I'm ready!

I have had to really keep stuff to myself in this decision to get the surgery and my husband is worse than a jealous co-worker boss.

I get no support for him for this surgery at all. He tells me its because he know's I will fail.

I know that I might be a human and have setbacks. I also know that success is made through failure it's not magic

it's determination, commitment and above all don't give up.

Why would he say that I am going to fail at this? when I have succeeded at so many things.!!! Does he think that I'm a failure?

A loser ??

Yes I love food and yes my weight has been an albatross hanging around my neck and I am done with it.

My back hurts am afraid of becoming my mom. God, I love her but her heart conditions scare me and I'm just like her but shorter.

I don't have daughters that will devote their lives to my care by living and working near me and I don't want them too.

I'm considering hiring a private nurse to care for me after the surgery so that my husband won't have to be involved at all.

1 hour ago, Danny Paul said:

Some of us have to face the realization that we are compulsive overeaters. I didn't realize this until I went on vacation and started eating pastries each day I was on vacation. This was six months after my WLS. In the past, it would not have bothered me as I rationalized that I deserved to eat the pastries since I did such a great job losing weight and that I was on vacation. Something clicked in me and I was bothered by my compulsive overeating. Upon my return home, I sought out a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders. She told me that I was a compulsive overeater and I would fail my WLS. The WLS surgery will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don't fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure. I have since joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and between my therapist and OA I clearly see what my problem is and I'm working on fixing it.

In a way this forum helped me as well because there were people here that advised others to see a therapist. I took that advice as well. There are many here that can control their eating and I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately for me, I can't eat like a normal person and I have to work twice as hard at weight loss success. I wish everyone success and if you feel that you need help, please seek it out. Whether that help is a therapist, OA or a support group, you owe it to yourself.

Thank you for sharing. It's an important reminder that we all have different needs.

Hire a HUNKY nurse who dotes on you and enjoy being treated as you should. You may fail. It does happen. But you have a much much better chance of improving so many aspects of your life if you set yourself up for success. Make it your priority. The surgery will help you for about a year, give or take. Then your new habits and what you have learned are what will keep you from gaining. You have to work. But this will be one powerful tool in your toolbox to help you. You probably shouldn't attempt to do things like make dinner for your Husband, clean the house, bring home a paycheck, do laundry .... because you might fail at those too. Maybe he should do those things since I'm sure he would do a much better job...sorry....not sorry..

On 6/7/2018 at 3:16 PM, Danny Paul said:

Some of us have to face the realization that we are compulsive overeaters. I didn't realize this until I went on vacation and started eating pastries each day I was on vacation. This was six months after my WLS. In the past, it would not have bothered me as I rationalized that I deserved to eat the pastries since I did such a great job losing weight and that I was on vacation. Something clicked in me and I was bothered by my compulsive overeating. Upon my return home, I sought out a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders. She told me that I was a compulsive overeater and I would fail my WLS. The WLS surgery will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don't fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure. I have since joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and between my therapist and OA I clearly see what my problem is and I'm working on fixing it.

In a way this forum helped me as well because there were people here that advised others to see a therapist. I took that advice as well. There are many here that can control their eating and I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately for me, I can't eat like a normal person and I have to work twice as hard at weight loss success. I wish everyone success and if you feel that you need help, please seek it out. Whether that help is a therapist, OA or a support group, you owe it to yourself.

Wow thank you Ill do it right away. OA? Never heard of it before

Two things might be happening here: he might think he can influence you out of surgery, and he might think he's being funny. (There are other options that skew closer to "he's an evil jerk" but I'll leave those aside for now.)

Step one might be telling him that you're doing this, that it's a set decision, and that you could use his support but if he's not ready to do that then you're not open to hearing any anti-WLS comments from him, because it's happening. Tell him it would be like him saying he wants to get a promotion, and you constantly telling him he's not worth it, he can't do the job, his bosses will laugh at him for asking... Not helpful, right? So either support or agree to not talk about this anymore.

If he thinks he's being funny, then tell him he's not. Jokes about you regaining or about you failing aren't funny, not even a little, they're just mean. They're not casual observations, they're not motivating reminders, they're just mean little asides that do absolutely nothing but make you feel crappy. Ask him why he makes the comments. Is it because he thinks they're funny? They're not. Does he think he's just making observations? Well, there are consequences. And does he care that he's making you feel horrible multiple times a day? If the answer to that is that he's purposely saying something to make you feel awful, then there's a much larger conversation to be had.

But there is a chance that all of this is him trying any route he can to stop you from getting the surgery because he's scared of a "non-necessary surgery". He's being passive-aggressive about it, but if the root is that he's scared he'll lose you, at least that's a positive in that it's a twisted way of caring. And at that point you at least have an avenue to talk about morbidity rates, quality of life after surgery, etc. And that's less emotionally fraught than all of the personal stuff.

Dig a bit if you can. Hopefully he's not just a jerk at heart.

OA is Overeaters Anonymous, better them than Obesity Helps I've heard those folks can be snide, nasty and hurtful.?

His statement speaks volumes of his insecurity, not anything about you or your ability to succeed. This is also a statement that reveals a person who does not have your back. You may lose a full grown male and a great deal of weight once you succeed with this surgery!

The funny thing about his statement is that many of us have failed so many time with diets, food plans, etc. that the only tool available for a healthy self is weight loss surgery.

There are husbands or significant others who don’t initially support the surgery because they are worried about their spouse having major surgery and love them no matter what size. He doesn’t seem to be one of those husbands.

You can do this! You are stronger than you realize! Hubby will come around l, and if not, that’s an extra 175lb you will be shedding in addition.

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

43 minutes ago, churchgirl said:

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

Good for you! I'm glad you finally got your surgery and hope you have a speedy recovery!

Its spelled D I V O R C E

And maybe also R E L I E F !

On 6/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, IveGotThePower said:

Hire a HUNKY nurse who dotes on you and enjoy being treated as you should. You may fail. It does happen. But you have a much much better chance of improving so many aspects of your life if you set yourself up for success. Make it your priority. The surgery will help you for about a year, give or take. Then your new habits and what you have learned are what will keep you from gaining. You have to work. But this will be one powerful tool in your toolbox to help you. You probably shouldn't attempt to do things like make dinner for your Husband, clean the house, bring home a paycheck, do laundry .... because you might fail at those too. Maybe he should do those things since I'm sure he would do a much better job...sorry....not sorry..

Thats a wonderful idea !!! LMAO

15 hours ago, churchgirl said:

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

I just started crying when i read this . Thyank you so much.

Danny Paul - New to all of this & 6 days post op & you just answered the huge question & worry that has been in the back of my mind for the nine months I’ve been talking myself in & out of this surgery! What makes me think, after all these years as a compulsive over eater, that I’m suddenly not going to continue that ingrained habit because I don’t like to be sick?! Heck, I spent a lot of time taking Imodium & being nauseous before! You nailed it! “ The wls will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don’t fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure.”
Right now, after 6 days, I’m down 14 lbs & I’m ecstatic! But that ever present thought in the back of my mind that says, “When is the other shoe going to drop?” was just answered by your reminder. The WLS was just the first step down this road. Time to work on my mind now. I so don’t want to fail.

Thank you so much! You’re an angel in disguise!