Problems with friends and family help!

[nicolebklyn 13]

I’m doing well - five days out from gastric sleeve surgery, (down 10 pounds already yeh! - Cw 190,GW140)

but I am at the moment angry with the people around me. My mom is staying with me ostensibly to help me but she decided to “test” me by eating skinny cow chocolate covered ice cream in front of me after eating Pasta for dinner- and then when I had a sugar free fudgcicle tell me how worried she is about me keeping to my diet after she leaves. Then she says how she’s sees all these young with it happy people and it breaks her heart that I’m not one of them and so she’s really glad I got this surgery done.

And then she complains all the time because she’s staying in the spare room and she doesn’t get to sleep in my comfortable bed. And she complains just about everything. I appreciate that she was there for me while I was in the hospital but I’m starting to want her to go.

Then my oldest friend who has always been there for me and vice versa won’t even return my calls or talk with me at all - although I got a few texts - that was it.

Then my closest friend who lives near me doesn’t approve of me having the surgery and shows it in subtle ways - or asks a stupid question when I saw her today if any of my long term medical problems are better yet when of course they’re not better I’m only five days out from my surgery and the problems like chronic foot pain and PCOS come from excess weight- it’s going to take time for them to get better. She was asking that to emphasize something I’m not sure what but it made me feel bad. She has no comprehension what it’s like to be obese she must weigh like 115 pounds or something. She thinks it was an extreme decision I did for reasons of vanity - but she doesn’t understand the nature and challenge of weight loss especially with all my strange health conditions. The first night I was in the hospital she was supposed to visit me but canceled so go out to dinner with her boyfriend’s aunt and uncle saying it was their last night in town, but she’d known about my hospital time for weeks and the aunt and uncle had been in town for days. She did come the next night but it was just happenstance that I was still in the hospital for a second night.

In the meantime I can’t even keep down Protein mashed potatoes in a little jar (I eat from jars for portion control). So I’m just needy - I need a support system and the people I would normally rely on are failing me and I’m angry at them. And I don’t like being needy in this way but I am at the moment. And I’m brought face to face with the nature and quality of my friendships. And how much can we actually ask of our friends? And how much can we ask of our families? I obviously need to see a therapist and work these things out.

But aside from everyone else - I’m doing very well physically. Don’t get me wrong it’s challenging but I’m very happy with my decision. So if any of you out there have experience with negative influences from friends and how to deal with people not being supportive or well intentioned people who end up sabotaging you - please! Let me know how you deal with it.

[ShimmyShade 93]

I know what you mean. Thankfully I have two people that support me completely so I feel like that's the main thing keeping me sane, but my roommates, family, etc are not supportive. Half of them will just be quiet about it and show their support by not talking about how much they think it's a bad idea. One I had to sit down and have a serious talk with about how their comments were hurting instead of supporting. My friend/landlord is taking their stress out on me because they're so worked up on worrying I'm ruining my life. They can't seem to comprehend that it's possible to not live to eat. We were even suppose to go grocery shopping together, but he cancelled saying I would just buy stuff for preop diet and he doesn't want to contribute or associate with it at all.

No support makes everything so much harder. I suggest connecting with people who know what you're going through. I know my bariatric team has a support group every month and I've made some good friends that understand what I'm going through without feeling like I have to justify.

Also one thing that has helped is becoming knowledgeable in everything I can involving the surgery. I wanted to be prepared as much as I can. Whenever my loved ones voiced their concerns I would respond back with a very informed answer. This has gained the respect of a few of my close friends so that, while they still rather I do not, they now back off and respect my choice.

I really hope things get a bit easier for you. You can always talk to all of us on here. I think I would be so much more scared of this process if I didn't have this website and gastric sleeve support groups on Facebook.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Smiles and approval from others is nice, even I at times groove on it. But the smile you want the most, the one you need the most, is the smile😝you can give yourself when you look in your own mirror. Are you,pleasing you, friends may go, you can't know your family will be always there for you. Bottom line the only person you can count is YOU! Even the ancients realized it, they said " To thine own self be true, and it follows,you can not be false to. any others",You would not have been born, had the world🌎 not needed you. Now that you are here, make your own music , sing your own sweet song, make the area around you love and respect you, if they do not, the loss is theirs not yours.

[ShimmyShade 93]

2 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Smiles and approval from others is nice, even I at times groove on it. But the smile you want the most, the one you need the most, is the smile😝you can give yourself when you look in your own mirror. Are you,pleasing you, friends may go, you can't know your family will be always there for you. Bottom line the only person you can count is YOU! Even the ancients realized it, they said " To thine own self be true, and it follows,you can not be false to. any others",You would not have been born, had the world🌎 not needed you. Now that you are here, make your own music , sing your own sweet song, make the area around you love and respect you, if they do not, the loss is theirs not yours.

You make a very good point I missed to mention and that's there is only one person you're guaranteed to live with the rest of your life and that's yourself. As long as you can do what's best for you, you can overcome anything.