Mourning the person you saw in the mirror

[CaribeRidge 104]

I was reading some posts about loosing a lot of weight fast and experiencing depression after surgery although not necessarily related and it got me thinking. When we go into these surgeries, we go in knowing that we will never be the same. That is the goal. We will never be big again. But that also means that we will never see the person we are used to seeing in the mirror again. Our facial features will change. We will look different. When I look at before and after pictures sometimes the faces are hardly recognizable. Have you thought about that at all and how will you feel about it? Do you suppose that might play a little part in the post surgery depression some people experience? That they are somewhat mourning/missing the person they used to be because it was comfortable?

[Matt Z 4,138]

@CaribeRidge That's an interesting concept, I always leaned more toward the depression being caused by a major change that once you kick off, you don't really have any control over. That and all the addictions we have with food, even if it's not a major one, the whole "head hunger" factor, and the fact that you cannot eat everything you want the way you did before were the major causes for post op depression.

Personally, I'm glad to see that fat, nasty, heavy breathing, lazy, unhappy behemoth no longer return to any mirror anywhere ever.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,046]

50 minutes ago, CaribeRidge said:

I was reading some posts about loosing a lot of weight fast and experiencing depression after surgery although not necessarily related and it got me thinking. When we go into these surgeries, we go in knowing that we will never be the same. That is the goal. We will never be big again. But that also means that we will never see the person we are used to seeing in the mirror again. Our facial features will change. We will look different. When I look at before and after pictures sometimes the faces are hardly recognizable. Have you thought about that at all and how will you feel about it? Do you suppose that might play a little part in the post surgery depression some people experience? That they are somewhat mourning/missing the person they used to be because it was comfortable?

That's a really interesting idea. I'll have to mull it over. Thanks!

[TakingABreak 2,733]

On 06/11/2018 at 09:08, CaribeRidge said:

I was reading some posts about loosing a lot of weight fast and experiencing depression after surgery although not necessarily related and it got me thinking. When we go into these surgeries, we go in knowing that we will never be the same. That is the goal. We will never be big again. But that also means that we will never see the person we are used to seeing in the mirror again. Our facial features will change. We will look different. When I look at before and after pictures sometimes the faces are hardly recognizable. Have you thought about that at all and how will you feel about it? Do you suppose that might play a little part in the post surgery depression some people experience? That they are somewhat mourning/missing the person they used to be because it was comfortable?

I’ve also been thinking of it a lot too. I thought for sure, the only problem in my life was my weight. But what happens when you lose the weight and things are the same? It’s a lot of self reflection. I also see these quirks about my body, especially my face that I’m not a fan of. It’s odd, you think you just need to be thinner.....

[Missouri-Lee's Summit 1,256]

It's hard to imagine feeling comfortable with the full-faced person I see when I look into the mirror. Maybe the eating patterns are a comfort, maybe hiding behind clothes that envelop me like a tent are a comfort, but seeing my reflected image is not. Looking in the mirror or being photographed are always avoided.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

11 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

It's hard to imagine feeling comfortable with the full-faced person I see when I look into the mirror. Maybe the eating patterns are a comfort, maybe hiding behind clothes that envelop me like a tent are a comfort, but seeing my reflected image is not. Looking in the mirror or being photographed are always avoided.

I think its the idea that with the weight loss, often comes a change one one's personality. You may find yourself identifying as a new person. A part of "looking in the mirror" is also figurative. You may find that you change enough, will you like the person you see? I hope we all do. I hope we change for the better.

[Frustr8 7,886]

My current appearance, well I have started losing weight in my face, so I don't look so fat faced, but I think my skin tone is off, maybe been persuing Bariatrics and the ensuing,diets so long I do not think. I look healthy, maybe it is age , maybe I look mildly bilious like my poor liver, which is probably NASH because my BMI is teetering,just below 50, is starting to chant,"No Mas" like a tired Latino boxer. Don't have a gall bladder,haven't for 34.5 years, pray my pancreas is sleeping nicely, one bout of acute pancreatitis will do me forever.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

I thanked my body for getting me this far in life, for keeping me safer (even though that is an illusion), as that was my past. I tried to say goodbye to the past and to holding onto anything keeping me in the past. I have to be reminded frequently to keep in the present but it is getting a little easier.

Regarding the 'view' in the mirror, I am still getting used to it. I used to pick someone out in the crowd that was close to my large size to see if I could 'see' what everyone else was seeing. I did a decent job of comparimg. Right now though I find it difficult to pick out someone my current size, I just don't have the perspective. I tried to get my husband to play this game, ha ha!!! He tried to literally find someone with my butt, my height, etc etc....I told him forget it, you are just trying to play it safe by NOT picking someone, by saying no one has my shape.

Edited June 11, 2018 by Sosewsue61

[TakingABreak 2,733]

Just now, Sosewsue61 said:

I used to pick someone out in the crowd that was close to my large size to see if I could 'see' what everyone else was seeing. I did a decent job of comparimg. Right now though I find it difficult to pick out someone my current size, I just don't have the perspective.

I used to do this too! It would be hard to find someone bigger than me, and if they were, they were immobile most of the time. I'd see people on electric scooters in the grocery store or something of that nature. Most of them were older as well, not in their 20's like me.

Now, I look at people and wonder do I look like her? Am I bigger, smaller? I compare myself to people I know, and ask my husband, Am I smaller than her now? It sounds soooo vain. And i guess partially it is. I'm so used to being the biggest in the room, but I don't think its that way anymore. Every time I see someone larger, I think to myself, have they considered WLS? Do they know how different it could be? And I know that it's not always a good option for all, but I can't help that my mind wanders there.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

@AshAsh1, lol...I just did this at the nail salon while gettig a pedicure - 6 out of 10 women there could benefit from wls and I thought Oooo if I could only share that info, I did not of course but my mind went there.

[redhead_che 824]

It’s interesting because I too thought a lot of my issues in life were weight related. I used to tell myself “well you have such bad anxiety now because you got so fat. If you were skinny again you wouldn’t be so anxious” 7 months out from surgery and about 80lbs down and that is a big fat lie 😂 turns out I can’t blame all my issues on my previously fat self.

[GreenTealael 24,864]

On 06/11/2018 at 10:14, Matt Z said:

@CaribeRidge That's an interesting concept, I always leaned more toward the depression being caused by a major change that once you kick off, you don't really have any control over. That and all the addictions we have with food, even if it's not a major one, the whole "head hunger" factor, and the fact that you cannot eat everything you want the way you did before were the major causes for post op depression.

Personally, I'm glad to see that fat, nasty, heavy breathing, lazy, unhappy behemoth no longer return to any mirror anywhere ever.

Absolutely, body dysmorphia is crazy, sometimes I have no clue who I'm looking at prior or post surgery. It's jolting and disorienting. The thing is no one really teaches you how to prepare for that part of the journey. There is no way to train for it or anticipate it until you a experience it.

[Sprinkles1 358]

I used to do this too! It would be hard to find someone bigger than me, and if they were, they were immobile most of the time. I'd see people on electric scooters in the grocery store or something of that nature. Most of them were older as well, not in their 20's like me.
Now, I look at people and wonder do I look like her? Am I bigger, smaller? I compare myself to people I know, and ask my husband, Am I smaller than her now? It sounds soooo vain. And i guess partially it is. I'm so used to being the biggest in the room, but I don't think its that way anymore. Every time I see someone larger, I think to myself, have they considered WLS? Do they know how different it could be? And I know that it's not always a good option for all, but I can't help that my mind wanders there.

Omg! I do that too. Everytime I see someone overweight I think about sharing my wls story with them. I just want to help them live someone helped me. I obviously don't because it would be considered rude but.... I really want to. There's this girl at my job that's nearly immobile due to weight and every time I see her I have the urge to just tell her that she has options. Sigh.

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