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Husband does not support my dream to have this surgery



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I'm ready!

I have had to really keep stuff to myself in this decision to get the surgery and my husband is worse than a jealous co-worker boss.

I get no support for him for this surgery at all. He tells me its because he know's I will fail.

I know that I might be a human and have setbacks. I also know that success is made through failure it's not magic

it's determination, commitment and above all don't give up.

Why would he say that I am going to fail at this? when I have succeeded at so many things.!!! Does he think that I'm a failure?

A loser ??:47_tired_face:

Yes I love food and yes my weight has been an albatross hanging around my neck and I am done with it.

My back hurts am afraid of becoming my mom. God, I love her but her heart conditions scare me and I'm just like her but shorter.

I don't have daughters that will devote their lives to my care by living and working near me and I don't want them too.

I'm considering hiring a private nurse to care for me after the surgery so that my husband won't have to be involved at all.

:49_triumph:

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Posted (edited)

wow, i don't know what to say to a husband that says no surgery cause you will just fail anyway.

Well i do know what to say BUT no i will not. I am sure you know now what type of person you are married to.

I am sorry you will not have his support thru this. I hope you can other family or close friends to be there for you.

You have to do this for you not for him, he does not live your life and sometimes you just have to do the most selfish thing in the world and save your own life with or without his support.

Edited by allwet
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I'm at a loss for words. Only you know what's best for you. If your mind is made up, then go for it. Show him how successful you'll be. We'll all be right here cheering you on. If you fall, we'll pick you up and help get you back on track.

Sleeves on April 25, 2018
HW: 256
SW: 238
CW: 222
GW: 165

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1 hour ago, allwet said:

You have to do this for you not for him, he does not live your life and sometimes you just have to do the most selfish thing in the world and save your own life with or without his support.

Well said!

Bobbi, I do hope your husband comes around. This is a major life-change and will affect both of you whether he wants it to or not. Best wishes.

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It's a good thing you're doing this for you and not for him then :)

In my experience, the surgery isn't disabling, so if he isn't there to wait on you hand and foot once it's it said and done- no worries. Getting up to get your own Protein Shakes and Jello is good for you. You'll need to move some anyway!

Also, you can still love food! You'll just enjoy smaller tastes of it.

And- you won't fail!

Men! Who needs them? :) (Disclosure: I do like mine most of the time, but we can disagree too.)

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I am sorry you don’t have the support from your husband. It breaks my heart. But you have to do you. You are doing this for you, not him. Your health is priority.you got this though, don’t give up

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3 hours ago, Bobbie2017 said:

I get no support for him for this surgery at all. He tells me its because he know's I will fail.

Your husband sounds like an entitled prat.

History says that GASTRIC SLEEVE surgery works to help over 90% of patients improve their health and their lives exponentially.

I had failed to stick past many previous diets. I'd get to four months or seven months and then have an emotional or career setback that would undermine my resolve.

35 weeks ago today, I had the surgery and it gave me the impetus to beat my troubled relationship with food and exercise.

I am 104 pounds (47.6 kilograms) lighter than I was on 12th October 2017.

Tell him the history of the op is pretty sound. Tell him that you don't need the negative attitude.

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WELL I'll simply send him to "you all " for a good old kick in the pants :D

Thank you all so much!!! I was trying to rationalize his statement and think will there must be something so wrong with me it can't be repaired. Then I thought well maybe he's playing the opposite game with me. Nope, he's that kind of guy he thinks I'm a gluttonous person at 267 pounds. Him at his nice lean and mean 175. Women and men are staring at him like he's candy.

I can't wait!

Thanks so very much

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empathy and compassion extended to you, I've walked the wall and waited until almost too late in my life for surgery.
I'm probably,too close to this fire, it makes my scars hurt. Let me close with a FYI, okay? Pull up,and thread/posting called" Surgery- it's the easy way" read my life story , I believe it might give you clarity in this.
Please don't cave like I did' so long---get the surgery!😛❤😛

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Oh wow! Hugs to you. I was in a similar situation. Mine didn’t want me to have it because he was concerned d about me losing so much weight so fast. I finally told him that I was doing with or without his blessing. Now he’s more excited about next Thursday than I am. Hopefully your husband comes around and is supportive. Either way, do what’s best for your health and let the chips fall where they may.

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20 hours ago, Bobbie2017 said:

I'm ready!

I have had to really keep stuff to myself in this decision to get the surgery and my husband is worse than a jealous co-worker boss.

I get no support for him for this surgery at all. He tells me its because he know's I will fail.

I know that I might be a human and have setbacks. I also know that success is made through failure it's not magic

it's determination, commitment and above all don't give up.

Why would he say that I am going to fail at this? when I have succeeded at so many things.!!! Does he think that I'm a failure?

A loser ??:47_tired_face:

Yes I love food and yes my weight has been an albatross hanging around my neck and I am done with it.

My back hurts am afraid of becoming my mom. God, I love her but her heart conditions scare me and I'm just like her but shorter.

I don't have daughters that will devote their lives to my care by living and working near me and I don't want them too.

I'm considering hiring a private nurse to care for me after the surgery so that my husband won't have to be involved at all.

:49_triumph:

Maybe its time to start thinking about a divorce.

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Use his doubt in you to bring you success. Nothing feels as good as proving him wrong! You are strong and if he doesn't support you then seek therapy or possibly consider if that is a future where you want your significant other to belittle you.

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20 hours ago, Bobbie2017 said:

I know that I might be a human and have setbacks. I also know that success is made through failure it's not magic

I'm sure each person that has had WLS will succumb to a setback during their weight loss journey. We are after all only human. It's how we respond to those setbacks. Some continue down the same path that caused them to be unhealthy to begin with. Others adapt to their new way of life because the WLS has given them a jumpstart on weight loss and a realization that we can actually lose the weight. It's always easier to succeed when you have support but, in your case you will need to succeed due to your lack of support.

Continue on weight loss journey. Do what is required to get the surgery. Plan for the wonderful life you will have post surgery but most of all don't be afraid to seek support. Support can be right here on the message boards, at a group meeting of fellow bariatrics or an organized group that helps to support your continued weight loss success. Do not feel as if you must do it alone. Once you succeed you can then pass on that success and support to someone else and you can continue the cycle of helping others. Good luck and hopefully as happened to another poster your husband will come around.

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THats effed up, but sometimes you have to do whats right for you.

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18 hours ago, Bobbie2017 said:

Nope, he's that kind of guy he thinks I'm a gluttonous person at 267 pounds. Him at his nice lean and mean 175. Women and men are staring at him like he's candy.

Have you considered that he might be insecure that once you lose weight you'll be more attractive to other men? Unfortunately it isn't uncommon for partners of those who have WLS to develop jealousy and insecurity about this issue. I totally agree with everyone else - this surgery is for YOU and YOUR health! Go forward without his support and tell him, from me, to shove it ;);)

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