolism ... it is eating junk food. When one is trying to lose weight it is not helpful to say that they don't need to either cut calories or exercise. That is an absolute lie. When a banded person is saying that they don't give a rip about their own health enough to lift one silly little finger to help themselves, what can we do? Reinforcing bad behavior is nothing short of justifying our own bad behaviors, it's certainly not helping anyone.

What is the true goal here, to make us feel better about our own poor choices in weight loss or to honestly help someone who is not lifting a finger for their own health issues? Honesty is not the horror some folks make it out to be. I think that right now Brandi is playing a bit of a pity game, a pity party per se. I'm not playing the game and I'm not going to support that behavior. I know as well as everyone else here that she did not leave, she is still reading the boards. So we all have a choice, help her or don't. But let's at least get a bit of honesty going and for those that are actually being honest and trying to do something positive for a person with a bit of tough love... that's not a horror. That's a good thing.

The head patters need to stop fooling themselves. This isn't a race to see who can be the nicest, this is a race to help someone save their life from obesity issues. Let's not take that so damned lightly. If someone can't be honest with themselves, cool. So be it. But don't reinforce the same negative behaviors in another, it's not helpful and it's not acceptable.

Nobody said anyone has to do this my way or Jacqui's way. Nobody ever claimed that eating 600 calories a day is necessary or needed for life (Fanny). Some of us are saying that it's time to damn well get out there and quit making excuses. Get off your butts, do something! Anything! But eating bon bons and whining that, "I don't want to exercise," is not going to get someone healthy and afford them a better quality life. We aren't talking about cleaning the house here, we are talking life vs. death. It bothers me when others take that as lightly as they are here.

Edited June 12, 2008 by WASaBubbleButt