Spousal support?

[DezignDiva 0]

So, my husband just said “ I support you but I don’t think you need this surgery”……what do I do with that? Am I wrong to see this as non support? I looked at him with tears in my eyes and told him “ I NEED this” and he is somehow now the victim of an assault on his psyche bc I won’t let him have an opinion? What? I expressed to him that I appreciated his support for whatever size I am was great and that I really needed his support without the “but” and he was offended. Wtf do I do with this? I am just baffled at how this has exploded……any advice?

[liveaboard15 1,292]

sounds like he thinks you look just fine. he gave you his opinion on it. Its a different thing thing to be supportive as you stated he is. He just stated he doesnt think you need it. Do you want him to lie to you instead? Maybe also let him know the health benefits of the surgery if he doesnt know already.

[Recidivist 1,141]

If your spouse has never had weight issues, it's impossible for them to understand what it is like to live with morbid obesity, and they often think bariatric surgery is a rather extreme solution. Mine did, and it was a process of educating my spouse by attending all of my appointments, meetings, etc. together so they could finally grasp that I was literally trying to save my life and this was the only option after decades of yo-yo dieting. What you see as insensitivity from your spouse may just be a lack of understanding because he has no idea what it's like to live in your body. Perhaps you can educate him.

[ms.sss 14,728]

In my insignificant opinion, your husband’s statement of “I support you but I don’t think you need this surgery” IS a statement of support AND a statement of opinion.

Both are valid.

My husband was/is the same way. He is super fit and active and just couldn’t comprehend how surgery could be a better option than diet and exercise (not that it WASN’T an option, just that it wasn’t necessarily a BETTER one). The idea was just not translatable into a language he could understand.

But thats not to say that he wasn’t 100% behind me when i did get the surgery.

His actions, (despite what his opinions are) in no way deterred, discouraged nor hindered my results and overall experience. He was thoughtful, patient, encouraging, etc, all while still believing the surgery was not necessary. He also didn’t barrage me with this opinion. There was no “i told you so’s” nor micro-agressions. We had discussed it pre-op, he stated his opinion, and that was that.

Even now, 3.5+ yrs and 120lbs later, my husband still kinda sees my weight loss as a result of less (and healthier) eating, and increased exercise, lol. Which i suppose is sorta true. He doesn’t give credit to my surgery for getting down to (and maintaining) my current weight, he gives that credit all to ME. And this actually makes me happy (even if I don’t fully agree with him). Does that make sense?

P.S. Sorry this was so long!

Edited June 26, 2022 by ms.sss

[SleeveToBypass2023 1,844]

19 hours ago, DezignDiva said:

So, my husband just said “ I support you but I don’t think you need this surgery”……what do I do with that? Am I wrong to see this as non support? I looked at him with tears in my eyes and told him “ I NEED this” and he is somehow now the victim of an assault on his psyche bc I won’t let him have an opinion? What? I expressed to him that I appreciated his support for whatever size I am was great and that I really needed his support without the “but” and he was offended. Wtf do I do with this? I am just baffled at how this has exploded……any advice?

I completely agree with @ms.sss This is definitely a statement of support and opinion. My husband also didn't think I need the surgery (he loves the way I look when I'm heavy or thin) but still accepted that I was having the surgery and would be able to correct health issues, get off some of my meds, and feel better. He loves me no matter what, and that's something I love and cherish about him. It sounds like your husband is the same. That's a good thing.

[Tomo 1,140]

I think he's saying "I love you no matter what."

There are some spouses who threaten to leave if their spouse has the surgery (non support) and others who try to force their spouses to get WLS and plastic surgery.

Sent from my SM-S908U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Jeanniebug 472]

My husband has said the exact same thing. He loves me just the way I am. He doesn't want me to do this in order to look good for him. He doesn't want or need me to change.

But, he understands that I need to do this. He knows that I have diabetes and high cholesterol and I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. He has watched me struggle with diet after diet and he's seen the tears and frustration.

Your husband loves you. He loves you just the way you are. He doesn't think you need to change and he doesn't want you doing this for him.

It's okay. He's still supporting you. He's still there. When he says that, just smile and say, "I know and I love you for that."