I am post op. I don't know how my diet will fare.

My small business is gone. I used to run a cleaning service. Clients cancelled frequently before the lock down, now, illegal to run a business. After the lockdown ends, nothing will be normal ever again. I'm doubtful business can ever run again because no one working, and anyone with any money will be prepping, saving and cleaning their own homes for their own protection, and my employees are gone too as well. They can't wait around. With the prospect of government welfare for all wage earners, I will never find employees. I couldn't even 2 weeks ago. I have business bills due, and taxes for this quarter that I can not pay due April 30th.

I'm almost 50 now, and putting job applications into grocery stores, because they are the only thing open.

I can't sleep, can't eat, barely drink, and I physically ache all over. I'm not suicidal yet, I don't know if I ever will be, but, I honestly don't care about that either. As long as my pet dog is alive, I will not abandon him.

I'm not very religious. I thought maybe it's time to find a spark, but even the churches are closed. The plague (as I call it) even forces me to question the presence of people in public (elderly) and even people walking together. I am going to go nuts. I thought I could handle this.

I think I need to fix my game controller and just sink my life into Xbox games..... But that is exactly how I got overweight (one reason), but it gets my mind off of everything.

My heart goes out to you. I wish I knew what to say in times like this. You are not alone. So many people are having a terrible time of it. I hope this all does turn around eventually. After the recession in 2008 It took a couple of years but life slowly returned to normal. I’m sending positive vibes your way. I pray you find some comfort and strength in this very difficult time.

My heart is breaking for you. I don't know if it is any consolation, but you are most definitely not alone. All of us are feeling more scared and anxious than ever before.

You have already fought a huge battle! You have lost so much weight, and come so far. One of the things that this journey has probably taught you is moderation. If gaming is mentally a break for you right now, give yourself that break, but make sure you limit it to what is actually helpful, not harmful. Say you decide on 3 hours per day, stick to that. Gaming will also let you have social contact with other humans without physical contact.

I have been stuck in my house due to pre-surgery flu, then post surgery, then I had a nasty cold that coincided with the uptick in concerns about CoVid 19. I set an alarm at 10 of every hour, and walked around my house just to keep myself moving! I NEVER felt like doing it, but made myself get at least 250 steps, and most times I would keep going for 5 or 10 minutes. I know it isn't hiking Everest, but it is what I could do.

Your financial worries have to be so discouraging. The only little light at the end of that tunnel is that the whole country is facing this! They are going to have to give relief, and you will be positioned to take advantage of that. It is going to be a whole new world once we come out the other side; my guess is that lots of places are going to get a lot more serious about cleaning and sanitizing workplaces, so maybe your chosen profession will have a whole new lease on life! If not, my fervent hope is that once this ends the country gets serious about pivoting toward green or environmentally friendly industries, and we will have a "new deal" type financial bail out that is for ALL of us, not just big banks and airlines. Hang in there, I am 90% sure there will be eviction and/or foreclosure moratoriums. You need to focus on maintaining shelter, food, utilities. Everything else right now will have to wait. I know that you have probably spent a lifetime building your business, your credit, etc., but right now we all have to go to survival mode.

I hope you find a way to connect with folks, maybe through an online group that shares some interests. The evidence is strong that even a short walk each day in nature helps restore our mental health. I am a person with little or no "hobbies" except for reading, travel and listening to live music. I can't sit and read all darn day! So I have decided to try some container gardening...I'll have either have wasted some time and a little money, Or I will have nice fresh veggies and berries this spring and summer! I am also starting an indoor herb garden. You will find your own interests. Learn a foreign language? Take up knitting? Foster a dog or cat in need? Volunteer to deliver supplies to elders or disabled neighbors (also a job opportunity for that.) You are a good writer, any interest in journaling? You have been through quite a bit, journaling may be a way to process that.

Good luck to you, reach out, try to take heart, when the dark thoughts come look for the light. This community is very supportive, use it!

All the best

Lisa

4 hours ago, wjgo said:

I am post op. I don't know how my diet will fare.

My small business is gone. I used to run a cleaning service. Clients cancelled frequently before the lock down, now, illegal to run a business. After the lockdown ends, nothing will be normal ever again. I'm doubtful business can ever run again because no one working, and anyone with any money will be prepping, saving and cleaning their own homes for their own protection, and my employees are gone too as well. They can't wait around. With the prospect of government welfare for all wage earners, I will never find employees. I couldn't even 2 weeks ago. I have business bills due, and taxes for this quarter that I can not pay due April 30th.

I'm almost 50 now, and putting job applications into grocery stores, because they are the only thing open.

I can't sleep, can't eat, barely drink, and I physically ache all over. I'm not suicidal yet, I don't know if I ever will be, but, I honestly don't care about that either. As long as my pet dog is alive, I will not abandon him.

I'm not very religious. I thought maybe it's time to find a spark, but even the churches are closed. The plague (as I call it) even forces me to question the presence of people in public (elderly) and even people walking together. I am going to go nuts. I thought I could handle this.

I think I need to fix my game controller and just sink my life into Xbox games..... But that is exactly how I got overweight (one reason), but it gets my mind off of everything.

Gosh! Such burden! ((hugs)) I can't waive a magic wand and keep you from feeling the things you are feeling, but if I could, I would. You are a strong productive person and you've done things you never thought you could do before and have succeeded SO WELL! You've been an inspiration to many here! I BELIEVE. Choose to believe. Even if you don't feel it in your heart. Choose to believe that this WILL end and that we will all rebuild!

Escape if that helps you for now. But also plan or schedule time to do things that are constructive. For instance, I love the idea of being a "super cleaner." Maybe research what it takes to be a plague cleaner?! I know my niece has passed a cold around her house and asked the other day if there were any cleaners who would come in and deep clean...like DEEP clean. Clean toys. Sanitize. Etc. So research it! Charge a premium for it cuz you will become a front liner. You would be able to hire people. People are desperate for work. And you would be able to pay well. It would be pre-pay or pay on completion so no waiting for invoices to be paid.

Also, there will be tax extensions, and tax forgiveness. This is being planned. There will be bailouts. I just believe that this is the beginning of a forced change for us all. And you WILL get to revise and conquer. Remember to deep breath. And start thinking creatively how to repackage your business to adjust to this changing need. People will still need to have cleaning!!! Businesses too.

@wjgo, how are you doing? A friend of mine said to me yesterday "we are one day closer to this being over". That is my mantra for today!