LBT Spats, Disagreements and Miffs

DeLarla · February 26, 2005

Yes, sometimes this board gets out-of-hand and ugly. We can't always be warm and fuzzy. The whole point of LBT is for "support." Support comes in many forms, and while the best form of support is probably one-on-one weekly sessions with a highly qualified professional therapist, most of us don't have the resources, time or the qualified shrink.

In the past, I have seen therapists, who encourage vigilant, candid honesty. ALL of them keep boxes of Kleenex at hand because we often cry, sometimes hysterically. NOT ONE THERAPIST has ever told me to calm down, watch my mouth, mind Ps and Qs, or be nice. That's what therapy is for - it's a forum to "let it all out." I've cried and even screamed at my therapists before and banged my hands on the arms of my chair. As long as you sit in your chair and don't throw shoes or become physical, the therapist cheers you on for letting go of all the aggression, anger, hurt and fear. After the session, after the sobbing, after the "letting go" we take some deep, cleansing breaths, and then they give you homework - usually writing or reading of some enlightening sort.

Megan, may I borrow this post from you? From Megan - "This thread is EXACTLY why I love this board. I don't think everyone has to agree all the time to be a happy group. I think discussion like this actually helps everyone. [she was referring to a discussion that got ugly]. I think it's fantastic that people can post what they feel, apologize if they think they have hurt someone, and still maintain their own individual feelings about a subject. That's what makes this board unique."

Things get ugly on occasion. We say things that hurt other people. We all agree that we are fat, yet we don't all agree that obesity is a disease, or that we can control our eating, or that we can overcome this, or that the sky is blue. But that is what this "SUPPORT" group is for. We have to be able to yell and kick and cry and scream. We can't be expected to hold back, bite our tongues, remain dignified, watch our manners or post only things that won't offend others.

If this board goes away, or if someone kicks me out, I'll have no choice but to start another board. I simply CANNOT go on with my life without constant support and/or an avenue for venting. If I see a post with inaccurate information, I want to fight and argue till I'm blue in the face because I am passionate, and I never argue unless I know I'm right. I don't waste time debating a topic that I'm not 100% sure about.

I am OFTEN accused of being a nasty bitch because people take what I say the wrong way. What you all have to understand is that I'm simply trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Why am I a freak? Why do I eat till I can't breathe? Why am I so sick? But people often get damned defensive, and it turns into a fight. When I'm wrong, I apologize. But when I'm accused of something or offended or attacked, my claws come out and don't retract till I get the last word. I can't help it; it's who I am. And it's good!

This is America, land of the free, home of the brave. I am free, and I am brave! And I say what's on my mind without sugarcoating my words. I am brutally honest so sometimes people think I'm mean.

So, if there's a topic or a discussion that offends you, or you blush in embarrassment because something isn't tasteful, then please move on to another thread and let us vent, cry, kick, scream, and mentally throw shoes at each other! In the end, we all (I can only speak for myself) come out clean and refreshed and laughing at each other and ourselves.

Boy, I feel like I should pay cash for this session, this was a good vent!

hagerteresa · February 26, 2005

I just posted the following message on Betty's message on another thread but thought it applied here to so I am coping and pasting it. I have not seen any out of hand emotional fits either but ???

When I was still researching the band I saw the yahoo boards and they were all bickering and putting each other down. That was one reason I chose this sight but I also love the fact that you don't have to deal with advertizing here, you can read all the responses without it being a hunting game and waiting for it to load ect. This sight just has a much nicer, easier layout. I also like the fact we can put pics for our avatars here. Yahoo just had NO warmth, ease or personality. So what if a few people bicker once in awhile. Jeez, my family actually enjoys bickering. I've seen people get their feelings bruised over pretty minor comments or snap back over the same reason. There are a LOT of people on this forum now and some disagreement is bound to be expected. Overall I think we definitely accomplish our goal of supporting each other and educating others. If someone is blatantly mean than that should be looked at but people need to understand that we all have different experiences regarding particular doctors and they may not all be rosey. Everyone has the right to share their experience. I don't know what other bickering your talking about Betty. I have days I don't post but it isn't because of any of the attitudes on here. Its because I work, am taking classes, have a household to run and take care of and just get busy. Some evenings I finally get the chance to get on here but am too bushed to want to. I also have evenings that my favorite shows are on. Its nothing personal and I'm sure other people are experiencing the same life juggle. I'll often just check in here to see whats going on but don't have time to post much too. Anyway, things will settle down I'm sure. Thanks for the sweet pm too. Best wishes, Teresa

shellyj · February 26, 2005

this is all really ridiculous. you guys have always been so supportive and friendly to each other.

does any of this REALLY matter? i mean in a year or 5 are you REALLY gonna care that you made your point (not specifically you lisa but everyone involved)

:banana put on your big girl panties and get over it!!!

DeLarla · February 26, 2005

It's like this, a lot of therapists give you Nerf baseball bats so you can take out your agressions. Does this mean we want to beat the hell out of the people we love most? Hell yes! But do we want to kill them or hurt them? No way. It's just a form of therapy.

See, now I'm taking offense that Shelly is telling us to grow up. I would have preferred if she let those of us who need this thread discuss it like adults. I don't think it's a ridiculous topic. But I'm not going to get mad at her or hit her with my Nerf bat cause she's too cute.

If you don't like the the thread, move on to the next one.

Alexandra · February 26, 2005

Lisa, I totally defend your right to start a thread about whatever you want, and the content of your post is valuable. But I don't think it's fair to characterize what's been going on as "WARS," do you? Every single online community I've ever been a part of has gone through growing pains and this type of flareup.

Vent away. I'm just pointing out for whomever may be reading this that there really aren't any wars going on.

claraluz · February 26, 2005

I have tried so hard to stay out of all of this. Lisa, I hope nobody has seriously mentioned preventing you from posting here. I think that kicking anyone off a board would be a serious form of censorship and I know you hate that.

I am trained and licensed to provide psychotherapy in my state and would like to observe that while people often get very upset in therapy and do so in a raw and exposed manner, they don't do it in a vacuum. It is safe and healthy precisely because they have a trained, skilled therapist there to help them find the meaning in their feelings, to help them channel their emotions into productive, healthy directions, and to pick up the pieces when things get out of hand. It is a safe environment. We are not in therapy here because we do not have a trained therapist to do all of the above.

I am not saying this to discourage anyone from expressing themselves freely, just to point out that there is a big difference between a support board and therapy.

Nancy

New Hope · February 26, 2005

I'm sorry that you're feeling bad. Hope things get better soon.

DeLarla · February 26, 2005

Alex, good point, so I changed "wars" to "cat fights." But then I looked around and didn't see any cats. Better now?

Marie, I'm not feeling bad at all so I'm not sure how you got that out of my post. Thanks though.

Clara, no, no, no, nobody is kicking anybody out of here, it was just a hypothetical. But I disagree - this place is the best place I've ever been for venting and crying... and tons and tons of laughing, too. And most of the tears are huge, sappy happy ones. I appreciate your knowledge and credentials, but so many of us have spent our entire lives in therapy that we are one great big shrinky-dink with lots of capital letter behind our collective screen names! Maybe you could hold weekly chats though so we have a professional passing out the virtual nerf bats?

Alexandra · February 26, 2005

LOL, thanks, Lisa. That's a lot better.

OK wth you if I change the thread title? Or can you? It still shows up as WARS on the topic listing.

claraluz · February 26, 2005

Ha! Lisa, I sure wouldn't be qualified to lead any group here. I'm in this with everybody else!

Nancy

DeLarla · February 26, 2005

"Therapist have never worked for me. I'm way more analytical then most of them."

Paula, bingo! Several of the therapists I've seen cock their head in amazement at me. They don't know how to handle me. My mom's therapist kicked her out of his office. We are a special breed! Are you a Libra?

Alex.... can you start a new thread with the right title, then transfer all this there, then delete the bad one? Did that make sense? Would that fix the title? Is that too much work?

Alexandra · February 26, 2005

No problem, Lisa. I can just change the title. Voila!

I'llsucceed · February 26, 2005

I am with ShellyJ

put on your big girl panties & get over it

I hope to see more new threads about band problems & successes & worries & defeats & rewards-ect-ect..

As for the sister"catfight" threads & why I did this & why I am entitled to do that & she said this & ect ...ect...

Well I have enough of that outside the internet world.

Lets all just move on & forget( Most of us on the LBT really don't give two hoots about what went down & know that it doesn't involve but a couple of individuals.) Its just been rehashed & rehashed & is well "burnt to a crisp now;0)"- Ya know you all love eachother anyway. If you have to IM eachother than do it. I love all of you -each with your own quirky little side & Lisa for you I just add an"s" on the end of side & thats why I love you also;0)

WHHOHOOO New week starting in 1 1/2 days! boooYAAHHH!

blossom · February 26, 2005

We have to be able to yell and kick and cry and scream. We can't be expected to hold back, bite our tongues, remain dignified, watch our manners or post only things that won't offend others.

Well that is definitely NOT why I come here. I come here for the advice and commraderie of those who are in a simular medical situation as myself. And if this board becomes like the above description, you can bet I won't be hanging around anymore. This website is a forum, not a therapist, and that is ALL it will EVER be. If you feel the need to seek therapy, please find a licensed professional who can help you.