OK, so life was great pre-band..with the exception of being fat...and having bad health because of it..but now...oh now..i've got many other things that i need to add to the list:

i was a self pay. financially we determined that we could afford it. we are middle class $70k/or more average a year...so we aren't rolling in it, but we are doing better than we could be. So, yeah, we thought of course we can afford the band, why couldn't we.

well, let me tell you a $400 a month payment is rough to adjust to..especially at christmas time. and add to that the fact that i NOW WEIGHT 3 MORE LBS THAN I DID PRE-OP. everytime i make that stupid payment..i think in my head..what in the hell did i do..i just spent $15,000 to be reminded every day that i am a failure and i am fat, and now i am paying for it literally.

ok, so that is the financial part. everyone has their problems right, so that is no big deal. well, dh and i are falling on hard times financially and i am blaming myself, and he is trying to work more. we used to have enough money in our "bill" account to cover the bills as they came in and to have a month's worth of reserves in case one of us got sick. that way, we didn't have to do the pay check to pay check thing. we have our own individual savings and spending accounts too. well...we've got zilch right now, and i've resorted to finishing up x-mas on cc's.

add to that-yesterday i found out that my brother defaulted on a car loan that i signed for him. i have perfect credit...not bragging..but never been late..and i work in finance so..this is a particularly important thing to me. he didn't even bother to tell me, so i get a letter in the mail yesterday that he is almost 30 days late and a payment has to be made TODAY to keep it from being reported (note: previous mention of us being BROKE).

OK..so all of that is i am sure circumstanstial..but it is band related. dh and i both missed a week of work without pay when i had surgery. i then have had some days that i have missed in addition due to pains &/or complications. so..that means even less pay. .......again due to the band...then add sick days for problems i had before the band with migraines and fibro.

ok..so you get it..money is a problem and it causes extreme stress. well because of it dh and i are both barely on good speaking terms (we aren't admitting that is what the problem is, but i know it is). i'm sleeping on the couch, and i swear that if one more person yells at me or says something negative I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY!!!!!!

so i'm stressed..my son is going through a bratty stage..dh and i are having problems, and i'm getting nothing but bitches and moans and complaints and cynical remarks every single direction that i turn.

ok...so that is the family related band problems..now i'm taking it to a more personal level:

1. did i mention that i now weigh 3 more lbs than i did pre-op..and i can't button pants that i wore for 6 months prior to surgery

2. i look 6 months pregnant and i have this huge distended abdomen that will not recede

3. i pass more gass than i would ever care to admit. burps come out mid sentence sometimes, and i have these long grotesque 10 second burps that everyone around me can hear even though i am trying to do it under my breath. then..add to that the constant cloud of methane (is that what it is?) that is hovering behind everywhere that i walk. before the band dh had never ever heard me...you know..pass gass...now he hears it like 20 times a night...gross....and it makes me smell.

4. i have no restriction..i can eat what i want..and the tremendous amount of stress that i am under sends me straight to crap food...cheese dip..candy...cheese ball..you name it

5. everyone keeps asking me if i wasted money on surgery and why am i not losing weight

6. i missed my 2nd fill because i had a bowel obstruction, and they can't seem to find TIME to fit me in.

7. i'm having migraines like crazy..(due to stress i'm sure)..and i can't take anything for it because it doesn't work..or i can't swallow it.

8. my work is threatening to lay me off at the end of the year due to absences even though i filed FMLA.

there are other things....but i've gone on enough. all of this is causing me to have serious issues with my band. if i could rip it out myself i would, and then i would beat the hell out of a wall or something with it.

I HATE MY BAND....

(i hope this will pass, and i already feel better from venting....i had too...i don't feel like i can tell anyone face to face because i am whining..and besides...i don't know any other overweight people with similar issues that i can talk to).

i'm sorry for rambling..thank you for reading...or listening. and if you went through something similar, and found success later..please share. i am in desperate need for inspiration.

Apologies from me for being so harsh and I did not mean to be "unnice". The world isn't always nice to us and life isn't a cakewalk. I guess it's because it seems I've read so MANY threads recently from newly banded folks who are barely out of the chute and already saying what a "horrible thing it is" "I want it out" and "I can't do it" and I think this just caught me at the wrong time. I really didn't mean to dump on you, honest. And I do know that things "come up" money wise, to bite you in the butt when you least expect it....the best-laid plans of mice and men, and all that. I guess what you have to do is sit down and assess your situation and start turning around the things you have control over. First to find out what's up with your hubby (I know it's hard to drag info out of them....the male species and communication do not go hand in hand). I wonder if he could be reacting in the predictable way of fear that you will "get better" and "leave him" once you are a "new person". Especially if he is not willing to talk it through...he may not be consciously aware of it or even be able to verbalize it. Anger is an end result of some fear. Getting to the bottom of that will help you in turn be able to cope with the other things in your life that feel out of whack right now. Just like losing weight...don't look at the total picture right now. Compartmentalize your problems, and take them one box at a time....open the box, assess, and strategize on the best way to turn it around, address it and move on to the next one (not the whole bunch). Good luck to you and give it all time, but don't just accept the negative as preordained and get mired in it. It's really easy to fall into a victim mentality and that is such poison to the body. Lord knows we've all been there though...

Jack, dude. You are the most refreshing person I've ever had the fortune to read. Thank you for injecting your breath of sanity in this insane world...and heaven knows I am right in there with the looneys....:biggrin1:

Please, take a deep breath and relax. I do not belive it is the band, I believe it is the doctor!! Look around for a second opinion. The most expensive part is already done... If your doctor can not find time to fit you in, that speaks for itself.... Get a second oppinion. I had it done, but I started loosing after my third adjustment- I felt just like you. 3 fills later- 105 lbs lighter.

bandster 1007

I agree with you. This is a forum where you should be allowed to express yourself. You have done so and seemingly thought about the replies that you received. I do not believe that you cannot express your frustration for fear of upsetting a potential band canidate. If they don't take the time to read through your entire post that is their issue. You expressed yourself well and said what you needed to say to deal with your pain. As a person waiting to be banded, I was not scared away by your post. I was saddened and wanted you to get the encouragement you needed. Most people gave you that. Continue to take steps to more forward working with and not against your band.

Bandster I would like to suggest the following,

1) Keep in mind that the end of the year is coming and it will be tax time. You need to take a real close look at how you will file them this year. Since you self paid you should be able to get a lot back. You might need to file alone so that AGI of 7.5% will be less for you. This should help to pay down your bill.

2) I would go and talk with the doctor and find out why he is not able to get you. Then I would set up a plan with him in regards to how often he wants to see you and when you can get fills. My wife and I did this the other day and he wants to see us every 6 weeks and then will see about fills. We have both had 2 fills and I know I need another one. Just take it one day at a time with things. Also I would suggest that you talk with him and your other doctor about what pills you can and can not take. I would even try to find a band friendly doctor who can help you with weight loss.

3) As far as burping and gas, my doctor said that this is comon. He said that some people are more prone to swallow air. I also have sleep Apena and feel that this is also causing me to burp and pass also.

4) I would also talk with your doctor to see if he has differant hours. I would also go and talk to your employer about how often you will need to go to the doctor etc.

If there is anything else we can help you with you can PM or e-mail me.

Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and things will be better in 08.

Chris

Bandster 1007: I wish I had wisdom to share, but I'm a newbie, I would like for you to know that I read your entire post and I can relate. It does get better, everything always does. That doesn't help much when you're in the middle of the crap though. Big huge hug to you honey, keep us posted on how everything is going.

Hi twin!!!! I'm also self pay and suddenly the extra payment is way too much for our family and my hubby and I have had it out several times for me putting this debt on us. Also, I GAINED weight as well and I've been out of surgery for over 3 months. The rest of my August thread is losing left and right. I FINALLY got a fill and it's JUST started working in the last week. I finally feel much more restricted. Hang in there and this day will come. I can't tell you how I've been hanging my head in front of those who know I put my family in debt and paid $8500 in order to gain weight!!!!! Who does that? What was I thinking. So, I'm eating way less (as of last week) and lost two lbs. I am praying this 2 lb a week loss keeps up!!! Please please!! I feel ya!!!

Personally, I'd take a couple of them cheeseballs and introduce my little brother to the concept of 'tough love'....

:confused: ..that was the funniest thing that i have read all day.

and you are absolutely right..it is time for me to prioritize and stop focusing and what is going on and instead focus on what i can do about.

i still haven't talked to my brother about it...and honestly he has 4 times as many problems as i have right now...utilities are being shut off, baby on the way, and a $7/hour job that is an hour away. i mean..don't get me wrong..he did kind of dig his hole, but he is struggling now as it is. (i still do not understand why he couldn't tell me, but my mom...you know the type..defender...says that she thinks he has really just been too consumed with everything that is going on with the baby, etc....true...very true.

_____________________________________________

this morning was rock bottom for me. i don't know maybe it is a woman thing, but that seems stereotypical..i'm sitting in my office whiping tears from the corners of my eyes because i just felt awful...i just felt utterly and completely out of control. add to the my guilt of feeling sorry for myself, and knowing that i need to suck it up and get over, and i was a nut case. however...today i did not seek food for comfort....instead i came on the forum and i posted...honestly.

that was my distraction..from food..and it worked. not only did i not even take not one sip with any food today (i've been sipping), but i ate 1/4 of what i ate yesterday.

and why was i able to do this, do i think?? (rhetorical..i know)..i was able to come on here and express how i feel and i received numerous private messages and responses that said..hey it gets better..you aren't the only one..or give advice that is from an outside perspective.

everyone has their problems...everyone...for me today..i needed to express mine and get it off my chest.. i'm sorry that some people think i am giving the band "a bad rep", but this is hard. and wasa mentioned that dieting and exercising is hard..it is. i HAVE to do it, but i can't seem to stick to anything. i see these expectations in the eyes of others, and i feel this tremendous pressure that i am not losing..and i was just bizerk. and my financial troubles are nothing special..everyone has them. we are stressed, but we have food on the table, presents under the tree, and enough to give to some local charities. however, in the heat of a stress meltdown, it is hard to think rationally...so i chose to come on here and vent.

and it worked....

so cheers to me..the band hater...by next month maybe he will become my friend again....but this morning..i hated him. i will not ..absolutely not apologize for saying that or try to make amends. my band was the tip of the iceberg and the only thing that i felt i should be able to control, and i can't. so..i hated it. now we are in the process of making up. i'm still healing though...haha.

oh man...where do i begin..

first let me say that i truly thank every one of you for your posts (i just finished reading..i had stopped to respond to jacks).

kacee- you are right..hubby does have that fear, and he feels it is his manly duty right now to work all of the time to make up for our financial troubles..that in itself is a wall..you know..never see each other..when you do ..he's tired..i'm bloated and fat and wallowing in self pity..i'm cranky..he becomes cranky....it just goes in that cycle. and you are right, the negative is not preordained..and that was perhaps the most frustrating thing for me..is i felt like i was trapped in the "negative room" and everyone was screaming at me or looking on at me with disappointed and accusing eyes. i generally try to be positive. and i agree that the world is not always nice...as i felt like it wasn't being this morning...i could sense from your post that you must have been reading a lot of posts similar to mine (i have not been...i've only been reading my subscribed ones...time crunch). but still, now matter what your opinion is i accept it fully. just as i have a right to express myself on here, so does someone else. you know? i needed to pick myself up and stop whining..and i was trying desperately hard but i just kept falling down, and everyone around me in real life was not lending a helping hand..instead it seemed they were casting stones.

perception, i believe, is 100% of the battle...this morning my perception was heavily skewed by my cortisone levels and my own self persecution and doubt. so i vented, got encouragement, and now i'm getting over it.

chris- thank you for your many suggestions. i talked to my band doctor today and i was in tears. told them about eating 4 pieces of pizza..etc. and they said "it's ok". they also told me to relax and that they would normally be able to fit me in, but there are a lot of illnesses going around right now and they are having a lot of poeple coming in for unfills because they are sick. hey, i understand..if i'm ever too tight..they better get me in. however, if this continues..a second opinion might be a really good idea. thanks for telling me about the gas thing..it is horrid and it sure doesn't help in the attraction department.

liz-thank you for sharing. i hope to be on here in a month or to explaining to some other person who is freaking out that it will get better. i'm glad to hear that it has for you.

harmony-thanks for the support...

tsunami--i'm new too..haha..we joined at the same time.

ok..now i feel like i'm giving a speech for receiving an oscar...lol. thank you all. i really cannot express how much this has helped EVERY POST has helped. i'm not one who is easily offended and i am very open minded. if i were i would never be able to post here (personally).

and thanks wasa..i can't tell you how comforting it is to hear that someone else finds it incredibly hard if not impossible to diet and exercise. i'm not sure that you yourself were unable to, but i hate that i can't. it bothers me, but that is WHY i got the band. i knew i would have to work the band, but i didn't expect to have to do ALL the work and be in the same shoes as i was before surgery....so hopefully it gets better, i'm sure it will..i'll get my restriction..lose some lbs..have some energy exercise, and WANT to eat healthy foods because i can see the results.

and as far as head hunger..i'm not going to lie...posting today worked like a charm..so this just may be the beginning of many vents..i will however put a disclaimer like (i hate my band (today)).

I was reading through the posts and thinking to myself: "How would I feel if I wasn't losing weight after 2 months?" I would feel pretty much the same way: FRUSTRATED and ready to vent! Whatever the reasons her doctor, her eating habits, her stress, she should be allowed to vent to us. We are the only people that truly get it. The words of wisdom that I receive here are words I literally live by. I am so glad that I have somewhere to go that I can talk about anything.

Bandster-

I can tell by your tone that your day has brighten up a little bit. I don't know if it was anything we said, but I know that when I need support this is the place I go, and it helps me. I know 2008 is going to be your kick-ass year. I am glad you came here when it got really rough, because that's what we are here for!

oh yeah..i forgot to mention..the card and the candy..earned my spot back in the bed..lol

dh did joke after he told me how surprised he was and how much he appreciated it (i tend to be WAY to stubborn, and i think i have only apologized twice during our entire relationship..i think if you apologize too much it is meaningless, instead show it)..anyways..he said.."you ruined my plan..i was going to come home and piss you off again so i could get the whole bed to myself"..haha............that is his way of expressing himself..and i agree..it was pretty funny. (makes me realize how petty i am being)

Bandster 1007

I can definitely relate to you about the finances. When my son was born, DH and I decided that I would stay home with him, so we live off of his paycheck alone (paycheck to paycheck). It's rough, but we have been able to get everything we need, and that's all that matter's right now. It's especially hard this time of year.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I truly hope things get better for you soon. I felt the same way as you, right after I was banded, and it has gotten so much better. Hang in there. ((HUGS))

Glad to hear things are getting better. Hey - you even came up with a way to battle head hunger - posting on LBT. I need to try that!

First of all, just take a deep breath! Relax, relate and release. Since the new year is coming, try to prioritize things and eliminate all the stress in your life. You are putting your health at risk by stressing out on top of being overweight. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be strong. What's done is done. I'd hate to see you totally regret going through all this to get the band, then give up. Hang in there. but you have to get a handle on things. Once you have a clear mind, things will come together. It may also help to go and talk to someone like a therapist, just to get things in perspective. Whatever you do, don't bottle your feeling up. That is when we tend to turn to food for comfort. You can do it!

I have lots of bad gas problems too. Gas-X strips are great.

I am lactose intolerant so maybe you have developed that too.

I also now put Fiber sure in my coffee or tea everyday and still have semi hard stools, I think a lot of the probelms with gas are that we aren't going like we used to.

Now for being able to eat anything, that is puzzling to me since I have the complete opposite, I can't freekin eat anything.

Maybe some counseling with a therapist can help you deal with problems.

Call your Dr. and his assistants or nurses and talk with him aboiut your problems. If they don't have any thing to help you with I would find another Dr.

Good luck!