I have a question for the girls.

I'm 7 days post band. My husband is kind of acting distant/funny. He told me he feels sad because I can't eat with him anymore and is worried that I will become "full of" myself when I lose weight, and I think he is afraid that I might change in more ways then just my physical looks.

We've know a few couples that have split after one or the other lost weight.

I was speechless, and tried to reassure him that I have no intentions of changing, and I reassured him that I can still eat with him, just not as much as I used to (quantity).

Is this normal? has anyone else gone through this?

Thanks for any input, I need advice!

Hi Pati,

I'm coming to this thread late but I wanted to say I can relate to this too. My husband is a cook, and my eating something he cooked was a little ritual we both got a lot of pleasure from. For a long time he just couldn't accept the fact that his best audience and biggest fan was unable to partake the way she used to.

But even he got over it. He still cooks, just a lot less, and we've both become more interested in healthier food. It's an adjust ment, no doubt about it, but when you think about the very long run this will just seem like a very short moment in it.

Congratulations on being banded, and welcome to LBT!!

My husband was the same way about feeling guilty about me not being able to "eat with him" anymore. He still feels that to some degree, but he's starting to see that it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers him. He feels guilty eating things in front of me that I can't eat, and I just have to reassure him that I really am okay with it. I'm very open about the fact that I've had this surgery, and I find the same thing happens in many of my social circles. They don't want me to feel excluded, and they go out of their way to try to "accomodate" me. I just have to keep reminding them that I really am okay with it and that I don't feel left out. It really is an adjustment for people, especially when they care about you and want to make sure that they aren't leaving you out. I feel very blessed that those around me care enough to worry about it!

Pati, you are a baby bandster and I think you will find yourself becoming more relaxed and comfortable with your band in the coming weeks. Your dh probably will too. However, it is good that you and dh are thinking about all the 'what ifs' of what could happen when you become thinner. This is a good time to talk it all out and make a commitment that your love for each other will overcome any issues that may or may not arise. Also, here is another thought, in the beginning I think we all are a little protective of our bands. Could it be that he may be feeling a little left out??? How about getting some vitamin E cream and asking him to gently massage it onto your insicisons (ask your dr if you can use it first!), anything to let him feel he is still a part of your world....

Pati,

could you tell me about your experience w/ dr. kuri? Thanks tammy

You're all right. I know my DH will come around. I think it will help that I am on mushies starting tomorrow, so I can eat what I cook and I'll be able to sit down and eat some of the food that my family is eating. I am so excited!

Have I told all of you how great your help and advice is!!!

YOU"RE GREAT!!!

I kept it really simple. I told my husband, "Honey, I love you, but I love me more." Once we gain so much weight that we aren't happy and living, then it's not time to worry about anyone else but yourself. If he loves you, he'll support you and want you healthy, happy and alive.

Lisa,

You are SO right. I do have to love myself more. One of the reasons I had to do this was because I have 2 daughters- what was I teaching them by having them watch me eat when I was bored, tired, angry, frustrated, nervous and on and on. They don't need to learn my bad habits- Hmmm.... I haven't thought about talking with him about it from that prospective.

Thanks for your insight!

Pati,

Heres my take on the situation. My husband has been very supportive of my weight loss. He is a kind and loving person, but he can not communicate how he feels about my weight loss. If there are problems in the relationship before banding they will become more apparent (which is my case). If your relationship is strong, it will survive the changes. Make sure that you have a therapist lined up to help you deal with the changes. My husband has come to therapy with me on occasion. I know this has helped us, but there are still issues. As long as you are aware that things can change and you are prepared to deal with the issues, you should be just fine.

Babs in TX

334/185/170

-149

Oooh, Babs, look how close to goal you are!!!! You must be so thrilled. I'm glad to hear about someone having therapy while undergoing weight loss. I'm thinking that I'll want to do that as well. After all, being fat is part of who I am. I've been big my whole life! And I think it might be good for my hubby too, who a) has his own weight issues, and has adored my abundant body since I was only 16.

Thanks for all the excellent sharing and advice in this thread.

Babs,

you're right about the therapist thing. Luckily we have been seeing someone for problems we've been having with our son. I think that she would extend what we talk about and go into the issue of weight loss and marital changes that go with it. Thanks for the idea, we go see her on tuesday and I'm going to ask her about these things.

BTW- OH MY GOSH!!! Excellent job on being soooo close to your goal!!!!!

I keep thinking that this is going to work for a while then I'll gain it all back like I've always done- it seems weird and unbelievable that I can lose weight and maybe- just maybe this time it will stay off. I think I'm still in disbelief.

AND, today I got to have my first mushy meal...... grits and one super soft scrambled egg... I couldn't eat it all.. WOW!!! WHOS stomach is this anyway???? LOL