Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

skinny shamed!



Recommended Posts

My mother skinny shamed me today.

......

She told me I looked too thin and sickly. I am literally 10lbs overweight still! And when I was 25lbs lighter she would always tell me I looked great. When I was fat she never made any comments. But now I look too skinny? Uh what? I still have about 10lbs to go before I am "BMI healthy" and I am a Size 8! I am 5'3"!

I told her maybe she just wasn't used to be looking healthy or because I lost weight quickly, and she was just like "no, that's not it...." and didn't elaborate. I can't win. *eye roll* Now the parent that used to call me fat is congratulating me all the time and the one who never called me fat is skinny shaming.

Sent from my SM-G930R4 using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

22 minutes ago, mousecat88 said:

My mother skinny shamed me today.

......

She told me I looked too thin and sickly. I am literally 10lbs overweight still! And when I was 25lbs lighter she would always tell me I looked great. When I was fat she never made any comments. But now I look too skinny? Uh what? I still have about 10lbs to go before I am "BMI healthy" and I am a Size 8! I am 5'3"!

I told her maybe she just wasn't used to be looking healthy or because I lost weight quickly, and she was just like "no, that's not it...." and didn't elaborate. I can't win. *eye roll* Now the parent that used to call me fat is congratulating me all the time and the one who never called me fat is skinny shaming.

Sent from my SM-G930R4 using BariatricPal mobile app

I certainly can emphasize with you. My brother told me to "eat something." He asked me if everything was okay at home! I agree with you, when I was fat no one said anything. I'm eating healthier, exercising without pain and now I'm too thin! Geez!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think when people get used to seeing you thinner the comments will stop. At least that's what I'm hoping for too. I know a girl I work with had surgery 2 yrs ago and people used to say that about her all the time. Now I rarely hear anything...maybe because they are now saying it about me, behind my back! I hear those comments too and I think it's because the wt came off so fast. I just hit my "normal" BMI wt this morning so now when they comment at least I can say I'm where I want to be...and don't plan to lose more! Congratulations on your weight loss!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

I think when people get used to seeing you thinner the comments will stop.

This. Everyone is used to seeing us through our MO filter. It will take them a while to get used to it too. Ignore her. Live your own agenda. :) Keep on going!! You're doing great!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I am 288 ( I think) at a week short of 1 year and a Joyful Size 17/18 and diminishing Every Day. I started at 365+ so at 5ft8in I'm starting to look like a Firecracker instead of a Full keg of Dynamite! And my PCP, yep same dude that danced around singing " You're Obese and you're GONN DIE!" now has started a Slender-Shaming Tirade. Thinks I've lost TOO MUCH and TOO FAST,told me I could stop ALREADY. Am I Gonna? Nope no Way, not when I can SEE my goal of 175 shining ahead for ME! But some people are so Contrary they' d argue with a tack about not being Sharp enough. There is an River in the Canadian Maritimes so affected by the tides it flows backwards. Wonder if they would like to go live there?👈😛👉

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And it's 1*8*8 not 2*8*8, been in Onederland such a Small Time even I can't believe it's TRUE!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Devils advocate here... I know when my co-worker dropped really low too fast (or it appeared to be too fast to me), she DID look sickly. She had the sleeve done and while she would periodically look awful for a week or two while her body was adjusting. Then she would look healthy. Then it would happen again. It is possible that you are just in one of those phases where you don't look as healthy to others, but that doesn't mean you will stay looking that way. My friend overall did look great most of the time, and she looks great now that she is at her maintenance healthy weight. But that doesn't mean she always looked healthy in the eyes of others while the weight loss was happening. Anyhow, after watching my friend... I am gearing up to have others see in me what I saw in my friend. Personally, I kept my mouth shut and remained supportive during her entire weight loss. I asked her how she was doing and listened when she needed to vent. But I was careful not to say anything that could be construed as criticism. I am hoping others will do the same with me. But I also know that some people (probably my husband) will make rude comments when I am looking not so great. Even if I think I look fine.

Anyhow, ignore your mom. Or if you want to, let her know that it bothers you when she makes those comments. Also re-assure her that your doctor is monitoring you and everything is going very well. Let her know where you are in your goals. She might be afraid you are just going to keep losing until it is too much weight loss. Or she just might not be used to seeing you at your current size. What is important is how you feel and how you think you look.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep being the healthiest you possible. For me this included giving a pass to some comments said about my loss. Now I think few even remember 2015 pre sleeve. You do you!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congrats to everyone doing so well with weight loss & becoming healthy! That’s so amazing & I can’t wait to be healthy again. You know what I don’t get? Why anyone feels that they need to offer their option unless it’s asked for. I think other people have entirely too much to say & they should mind their own business

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

54 minutes ago, mousecat88 said:

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

Did you ever think you would hear the words “you look too skinny”? At least you inspired her to get healthy. Sorry you are feeling this way about the comment.

It’s hard enough for you to deal with the physical change. The comment was not helpful. It’s also hard for family to wrap their heads around our smaller size. Her comment may be because of her own weight issues.

Unfortunately, you look too skinny/sick seems to be a common comment. Most people don’t know what a healthy BMI looks like.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

50 minutes ago, Healthy_life2 said:

Did you ever think you would hear the words “you look too skinny”? At least you inspired her to get healthy. Sorry you are feeling this way about the comment.

It’s hard enough for you to deal with the physical change. The comment was not helpful. It’s also hard for family to wrap their heads around our smaller size. Her comment may be because of her own weight issues.

Unfortunately, you look too skinny/sick seems to be a common comment. Most people don’t know what a healthy BMI looks like.

Well the weird thing is that 9 years ago I was 135lbs and she used to say I looked fantastic and then I went in for liposuction and she begged me not to because I looked great already. But now at 145 I am too skinny? Wat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, mousecat88 said:

It's just crap when it comes from a family member, especially one that has never made comments about your appearance before. The irony of this is she was/is 200% against weight loss surgery but is actually consulting with my bariatric surgeon for it as a last resort option to control her diabetes. That's actually what prompted the comment. We were talking about her meeting with my surgeon and then she said I looked too skinny/sick.

Sounds like her comment was really due to her anxiety about her own health and fears regarding surgery. I personally would just ignore and let her process what is going on in her own mind.

It does remind me of a different situation where my mom was 200% against me putting my son on some very much needed medication for his attention deficit disorder. I did it because he was struggling significantly in school (couldn't function in educationally) and it worked wonders on him. Then a few years later, he would actually get hyper when he didn't have it as more of a side effect of being on the medication. When he was acting up in any way she would suddenly say "Did you give him his medicine today?" Um, I thought you were against medication? BTW, that isn't why I give it to him anyway!

Hang in there! She needs to process her own feelings/fears.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I still hear that periodically and I know it's worse when it comes from someone who you'd expect to support you. Totally sucks!! But focus on you and being healthy...try to let it roll off (easier said than done).

The latest for me was someone new in the weight loss support group I go to saying I didn't look like I belonged there and another WLS veteran saying exactly what you were told re: being too skinny. We need too support each other!

HW = 360
SW = 292
GW = 220 reached 3/7/18
CW = 210 @ 6'5"
150 pounds lost! [emoji106]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My brother-in-law now always refers to me as “hey skinny” even though I’m still about 20 actual pounds overweight and at a BMI in the “overweight” category.

Oh yeah, and his wife (my sister) is still thinner than me. There’s just zero logic to his comments

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Krestel

      Officially no longer over weight! Goal #1 reached! I'm now under 80kgs (176 lbs) at 179cm (5'10") and 10 months post-op and am over the moon. My weight at 79.9 kgs (176 lbs) gives me a BMI of 24.9 which means that I have a normal weight! OMG.
      I still want to lose about 16 lbs more though in order to get safely into the middle range to insure against that little regain that happens. The I have maintenence in front of me as well.
      BUT I have hit my first goal. Yeah me!!!
      · 1 reply
      1. biginjapan

        Fantastic! That's such a great goal to reach and one I hope to get to this year as well.

    • TWCook

      I had my gastric sleeve done September 10, 2020... I started out 330# before surgery.... I'm down to 260# now... I've been stalled out for over two months now.... I exercise when I can (Bad back/knees)... I follow my diet , get my protein and drink my water... But still not losing any weight... I've done everything I can think of to break the stall.... Even went back to liquid diet....  Sometimes I think this was a mistake having the surgery...
      · 1 reply
      1. Boss lady84

        sorry to hear that don't feel down. Maybe a reset meaning something new. I am in the process of having the surgery a second time. I had Lapland in 2012 removed in 2018 and I have gained everything back and some. When I stalled on lapband I had to do something new for me I joined a free boot camp and Zumba and then boom dropped 38 pounds in 2 months. I know you said bad back and knees so find something with your limits. But I think try something new I stalled for 8 months

    • Arabesque

      Happy anniversary to me - well almost. Friday marks the one yr anniversary of asking my GP if she thought I’d be a candidate for WLS.  
      What an exciting, sometimes frustrating but ultimately rewarding journey. I’ve lost 40kg or about 40% of my body weight & am below my goal weight. Some days I  just can’t believe where I am now from where I was 12 months ago. I never imagined this reality. 
      I am grateful for the encouragement I received from family & friends. I am grateful I have a supportive GP. They helped smooth the rough patches & kept me on track. I’m also grateful for this site. The information & support has been so helpful & eased many worries. 
      I’m still sorting out maintenance (what works one week doesn’t the next) but I’m up for the challenge. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Tierra T Tij

      Too much anxiety and stress:
      So lately thanks to COVID 19 (I don't have it though been trying to stay safe and healthy) I've been having severe anxiety and panic attacks lately. I've always had this problem but it's getting worse so as a result I've been having bad insomnia and getting sleep is hard for me right now. I wish it were easier but it's a work in progress AGAIN. I thought I got over this hump a while ago and was getting sleep but now my insomnia is back in full spring and I hate it! My grandmother is also moving on Tuesday and that is also stressing me out because I'll have no family nearby since everybody is in other states now thanks to California being too high. It makes me so sad man! But I am seeing her today on Monday for the last time before she leaves on Tuesday this week.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Sabs211

      Gastric bypass 16/03/2020
      HW 400
      Weight before surgery 291
      CW 280
      GW 150
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×