Although I read about other people in our lives not being supportive or downright jealous of us having our surgeries, it sure hurts when it happens to you. I'm especially surprised with how my co-workers are treating me. I'm a happy-go-lucky person who's always willing to lend a hand to people I care about & I am very tenderhearted as well so this is hitting me especially hard.

My co-workers are being rude when asked about covering my shifts while I'm off for surgery. I work at a little library with a small amount of staff and our jobs are really not that stressful so it's not like they are going to have to expend a whole bunch of energy or break a sweat working my shift. A group of co-workers even approached our director expressing "concern" that the surgery is too dangerous and that I shouldn't have it done which really baffled me since no one ever brought that up with me. Now I know that they just don't want to cover for me & are worried I'll be out longer that anticipated. I came in on Monday walking on a cloud because I finally got my surgery date & no one could be bothered to show any enthusiasm at all.

I have a co-worker who I've worked with for 5 years & I considered her to be one of my best friends. I've planned her work bridal shower and baby showers. I went to the hospital to see her first-born. She gripes constantly about her husband & I'm right there supporting her. We've done plenty of stuff together socially as well, so she's not just a work friend. In the past I've asked her for very small favors here & there and she's rarely helped me out but I asked so infrequently that it never really bothered me. I, of course, have helped her happily whenever she needed me. Well, her true colors are shining now that the surgery is approaching. I've been careful not to talk her ear off about the surgery because I can see that being super annoying. Whenever I bring it up now she just grunts in response and goes right back to talking about herself. I've asked her for two small favors in regards to the surgery and she's too inconvenienced to do either one. I am really, really hurt by her actions.

Another friend is acting jealous & responded to the news of my surgery with "I'll be interested to see how it goes for you". I haven't told friends on social media yet and now I'm definitely not going to. This will be a road I walk down with my husband on one side & my mom on the other cheering me on. I'll be just fine and I will succeed in spite of everyone's attitudes towards this huge step in my life. I'm really glad I found this community & I'm really glad you've read this far! Thanks for letting me vent!

Thank you for sharing as I know it can be personal. I was asking because my husband doesn't want me to do the surgery. We had arguments about it. He is not controlling but I think he is just scared. I had lost weight before on diet pills and some family and friends put some thoughts in his head. For example, they would tell him behind my back, that if I keep on losing weight, he might lose me. They said because I would be hot and other guys would take me away. My husband told me and I was so shocked. It bothered me for a long time. I have always been on the heavy side and I feel you on the "fat girl in the group." All my cousins and friends are all skinny. I have explained to my husband that I want to be healthy and to have more energy to keep up with him and our kids. I am tired of the yo-yo diets. I have my surgery in about 3 weeks. I hope my outcome will be good and he sees that it was a good choice I made for myself and family. Sorry about my ranting and thanks again for sharing!

Thank you everyone so, so much. You have all made me feel so much better. Honestly, your kind words brought tears to my eyes and now I'm smiling again. ?

We only have 19 employees & that's including our finance manager and janitor. There isn't even a HR department to go too! My director is a very kind soul but she hates confrontation. I'd have to go to our library board & that would cause a HUGE stink so I'm just going to power through the next 2 1/2 weeks and enjoy the month I don't have to see their faces! They will certainly see a different co-worker when I return. I will do as y'all suggested & not let their attitudes effect me in the slightest.

Thank you for the heads up about relationships changing too. I have read about that & I've talked that over with my husband. We are going to do our best to recognize issues before they turn in to full-fledged problems.

Knowing y'all are here to support me means more than I can say.

5 hours ago, Slightly Less Fatty Matty said:

Everyone has already said the same thing I feel. I would like to add that it’s not only your husband and your mom by your side cheering you on. We truly are happy for you, we truly want to see you succeed, we truly are on your side for all the good and (hopefully no) bad and (hopefully no) ugly and wonderful things that are in store for you and will support you as if you were our friend or family. Your surgery is a tool, this forum is like the grease for that tool.. you have 100s of technicians who want to help you keep your tool working for you. Oh.... and your coworkers are a different kind of tool...
You got this.

That last line got me, I laughed way too hard! ? Hey, I probably burned a few calories, yay!

On 8/21/2020 at 12:56 PM, Sky _B said:

Thank you for sharing as I know it can be personal. I was asking because my husband doesn't want me to do the surgery. We had arguments about it. He is not controlling but I think he is just scared. I had lost weight before on diet pills and some family and friends put some thoughts in his head. For example, they would tell him behind my back, that if I keep on losing weight, he might lose me. They said because I would be hot and other guys would take me away. My husband told me and I was so shocked. It bothered me for a long time. I have always been on the heavy side and I feel you on the "fat girl in the group." All my cousins and friends are all skinny. I have explained to my husband that I want to be healthy and to have more energy to keep up with him and our kids. I am tired of the yo-yo diets. I have my surgery in about 3 weeks. I hope my outcome will be good and he sees that it was a good choice I made for myself and family. Sorry about my ranting and thanks again for sharing!

So sorry to hear that. My ex HATED the idea of me having sx. I thought the same thing.... maybe he is just worried about me. I had taken DP too before WLS but i could never keep it off. So he was not that worried. But when i told him about the WLS.... he knew i was serious.... and we argued for weeks before... he tried everything to get me to not do it. We went out of town on a bike (harley) ride the week before when i was doing my liquids and would say... take a bit...one wont hurt... He would say the same thing.... that when i got "skinny" i would leave him (sx 2009, divorce 2017) I was at 143 for years.... i finally decided to leave after a few things...... I found myself hating to go home and i caught myself fantasizing about his death (i know it sounds bad, but it's my truth).... I knew it was time.

I surely hope that you all's relationships do better than mine.

On a positive note, i did find the love of my life he supports my every choice.... so there are men out there that will .

Venting and listening is what we do best. Good luck with your surgery and welcomed to the losers bench.

I really feel like your co workers crossed the line by going to your Director. What medical degree do they have? Anyway you are not alone and we are here to support you along the way.

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

12 hours ago, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

Yayyyy. Remember, while yes it is easier with support.... it can and has been done with none. Set your mind on your goal. Don't let others bring you down. When people start to be negative... simply turn and walk away. when they ask why, just say..... i'm not going to stand here and listen to any negativity. They will get the picture.

surround yourself with positive people..... This is why lost of people get addicted to the gym. Lots of positive people. I personally loved Crossfit.... No mirrors on the walls and i got a personal trainer every day.... and when i felt i couldnt do something i had people all around encouraging me to keep going....

I've got a funny update for y'all. Yesterday the supervisor in charge of scheduling put out the schedule for the first week I'm off for surgery. Anytime someone is out for a full week (vacation, sick, whatever), their name is left on the schedule but the days/times are blank since they won't be there. Well, I look at the schedule today & she completely removed my name. Interestingly, another co-worker is off for vacation that entire week but is her name removed? Nope. These petty people have me laughing now! ???

That’s funny (in a “they’re so petty” kind of way). Do take pictures and document all of these occurrences and conversations for your protection should the pettiness turn to actual retaliation. If you never need it, great, but if you do it’ll be invaluable.

Yes, I agree with making copies or take pictures for documentations. ALWAYS COVER YOUR BUTT! you never know what can happen and just incase to have your proof. I wish you the best!

4 hours ago, RainbowBrite57 said:

I've got a funny update for y'all. Yesterday the supervisor in charge of scheduling put out the schedule for the first week I'm off for surgery. Anytime someone is out for a full week (vacation, sick, whatever), their name is left on the schedule but the days/times are blank since they won't be there. Well, I look at the schedule today & she completely removed my name. Interestingly, another co-worker is off for vacation that entire week but is her name removed? Nope. These petty people have me laughing now! ???

Crazy. I am glad you can laugh now though~ And I am glad you came here for support. This is a really encouraging, supportive and non-judgmental group of people. I've found his site invaluable to me for an array of reasons.. Sometimes I just read & am just grateful to have this group.

On 8/24/2020 at 6:39 PM, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

I am so sorry. I know how it feels and how much it hurts... and makes you feel alone. I cried many times because I felt so lonely and felt the drain of their negativity.

I finally told myself I could do not go that route - it wasn't healthy and that's why I put all of it out of my mind... and concentrated solely on myself and my surgery. Maybe in a way their negativity helped me - I was NOT nervous at all because I was SO determined after dealing with that.

You ALWAYS have our support here so just know that you DO have support. You can private message me anytime - if you need someone to talk to.

On 8/24/2020 at 7:39 PM, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

This site has really proved invaluable for support & I'm so happy I joined.

I'm so excited for you- Monday is almost here! My surgery is September 9th. I'm looking forward to seeing your journey!

WOW WOW WOW!!!!! why can't the people in our lives be happy for us? I've told 2 people about my WLS my husband and my best friend. At first my husband was like you don't need it blah blah... I told him I'm doing this with or without your support so... My best friend who is as thin as a rail said I love and support you 100%. BTW...my husband came around to my way of thinking real quick.

So as everyone else has said, don't talk about it with them, they are not your friends and truthfully it's not up to you to find someone to cover your shift, that is your Director's job. Good luck!!! You've got this!!!

9 hours ago, Slightly Less Fatty Matty said:

That’s funny (in a “they’re so petty” kind of way). Do take pictures and document all of these occurrences and conversations for your protection should the pettiness turn to actual retaliation. If you never need it, great, but if you do it’ll be invaluable.

Fantastic idea, thank you!