Hello,
How do you tell your significant other that you plan on getting weight loss surgery?

I had talked to my S.O. about it a year ago and he thought it was not needed, and that all I needed was a different kind of diet and exercise program. We've been together for over 6 years, and he should know how many times I've tried and gained the weight back (plus more). He loses weight fairly easy. I think he sees WLS as extreme and maybe even an easy way out.
Five years ago I had my gallbladder removed, it was a planned surgery and made my life so much better. I wish he would see it like that.

How did you break the news about your plans for weight loss surgery to your loved ones who might be against it?

Edited December 30, 20178 yr by AnnaK1
added info

I sat down with my husband and told him how miserable I was. How unhappy. How my knees hurt. How my orthopedic surgeon would not do the knee replacement until I lost at least 50 pounds. How I was tired of being fat. How I was tired of doing everything and it not working and how the doctor said I was a great candidate for this.

And I told him how I went to the information seminar and I really thought this was the way to go. And I was scared because it was permanent, but I needed to do it and I wanted to be there for him and our kids. And I wanted him to come with me in two weeks to my meeting with the surgeon. And that's how it went.

And we cried. And we hugged. And he said - I love you and I want you to be happy. That's what I did.

To be fair, I did not tell my mother or my sister, since I knew they would not be supportive of my decision. They still don't know. You need to do this for your health. If he loves you and wants you around for the long term, then he will come around.

3 minutes ago, Diana_in_Philly said:

I sat down with my husband and told him how miserable I was. How unhappy. How my knees hurt. How my orthopedic surgeon would not do the knee replacement until I lost at least 50 pounds. How I was tired of being fat. How I was tired of doing everything and it not working and how the doctor said I was a great candidate for this.

And I told him how I went to the information seminar and I really thought this was the way to go. And I was scared because it was permanent, but I needed to do it and I wanted to be there for him and our kids. And I wanted him to come with me in two weeks to my meeting with the surgeon. And that's how it went.

Maybe if I write down the reasons why I want the surgery it would make it easier for me to tell him.

19 minutes ago, Diana_in_Philly said:

I did not tell my mother or my sister, since I knew they would not be supportive of my decision. They still don't know. You need to do this for your health. If he loves you and wants you around for the long term, then he will come around.

The spouse is the person you MUST tell, I guess.

I chose which family and friends were in my "need to know" group. Some of my (otherwise) good friends are not pro-WLS ... just like the OP's spouse.

I had been recommended by my endocrinologist to the weight loss surgeon as I was gaining and no amount of increasing my thyroid meds was helping my metabolism (was up to T3 2 x a day and T4 once a day) ...so I mentioned to my husband and he knew that I was working hard to lose and going to the gym and really struggling...but he really was worried and wasn't sure I needed it or should get something so permanent. I asked him to go with me to the seminar my surgeon holds every month..

once he heard the statistic that only 1% of people who hit a certain BMI can lose the weight and keep it off, he said whatever you want to do, I support you and that was it...it was really a sobering statistic and hearing how the hormones in the fat cells are just fighting you to put it back on, I knew at that point I was probably not turning back..that was last February and I had my first appt with the surgeon in early June.

maybe it would help if you took him to a seminar?

Edited December 30, 20178 yr by Jeannie49

Taking him to a seminar is a great idea, thank you!

3 minutes ago, Jeannie49 said:

maybe it would help if you took him to a seminar?

39 minutes ago, AK37 said:

Taking him to a seminar is a great idea, thank you!

sure good luck - let us know it goes!

I took my husband to all of my seminars and most of my doctor appointments. He asked a lot of good questions and spent my first night home reading all of my instructions from the hospital out loud. Then, he read all my post surgical stuff from my doctor and nutritionist. He's been a key player in keeping me on track and being my cheerleader. My adult daughter has been amazingly supportive, too. Tells me she's proud of me all the time. I lucked out in the support department and i'm truly grateful.

Even my mom...who was scared to death about the surgery...has become a cheerleader. She keeps protein drinks in her fridge for me and is completely supportive.

Most of the folks who love us will have a little struggle with fear. Education helps:)

I wrote him a note, it's easier for me to tell him this way so I get my thoughts together and be less nervous about it because it's so important to me. I'll give it to him when he gets home from work in the morning.
Depending how open he is, I will take him to a seminar once I can.
I'll let ya'll know how it goes. Wish me luck!

Best wishes:) Also keep in mind that the occasional guy gets a little insecure about their significant other becoming all skinny and hot and sexy. it can be kind of intimidating and they'll wonder if you're working on trading up to a nicer model. it's a good time to reassure them that you're still very into them and you're not looking for greener pastures:)

I sat him down - over wine and told him. Had spoken about previously. It happened quick and cost a bundle We had a few moments. He was not on board until like 6 months after. It was hard Life is hard. I knew he was with me even though he disagreed and was confused. He was scared It is OK. Trust.

My spouse was very supportive, which I'm thankful for, but my mother was NOT. It was hard, but I just told her straight up that I'd started the pathway and would be having the surgery. That I was tired of carrying that extra 100 lbs around, having high blood pressure, being pre-diabetic, hating the way I looked and felt. She argued, suggested some crazy-ass diet pills, told me I wasn't fat (ha!) and then cried. Honestly, she was just frightened that something would happen to me...like so many people, she didn't know anyone who'd had WLS and been successful, she only knew someone who knew someone who'd died or another of the innumerable horror stories out there about the surgery. Now, she's my biggest cheerleader and fan...in some ways, it's helped our overall relationship. My advice is to tell them you're doing it, not asking for permission, and tell them you need their support. If they truly care about you, they'll be there when you need them.

He read my letter, and thought it was sweet. He did argue with me that he wanted me to try a different diet and exercise method with him in control. I told him I've already tried that, and when I told him last year that I was going to consider wls if trying to loose weight failed again then that was the time to have done it. I'm not going to wait any longer. I stuck to my guns. He'd prefer I lost weight without surgery but will stand by me for this. He is happy that I am taking my health into control and I think he will get more comfortable with the idea of wls as time goes by.

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I told my husband it was for health reasons. He said he doesn't like surgery but if it was something I wanted to do he would be supportive. He said if I am going to do it, to do it now, while I am still in 40s because the older you get, the more difficult surgery can be. I am not embarrassed about telling people, I thought I would get bad reactions because people would judge me for "taking the easy way out" Some people do think (thy won't come out and say it, just say a. story about someone they know that lost weight without surgery)that but who really cares? It is a tool that we need to help ourselves get healthy. Most people are really supportive. Stick to your decision, we have to jump through so many hoops by the time our surgery date comes around you are going to be super ready and glad you didn't put it off any longer.

My wife was on board so it didn't take any convincing but here's one thing you might try. We were at the store buying a bag of paper cat litter (for our rabbits). Each bag weighs 25#'s. I had my wife pick one up and pointed out that I am carrying around more than 3 of those in extra weight. That was am eye opener even for me.

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My suggestion would be to be prepared to answer questions and reassure them that this is the best option for you. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I did not keep this a secret from anyone. I told everyone of any importance in my life and almost everyone has been amazingly supportive. My husband was a bit skeptical at first but once i explained it to him and he read some literature on it he has been totally on board. The only person who has been negative was my father in law and I just ignored him (he is always so negative anyway).