Why are YOU Fat?

[mylynn1377 93]

I come from a family of tall people with high metabolism. No one in my immediate family was fat. My brother and I had a period or two in childhood where during the summer we gained a bit because we had to stay in during the day while my Mom was at work. I gained a bit as soon as puberty hit but I ran and rode my bike so much that I turned it to muscle. Then we moved from Kansas City, KS to rural Missouri and I had nothing to do. No one to play with, talk to, or hang out with. I weighted 115 when we moved here in March but by May, at the end of 6th grade I was up to 135 simply because I was sedentary. We moved again to a resort area where I began walking 2 miles a day and swimming all summer so the weight came off. My mom is a from scratch cooker so we never had junk in our house. I didn't drink soda or have candy bars. I kept my weight down to no more than 20 pounds overweight for a long time. 8th grade got me. I ran afoul of a mean girl who seemed to have it out for me and when her and the other girls started rumors about me the weight followed. It was a defense mechanism because if I was fat the boys wouldn't like me and the girls would. But I maintained between 135-155 for the rest of high school and put on muscle so that I could just beat up the mean girl, which shut her up.

There was depression, bouts with no food in the house because we had no money (which still causes me a little panic). I moved to a larger town and discovered my obsession with fast food and soda, which I hadn't had access to for years. I met my ex-husband who loved McDonalds as much as me and hated to cook as much as me. I would loose and gain depending on what was going on in my life. During bad periods of my marriage I gained a lot. I lost 30 pounds right after we split up and kept it off for a long time. I had my oldest son and lost weight like crazy after he was born. I wish I would have kept at it. Because when I got pregnant with my youngest son I gained 50 pounds. Then I thought I would quit smoking, while dealing with extra weight, single motherhood, and postpartum depression. And then my thyroid gave out. So here I am going from 250 in 2007 to 330 in 2012, and psyched about lap band because I am tired of being fat.

[lageniafaye 1]

My life is a lot like everyone else's. I have a nite time job, which I liked a lot befor my band. I woke up every morning when I wanted to, sleeping as late as I wanted. I would get up, have coffee and Breakfast, which would be big, eggs, bacon, bisqits, gravy. Then lunch I would eat at a fast food place. Then I would go to work. I would have a candy bar at breaks and anything I wanted for dinner, I work at Wal Mart. I would get home around 10 or 11 pm. This is where the ritual begins. I would make something to eat that would take a long time to eat. I would get everthing ready to sit in front of the TV so I didn't have to get up, then I would eat. It didn't matter what it was as long as I was eating, Then when I ran out of food, and had to get up, I would just go to bed. Only to start over again the next day. On the two days I was off it was really bad, I would sit in front of the TV or the computer all day until my husband came home. After he went to bed, the eating began again. I would put food in my mouth and think how I should stop, but I couldn' make myself. Like everyone, after I ate all that food, I would berate myself. Now I have the motivation to control myself. Thanks to the band. I just hope it lasts. I also hate my job now because it is not good for my health. I need a day time job. Ha. we'll see if that will change.

[fericito 138]

I wish I had my answer like some of you do. I fear that the band WILL work and I still won't have worked out what got me here in the first place and so something else will take "being fat"s place. I know I was always the chubbiest one of my thin family - but I wasn't actually fat, I just felt fat compared to my gorgeous sisters. Having my 11 month younger sister go to all my school dances like my jr. prom instead of me was hard on my self esteem certainly. But then I hit college and exercised all the time and looked the greatest I ever had (130 range, I'm 5'6''). I was that way when dh met me, stayed that way clear up until my mom died in 2000. Started gaining weight so I'd say her death is part of it but also taking care of my family instead of me contributed too. 200 pounds on my wedding day in 2001. Now 12 years later nearly 300 - kids yes, life yes, but no excuses. I just don't know WHAT it is for sure or how to fix it but I know the band at least will help me with my eating. My "real" mom is still in there somewhere - even at this weight I still feel skinny which I think also contributes to the problem. If you feel thin and never look in the mirror, only pictures and people can tell you that you're wrong

[fericito 138]

real me not mom lol

[mizvicky 14]

food is my drug of choice. It's my heroin, my crack. The act of eating calms me and makes it all better, at least temporarily, just like any other drug. But, then the high goes away and I'm left with those same feelings I tried to eat away plus the guilt of knowing I've fallen off the wagon again.

And just like any junkie I know deep down I can't stop without help. I'm new to this forum and just beginning this lap band journey, but already I'm beginning to feel that just maybe this time I can really do it. I plan to be ready for my surgery by September. The support and encouragement here is amazing. Thank you all.

[duckydoom 128]

I grew up in a chaotic environment, parents had a horribly messy divorce when I was really young, and my mom kind of tuned out. She's been anorexic for years, and would sometimes forget to feed us, so we had lots of easy to make foods lying around that weren't exactly healthy - I was the one who made food for myself and my disabled brother, so often it was crap. Dad made up for his "weekend parenting guilt" by plying us with pizza, candy, icecream, etc. They both meant well, but it set me up for emotional eating and turning to food as a comfort. It's true as MizVicky says, the eating calms me while I'm doing it, but then I'm overwhelmed with the guilt that I've been stuffing my face with very poor choices, sabotaging my weight loss, etc. It's hard because there have been some serious losses within my family and it causes my anxiety to flare up, and all I want to do is eat eat eat eat eat to quell the stress. I know it doesn't help though... I'm trying to find other things to focus on while I wait for my surgery date. Right now I'm getting better at working out daily at Curves, and I'm obsessing over planning the nursery for the baby we're going to try for once I get the go-ahead, and also learning how to do gel nails. I try to mix it up a bit, lol.

It's also crazy to look back at pictures of my 143lb self in middle school and high school and think about how fat I thought I was then... my mom is 5'9 and weighs maybe 120 right now, but I always remember comparing myself to her and thinking I was just grotesquely fat. Now I"m regularly asked if I'm pregnant. I cant wait to be 143 again.

[xsentrick 194]

I'll keep my story short...lol! I was raised by my maternal Grandparents for most of my childhood through my teen years. Being hispanic, my grandmother was always concerned with feeding me. Not a day went by that I would get home from school and not have fresh homemade flour tortillas to snack on with refried Beans. Then dinner a couple of hours later. Of course, my grandma being old school, cooked with lard and believed in big portions. I took those eating habits with me when she passed away. When I did move back to live with my mother I was 14 and set in my ways. My mother did not cook the same for me, so I learned to cook the same way my grandmother did. I have an emotional attachment to the way I ate with the love of my grandmother. She was a wonderful women and only did what she knew how to do. I miss her and love her, but I do not blame her. I just have to relearn how to eat correctly.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

wow ! Great thread ! I never had a weight prob in my life until my late 20 s. and even when i married at 29, i still only weighed 143. (my average adult weight is 125) I got pregnant with my son and thats when the weight problems really started. My metabolism really started to slow down and i continued to eat the way i always had. I like sweets and carbs and too large portions, combine that with a couple of past relatives who are short and stocky too and the weight started piling on. I was always hungry or eating mindlessly ! Even when my eating habits changed for the better (hubby was diagnosed a diabetic, so alot of healthy food camme to live at our house ) I look back now and think "well, no wonder youre overweight ! Look at what you were eating !" but i was always hungry even when i ate healthy ! It was a combo of things for me that made me overweight, not just one thing. Im halfway to goal, and very grateful for the band that doesnt "allow" me to overeat !

[rayanne 283]

I am fat because I use food to control my stress and its sometimes easier to eat then think about my problems...none of my problems are like threatening or anything like that. Food has always been my comfort item..like a blanket...I grew up with not alot of food in our house we were pretty poor and I was a skinny little thing under 100 lbs thru high school then when I had my son I left his dad and sometimes I only had enough food to feed one of us and of course i feed him not myself. So when I got older i had to always have food in the cabinet and if it got low I would really freak out I would go to the store and make stupid choices on food just to have some food in my house. I would overeat any time I was stressed. Cheap food junk food were my friends. Now my children are grown and completely normal weight because I did everything I could to keep them from having issues with food as I have. I had to retrain my mind completely that I am not the single broke mom I can be ok. Its actually funny now cause when we go out and get a margrita it kills me to pay 8$ for a drink the drink is amazing but 8???? He has got me to realize that yes I can eat out and if I only take a few bites its ok I now get a meal get a togo box right away then put 3/4 of the food in a to go box and eat the 1/4 and he get the to go box.

[Drasan 23]

Thank you DeLarla for this great thread! I relate to so many of the posts that all of you have made!

This thread stands as a testament that morbid obesity is not just a physical disorder but it is also a mental/behavior disorder. The band and other WLS aid us with our physical disorder. What the band and other WLS do not do is help us with our mental/behavior disorder. We know what we should do intellectually, it's just not connecting with our emotional brain. I love the references to a "band for the brain."

I eat when I'm stressed.

I eat when I'm bored.

I eat when I'm procrastinating.

I eat to Celebrate.

I eat when I'm sad.

I eat when I'm happy.

I eat to morn.

I eat when I'm tired.

I eat when I'm thirsty.

I eat and sometimes have no idea why I'm eating.

I even eat when I'm too full sometimes and I'm not thinking, to try to make that too full feeling go away. yea, I know, crazy.

After band surgery, I eat less at those times. Thank goodness for the band.

I'm shocked that long term behavior therapy is not required pre-op and post-op for WLS patients.

A large support group meeting once a month where we get talked to, is not enough. It's helpful but dang, read these posts!!!

We need help!

It feels very scary to make this post. I feel very exposed just like many of you have expressed. Thank you for your bravery. It helped me to get this out.

[ecupug 0]

eating is where i found my peace. unfortunately being a very emotional person, i needed to find peace a lot. plus probably genes looking at my family...

[alicesandra 98]

My story is kind of a reversal from most I have seen here(and I in no way mean that in any kind of offensive manor, in case someone does think of my statement being that way). I am not a over eater, I don't eat from emotions, or anything like that, I am in-fact an under eater.

I had two main issues that became a mix for destruction: My mom's eating habits, and my dad's gene's.

My mom is one of those women that don't eat much at all. Since I was little, I have had the same eating habits as her, and because of that anything I did eat, it piled on the weight. I have been programmed to eat healthy. I have seen nutritionists since I was 10, I have done so many different kinds of diets it's insane. My only problem is, that I just don't eat enough. My nutritionists always got annoyed because I just couldn't keep up with eating the amount of food that wanted me to be eating.

The second big reason, my dads gene's. My dad is a big man, but he also can lose weight like crazy by being active. I am built exactly like my dad, but because I also had my moms eating habit, I ended up being extremely overweight. I was not a very active person growing up, so the weight continued to pile on. I have been afraid of pretty much everyone my entire life, because of it. My weight kept me shut in, it kept me away from having any kind of life a normal happy child/teenager should of had.

Around the age of 18, I decided I wanted to go forward with WLS. After three failed attempts at that, one rejection for not being ready, I couldn't commit to becoming active - the second was the behaviorist not liking my support circle - the third because again, he didn't believe I was ready. It wasn't until the beginning of this year that I decided to do a complete 180 with my way of thinking. I started looking into lap band, I went to seminars, got in contact with the surgeon & nutritionist around here. I got into curves around the end of April. Within 3 months, I have lost 63-64 pounds and I can't wait to see what happens within the next few months when I can get back into my groove there.

[Drasan 23]

Alicesandra,

Weight gain is unwelcomed no matter how it arrives. I'm empathize with the pain of being overweight.

After reading your post, I'm prompted to respond because from everything I know about the function of the band as a tool, it doesn't sound like it is the correct solution for you. The band works best to help those of us who tend to consume too much food to refrain from doing so. If you aren't consuming enough food, what are your expectations from band surgery?

Congratulations on the weight loss!

[WendyMay 13]

I am fat because I was abused and I was trying to get the men off me, so to speak. I then got addicted to food because it made me feel better. I am also addicted to shopping. Both food and new things were how the abusers "rewarded" me.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I gained weight because I overate way too much junk, high fat/over processed foods and didnt move (exercise). (sure I had past history with my upbringing and other personal things) but it was me that caused my weight problem.

and its me now who is going to fix it.

i am in control and i in control of my destiny.

NOT my PAST.