OK, so life was great pre-band..with the exception of being fat...and having bad health because of it..but now...oh now..i've got many other things that i need to add to the list:

i was a self pay. financially we determined that we could afford it. we are middle class $70k/or more average a year...so we aren't rolling in it, but we are doing better than we could be. So, yeah, we thought of course we can afford the band, why couldn't we.

well, let me tell you a $400 a month payment is rough to adjust to..especially at christmas time. and add to that the fact that i NOW WEIGHT 3 MORE LBS THAN I DID PRE-OP. everytime i make that stupid payment..i think in my head..what in the hell did i do..i just spent $15,000 to be reminded every day that i am a failure and i am fat, and now i am paying for it literally.

ok, so that is the financial part. everyone has their problems right, so that is no big deal. well, dh and i are falling on hard times financially and i am blaming myself, and he is trying to work more. we used to have enough money in our "bill" account to cover the bills as they came in and to have a month's worth of reserves in case one of us got sick. that way, we didn't have to do the pay check to pay check thing. we have our own individual savings and spending accounts too. well...we've got zilch right now, and i've resorted to finishing up x-mas on cc's.

add to that-yesterday i found out that my brother defaulted on a car loan that i signed for him. i have perfect credit...not bragging..but never been late..and i work in finance so..this is a particularly important thing to me. he didn't even bother to tell me, so i get a letter in the mail yesterday that he is almost 30 days late and a payment has to be made TODAY to keep it from being reported (note: previous mention of us being BROKE).

OK..so all of that is i am sure circumstanstial..but it is band related. dh and i both missed a week of work without pay when i had surgery. i then have had some days that i have missed in addition due to pains &/or complications. so..that means even less pay. .......again due to the band...then add sick days for problems i had before the band with migraines and fibro.

ok..so you get it..money is a problem and it causes extreme stress. well because of it dh and i are both barely on good speaking terms (we aren't admitting that is what the problem is, but i know it is). i'm sleeping on the couch, and i swear that if one more person yells at me or says something negative I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY!!!!!!

so i'm stressed..my son is going through a bratty stage..dh and i are having problems, and i'm getting nothing but bitches and moans and complaints and cynical remarks every single direction that i turn.

ok...so that is the family related band problems..now i'm taking it to a more personal level:

1. did i mention that i now weigh 3 more lbs than i did pre-op..and i can't button pants that i wore for 6 months prior to surgery

2. i look 6 months pregnant and i have this huge distended abdomen that will not recede

3. i pass more gass than i would ever care to admit. burps come out mid sentence sometimes, and i have these long grotesque 10 second burps that everyone around me can hear even though i am trying to do it under my breath. then..add to that the constant cloud of methane (is that what it is?) that is hovering behind everywhere that i walk. before the band dh had never ever heard me...you know..pass gass...now he hears it like 20 times a night...gross....and it makes me smell.

4. i have no restriction..i can eat what i want..and the tremendous amount of stress that i am under sends me straight to crap food...cheese dip..candy...cheese ball..you name it

5. everyone keeps asking me if i wasted money on surgery and why am i not losing weight

6. i missed my 2nd fill because i had a bowel obstruction, and they can't seem to find TIME to fit me in.

7. i'm having migraines like crazy..(due to stress i'm sure)..and i can't take anything for it because it doesn't work..or i can't swallow it.

8. my work is threatening to lay me off at the end of the year due to absences even though i filed FMLA.

there are other things....but i've gone on enough. all of this is causing me to have serious issues with my band. if i could rip it out myself i would, and then i would beat the hell out of a wall or something with it.

I HATE MY BAND....

(i hope this will pass, and i already feel better from venting....i had too...i don't feel like i can tell anyone face to face because i am whining..and besides...i don't know any other overweight people with similar issues that i can talk to).

i'm sorry for rambling..thank you for reading...or listening. and if you went through something similar, and found success later..please share. i am in desperate need for inspiration.

First of all let me say, I certainly understand financial problems and understand that you are going thru some very rough times.

I really admire those who are able to be self pay, I was not a self pay, and without my insurance I would not have been able to get the band.

I know when stress comes my way, I just eat junk. Its a bad habit I still have not been able to overcome and I work on it on daily.

I know things seem bad right now, It seems when it rains - it really does pour.

Okay, a few questions for you - you sound like a level headed woman (perfect credit, and all - so I know you are a smart and think ahead). How about finding another job? You can continue to work where you are, but maybe looking for another job in the meantime, one that may pay more?

2. Have you talked to your brother? What are his intentions with the car?

3. Okay, lets get down to the band. 1 fill did not give me restriction, sorry to say, it took 7 fills to get me there. I wish docs would be more upfront with the patients that are self pay about this. How much does your doc charge for fills for self pay? Little Rock is not too far from where I live and my doc charges a flat fee of $200 under flouro, if your doc charges much more than that, I welcome you to come to my hometown and get a fill here - I'll take you to lunch - on me! I think you deserve it.

Hang in there, and I'm serious about lunch, you let me know, and I will give you the number of my doc. He does do fills on other patients, and he is wonderful about trying to get you the best restriction on the first fill. My problem is I have spasms and its hard to get my fill right - I'm a rare case they say.

PM if I can help in any way.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a bad time. I can't relate to most of what you're going through but must say money issues always put people in a bad way emotionally and as we turn to food when under stress I'm not surprised you are over eating. I still owe money for this but am trying not to let it get to me... easier when you're single. I suggest you go see your doctor for a fill which will at least help with restriction and once the weight starts coming off it will alleviate some of the stress. That way you will feel it was worth all this. Good luck.

Bandster 1007, I am so sorry to hear about what's happening to you and your family. I can understand, although I had insurance which does make a big difference. I couldn't have gotten the band without it. Slow down and breathe. The stress has taken over. Think about the band long term, health problems, living to see children, grandchildren and live a long and healthy life with your DH. Bandster. Take one day at a time and one problem at a time. I agree with Sunshine2, tell your brother about the payment and how you stuck your neck out for him. The 1st, 2nd fill didn't give me any restriction, so I had to go on my strenght and it was not all that good. Lost only 2 lbs after the 2nd fill-I was too dissappointed cause a friend of mine started together and she's already lost over 50 lbs. and I've only lost 37. I have to keep thinking I'll get there maybe my metabolism is not as fast as hers. I'm on my 3rd fill and I have some restriction, not much.Draw strenght from this web site and first and formost from God. He allowed this surgery and he'll see you and your family get through this. You will be in my thought and prayers. I know that it looks bleak, but this too will pass. Be blessed.

Gloria

Now that you've vented - it's time to take action.

-Being in finance and aware of your perfect credit score - you should have know better than to co-sign a loan for someone who couldn't get a loan on their own. What's done is done ... now you need to find out what your brother's plans are with this car. If the late payments are going to continue to be a problem, he needs to sell the car and pay off the loan and/or find some other way to finance the car, removing your name from the note.

-Start looking for another job, at least so you have a back up if you do lose yours. Especially if that means you will also lose your health insurance!!

-Start looking for ways to cut expenses/save money (use coupons, cancel extra cable channels, cheaper cell phone plan, ebay some old clothes-toys of your son’s, etc).

-Start looking for part time work/extra income. Even if it's just babysitting. Just making an extra $50 per week would cover 1/2 the monthly payment for your band and take away a big chunk of stress.

-Start working with your band! Just because you can eat anything doesn't mean you should. I have no restriction yet either - you just have tough it out! You have to count calories, you have to drink a TON of Water, and you have to exercise! The band is not a magic fix. Even with restriction, most people can still eat crap - ice cream, chips, Cookies, etc. Time to break the cycle of stress eating! You dedicated yourself to becoming healthier and loosing weight by getting the band - time to get the wheels in motion. Go see a therapist and a nutritionist.

-Tape those loan statements and your empty bank account statement to the fridge and look at it every time you go in there for food! Stop buying and having the junk food in your house!

You just started this journey but sound like you've already written yourself off as a failure. Consider this your official kick in the ass!!!<!-- google_ad_section_end -->

Candle - I'm impressed.....well said.

Bandster - please understand we all are here for support and sometimes the truth hurts, or isn't what we want to hear. But that is why we are here, we want to help each and everyone succeed.

I do want to reiterate what Candle said about you have just started this journey, so don't write yourself off as a failure.

There's one contradiction I wanted to point out, in case you don't take meds out of fear or something.

If you need a fill, you can get medicine down. So if you have migraines, take your meds!! I am really really tight and can barely eat right now, but I can still take my B/C, Prilosec, and sometimes sleeping pills. The sleeping pills give me discomfort for a minute while it goes down, but if it was that or migraines, I'd definitely take the meds. But I 100% DO NOT need a fill, so if you think you need a fill, I don't understand why you don't take your meds???

I watch those Judge shows every day, and I can tell ya co-signing for a loan is a doozy. It's done though, and it seems like the best thing to do is have him either re-finance on his own, or have him sell it and get your name out of there.

Financial stress seems to be one of the biggest fights for couples. Do you think after the New Years and holidays are settled down things will get better?

You said yourself why you weigh more than pre-op.. cheeseballs, candy, crap food, etc. I can't resist those things, I will eat them when I visit my parents because I have NO will power to them. The band keeps me in check with normal foods, but junk food.. forget it. My solution is that I DO NOT HAVE THEM IN THE HOUSE!!!!! Throw them out!! If your DH or kid wants them, have your DH have a stash HIDDEN FROM YOU. Tell him not to let you see where it is. Let them have it, but don't tempt yourself. My DH hides Mt. Dew on occasion, and he drinks it when I'm not around. I don't know where it is, and I don't want to!

Wow, you sound like my sister when it comes to her house and car that she wanted so bad... now hates.

Buyer beware....is the old addage.

Like you I was self pay but I paid less than half of what you did. I'm a 74k year myself but 15k to spend was out of the question.

Sounds like you need to fire your current md and staff and find another provider. 'they' don't have time to do what's needed...then fire 'em. There are plenty of docs out there who follow the guidelines on fills....

if you fall through the cracks.... well, it sounds like you are...

don't let it happen....take control! Get your fill. If you have a 9.75 band you should have already had a 2cc fill. So go back for a .5-1cc fill and get your restriction.

All is not lost...you can do this!

First of all let me say, I certainly understand financial problems and understand that you are going thru some very rough times.

I really admire those who are able to be self pay, I was not a self pay, and without my insurance I would not have been able to get the band.

I know when stress comes my way, I just eat junk. Its a bad habit I still have not been able to overcome and I work on it on daily.

I know things seem bad right now, It seems when it rains - it really does pour.

Okay, a few questions for you - you sound like a level headed woman (perfect credit, and all - so I know you are a smart and think ahead). How about finding another job? You can continue to work where you are, but maybe looking for another job in the meantime, one that may pay more?

2. Have you talked to your brother? What are his intentions with the car?

3. Okay, lets get down to the band. 1 fill did not give me restriction, sorry to say, it took 7 fills to get me there. I wish docs would be more upfront with the patients that are self pay about this. How much does your doc charge for fills for self pay? Little Rock is not too far from where I live and my doc charges a flat fee of $200 under flouro, if your doc charges much more than that, I welcome you to come to my hometown and get a fill here - I'll take you to lunch - on me! I think you deserve it.

Hang in there, and I'm serious about lunch, you let me know, and I will give you the number of my doc. He does do fills on other patients, and he is wonderful about trying to get you the best restriction on the first fill. My problem is I have spasms and its hard to get my fill right - I'm a rare case they say.

PM if I can help in any way.

thank you for responding..to answer some of your questions:

1. i suffer from terrible migraines, and i have a child, and dh works about 60 hours a week, so i'm not sure if a second job would be a good idea. i have thought about opening a flea market booth, or selling avon, or home interior, or mary kay again. i need to wait a little bit until afterward. as dh says, "you do not need to add to your workload until you can handle the one that you have"...i miss regularly at my 40 hour job due to illness....i am getting better though..and my 40 hour job pays about $33k a year, so in arkansas, i'm tuff to beat that salary.

2. as for my brother. he is adhd, anti-social disorder, and 19. i should've known better, but i love him and i empathize with him, so when he didn't have the cash on hand, and he needed a car, and my parents couldn't help..i co-signed. i am not making excuses for him, but i totally understand him missing his payment. he just got a job making $7/hour 45 miles from his home, his fiancee is pregnant, and all of their utilities are being cutt off because they don't have the money. he hasn't had a job in a long time now though, so it was coming. i'm more upset by the fact that he didn't tell me. it always hurts me when i see some parts of his character shine through. he has always been one to run instead of facing the consequences. the payment has been made today though, my mom paid it. i haven't had a chance to get a hold of my brother yet. i'm going to explain to him AGAIN how important it is that he makes his payments, because he is affecting my life when he doesn't.

3. my fills are paid for the next year and a half. doesn't do much good though if it takes months to get in...lol. thank you for your suggestion though, i really appreciate it.

thank you. i really appreciate your support. i need it. i know that i will get through this, and i feel like such a whiner. haha..but i feel better already.

There's one contradiction I wanted to point out, in case you don't take meds out of fear or something.

If you need a fill, you can get medicine down. So if you have migraines, take your meds!! I am really really tight and can barely eat right now, but I can still take my B/C, Prilosec, and sometimes sleeping pills. The sleeping pills give me discomfort for a minute while it goes down, but if it was that or migraines, I'd definitely take the meds. But I 100% DO NOT need a fill, so if you think you need a fill, I don't understand why you don't take your meds???

I watch those Judge shows every day, and I can tell ya co-signing for a loan is a doozy. It's done though, and it seems like the best thing to do is have him either re-finance on his own, or have him sell it and get your name out of there.

Financial stress seems to be one of the biggest fights for couples. Do you think after the New Years and holidays are settled down things will get better?

You said yourself why you weigh more than pre-op.. cheeseballs, candy, crap food, etc. I can't resist those things, I will eat them when I visit my parents because I have NO will power to them. The band keeps me in check with normal foods, but junk food.. forget it. My solution is that I DO NOT HAVE THEM IN THE HOUSE!!!!! Throw them out!! If your DH or kid wants them, have your DH have a stash HIDDEN FROM YOU. Tell him not to let you see where it is. Let them have it, but don't tempt yourself. My DH hides Mt. Dew on occasion, and he drinks it when I'm not around. I don't know where it is, and I don't want to!

thank you.

i should have explained better about the migraine medicine. i have meds, and a neuro who is ready and willing to dope me up. but they haven't been working. ALTHOUGH I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT MY MAXALT WORKED THIS MORNING....YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS. so, i have nose sprays, and meltables, and i chop up pills, but lately..nothing is working.

i shouldn't have co-signed for my brother. but when i did it, i had money in the bank to cover the balance, and he was supposed to pay it off with an inheritance that he received 3 months later. well, now i have no money..and he didn't pay it off. luckily this was caught before it was reported, and the payment is being made. i can promise that i will not co-sign for anyone again. you know..he was 18, and no one could afford to buy him a car (did that once, it went into the river--emergency brake went out), and he lives in a rural area, so it's hard to work without a car. but..lesson learned..and believe me..i will be checking now every month.

also, i just wanted to say that i am trying to get a fill. desperately. i call every day. but the simple fact is, they don't really care. i missed my fill appointment because i was sick, and i have one scheduled for jan 2, so i'm not a priority. unfills seem to be taking up all of their time (people are getting sick).

and i am not keeping the junk food at home..thank god...or i would really be in trouble. i mean the pizza..yeah that was at home. but i work in an office and it is the holidays and we contract work out to appraisers and title companies, and they are giving us all kinds of goodies.

i do think the financial stress will settle down. it just takes time, but for now, i just really needed to get all of that out there....instead of carrying it.

I have one thing to add as a fellow migraine sufferer. I take Maxalt rapid. It is a melt on your tongue pill.

PS, really sorry about all your problems. I wish for you that the old addage is true that, 'this too shall pass'.

And that in a year you can revisit this post at or near goal.

Wow, you sound like my sister when it comes to her house and car that she wanted so bad... now hates.

Buyer beware....is the old addage.

Like you I was self pay but I paid less than half of what you did. I'm a 74k year myself but 15k to spend was out of the question.

Sounds like you need to fire your current md and staff and find another provider. 'they' don't have time to do what's needed...then fire 'em. There are plenty of docs out there who follow the guidelines on fills....

if you fall through the cracks.... well, it sounds like you are...

don't let it happen....take control! Get your fill. If you have a 9.75 band you should have already had a 2cc fill. So go back for a .5-1cc fill and get your restriction.

All is not lost...you can do this!

as far as my fill..unfortunately they have already been paid. they told me i had an apl 10cc. i have told them 4 times that is incorrect and ask which i had an aps, or a 14 cc. no response. either way, i have 6.5 cc's from my first fill.

also, as for my house and car. my car will be paid in 2 months...i never buy new and only went for a $200/month payment. our other car is paid for. and for our house...i would have paid way more than $600/month in rent. so it made sense. we went for a sensible house, and not the top of the line. i have an older home that is just the right size for us, no reason to be flashy. we do not try to live outside of our means. we rarely finance things and make decisions based on what we need, not what we want (most of the time )

Bandster, glad that things are looking up for you. We are here for you, that's why its called "lapbank talk". Vent if you want to, we all need somewhere to vent with people that can and will understand JUST what we're going through. Sometimes hind sight is 20/20. You wanted to help your brother and it was a nice gesture and I know that he probably feels bad and was afraid to tell you. Things will work out, just wait and see. PM me with a "praise report".

Bandster I know you're in a funk and needed to vent, but I honestly think it will get better, you just need to regroup and refocus. So much is going on, it is probably hard for you to maintain a diet without restriction.. You need that fill!! Anyway you can call and demand they get you in sooner because the band isn't working for you? I don't know how other places work, my doc will get me in whenever I need (although that means I have to drive 6 hours). If it wasn't pre-paid, I'd say find a new doctor stat, but since I too was self-pay I understand the importance of going to where the fills are free!!

((HUGS)) Hang in there!!!!

I would like to address what you said about you sleeping on the couch and you and you dh "barely on good speaking terms". No matter how bad it gets, nothing will get better in my home if my dh and I are at odds. When this happens, I don’t care about anything. I don’t care if the house is cleaned, the bills are paid, if I exercise or what goes into my mouth. It will make me sick. You need to work on fixing this. Is there anyway you could have your folks or a friend take your son for a night so you and your dh can have some alone time to talk. When he comes home, meet him at the door, look him in the eyes and say "I love you". Tell him how important he is to you and let him know that nothing else matters but your relationship. Hopefully the conservation will start rolling from there. And no more sleeping on the couch, you belong in the same room as your husband. If you two can work on getting your relationship back where is should be, it would help elevate the "extreme stress" you are under, which in turn should help put everything else in perspective.

Best of luck and know that we are here for you.

Bandster- I have been right beside you during your journey with the band, as we are part of the Tens. What you have been experiencing with your health has been rough to say the least. (I know all about it, because I read about it on the other board.) I too am a self-pay, and I paid 14,400 for my band. I can only imagine what a disappointment I would feel if I was not losing any weight after shelling out that kind of cash. But I got to thinking, do you think that your tummy issues have anything to do with your weight not moving? The two may be connected.

Your fill is only 2 weeks away- thank goodness. I know it is tough believe me. These bands outta come with complete instruction manuals. For heaven sakes I bought a calculator and my instruction manual is a actual book- I bought this band- and I got a handshake and a "good luck". I am so glad there is LBT, otherwise I would be huddled up in the corner.

Remember we are here for you. We can't fix your money issues, but we can support you.