I have a question for the girls.

I'm 7 days post band. My husband is kind of acting distant/funny. He told me he feels sad because I can't eat with him anymore and is worried that I will become "full of" myself when I lose weight, and I think he is afraid that I might change in more ways then just my physical looks.

We've know a few couples that have split after one or the other lost weight.

I was speechless, and tried to reassure him that I have no intentions of changing, and I reassured him that I can still eat with him, just not as much as I used to (quantity).

Is this normal? has anyone else gone through this?

Thanks for any input, I need advice!

Pati, you are not alone in this dilema

Many here have talked about this exact topic.

My husband makes his silly comments that once I get thin I will leave him and all I tell him is NO when I get skinny we will be able to do al lthe things we never did because I was so obese. My husband is 6'1 200 lbs and eats likes a horse and never gains weight. He is very supportive of the decision I made to get the band and has been supportive this entire time, he knows he benefits from my feeling better about myself

I still eat with my husband but I just do not eat as much as I used to. The only thing that has changed is the quantity of my food.

Tell your husband that your sex life will improve see if he likes that

Michelle,

EEK! I don't know if I want to tell him about the sex life improving, he'll start removing ALL of the food from the house so that I can lose weight faster! LOL

Patti - there is a whole thread pertaining to just this on the board. If you do a search you will find it.

Whats so funny about me is... I told my husband he better not leave me because im thin... he has always known me over weight and im afriad that when im thin he wont like me anymore.... Im just a weirdo though lol

You know Trish, that is a interesting way to look at it..I'm sure most of us here have been overwieght our entire lives let alone our marriages. My husband is one of those men who likes his women with a little meat on their bones...his ex wife was chunky and his ex girlfriend before we got together was chunky too..

You could be on to something :guess

Hi Pati,

My husband wasn't sure what to think when I initially got the band. Now that we have had a few weeks, he knows that I'm still sitting with him and having whatever I can have while he has a normal meal and he usually finishes before me. He had some concerns about what would happen as I lose weight, but he seems to be getting more comfortable with everything. I tell him everyday that I love him and I'm not going anywhere.

Good luck!

Pati, you're a Baby Bandster. Please concentrate on getting well right now. When you are able to eat regular foods again, your DH will see that you can still go out and eat together. But you'll be able to order a better, more expensive meal and split it. It is an adjustment when you've focused on where and what to eat as the main source of entertainment for so long. Now, you'll want to get out and do other things (non-food related) with him....walking, biking, hiking and enjoying each other more. And Michelle is right, he'll love the new, improved you (in bed and out)!

My husband met me when I was 140 lbs. That was about 3 monthes after I had lost over 70 lbs on diet pills, so after we started dating I steadily gained weight and was 220lbs on my wedding day. And through 4 pregnancies and 12+ yrs he's known me this way.

I do tell him every day that I love him, and I do everything I normally do (including cooking homemade pizza for my family- was that ever HARD LOL). But for some reason I feel like he's giving me the cold shoulder and is angry.

PLUS, I have gotten ~~ZERO~~ understanding for the fact that I've had surgery- no offers to cook, carry laundry baskets, vacuum. After my 3 c-sections he bent over backwards. I'm just a little worried.......

LOL!!!! I SOOOOO now how you feel Pati!! My hubby had the same fears in a way but I told him that he has loved from the highest to the lowest so why shouldn't I feel the same way? There is only room in my heart for one man and he is it.

And let me tell you. It will amaze you at the difference that your weight loss makes in him. My DH has always loved me but I think after 10 years and a hundred pounds, we had lost the SPARK. But now, I'll just catch him staring at me. He'll call me at work to tell me he loves me. He tells me how beautiful I am. He sees the confidence and happiness and energy that I feel and feeds off it.

And if another man pays attention to me, well, I'll just tell him he should be flattered to have such a GORGEOUS woman by his side and not to worry about anything because as long as he loves me for who I am, how can I do anything else but the same?

Michelle, Yeah thats about all i really been thinking about... Maybe Im not werid after all LOL

Melissa:

Your post really makes me think.. And I am definately a baby bandster- I still have the "what if this thing doesn't work" mentality - just like all of the diets I've tried in the past. I'm terrified (liquid phase) that I'll do something to damage my band- eat too much Jello or too much liquid at one time (is that even possible??LOL) I'm so HYPERFOCUSED on this thing- I know I need to relax and thing about the future a bit more and from different perspectives too.

I'd love to have brand new SPARK! That is definately something to look forward to!

THanks!!

My husband is very supportive, but he was a little reserved at first. Banding seems like a luxury (we know better) and a very drastic measure. He is absolutely fine with it now that he sees how it works. It is an adjustment for everyone. Give it time. He'll come around. Talk to him when he presents the opportunity and give him time to see it work. And by the way --- IT WORKS!!

Pati,

I completely understand and believe when I tell you I have those days too when I feel like I might be one of those small percentages that doesn't lose the weight or who gains it all back. But my DH and my daughter give me the inspiration to succeed at this and the more energy I have to share with them, the better I feel about myself, my marriage and my life. It is a difficult path that we have put ourselves upon but boy, I cannot wait to see where we end up. Just take it easy and take time for yourself to heal. This is a big change for him as well but he will see the difference it makes in you, not physically, but emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, and find that he may just enjoy this next chapter in your lives together.

We are here to support you. Good luck and take care of YOU.

Pati,

I can relate to your post 100%.

Remind him that this is only TEMPORARY!

Soon enough you will be back at the table.

I had to remind my hubby how hard it was to cook & smell all the foods, then fix their plates, and NOT eat any of it. But then he wanted me to sit there and watch THEM eat it.... I dont think so.

After I explained it to him, he understood.

And I didnt get any help either. When I had my 3 c-sections, he was the best nurse/cook/housekeeper - better then my own mother.

But for THIS surgery........ ha!

Hang in there!

Its just as much of an adjustment for THEM as well as for us!

Ok, so I know I'm just obsessing over all of this, I think I need to get out and do something to get my mind off of this whole thing! I know my DH will get better about this. I think he's just afraid, and you're all right- he'll come around.

I keep reminding him that this is temporary, and that chances are we wouldn't even be going out to eat for another month anyway! We live in the Boonies and we are being extra cheap these days since we just paid and arm and leg (and a whole lotta other body parts too) for my surgery.

And I'm going on strike until sunday (My mushy days begin)- I'm NOT cooking for my family- they can eat cereal all day!

Thanks everyone- I am so grateful to have found this board!!!!