Struggling with the decision

[hardwork&dedication 96]

Hello everyone,

In about a week I will have my 4th supervised weight loss doctor's appointment. As the reality of having surgery looms closer, I am really waffling on whether or not to proceed with the surgery. My husband and my family are really against it, they think I should be able to lose the weight on my own. I am really scared of having bad reactions to certain foods after surgery....What if I want to have a macaroon in Paris one day? Or some of my (hypothetical) children's wedding cake? I'm really worried about doing something that is so permanent when I still have doubts. To make matters worse, I really don't like my surgery coordinator. I think she was really rude and condescending. Also, the wls support group that they referred me to seems to not exist. I've been twice and no one was there. On the other hand, I'm scared I won't be approved for surgery in the first place. I gained a little weight on the second month of my weigh ins (although I am still down 18 pounds overall). The weight loss doctor told me this is very bad and can be cause for being denied. Anyone have thoughts on this?

[violetisle 62]

I'm also a newbie pre op person so I can't really speak to what life looks like after, but I share your fear of permanently screwing with my digestive system. I can say that the thing that really made up my mind to move forward with the surgery is when I learned the statistic that freaking 95 percent of people who lose weight are going to gain it back. I lived that statistic with like three major weight loss episodes in my life, and after every one I gained the weight back (and more). I was feeling so discouraged about even being able to lose all this weight the "old-fashioned" way yet again, and to learn that even if I did manage to lose it (again!) I would in all probability just gain it back, again, really strengthened my resolve.

I will say that it seems really important to trust the team you're working with. You depend on them for so much support and assistance during the process!

[hardwork&dedication 96]

Good point, I know I am most likely not the 5%

[AZBlackhawk 122]

I'm new here too and have met with surgeon, nutritionist, exercise person and psych. I'm waiting for insurance approval.

I think these things too. What if I want wine to relax or what if info to a foreign country, how will I eat what I am supposed to?

What if, what if?! What if I have a stroke or a heart attack or get cancer because obesity raises the risk of all of these? What if I can no longer travel because of a medical situation?

i have to go all or nothing. I have to give things up 100% because I cannot just have a little taste. I'm willing to do this because I want to live to see my children get married. I want to go to Paris again.

It is called "Morbid" obesity for a reason. I cannot believe I am here. I have lost weight and can do it very well!! But here I am. 44 BMI.

I'm sorry that your family is not more supportive. That does make it hard. If anyone in my family is not, they haven't said.

Try giving your family members facts about the surgery, weight loss in general, how it is a tool, not an easy fix. You will have to exercise and eat right afterwards so it is not a quick fix but a lifestyle change, albeit forced somewhat.

Good luck!

Edited April 20, 2017 by AZBlackhawk

[AstroGuy 54]

Everyone has these issues and concerns. This is serious stuff! Your family is concerned about something drastic but they have not walked in your shoes. My wife was really against it at first but over time has come around and is just concerned. I personally have waffled on the decision but in the end realize there are three things that impact my decision.

First, if I do nothing different I will continue to be overweight. I've lost weight in the past (a lot of it) but it comes back. Hunger is powerful motivator. It is primitive emotion, just think of the animals around you. They will always eat if given the opportunity. What keeps wild animals thin is not metabolism but rather lack of excess food. Hunger will always drive you. Yes some people can eat as much as they want but we ain't them! The first year hopefully I will be able to divorce eating and hunger from each other and learn there is a difference between the two. I will learn to not eat all the time. I am a diabetic that is weight controlled for now but I know it will slowly become a problem if nothing is done.

The second factor is volume. I know I will not be able to just anything I want at the volume I want. Our stomachs are designed to expand to work in a feast/famine world. The problem is now there is no famine for us, just feast. By severely reducing the volume I can eat at one time I will not be physically able to consume, consume, consume. If I try to consume to much it will come back out. I imagine the is not pleasant so I will naturally try to avoid it. It is not worth shoving food in to throw it back up.

Third is dumping. My research is that the things that cause dumping are those food you want to avoid anyway, RNY or not. My sister has the sleeve (so not as likely to dump) but certain foods disagree with her. For her it is just not worth the discomfort of those food. Cakes and bread are a problem for her. Much more than a bite or two she knows she will have a problem. Just not worth it for her.

I guess a forth one for me is the type of surgery. I am not really a good candidate for a sleeve since I have GRD but the success rate of the RNY is so much better. I always look at the average (not the best case, not the worst case) and the RNY weight loss is significantly better at getting close to ideal weight.

My last thoughts are these. Give your family time to come to terms with it. It has taken me months to resolve this in my own head and just as long for my wife. I was able to articulate that I wasn't doing this look or even feel better. I am doing this for my health. I want to have a higher quality of life for longer.

[kimba21539 48]

AstroGuy thank you so much for sharing.

[living life 7]

I would concentrate on other factors of those experiences, instead of possibly not being able to have a macaroon in Paris, think about walking along the seine river, placing a lock on the bridge to signify everlasting love, seeing the Eiffel Tower lit up at night!

[hmills653 365]

Cold feet are normal as time goes by. Keep going through the routine, you can always change your mind later but if you change it back you don't want to start from square one again. If you're like most of us you've tried and maybe list weight but gained it again. You can have some wedding cake, most likely not an entire slice but the 2 bites that your body can tolerate will be fine when you look amazing in that dress and feel great and pain free dancing the evening away. I've been to a few support groups and they vary between 3 to 10 people any given month, but I still go. I'm scheduled for May 31 and I'm scared but excited at the same time, worried about the time off work and having a drain, but Looking forward to less arthritis pain. Like any other major decision, you need to look at your pros and cons. But imagine how you'll feel a year from now.

[hardwork&dedication 96]

I really wanted to go to the support group because I wanted to meet some people that have had the surgery in my area/at the same hospital/ with the same doctor. I guess my main dilemma is whether to get the vsg or the gastric bypass. I really don't want dumping and I really don't want GERD! It kind of seems like those are my options. I was leaning towards gastric bypass because it has historically better results. On the other hand, I know that I am really bad at supplementation. I don't take my Vitamin most days......

[Walter.Sobchak 978]

What is your BMI?
What comorbidites do you have?
What is your quality of life at your current weight?
My family was opposed to it for me as well, but I am tired of being miserable.
Also, I have some serious comorbidites.
You have to do what is best for you.

[hardwork&dedication 96]

My bmi is 46 and I have high cholesterol and am pre-diabetic. Apart from that, my life is awesome. I mean of course it could be better. Not having a mental breakdown every time I go clothes shopping because nothing will fit me would be nice. Having more energy would be nice. However, I have dealt with chronic diarrhea, stomach cramping, and nausea in the past...and that is not something I ever want to go through again. Also, given that 1 in every 200 wls result in death....I'm worried I'm the 1.

[Berry78 4,259]

Everyone worries about being the "1". But the vast majority are not.

I'm 5 weeks out with a sleeve, and my hubby brought home a rum cake from Puerto Rico. I had a couple bites! It was very good and I didn't feel deprived. Before surgery I would have eaten 3/4 of the whole thing.

There will be macaroons and wedding cake again. And your taste and smell will be stronger, so they will probably be extra enjoyable!

My biggest concern for you is if you aren't comfortable with your team.

[hardwork&dedication 96]

Yes I'm really concerned about that too. I really like the surgeon and the doctor that is supervising my 6 month weight loss visits. However, the surgery coordinator is awful. When I told her I maybe wanted to change my surgery from gastric bypass to vsg, she asked if I had told the surgeon yet. When I told her that I hadn't, she laughed sarcastically and said "don't you kind of think he needs to know that?". She also cut me off every time I started to ask her a question and wrote on my paperwork that I hadn't attended the required seminar because she wouldn't wait long enough for me to look through my phone to find the date I went. I want to ask to work with someone else but I'm worried maybe she is the only one and then she will get mad at me and do even worse with my paperwork....

[Berry78 4,259]

Wowsers. I think next time you see the surgeon you could ask about switching.. If possible. In this case, since you like the important parts of the team, I wouldn't worry too much. The coordinator isn't cutting on you

[violetisle 62]

Also, given that 1 in every 200 wls result in death....I'm worried I'm the 1.

I don't know if this helps but in my classes the way this was presented to us was that that statistic includes people with all kinds of very serious comorbidities. For a relatively healthy person it's more like 1/1000, or about as risky as gallbladder removal or numerous other surgeries. (There is still that "1" though...)