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OK so I understand I may get a telling off from some of you, but this is something I'm really curious about so gunna just go ahead and ask.

Before your weight loss surgery, did you guys really try to lose it on your own? May sound a silly question, we've all tried but how long was we trying before deciding on the surgery and how long did each diet and excersize plan last?

I'm asking this because since bring accepted I'm starting to feel guilt. (I will be getting my surgery on the NHS) I feel like I could of tried harder and for longer and that maybe I'm not deserving of this surgery. I have serious motivation problems when it comes to even going to the shop down the road from me let alone excersize. I think it's due to my depression.

Also having pcos, it takes a lot longer for results to start showing so I hold my hands up and say that because I wasn't seeing change soon enough I would get upset give up easily.

Please say I'm not the only one who feels like this! Ever since deciding on getting the surgery I can't help but feel so undeserving of it.

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238

GW 133

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I tried loosing weight on my own for about 8 years.. lost / gained weight, it’s no beainer.. it was due food addiction. Surgery gave me the opportunity not only to lose weight.. but to re-think and fix my earing habbits. See food a different way and eat to live.. not the other way around.. People think we chose the eas way..frankly, surgery helped me, but I also spend aboout 8 hours a week working out at the gym. At the end of day part of me says I couldn’t do it on my own.. other part of me is satrisfied and happy with my results and change.. not only physically, but mentally.

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I've tried since I was 9. My longest lasting attempt has been low carb (since 2000). I too have PCOS. I'm also pre-diabetic, have had a pretty severe hormone positive (obesity related) breast cancer, asthma, arthritis, left arm lymphedema (from the cancer treatment), high blood pressure, and other stuff. The likelihood of losing the weight and maintaining the loss with my health situation is about the same as me winning a multi-million dollar lottery. It's not impossible that I could do this on my own, it's just highly unlikely and improbable.

But in saying this, I do not excuse my personal responsibility in contributing to my obesity. It's another chicken/egg thing. Did I eat myself into obesity? Or did my constant yo-yo dieting get me to the point that I was unable to resist the hormonal drive to eat--and to eat crap food, rather than lean, clean food? Dunno. Doesn't matter. I'm here and that's enough. Research is showing that the reason so few are successful long term in losing and maintaining weight loss is because the body will sabotage us. Once we get fat, it seems--the body wants to keep us fat and will dump a whole host of hormones on us to make sure we eat and re-feed to beyond our previous weight. It sounds like we're victims of our fat body. Right? Except I don't want to be a victim--it robs us of power and action.

So where I am right now is at the point where I have to accept that I need an additional boost (through a metabolic reset and surgery) in order to succeed at this whole weight loss thing. Will it change my head? Nope. I still have to work on changing that. But it will change a whole host of things they "think" contributes to long term obesity. It will immediately within about 3 weeks drop my chance of cancer recurrence about another 30-45% (I'm presently now at a 25% recurrence rate--so it will split it in half).

Do I need this surgery? Absolutely.

Do I deserve this surgery? Well, that's putting a value statement on it. Maybe. Maybe not. It's almost a Schroedinger's Cat question. Philosophically, do you believe the cat in the box is dead? Does anyone deserve a better metabolic chance at changing their life long term, but for at least a minimum of 12 years? Are any of us worthy--or more worthy than another? I don't fool myself that I will suddenly be healthy enough to go out there and cure cancer, or solve the meaning of life and existence. But, chances are (and my insurance company is betting on this), that I will be healthier after surgery to more than pay for the $50000 or so they will spend on me having the surgery. So I'ma say I deserve the surgery. Cuz I can. :D

Edited by FluffyChix

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Beating yourself up over deserving/not deserving surgery is wrong headed thinking. Value yourself enough to take an oppotunity when it is presented - would you turn down a raise because well, you didn't work to perfection? I'm thinking that answer is no. We are not perfect, we can only be better and move forward.

Surgery will give you better tools to KEEP the weight off providing you get your whole self in the game, especially your mind. I used the preop time to think about my relationship to food, my body needs fuel but food is not my comfort, my friend, a solution to anxiety or problems - after you indulge in food as a behavior - those issues are still there. Stop fearing food, stop giving it power over you. The surgery took my hunger and desire away, but I was ready to let go of food controlling me.

Have surgery. Good luck. See you on the 'other side'.

Edited by Sosewsue61

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I have been dieting off and on since the early 80s. I was a 38 waist when I entered high school. I got down to a 31 waist by Sophomore year, and maintained until graduation (playing sports and very active). I ballooned back up to a 38 waist by the age of 25 I then started see-sawing back and forth every year, and the range bottom got higher and higher until I was 326 with a 44 waist.

I definitely deserved this surgery. I paid for it. I did what I needed to do to prepare for it. I am doing what I need to do to ensure my success. I am a loose 36 waist now. I can wear some 34s. I am not going back.

If you feel that you haven't legitimately tried to lose weight and keep it off before, then that doesn't mean you don't deserve the surgery. I will just say that you'd better put in the work now. You are going to have to change your relationship with food, and hopefully get over the resistance to exercise. Otherwise, you might have a hard time losing and/or keeping off the weight. This isn't a magic bullet, and isn't easy. It takes work even with the surgery.

Your surgery is on January 17th. That means you have roughly a month to prepare. Go on a diet now, and see what you can do. Add in some walking everyday. You will at least have a better understanding of what it is going to take, and whether or not you will be able to do it without surgery.

I wish you the very best.

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I started gaining weight significantly when I hit puberty. While I'm not technically PCOS I have a hormone issue that causes many of the same symptoms including infertility issues. I also am hypothyroid and have been on medication since my early 20s. I maintained the same weight and size for about a decade. I would diet, lost 20-40 pounds and then plateau and put it all back on plus some which would slowly come off and I would hover at the same weight. From about 16-26 I was 260s and a size 20. I had a miscarriage in 2010 and that's when my weight started to go up and my normal diet and exercise routine became harder and harder. Having to use fertility meds made me gain weight and my baseline was in the 280s going into my 30s, 290s after having my daughter and finally I broke 300 and knew I needed help.

The only time I had a truly successful weight-loss sustained was during my pregnancy with my son. He was a large baby and I could not eat much as I didn't have room for my stomach to expand. I lost 30 pounds and maintained it for almost a year (during and after my pregnancy with him) until I got pregnant again when he was 1 (another miscarriage). That's why the sleeve was suggested to me by my OBGYN, because she saw how the restricted ability of me to eat, resulted in successful weight loss at the time. This is the first time in my life I've been able to successfully lose more than 30-40 pounds and keep it off for more than 6 months.

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Honestly I thought I was going to open my comments up and see replys like "ofcourse we've tried hard enough, how can you even ask that?“ and/or "it sounds like you probably shouldn't have the surgery" but I haven't. Thank you so much for your honest answers and advice on making me feel less deserving that anyone else. I went on an hour and a half walk today with busts of running and jogging in between and I already feel better. I think the difference on feeling guilty is the fact I'm getting the surgery on the NHS and haven't paid for it like alot of people have to. If I paid for it myself I wouldn't even question it.

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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1 hour ago, JeezLouise91 said:

Honestly I thought I was going to open my comments up and see replys like "ofcourse we've tried hard enough, how can you even ask that?“ and/or "it sounds like you probably shouldn't have the surgery" but I haven't. Thank you so much for your honest answers and advice on making me feel less deserving that anyone else. I went on an hour and a half walk today with busts of running and jogging in between and I already feel better. I think the difference on feeling guilty is the fact I'm getting the surgery on the NHS and haven't paid for it like alot of people have to. If I paid for it myself I wouldn't even question it.

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

I definitely thought that I didn't try hard enough to lose weight. I remember the night before surgery, I was very emotional and just wanted to go home. I felt so guilty because I honestly didn't exercise much and used food as a crutch when I was feeling down. I had my surgery in October, and I've gone from 220 to 180 lbs. I'm slipping back into my old habits (I've figured out which foods are sliders for me and take advantage of it). I don't exercise (hopefully joining the gym today) and I've stayed at 180 even for the past three weeks. Although my insurance covered most of my surgery, I still had to pay a hefty amount to the hospital. My advice to you is to not over think it. Whatever thoughts and decisions that brought you to the idea of WLS were for a reason. Do not feel guilty for wanting to feel better. I always thought of surgery as a reset button, a second chance to start all over. Don't feel guilty about wanting a second chance. You're exercising, which shows that you are committed to it! Be proud, girl! You're already taking steps to better your health and future!

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I tried loosing weight on my own for about 8 years.. lost / gained weight, it’s no beainer.. it was due food addiction. Surgery gave me the opportunity not only to lose weight.. but to re-think and fix my earing habbits. See food a different way and eat to live.. not the other way around.. People think we chose the eas way..frankly, surgery helped me, but I also spend aboout 8 hours a week working out at the gym. At the end of day part of me says I couldn’t do it on my own.. other part of me is satrisfied and happy with my results and change.. not only physically, but mentally.


So true it's not the easy way out, I'll still have to work at it! Also I was on such denial about having a food addiction but I'm starting to accept that maybe I have when I'm not feeling great.

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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I've tried since I was 9. My longest lasting attempt has been low carb (since 2000). I too have PCOS. I'm also pre-diabetic, have had a pretty severe hormone positive (obesity related) breast cancer, asthma, arthritis, left arm lymphedema (from the cancer treatment), high blood pressure, and other stuff. The likelihood of losing the weight and maintaining the loss with my health situation is about the same as me winning a multi-million dollar lottery. It's not impossible that I could do this on my own, it's just highly unlikely and improbable.
But in saying this, I do not excuse my personal responsibility in contributing to my obesity. It's another chicken/egg thing. Did I eat myself into obesity? Or did my constant yo-yo dieting get me to the point that I was unable to resist the hormonal drive to eat--and to eat crap food, rather than lean, clean food? Dunno. Doesn't matter. I'm here and that's enough. Research is showing that the reason so few are successful long term in losing and maintaining weight loss is because the body will sabotage us. Once we get fat, it seems--the body wants to keep us fat and will dump a whole host of hormones on us to make sure we eat and re-feed to beyond our previous weight. It sounds like we're victims of our fat body. Right? Except I don't want to be a victim--it robs us of power and action.
So where I am right now is at the point where I have to accept that I need an additional boost (through a metabolic reset and surgery) in order to succeed at this whole weight loss thing. Will it change my head? Nope. I still have to work on changing that. But it will change a whole host of things they "think" contributes to long term obesity. It will immediately within about 3 weeks drop my chance of cancer recurrence about another 30-45% (I'm presently now at a 25% recurrence rate--so it will split it in half).
Do I need this surgery? Absolutely.
Do I deserve this surgery? Well, that's putting a value statement on it. Maybe. Maybe not. It's almost a Schroedinger's Cat question. Philosophically, do you believe the cat in the box is dead? Does anyone deserve a better metabolic chance at changing their life long term, but for at least a minimum of 12 years? Are any of us worthy--or more worthy than another? I don't fool myself that I will suddenly be healthy enough to go out there and cure cancer, or solve the meaning of life and existence. But, chances are (and my insurance company is betting on this), that I will be healthier after surgery to more than pay for the $50000 or so they will spend on me having the surgery. So I'ma say I deserve the surgery. Cuz I can. [emoji3]


Bless your heart you've been through alot. I would say that it sounds like you most definitely deserve the surgery, but the point of your reply is that we shouldn't think like that and catorgrise each other in order of most deserving to least. Thanks so much for your honest reply, really has made me feel alot better. I too have asthma and know that this certainly doesn't help when it comes to excersizing!

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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Beating yourself up over deserving/not deserving surgery is wrong headed thinking. Value yourself enough to take an oppotunity when it is presented - would you turn down a raise because well, you didn't work to perfection? I'm thinking that answer is no. We are not perfect, we can only be better and move forward.
Surgery will give you better tools to KEEP the weight off providing you get your whole self in the game, especially your mind. I used the preop time to think about my relationship to food, my body needs fuel but food is not my comfort, my friend, a solution to anxiety or problems - after you indulge in food as a behavior - those issues are still there. Stop fearing food, stop giving it power over you. The surgery took my hunger and desire away, but I was ready to let go of food controlling me.
Have surgery. Good luck. See you on the 'other side'.


Thanks so much for your advice. I will try to use this time wisely while I can in regards to my relationship with food. can't wait to join you!

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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I have been dieting off and on since the early 80s. I was a 38 waist when I entered high school. I got down to a 31 waist by Sophomore year, and maintained until graduation (playing sports and very active). I ballooned back up to a 38 waist by the age of 25 I then started see-sawing back and forth every year, and the range bottom got higher and higher until I was 326 with a 44 waist.
I definitely deserved this surgery. I paid for it. I did what I needed to do to prepare for it. I am doing what I need to do to ensure my success. I am a loose 36 waist now. I can wear some 34s. I am not going back.
If you feel that you haven't legitimately tried to lose weight and keep it off before, then that doesn't mean you don't deserve the surgery. I will just say that you'd better put in the work now. You are going to have to change your relationship with food, and hopefully get over the resistance to exercise. Otherwise, you might have a hard time losing and/or keeping off the weight. This isn't a magic bullet, and isn't easy. It takes work even with the surgery.
Your surgery is on January 17th. That means you have roughly a month to prepare. Go on a diet now, and see what you can do. Add in some walking everyday. You will at least have a better understanding of what it is going to take, and whether or not you will be able to do it without surgery.
I wish you the very best.



After reading your comment I went for a walk, thank you for this. I'm glad you know in your heart you truly deserve the surgery, I wish I did but you're right about how it doesn't matter too much if I hadn't tried my very hardest, what matters is now. [emoji4]

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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I started gaining weight significantly when I hit puberty. While I'm not technically PCOS I have a hormone issue that causes many of the same symptoms including infertility issues. I also am hypothyroid and have been on medication since my early 20s. I maintained the same weight and size for about a decade. I would diet, lost 20-40 pounds and then plateau and put it all back on plus some which would slowly come off and I would hover at the same weight. From about 16-26 I was 260s and a size 20. I had a miscarriage in 2010 and that's when my weight started to go up and my normal diet and exercise routine became harder and harder. Having to use fertility meds made me gain weight and my baseline was in the 280s going into my 30s, 290s after having my daughter and finally I broke 300 and knew I needed help.
The only time I had a truly successful weight-loss sustained was during my pregnancy with my son. He was a large baby and I could not eat much as I didn't have room for my stomach to expand. I lost 30 pounds and maintained it for almost a year (during and after my pregnancy with him) until I got pregnant again when he was 1 (another miscarriage). That's why the sleeve was suggested to me by my OBGYN, because she saw how the restricted ability of me to eat, resulted in successful weight loss at the time. This is the first time in my life I've been able to successfully lose more than 30-40 pounds and keep it off for more than 6 months.


Hey thanks for telling me your story. I'm sorry to hear you had a misscarraige! My weight also went up as soon as I had my first misscarraige in 2011 (a year after you) I then went on to have another 3 and decided that it just wasn't my time and went on the pill which I don't think has helped. I haven't necessarily gone up and down with my weight, I'm getting bigger each year and give up so easily feeling miserable. I gave up work due to depression and anxiety and have been stuck in the house for 2 years with 0 motivation to go out and excersize. I'm planning on moving out and getting a job after this surgery, I really do think it's the kick I need. I'm so happy you're having such great success! I'm sure you'll keep doing great [emoji16]

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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I definitely thought that I didn't try hard enough to lose weight. I remember the night before surgery, I was very emotional and just wanted to go home. I felt so guilty because I honestly didn't exercise much and used food as a crutch when I was feeling down. I had my surgery in October, and I've gone from 220 to 180 lbs. I'm slipping back into my old habits (I've figured out which foods are sliders for me and take advantage of it). I don't exercise (hopefully joining the gym today) and I've stayed at 180 even for the past three weeks. Although my insurance covered most of my surgery, I still had to pay a hefty amount to the hospital. My advice to you is to not over think it. Whatever thoughts and decisions that brought you to the idea of WLS were for a reason. Do not feel guilty for wanting to feel better. I always thought of surgery as a reset button, a second chance to start all over. Don't feel guilty about wanting a second chance. You're exercising, which shows that you are committed to it! Be proud, girl! You're already taking steps to better your health and future!

There you are! Someone who feels like me! I knew you were out there somewhere haha. This has made me feel so much less alone. And thank you, I wouldn't of walked if it wasn't for these comments, this community has been a life saver for me. I'm glad I've posted this. Sorry to hear you feel your slipping back onto old habits but you've also done so well! You can do it! xx

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

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1 hour ago, JeezLouise91 said:


Hey thanks for telling me your story. I'm sorry to hear you had a misscarraige! My weight also went up as soon as I had my first misscarraige in 2011 (a year after you) I then went on to have another 3 and decided that it just wasn't my time and went on the pill which I don't think has helped. I haven't necessarily gone up and down with my weight, I'm getting bigger each year and give up so easily feeling miserable. I gave up work due to depression and anxiety and have been stuck in the house for 2 years with 0 motivation to go out and excersize. I'm planning on moving out and getting a job after this surgery, I really do think it's the kick I need. I'm so happy you're having such great success! I'm sure you'll keep doing great

Surgery due January 17th 2018

CW 238
GW 133

I'm sorry about your loss' as well, no matter how short it is pregnancy changes our bodies. I was pregnant 4 times in 5 years, two successful and 2 miscarriages, and with each pregnancy my weight afterwards became more of an issue. It was like I was not able to get my hands on it and control it.

I'm sorry about your depression and anxiety. I think that having this surgery isn't just about weight alone. If it will improve your mental health and thus your over all health it's completely a good reason to do it, whether or not it's east for you to lose weight. Some people lose super easy but can't keep it off, some just can't lose and some cant find the right way to do it.

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