Hello, all! First post. I have decided to have a sleeve gastrectomy, and I've told my parents, brother, and a few very close friends. (Of course, my spouse knows too!) Should I tell more people to help build my support network, or would that invite criticism from people who will just say I need more diet and exercise?

Who did you tell before the surgery? Why did you decide to tell them, and what kind of reactions did you get?

Edited April 26, 20179 yr by Arthur Dent

I have told more than a few people, about the sleeve because every time I thought I had a time frame for the surgery, it would be delayed. I'd be asked to commit to projects and dates and my response would be "I don't know" a lot until I was called on it. I'm a horrible liar, so outside my friends and Family I had told my coworkers, my bible study group, some other volunteers I meet with. Some of the people I have told have been outwardly judgmental. "Really? You want to do that?" My company has an attorney that works on site and he gave me some bad advice that when I request the recovery off from work that I should lie and say I'm getting my gall bladder removed instead of the truth. There is no way I was going to do that. My boss asked for more specifics and I just told him it was a procedure to help with my sleep apnea, and high blood pressure and will help avoid heart disease and diabetes. He probably knows what it is anyway but this way I don't have to lie about it and still keep some dignity. I suggest if you're not like me and have a better poker face and you can strictly keep it on a need to know basis do that.
Some of my friends could not keep a poker face either, as their faces gave away their reaction but their words were different. Surprisingly I had asked a coworkers wife about her experiences with the roux n y surgery she had, and she said it was a very positive experience for her but discouraged me from having a surgery which I couldn't figure out why.

Thankfully my family members were more supportive as they've seen me struggle with hypothyroidism all my life. But his has been a real learning experience for me

What are your thoughts on my theory:
I believe that if we do not tell people, it puts other heavy people who haven't decided to take the step in a bad place. For example, they may hear the "well John Smith was able to lose the weight, why can't you?" Or they may feel shame, thinking "what is wrong with me, I have tried everything, and John Smith was able to do it with just diet and exercise." This self same may lead to continued depression eating, which a lot of us have experience with.
My theory is, if we are proud, and not hiding about what we did/plan to do, it will help take the stigma off of bariatric surgery.
At my last job, our Chief Medical Informatics Officer (CMIO) decided to do a bypass, he told everyone. He said, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm getting sick, or that there is any shame in what I did." 8 years later, he is doing well, and if you met him, you would never known he had a weight problem. I actually called him 2 weeks ago, to discuss my plans, and even as a practicing physician, told me if there is anything I need, call him.
*Not trying to say anyone is wrong for not feeling comfortable telling everyone, just trying to spark a conversation on this topic, and see what people think about my thoughts. I am an open book, so it makes sense I would feel this way.

I agree. Maybe being more vocal would relieve the stigma. I'm an open book too. I haven't shouted it from the rooftops but a ton of people know. I haven't had any negativity. I have found that a ton of people are phobic about surgery in general and it seems any resistance I have run into has been from that.

I was advised to not tell anyone but I just can't lie. Not over this.

I have told my wife of course, my kids, parents and in laws and just a couple people from work that needed to know.

Actually, I'm one of the few who has tolde EVERYBODY...lol. I'm proud of my decision and not worried about negative opinions. I'm very confident in my decision. Most of the feedback I've gotten has been totally supportive. I feel like people who publically shared their stories really helped me with my decision and gave me a place to go to ask questions or vent. I'm okay with being that person now. I would think it would really depend on the type of people you're around and how sensitive you are personally to criticism or negativity. Definitely a personal decision.

I've told just about everyone! Only in person though, I'm not going to announce anything online. Everyone has been super supportive so far.

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My husband and mother (who had gastric bypass), that's all. I told work I'm getting my gallbladder out. I'll tell close friends after when they start asking questions. I'm a very private person so it's not unlike me at all to do it this way, and I know they will understand.

My husband was who knew in the beginning. I didn't want to hear everyone's opinions and horror stories. But after doing my research and getting more comfortable and confident in my choice to do this and come to realize what others think really doesn't matter, I have opened up my circle of know-ees to a few coworkers since I never hardly ever miss work and will be after having this procedure. Surprisingly I haven't heard anything negative yet.

On 4/26/2017 at 0:29 PM, Paul Bahr said:

I kept it pretty close telling only those people very close to me. Once I was in the airport (had mine done in Mexico), I posted on Facebook what I was doing. That way I didn't have to hear from a bunch of people all the crap that you're worried about hearing. I heard it from one, but EVERYONE else has been very supportive. Of course, there were and are gobs of questions regarding my choice to go to Mexico.

I'm in the same boat.. I think people hear "Mexico" and freak out, but if you've done your research as a patient then you'll be in good hands. I'm wanting to tell a few.. mostly my co-workers because they all know me as the girl who pukes every time she eat.. (thanks lapband) plus, I'll be out of work for 10 days. But I won't tell my family, they aren't supportive at all

I told my parents and my closest sibling, and several of my best friends a few months before surgery and then my other 6 siblings and friends a week before surgery. I'm 7 weeks out and some coworkers know. I'm not hiding it from anyone, if it comes up I'll tell because I stand by my decision but I'm also not advertising it


Seminar 12/27/16: wt 304
Surgery 3/23: wt 287
6 weeks post op 252.4

and then there is Benjamin Franklin's quote: "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."


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56 minutes ago, krosevf30 said:

and then there is Benjamin Franklin's quote: "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."


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Also the song from pretty little liars.

During the weight loss trial process I only told my sister and one friend who was also going through the trial. Now that I am approved and scheduled, I'll tell anyone who asks why I am going to be out of work for 5 weeks. I haven't posted anything on yet, but it will be out there soon enough once my mom posts something on surgery day.... she definitely doesn't a filter :-D

Hello, all! First post. I have decided to have a sleeve gastrectomy, and I've told my parents, brother, and a few very close friends. (Of course, my spouse knows too!) Should I tell more people to help build my support network, or would that invite criticism from people who will just say I need more diet and exercise?
Who did you tell before the surgery? Why did you decide to tell them, and what kind of reactions did you get?

I personally didn't tell anyone about my upcoming VSG. Criticism is only invited if someone knows. So, if in the back of your mind you feel their may critique then most likely they will. You told enough individuals and have a great support team already no need to invite anyone else in. Good luck!

I only told my husband and 1 coworker but today that co-worker let it slip to another coworker so now I think...probably everyone at work will find out. NOT very happy about that.

Exactly why I will not tell any colleagues. Some colleagues run their mouths too much. Hopefully the word doesn't get around. [emoji1374]

my hubby and best friend thats been sleeved for 5 years I don't want and need everyone opinions People tend to volunteer them and jealousy will make people say stupid stuff