Supportive spouses?

[Tim A 1]

Has anyone experienced feeling that a spouse isn’t being supportive? My wife brings up the fact that I’m having Duodenal switch surgery several times a day. She says she understands why I’m doing it ( she says I don’t need it ) but is scared that it’s so drastic. She also worried I won’t be happy when all is done. I know she doesn’t think is a problem but it’s draining but there’s no way to sway me! Any ideas ?

[GreenTealael 24,887]

Suggest not talking about ANY surgical related matters until the day before surgery.

Try to focus on other parts of life. This can be so all consuming at times, might as well focus heavily on it only when it actually happens.

Try to focus on her exclusively for a bit.

DEFLECT

What does she have going on? Thinking about trying Yoga or going back to school, etc.

Safe Journey!

[CyndieRI 251]

My husband was and is still unsupportive. I had wanted WLS for years but he was very against it so I never went through with it. This time I went through all the appointments and got my surgery date before I even mentioned it to him. So instead of a discussion, I TOLD him I was having surgery on October 10th. Then we very rarely discussed it. He did not bring me to the hospital on the day of my surgery and originally was going to be out of town that day. Eventually he moved around his schedule and he was there after I got out of surgery. I knew I needed to do this for ME and I just wasn’t going to let him derail me once again! I’m only 3 weeks out (tomorrow) but I’m SO glad I did it!

I wish you the best!!

[GreenTealael 24,887]

3 minutes ago, CyndieRI said:

My husband was and is still unsupportive. I had wanted WLS for years but he was very against it so I never went through with it. This time I went through all the appointments and got my surgery date before I even mentioned it to him. So instead of a discussion, I TOLD him I was having surgery on October 10th. Then we very rarely discussed it. He did not bring me to the hospital on the day of my surgery and originally was going to be out of town that day. Eventually he moved around his schedule and he was there after I got out of surgery. I knew I needed to do this for ME and I just wasn’t going to let him derail me once again! I’m only 3 weeks out (tomorrow) but I’m SO glad I did it!

I wish you the best!!

[Ed_NW 684]

1 hour ago, CyndieRI said:

My husband was and is still unsupportive. I had wanted WLS for years but he was very against it so I never went through with it. This time I went through all the appointments and got my surgery date before I even mentioned it to him. So instead of a discussion, I TOLD him I was having surgery on October 10th. Then we very rarely discussed it. He did not bring me to the hospital on the day of my surgery and originally was going to be out of town that day. Eventually he moved around his schedule and he was there after I got out of surgery. I knew I needed to do this for ME and I just wasn’t going to let him derail me once again! I’m only 3 weeks out (tomorrow) but I’m SO glad I did it!

I wish you the best!!

Good for you! I hope you have other people besides him for support.

[CyndieRI 251]

On 10/30/2018 at 23:56, Ed_NW said:

Good for you! I hope you have other people besides him for support.

I do Ed! I have wonderful friends! Thank you!!

[Matt Z 4,138]

17 hours ago, Tim A said:

Has anyone experienced feeling that a spouse isn’t being supportive? My wife brings up the fact that I’m having Duodenal switch surgery several times a day. She says she understands why I’m doing it ( she says I don’t need it ) but is scared that it’s so drastic. She also worried I won’t be happy when all is done. I know she doesn’t think is a problem but it’s draining but there’s no way to sway me! Any ideas ?

I'm going to advise the opposite here, TALK ABOUT IT! Find out what her fears are, and the both of you research the reality over the perception, together. Be open with her about your fears, explain **ALL** the reasons why you want the surgery. Leave NOTHING unexposed. And make sure she understands that you are hearing her concerns, and that they mean a lot to you, and that you've weighed out the pros and cons and the pros outweigh the cons. ETC or something akin to that...

Is she overweight as well by chance?