This is a tricky one that keeps coming up for me.....friends, family and acquaintances who are heavier people insist that I'm not big enough for weight loss surgery, and almost get mad and take it personally. Like....Hmmm, if she thinks she's so big she needs to do that, she must think I'm outrageously big, too. And they get angry and seem really insulted. Why would you do that? You're not that big!

This is a weird question, but is it better to address it and say.....I'm not judging your choice to be heavy, I love you just the way you are........or is it better to just say....well, my doctor thinks I'm heavy enough and has been asking me to consider this for years. Both kinda fall flat of the diplomacy i'm looking for.

How do I defend my choice without making other heavier people feel criticized? I really don't WANT others to feel hurt by my choice, or feel I'm viewing them critically. Any ideas?

I personally feel the best way is to avoid “weight talk” with people in general. It’s a very sensitive and hurtful subject to many people. For those trying to be happy and love themselves heavier, it can be hard to hear another person, even a lighter one, talking about drastic surgery to reduce their weight.

It’s hard for you too because you want to share your journey with those close to you. Sadly this topic isn’t an easy one for people. I would share it with those you know can be supportive and otherwise keep it to yourself. Just do you!

You don’t need others approval, no way. You are the only one whose opinion of yourself matters. It is important to recognize other people’s pain in the world and be kind. Talking about weight/dieting/body image issues is never really a good idea unless you know that person can handle it, or they have brought up the subject themselves.

If you feel judged- just ask yourself- how do I feel about my choice? You know the answer.

Qualifying for wls is based on BMI and comorbidities like high bp and diabetes. Lower requirement if no comorbidities exist. I’ve heard these things too but I was over 400 lbs and was never in the group who people said wasn’t big enough. Do what’s right for you regardless of what anyone says. I might have been huge but anyone who struggles with weight issues has a really hard time no matter how much they need to lose. Plus your surgeon is your best bet for clear and accurate assessment of whether you’re a good candidate. My grandmother struggled terribly all of her life and she was trying to GAIN weight. There’s an emotional component that has nothing to do with the number of pounds. I also carry weight well and no one would have guessed I was over 400.

Best response I’ve learned is to say “I’ll have to ask the doctor” or “the doctor is fine with it”. Shuts people up pretty quickly since they’re not a doctor.

My response is "It's not about size, it's about health"

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my bmi is 40 as well, I also have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and Rheumatoid arthritis. To me that's plenty a reason!!!

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I'm the same as you! Surgery scud 12/19/17

I'm the same as you! Surgery scud 12/19/17

congratulations!!!!

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I just tell people, I did it so I can be around longer for my family and leave it at that.

I just told them thanks, I’m bigger than I look.

I used to get "you didnt look that big" or "I didnt think you were big enough for surgery", but I would answer them with "Tell me how many 300 lb 80 year olds do you know?" This would usually silence them...

Overweight people can be complicated when it comes to feelings and emotions and the things that they feel offended at, so it's really a delicate subject around them.

I had a cousin stop talking to me after my surgery cause I suggested she do it, and she needs it way more than I did I can tell you that...It's almost as if most fat people cant come to terms with the fact they are fat, or they dont see themselves as fat. I know looking back at old photos I didnt realize I was as big as I was, so it is a form of a mental disease and you become disillusion.

I say you dont have to entertain the question of the topic and just change subjects to avoid any hurt feelings..

Edited December 3, 20178 yr by JerseyJules

I had the gastric sleeve in 2011 and had already lost 200 lbs on my own. I have been told I shouldn't have had the surgery because of my loss but I was still 278 lbs on my surgery day. I've told those who I feel are genuinely concerned and not just being jealous ( that is a big part of why we get asked these things as well) I yo yo dieted since age six at 27 I took control and fixed my damaged stomach. I was always hungry and couldn't get below 275 lbs without surgery but with it I've maintained a 300 lbs weight loss in all.
People havetheir reasons to ask many are curious because they see you and think they are bigger so why are you getting this when they can't or are too afraid.

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I just tell people it is for health reasons... didn’t know I was so unhealthy till they started poking around... my snoring was sleep apnea, my blood sugars were rising and I have Barrett’s Esophagus from reflux I didn’t realize that I had. .... as I tick off the problems that a 65 lb loss has fixed, folks tend to understand a lot better, although they still say that I didn’t look heavy enough! At 46, I want to live my life healthy and happy!

At age 45 with a BMI of "just" 35, I had a heart attack. At age 46, I'm having VSG but I'll never be able to undo the damage that was done to my heart.

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I get the same thing. I want to day, “it’s none of your d*** business,” but I usually just smile and say that I just decided to. Even though I’ve been working on it for three years!

I’m getting this too, and I’ve just learned to keep this journey to myself for now. My family had seen me up and down, from 160 lbs to 269 pounds and my highest. They know I can lose it, but my patterns prove that I can’t keep it off. I am done with the yo-yo dieting.

SW: 239

GW: 150-160

I’m getting this too, and I’ve just learned to keep this journey to myself for now. My family had seen me up and down, from 160 lbs to 269 pounds and my highest. They know I can lose it, but my patterns prove that I can’t keep it off. I am done with the yo-yo dieting.
SW: 239
GW: 150-160

Ive had mixed reactions, when i say how it will improve my overall health and living they usually shut up, my daughter is 3 months olds and i want to live to be there for her, currently waiting my 1st consult appt jan 9, then the 3 month count down starts. Im scared but look forward to this change. I still havent decided for bypass or sleeve. Currently at 5'7 300lbs. Goal weight is 160 to 170 lbs.

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This is a tricky one that keeps coming up for me.....friends, family and acquaintances who are heavier people insist that I'm not big enough for weight loss surgery, and almost get mad and take it personally. Like....Hmmm, if she thinks she's so big she needs to do that, she must think I'm outrageously big, too. And they get angry and seem really insulted. Why would you do that? You're not that big!
This is a weird question, but is it better to address it and say.....I'm not judging your choice to be heavy, I love you just the way you are........or is it better to just say....well, my doctor thinks I'm heavy enough and has been asking me to consider this for years. Both kinda fall flat of the diplomacy i'm looking for.
How do I defend my choice without making other heavier people feel criticized? I really don't WANT others to feel hurt by my choice, or feel I'm viewing them critically. Any ideas?

I wouldn’t worry about it. You are doing this for yourself, not to worry about someone else’s feelings. You have to live inside your body and not them. My psychologist always tells me, I cannot make anyone “feel” anything. People are responsible for their own feelings. If they are choosing to be insulted or offended that is on them, f**k them if they don’t understand your reasonings for choosing weight loss surgery.