Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Problems with friends and family help!



Recommended Posts

I’m doing well - five days out from gastric sleeve surgery, (down 10 pounds already yeh! - Cw 190,GW140)

but I am at the moment angry with the people around me. My mom is staying with me ostensibly to help me but she decided to “test” me by eating skinny cow chocolate covered ice cream in front of me after eating Pasta for dinner- and then when I had a sugar free fudgcicle tell me how worried she is about me keeping to my diet after she leaves. Then she says how she’s sees all these young with it happy people and it breaks her heart that I’m not one of them and so she’s really glad I got this surgery done.

And then she complains all the time because she’s staying in the spare room and she doesn’t get to sleep in my comfortable bed. And she complains just about everything. I appreciate that she was there for me while I was in the hospital but I’m starting to want her to go.

Then my oldest friend who has always been there for me and vice versa won’t even return my calls or talk with me at all - although I got a few texts - that was it.

Then my closest friend who lives near me doesn’t approve of me having the surgery and shows it in subtle ways - or asks a stupid question when I saw her today if any of my long term medical problems are better yet when of course they’re not better I’m only five days out from my surgery and the problems like chronic foot pain and PCOS come from excess weight- it’s going to take time for them to get better. She was asking that to emphasize something I’m not sure what but it made me feel bad. She has no comprehension what it’s like to be obese she must weigh like 115 pounds or something. She thinks it was an extreme decision I did for reasons of vanity - but she doesn’t understand the nature and challenge of weight loss especially with all my strange health conditions. The first night I was in the hospital she was supposed to visit me but canceled so go out to dinner with her boyfriend’s aunt and uncle saying it was their last night in town, but she’d known about my hospital time for weeks and the aunt and uncle had been in town for days. She did come the next night but it was just happenstance that I was still in the hospital for a second night.

In the meantime I can’t even keep down Protein mashed potatoes in a little jar (I eat from jars for portion control). So I’m just needy - I need a support system and the people I would normally rely on are failing me and I’m angry at them. And I don’t like being needy in this way but I am at the moment. And I’m brought face to face with the nature and quality of my friendships. And how much can we actually ask of our friends? And how much can we ask of our families? I obviously need to see a therapist and work these things out.

But aside from everyone else - I’m doing very well physically. Don’t get me wrong it’s challenging but I’m very happy with my decision. So if any of you out there have experience with negative influences from friends and how to deal with people not being supportive or well intentioned people who end up sabotaging you - please! Let me know how you deal with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know what you mean. Thankfully I have two people that support me completely so I feel like that's the main thing keeping me sane, but my roommates, family, etc are not supportive. Half of them will just be quiet about it and show their support by not talking about how much they think it's a bad idea. One I had to sit down and have a serious talk with about how their comments were hurting instead of supporting. My friend/landlord is taking their stress out on me because they're so worked up on worrying I'm ruining my life. They can't seem to comprehend that it's possible to not live to eat. We were even suppose to go grocery shopping together, but he cancelled saying I would just buy stuff for preop diet and he doesn't want to contribute or associate with it at all.

No support makes everything so much harder. I suggest connecting with people who know what you're going through. I know my bariatric team has a support group every month and I've made some good friends that understand what I'm going through without feeling like I have to justify.

Also one thing that has helped is becoming knowledgeable in everything I can involving the surgery. I wanted to be prepared as much as I can. Whenever my loved ones voiced their concerns I would respond back with a very informed answer. This has gained the respect of a few of my close friends so that, while they still rather I do not, they now back off and respect my choice.

I really hope things get a bit easier for you. You can always talk to all of us on here. I think I would be so much more scared of this process if I didn't have this website and gastric sleeve support groups on Facebook.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Smiles and approval from others is nice, even I at times groove on it. But the smile you want the most, the one you need the most, is the smile😝you can give yourself when you look in your own mirror. Are you,pleasing you, friends may go, you can't know your family will be always there for you. Bottom line the only person you can count is YOU! Even the ancients realized it, they said " To thine own self be true, and it follows,you can not be false to. any others",You would not have been born, had the world🌎 not needed you. Now that you are here, make your own music , sing your own sweet song, make the area around you love and respect you, if they do not, the loss is theirs not yours.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Smiles and approval from others is nice, even I at times groove on it. But the smile you want the most, the one you need the most, is the smile😝you can give yourself when you look in your own mirror. Are you,pleasing you, friends may go, you can't know your family will be always there for you. Bottom line the only person you can count is YOU! Even the ancients realized it, they said " To thine own self be true, and it follows,you can not be false to. any others",You would not have been born, had the world🌎 not needed you. Now that you are here, make your own music , sing your own sweet song, make the area around you love and respect you, if they do not, the loss is theirs not yours.

You make a very good point I missed to mention and that's there is only one person you're guaranteed to live with the rest of your life and that's yourself. As long as you can do what's best for you, you can overcome anything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×