Hi, folks. I have not been on this board for a long time. Today, I had a visit to my bariatric surgeon's physician assistant (PA). I am 16 months out from roux en y surgery and have lost a total of 101 pounds. I went there today because I have been experiencing severe abdominal pain, bloating and flatulence at night, every night x 2-3 weeks. I should add that I am an RN and am one semester away from completing my Family Nurse Practitioner Master's degree. The PA gave me some advice, ordered some meds and labs and I checked out--it was about 4:10pm.

She had told me to do the labs today, due to the severity of the symptoms I was having. Their office was closing. I went to my PCP's office--which has a lab tech--and they were closing and the lab tech had left. I went downstairs to the outpatient lab and it was closed. The only lab open was the STAT lab on the 2nd floor. Since I was still in the building, I thought I'd just double check that the PA did not want these labs to be drawn STAT. I went back to the office.

It was locked. I knocked on the door. I had already heard the cackling and loud voices from 10 ft away. As I got closer, I heard the PA saying "I know, and every time she moved her arms! I couldn't believe it! And she had her teenage son with her!" Needless to say both me and my teenaged son (almost 17) heard this. He drove me today because I wasn't feeling well and he also needs to rack up his driving hours to complete his driver's permit and get his regular license. Just then, the PA, the receptionist and someone from the billing dept emerged from the door. They turned white as ghosts. Their jaws almost hit the floor. Being the classy person that I am, I didn't reference that I overheard them talking about something on my body just then. Their reaction confirmed what I thought I overheard. I asked the PA if she wanted the labs STAT, she said no, and my son and I walked to the elevator. The women huddled back by the door, somehow frozen. The only way to either the stairs or the elevator was toward the direction my son and I walked. Clearly, the women felt ashamed (?)/shook by being overheard body-shaming a patient, violating HIPAA, and being overall terrible people.

As we drove home, I was pretty hurt. Most patients at a bariatric surgeon's office are going to have body image issues. Whether they are pre-op or post-op, they have likely experienced some type of negativity about their bodies (either from within or without, or both.) Also, I should add, I am a breast cancer survivor. December 2018 is my five-year anniversary of having stage 2 invasive breast cancer and having a b/l radical mastectomy and subsequent reconstruction, followed by a hysterectomy. One year after my b/l mastectomy, the reality hit me that my GG breasts were now AAs, mutilated and scarred. I felt unattractive, repulsive and beyond depressed. I was thrilled to be alive and that it was caught in time to prevent spreading to my lymph nodes and that by doing a b/l mastectomy, I didn't have to do chemo or radiation. I failed to be able to tolerate Tamoxifen, and had to be put on a cocktail of other meds that resulted in me gaining about 50 pounds to my already Rubenesque 225 lb body. It was a low time.

Then, I got my reconstruction. My breast did not, do not, and will not look like "porn star" boobs, or "stripper boobs," although many people have suggested that was the "up side" of breast cancer. See, when you get a radical mastectomy, they hollow you out like a cantaloupe. Then, either at the same time, or at a later surgery, they insert implants (or, in some cases, spacers). Because I was 220 pounds when I got my reconstruction, they put the biggest implants the FDA allows--800 cc. The reconstruction surgeon repaired a lot of the scarring caused by a severe post-op infection from the initial surgery, during which both of my breast turned black and I had to debride the dead tissue myself at home. I was and am thrilled that I had a good reconstruction surgeon and, after recovering, felt a little bit more whole.

While I had no breast tissue before, but now, any extra cushion vanished as I lost over 100 pounds. My breasts are skin and implant. It's definitely not a "hot" look. Well, all this cancer talk comes into play because what the women were talking about was my breasts. You see, when you get a breast reconstruction, your breasts don't look like regular breasts. Again, they are hard, stiff, and look like "robot boobs," as I call them. Today, at the office, I was wearing a bamboo material sundress, that was mostly dark teal, but also had other colors tie-dyed into the design. In the front is a "peekaboo" hole. The rest of the dress is just an A-line dress with a full skirt. It is not particularly "sexy." (Including my flabby/flappy wing-like arms!) But because my breasts don't move, there is a tiny bit of "side boob" seen protruding into my armpits. Not regular side boob--because remember, nothing is "soft" anymore. No, it's part of the round, button shape (just imagine an implant covered with skin, literally.)

As I reconstructed what the women were saying, I recalled more and more of the beginning. I guess in the moment, in shock, my brain kind of protected me and I somewhat blanked out. Look, we are all human, I get it. We all make mistakes. But for God's sakes, you would think that the staff--including a provider--would be a little more sensitive about yucking it up about patient's bodies while anywhere near the doors/exit.

I am posting here in general for support because it just feels yucky. I know I've never done anything like that as an RN, but one never knows how one's words may affect another person. Also, the HIPAA violation bothers me. I work very hard to whisper, even when I am behind closed office doors, because I know how much sound carries in offices. I often tell my patients "I'm sorry I'm kind of talking softly, but these room walls are paper-thin and I want to protect your privacy." I know I won't have the b*lls to tell the office. I feel like somehow they would turn it around on me, even though 3 of them were there and me *AND* my son heard that. And as a mother of a 16 year old son, a 19 year old son, and a 21 year old daughter--it's creepy.

The implication that my son--who has seen me go through hell and high water with cancer and this gastric bypass--would even think about looking at my breasts is disgusting. This can only come from a woman with no children. The PA is probably like 35 (I am 44), no wedding ring. Normally, I wouldn't even mention any of that because I fully believe in living my own life and others live theirs but for f*cks sake, please don't foist your sick thoughts on me.

I would like some thoughts on how I might handle this. I feel like I won't have the courage to say anything, for fear of being "gaslighted." But, I also feel like there is a lesson for their staff to learn. It occurred to me to write an anonymous letter to the surgeon/head of practice and give a little vague summary of what happened and advise that his staff might want to not be so catty, mean, and to stop violating HIPAA. I don't know. I just know it hurt. I'm hurt. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom.

Edited August 17, 20187 yr by virginiaRN
added detail and typo

Report the HIPPA violation. Their behavior is unacceptable and as medical professionals they know HIPPA. If they did that to you, you better believe they do it to others. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m a nurse as well. I wouldn’t confront them, I’d let the investigation of the violation speak for itself. You’ve been through enough. .... just my two cents.

I see you wrote a letter. Sorry I didn’t read all the other posts, I just responded to your initial post. Good luck with this. I’m praying the outcome will be the best outcome for this situation.

13 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

I'm sure they are the type of people that have been doing this all their lives... Bad behaviors don't start at 32

Oh and I forgot they violated a clause in the Hippocratic oath

"Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets."

Word. Definitely violated this.

12 hours ago, superthin said:

In my mind I’m picturing a Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman scene, where she tells the nasty lady in the store, “big mistake”. Lol, my mind just goes there. Seriously though, I’m really pissed off on your behalf, definitely file a report. Just know that you are an amazing warrior, fighting cancer and losing all that weight!! We all have your back!

That would have been completely dope to say. I will keep that in mind for (god forbid) future episodes. Thanks!

6 hours ago, Saddy said:

I’ve been through hell and back. What would I do? Let their boss know, get over and move on. You don’t want to spend all your good energy hitting over someone who is not really all that important in your life. It’s already happened, you can’t change a thing. What you can change is your way of thinking. Place your energy onto something you enjoy rather than these idiots.

Personally, I am over it. I was pretty much over it the next day. Having been heavy most of my life, I've been called much worse, in much more public circumstances, and cried real tears over it. My skin is old leather at this point. As a card-carrying member of the medical profession, I do feel an implicit and explicit duty to protect other patients from this type of behavior. Ironically, as a Family Nurse Practitioner, I will be giving referrals to practices of various specialties. This will not be one of them. Just last spring, in my first Family Nurse Practitioner rotation, I referred all my patients who were interested in learning about bariatric surgery to a different practice because there have been a few other incidents with this practice (that I experienced and some of my co-workers experienced.) I must have referred 20 people to a different practice is 4 months. So, about 5 per month. I graduate in December. If I practice for 20 years (at least), that's 20 x 5 x 12= 1200 potential customers/patients. The surgeon is about my age, so he'll likely be practicing at least that long. I'm sure they'll get along just fine without my referrals, but I'm sure they would have liked them just the same. Just saying... Anyway, thanks for your support. #longgame

Edited August 19, 20187 yr by virginiaRN
typo

That is awful sorry that you had that experience congratulations on your 5 year cancer free Journey and don't allow anyone to make you feel ashamed about your body I would have reported them good luck

5 hours ago, RhondaRob said:

That is awful sorry that you had that experience congratulations on your 5 year cancer free Journey and don't allow anyone to make you feel ashamed about your body I would have reported them good luck

Yes ma'am. Scroll up. Reported. Thanks!

Edited August 19, 20187 yr by virginiaRN
misspelling

VirginiaRN, you sound like an amazing woman. I think most of us who are here have had some sort of back lash re out bodies. But guess what, they know nothing about your heart. It hurts when you do something to help others like you do and then get a slap in the face in return. Yeah it sucks balls to be honest. Don’t change who you are. They’ll get theirs in time I can assure you. You’re stronger than you think, don’t let these in-important people get you down. Be positive, forget them and concentrate on you. :)

I am sorry you went through that.. I’ve been there myself and have also been on the other side (where the physician was criticizing the patient ) and I reported the doctor to the office manager which then got to the main office and that physician was terminated. It’s unacceptable and if they are so disgusted with what they’re seeing and having to deal with, then clearly they’re not in the profession to take care of people and only in it for the money.
I hope you find justice and that those people in that office are penalized for their actions. It shouldn’t have happened wether the patient can hear you or not
-x

I’m sorry! That’s awful! I heard about co workers talking about my body once and I felt awful. But you are doing a great thing for yourself with school and weight loss and I think sometimes people get rude when people become successful. They want to find a way to put someone down because they feel bad about themselves. Keep your head up! You are doing great beautiful lady!

@virginiaRN How did this all turn out? Have you heard back?

I agree that they should be called to the carpet for this! It is completely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior! Contact an administrator at the hospital and request a sit down with them to address the behaviors of their employees. If not for yourself, do it for all the other prospective patients they have spoken about or treated poorly.

LOL, I Sunday morning necroposting.

Yeah but some of the Oldies were Goodies, always wonder how the posters are these days! Probably living maintainable level and still grateful for their surgeries.

#1 thank God You are still alive and capable of writing this post. You have been through so much. God is so good. #2... so often we (especially women) dont speak up out of fear. Well please...he just as strong as you had to be the day you learned of your cancer..and speak up. If not for yourself..do it for someone else. Someone else who may be not as mentally strong as you are..someone who might hear such rude talk and go home and contemplate suicide..or cry for weeks straight. Speak up. I chat tell you just how to do it...I'd personally do it simply by meeting with your PA and ask for the surgeon to come in as well for a important convo. Then just tell them. I'd also put it in writing. Tell the surgeon you also emailed him prior to the appointment. And that you hope this never has to be mentioned again because you have not intentions of speaking about it to anyone else but just felt the need to speak up so that no other pt. Has to feel the way you felt. Remember..if you dont say anything..they WILL do this again.