Hello, all! First post. I have decided to have a sleeve gastrectomy, and I've told my parents, brother, and a few very close friends. (Of course, my spouse knows too!) Should I tell more people to help build my support network, or would that invite criticism from people who will just say I need more diet and exercise?

Who did you tell before the surgery? Why did you decide to tell them, and what kind of reactions did you get?

Edited April 26, 20179 yr by Arthur Dent

I only told my husband and 1 coworker but today that co-worker let it slip to another coworker so now I think...probably everyone at work will find out. NOT very happy about that.

I only told my husband, my cousin, and a friend. It's not that is a secret, I just don't want to hear anyone's opinion, I have no problem with telling them after its done if the subject comes up.

8 hours ago, hardwork&dedication said:

I only told my husband and 1 coworker but today that co-worker let it slip to another coworker so now I think...probably everyone at work will find out. NOT very happy about that.

That's terrible! I would be very upset.

I had my second of 6 weigh-ins this week. So far I have had the Psych, Pulmonology (I already had diagnosed apnea), Nutrition, Upper Endoscopy, Sonogram of abdomen, and 2 required group meetings.

Because my starting week was the end of last month, I technically have been at this for one month. I still have to do Cardiology consult (it is too early for me to do this), and the left over 4 weigh-ins.

As you can see from this, I am all in... I list off the items and time frame to show that I personally believe, I should tell as many people as I can. As blizair09 said, I am a firm believer in shaming myself LOL! If, I fail at the sleeve, it will only be my fault, and I want people to hold me accountable. I have lost 150 lbs in the past without surgery, so I know it will just be easier to tell people, I had gastric surgery. People will not believe the drastic change was simply because of eating healthy.

I also, do not want people to think that this procedure is shameful. There is nothing to be ashamed of, women get to wear makeup, have breast augmentations, nose jobs, shouldn't I have the right to improve myself?

(I hope no one takes offense, I love it that women have the right to wear/not wear makeup, and have love the choice to live with or without "upgrades". I think of this surgery as an upgrade for myself that will have the added benefit to living longer, with a better quality of life.)

19 hours ago, Arthur Dent said:

Hello, all! First post. I have decided to have a sleeve gastrectomy, and I've told my parents, brother, and a few very close friends. (Of course, my spouse knows too!) Should I tell more people to help build my support network, or would that invite criticism from people who will just say I need more diet and exercise?

Who did you tell before the surgery? Why did you decide to tell them, and what kind of reactions did you get?

I think you should tell whoever you feel comfortable telling, but people can be jealous or just straight up rude. I am a very open person so I told dad, mom, in-laws, and sisters. My husband was the first one who I expressed my interest in getting the surgery and he has been very supportive and my inlaws. However, my dad and his wife were a bit weird when I first told them I was considering it. My father thought I was nuts and his wife made a comment about how some people look sick and turn into alcoholics. Then weeks later I find out my father is looking into the same surgery. Funny !! My sisters are unsupportive and think it's ridiculous, but somehow I could care less I am doing this for me and I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

12 hours ago, hardwork&dedication said:

I only told my husband and 1 coworker but today that co-worker let it slip to another coworker so now I think...probably everyone at work will find out. NOT very happy about that.

Oh wow smh.

I only told my mom, 2 brothers and 3 close friends. Everyone else will know that I incorporated diet and exercise, only if they ask. I agree, it is none of their business and sometimes people are too nosey

Good luck with everything!

12 hours ago, hardwork&dedication said:

I only told my husband and 1 coworker but today that co-worker let it slip to another coworker so now I think...probably everyone at work will find out. NOT very happy about that.

This is horrible. I have told several people, and asked them to keep it quiet until I announce the news myself. This is your story, and you should be able to tell it when you want to, to whom you want to. Other people should not be making that decision for you.

It seems to me that many people want to keep the news close to their chest. I feel the same way. I have probably told 10 people, including one or two people at work so that they don't get too concerned when I tell them I have yet another doctor's appointment. For the most part, I figure this is my business and I'll tell people when I want them to know.

One thing I'm doing is keeping a journal (in blog form) of everything that I'm thinking and doing. I haven't told anyone the URL yet, so no one would know where to find it or even to look for it. I figure that right before the surgery, I'll announce it on Facebook and let everyone know where to find the blog. That way, everyone will know why I sought out the surgery, why I have failed with diets and exercise in the past, and what the experience has been like. For now, though, it's kind of like a diary for myself.

Great idea Arthur!

I have struggled with this, too. For a long time, I only told my sister, my mom, and my husband. I have a close group of friends I usually share everything with. I decided to tell one, and she was so positive and supportive. So, I told my uncle (whom I'm very close with) and another close friend. As I explained to my uncle, I still feel like this is private "classified" information, so only the people in my life with top security clearance get to know for now.

What are your thoughts on my theory:

I believe that if we do not tell people, it puts other heavy people who haven't decided to take the step in a bad place. For example, they may hear the "well John Smith was able to lose the weight, why can't you?" Or they may feel shame, thinking "what is wrong with me, I have tried everything, and John Smith was able to do it with just diet and exercise." This self same may lead to continued depression eating, which a lot of us have experience with.

My theory is, if we are proud, and not hiding about what we did/plan to do, it will help take the stigma off of bariatric surgery.

At my last job, our Chief Medical Informatics Officer (CMIO) decided to do a bypass, he told everyone. He said, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm getting sick, or that there is any shame in what I did." 8 years later, he is doing well, and if you met him, you would never known he had a weight problem. I actually called him 2 weeks ago, to discuss my plans, and even as a practicing physician, told me if there is anything I need, call him.

*Not trying to say anyone is wrong for not feeling comfortable telling everyone, just trying to spark a conversation on this topic, and see what people think about my thoughts. I am an open book, so it makes sense I would feel this way.

49 minutes ago, JT2002TJ said:

What are your thoughts on my theory:

I believe that if we do not tell people, it puts other heavy people who haven't decided to take the step in a bad place. For example, they may hear the "well John Smith was able to lose the weight, why can't you?" Or they may feel shame, thinking "what is wrong with me, I have tried everything, and John Smith was able to do it with just diet and exercise." This self same may lead to continued depression eating, which a lot of us have experience with.

My theory is, if we are proud, and not hiding about what we did/plan to do, it will help take the stigma off of bariatric surgery.

At my last job, our Chief Medical Informatics Officer (CMIO) decided to do a bypass, he told everyone. He said, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm getting sick, or that there is any shame in what I did." 8 years later, he is doing well, and if you met him, you would never known he had a weight problem. I actually called him 2 weeks ago, to discuss my plans, and even as a practicing physician, told me if there is anything I need, call him.

*Not trying to say anyone is wrong for not feeling comfortable telling everyone, just trying to spark a conversation on this topic, and see what people think about my thoughts. I am an open book, so it makes sense I would feel this way.

This is exactly why I eventually posted it on social media. Starting out at around 450 lbs and being severely overweight all of my life (I like to say "I came out at 10 lbs 1 oz and I never looked back!!"), people are going to see the change. I didn't want to have to explain that I'm not sick with something like cancer and saying "well, I'm eating right and exercising" wasn't going to explain the potentially drastic and rapid weight loss that is common for a lot of sleevers. In the end, I'm hoping to inspire someone who might be feeling trapped and hopeless in their overweight condition...well, that's if I'm as successful as I'm hoping to be.

1 hour ago, JT2002TJ said:

What are your thoughts on my theory:

I believe that if we do not tell people, it puts other heavy people who haven't decided to take the step in a bad place. For example, they may hear the "well John Smith was able to lose the weight, why can't you?" Or they may feel shame, thinking "what is wrong with me, I have tried everything, and John Smith was able to do it with just diet and exercise." This self same may lead to continued depression eating, which a lot of us have experience with.

My theory is, if we are proud, and not hiding about what we did/plan to do, it will help take the stigma off of bariatric surgery.

At my last job, our Chief Medical Informatics Officer (CMIO) decided to do a bypass, he told everyone. He said, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm getting sick, or that there is any shame in what I did." 8 years later, he is doing well, and if you met him, you would never known he had a weight problem. I actually called him 2 weeks ago, to discuss my plans, and even as a practicing physician, told me if there is anything I need, call him.

*Not trying to say anyone is wrong for not feeling comfortable telling everyone, just trying to spark a conversation on this topic, and see what people think about my thoughts. I am an open book, so it makes sense I would feel this way.

I agree with you completely. I won't drone on as I have posted about this many times before, but I have told anyone and everyone about my entire journey (including the surgery) since I began the six month insurance-required pre-op diet program 13 months ago. And my reasons for transparency are rooted in my own accountability and the education of others. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I won't act as if I do. (And I've lost nearly 200 pounds. There is no "secret" to be kept anyway...)

On 4/27/2017 at 0:07 PM, ashleey921 said:

Oh wow smh.