Come out of the band failure closet!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

There is a saying, and I have told this to brandy. Sooner or later you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Until that happens mentally, people aren't ready to make the changes they need to make so they can do their part and let the band do it's part.

[Jachut 487]

I think we could agree to stop with the tough love, its not doing any good. Works sometimes, others not.

I actually had nothing else to add on the actual topic. But really BJ, your verbal version of blowing a raspberry and saying ner ner ner ner ner was really too immature to go uncalled.

[BJean 16]

Jachut: "Shut your gob and move your ass"? Ok. I will certainly abide by your rules and be as sweet and charming as you obviously are.

Please. If I ever get out of line again - especially if I ever spout out any "verbal raspberries" that you find unattractive, please let me know. I live to be dressed down, just as I am sure Brandy does. And as I am sure whoever else you disagree with does.

I thank God everyday that there is someone out there that I can depend on to keep me straightened out.

I didn't intend to get into a peeing contest but yes, I decided this was a good time for sarcasm. What else is can you do in a case like this? (Besides, I certainly learned from the best!)

:lol::biggrin::redface::tongue::lol::lol::lol::tt2::lol::lol::lol::grouphug:

[Jachut 487]

*pfffffft*

wipes spit off screen.

[BJean 16]

Let's see. Does that qualify for being immature enough to go uncalled on?

You let me know. You seem to be an expert on immature posts. Go girl! I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

This is fun! :grouphug:

[Jachut 487]

Pah, I'm lovin it. Good for the goose'n'all. Just thought I wouldnt bother dressing it up with words to disguise it.

I'm all full of negativity today. I'm bounding from thread to thread being a complete bitch.

I've never had such an orgy of being rude, disagreeable and nasty.

Its actually cathartic.

The joke'll be on me when I get banned.

[anonemouse 1]

I hate to get on the "jump on BJean" wagon, because you know I love you, BJean. You're one of my best friends here, and we normally agree on just about everything. But in this case, the other folks have a point. There's a difference between people saying, "Knock off the self pity and the excuses" and someone basically saying, "Are you SURE you were a happy person pre-band? You know, 'cause fat people are all emotional wrecks."

[ingyrob 1]

I can see both sides. I did think that BrandyII found an excuse not to try anything suggested to her, but I did think the tough love guys were too hard on her.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I know some of you think that hitting someone in the head (like you "coulda had a V8" or slapping you because you "think you're important" - as we've seen in a couple of current TV commericals) is really cool. I do not think that loving someone that tough is appropriate and I sure don't think it's cool.

Now kat and taz... they're way cool.

P.S. Some of you seem to think tough love is only good for you to do. It's not so good when I do it, huh? You might think about why successful tough love sessions are done by FAMILIES under the guidance of a professional, or in professional counseling sessions.

A complete and total load.

JB... you are one of my favorite posters but I honestly think you called this one wrong. Maybe you relate to her too much/not enough, not sure. But you are wrong on this one. You are doing no favors when you pat someone on the head because they say, "I don't wanna exercise," or "I don't wanna cut back on shit food."

Sometimes tough love is a good thing, it's a far cry from patting them on the head and pretending they are doing a good thing with crappy habits and socially unacceptable behaviors. We can relate to someone or point out what isn't working, it's a choice.

[BJean 16]

I consider all of you people who have come down so hard on Brandy as friends as well. That has nothing to do with my reaction to your harshness. And I wasn't patting anyone on the head. I just wasn't beating anyone up for having a difficult time.

Maybe you all think that working with the band is a simple thing. Just like you may believe that losing weight is a simple thing. If so, more power to you and hurrah that you have discovered the key to being slim and eternal happiness.

Some of us are not that successful and just because you've found the key to greatness and decided that the band is your everlasting friend, doesn't mean that we all have discovered that or that we all even can. Everyone is different. We all have different problems and body chemistry. If you've bought into the notion that losing weight and embracing the band is simple, you need to understand that for many people, that is not the case.

Some of us even have complications related to the band. Some have undiagnosed problems with our thyroids, pancreases (pancreasi?) and even metabiological disorders. You can't claim to have a clue why another person is having problems. So to accuse them of simply having crappy habits and crappy, shitty socially unacceptable behavior as the reason for their difficulties, is "a load".

I see nothing wrong with encouraging someone and sharing your stories of success. I don't even have a problem with calling someone on the carpet when they're struggling with the idea of exercise and proper diet. However that's not what I observed here. It seemed to me that no one tried to understand why Brandy was having so much trouble - you just figured her for a lazy, socially inept person who has no clue about how to use the band.

If being snotty and strutting around with a superior attitude is what you consider socially acceptable behavior then keep it up and win friends and influence people - if you think you can.

[kimaly 57]

I was not saying that at all. What i'm saying is if your having problems and people are trying to help don't shoot everything they suggest down with I can't because if you do you will never know if you could. If others keep babying someone that's in that mode they'll just keep it going. since when did honesty become the problem. most of the time it only hurts when it's true. If you read my first post it wasn't cruel just to the point. you can read in to it what you want.

[BJean 16]

kimaly: I wasn't targeting your post when I wrote my last one. It was written just as a general message.

I do not know if Brandy is a wimp who is an "I can't" person as you characterized her, or if she is having serious issues right now. You've decided that she's just lazy and not willing to work hard enough to get what she wants.

I have a right to disagree with your opinion and your post. And you have a right to disagree with me and mine. Let's let the chips fall where they may and not get angry with each other. It's pretty much a philosophical issue, your experience and beliefs influencing your posts and my experiences and beliefs influencing mine. It's no different from a religious or political discussion, really. And neither you or I or any of the others know for sure what is actually going on or what the answer really is for Brandy.

If Brandy's situation is more like yours, then you are right and I am wrong. C'est la vie. It is still of interest to me and I still have every right to voice my opinion.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I consider all of you people who have come down so hard on Brandy as friends as well. That has nothing to do with my reaction to your harshness. And I wasn't patting anyone on the head. I just wasn't beating anyone up for having a difficult time.

Here are some of B's comments throughout this thread:

exercising on the treadmill isn't always the best thing for me because I'm built like a candy apple! I have very thin legs and gain belly up. So I end up getting really muscular legs and thinner ones and it makes me look bigger on top.

Right, exercising is bad because she doesn't lose weight in the places she wants to.

I do feel better when I exercise but just have given it up temporarily

I don't think I should be able to eat as easily as I can with some foods although I fill up I don't have to chew chew chew like I used to

Hello??? Banding is all about chew chew chew.

But it's also a passion for them and actually always has been since they were young. One races bikes and one runs and will run marathons and both have or do teach martial arts. I've never had that passion and probably never will. I can find passion in walking but not running I'm not built for that and even when I was thin I hated it! I like hiking things like but I'm not a competitor not even within myself if you catch my drift.

I know it would be easier if I could do it that way but I just don't want to.

And there we have it.

But right now on the east coast of the US it is extremely hot! Not that I get any pity from those of you from "down under" but exercising outside right now is kind of out of the question,

Is there A/C inside? On her treadmill?

At this point my desire to go through another diet while on the band is also shot.

The band isn't shot, it's not filled well because she doesn't want to chew as much. I'm not suggesting that barfing her own saliva for 10 hours was a good thing but a 2cc unfill so she can eat bad foods wasn't the answer.

Look, I am not one of those people that believe the sun rises and sets on lap bands. I had my own band removed in favor of another procedure. But you know as well as I do that some effort has to be put into any WLS type. I don't want to diet, I don't want a life style change, I don't want to exercise... what are we to say? It's okay, it's the band's fault?

Nope, not me.

I HATE exercising, hate it with a passion. I'd rather poke my eye out with a rusty nail than to do weight training but the bottom line is that you do what you have to do to get the pounds off. I don't like weight resistance, I don't like running, I don't like cleaning the toilet, I don't like going to the dentist, I don't like lots of things in life. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like.

[tommaney 0]

I'm glad you pulled those quotes out, Wasa. Now I can see clearly how others might throw their hands up in frustration when their suggestions don't have an impact.

However, my interpretation of those responses you just posted is that she didn't want to do those particular exercises--the treadmill, running outside when it's hot, running marathons, and martial arts training. She said "no" to those things, but if you notice she did say that she COULD find passion in walking and she DID feel good when she exercised. There is positive energy there to build off of.

So BrandyII, if you see this thread again, I want to say that I'm willing to problem solve with you on finding ways to be physical, more active throughout the day or anything you can at all manage at this time. If we both approach this with open minds and a willingness to try new things--we may indeed find something you have a passion for! I know many people are able to go do exerises that they hate all for the benefit--but it doesn't sound like you're in that particular place. Why not search ardently for activities that you may love (even ones you've never tried) before surrendering to feelings of defeat when faced with limited pastimes you already dislike?

I honestly think the band fill is an issue because perhaps a small increase may be all you need to feel in control again. I can see that eating anything you want isn't helping, but neither is being too tight. But that middle ground must be sought after if you ultimately want to make use of the band.

Please don't despair; there are kind, patient people on this forum and out in the world who want to see you succeed.

[BJean 16]

I don't want to take the time to go through Brandy's posts to pull out all the other things she said just to prove something. She started this post explaining from the beginning, saying that there are many threads out there for people who have problems with the band. She was talking about how the advertisments would have everyone believe that it is a simple gizmo that works for everyone once you get it installed. She was wanting to discuss the fact that it doesn't work that way for her and she wondered if others have found themselves in a similar predicament.

From the beginning people have assumed that she's flawed and lazy and sabbotaging the band, and that there's nothing whatsoever wrong with her band. My point is that just because many people have success with the band, doesn't mean that everyone does. And it may not be all that unusual for people to not be able to figure out the combination of proper restriction/hunger abatement/exercise, etc.

Brandy seemed to be wanting to open a dialogue about that. I believe she was hoping that there is some key to breaking the code that she's having trouble with.

You all answered that there's no secret to it. You just stay really restricted, don't eat much and exercise a lot. Okay. I have no quarrel with that. But you went on to accuse her of things that are very insulting and hurtful. And then you say that you did because you think all she needs is some tough love to jolt her into reality.

I believe that there is a place for discussing the reasons for people being disappointed in their band and not achieving the results they hoped for. By understanding that others have had similar experiences and are struggling in a similar way, maybe we can figure out if we have failure due to unreasonable expectations or if there really is something out of adjustment or some kind of trouble with the band that is brewing. Perhaps an enlarged esophogus is the problem.

At any rate, I've read lots of threads where people have been attacked when they complain of being disappointed with the band. There are always a bunch of really successful people who give them hell and tell them how they have it right and all you have to do is exercise and eat very small amounts of food. I know because I have been on both sides of the story. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and I sneered at those people who I thought were obviously sabbotaging their bands. Now I'm on the other side of the story, stuck, unable to get the other 20 lbs. off. I AM exercising. I AM taking in hundreds of fewer calories, and yet I am stuck.

Trust me, you can't understand it if you haven't gone through it. And it is extremely difficult to put into words. Especially when you are bombarded from all sides when you try.