Lack of support...

[Queenie4U 17]

When I first told my very close friend I was thinking about getting the sleeve she called me a "cheater", said I was taking the easy way out.( she herself is struggling with her weight) Because of that statement I was on the fence about surgery for 6 months. When I decided to get the surgery I didn't tell her until 3 days before. ( I was trying to stay in a positive frame of mind.) By NO means did I take the easy way out. This journey has been the toughest yet, with the recovery, chronic Constipation, making sure I'm drinking, getting my Protein and my Vitamins. Now it seems like every time I talk to her she is trying to sabotage my progress. I love her to death, but her negativity is a real downer. Without being rude, how do you deal with negative people? I'd like to addi had no health issues before surgery, I was just tired of being fat and tired.

[Di_ 34]

Is your friend overweight? I find that the friends and family that are overweight are always negative but those that don't have weight issues are very supportive.

[danaymacklin 177]

When I first told my very close friend I was thinking about getting the sleeve she called me a "cheater", said I was taking the easy way out.( she herself is struggling with her weight) Because of that statement I was on the fence about surgery for 6 months. When I decided to get the surgery I didn't tell her until 3 days before. ( I was trying to stay in a positive frame of mind.) By NO means did I take the easy way out. This journey has been the toughest yet, with the recovery, chronic Constipation, making sure I'm drinking, getting my Protein and my Vitamins. Now it seems like every time I talk to her she is trying to sabotage my progress. I love her to death, but her negativity is a real downer. Without being rude, how do you deal with negative people? I'd like to addi had no health issues before surgery, I was just tired of being fat and tired.

You did not take the easy way out. Many people just think we have surgery and BAM the weight magically falls us without us doing anything. They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears we put into making it happen pre surgery to the post op challenges and overall lifestyle changes. If she is overweight chances are secretly she wishes she could have the surgery too. Or perhaps she was genuinely concerned hearing possible horror stories. Either way you know her better than us. However, it is essential to protect your space and energy always and now more so than ever! You need to have a sit down heart to heart with her to address this. Start with the positive of why you love her then transition to your observations and how she has made you feel then close it out with your desired outcome. I hope this works out for you both. At the same time, know friendships can be for a season and not a lifetime. I have a best friend since age 5 and thought we'd be friends for a lifetime but now at 38 years old we are not. So know it's going to be alright either way and CONGRATS on your decision for a healthier you!!![emoji4]

[Pazza 199]

I know this isn't easy to hear, but it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. Not that it has to end, it might or it might not. We all need good healthy relationships. Also, we need to keep ourselves strong.

There are a lot of ways to handle things but I think@danaymacklin had some great ideas.

I wish you the best of luck. This isn't an easy situation. But keep going on making the healthy changes you want to make for yourself.

[Sleeveforme2017 144]

I had the same problem with my bff. I didn't tell her until the day before surgery that I was having it. Then she started like always " you don't need that blah blah.. just do what I do. Now mind you she weights 360 to my 250 she has major health issues with blood pressure bld clots etc. ( I had no health concerns) finally I said how has your diet been working out for you. I hated to say that but that's what it took. I also told her I didn't need any negativity in my life about my surgery and that's why I didn't want to tell her. I told her I had lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks and she said well I lost 14 in a week once. I said so did you keep it off? Convo
Ended. Sometimes you have to be a little mean so plp will understand. She no longer asks about my progress and that's fine with me.

[danaymacklin 177]

I know this isn't easy to hear, but it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. Not that it has to end, it might or it might not. We all need good healthy relationships. Also, we need to keep ourselves strong.

There are a lot of ways to handle things but I think[mention=307298]danaymacklin[/mention] had some great ideas.

I wish you the best of luck. This isn't an easy situation. But keep going on making the healthy changes you want to make for yourself.

Agreed and thanks for the acknowledgement[emoji4]

[esskay77 785]

This is very common. Just stay on your own yoga mat and do what you need to do for you.

[Martha Parker-mcneal 166]

how close a friend is she? if you all are close I would sit her down and have a very frank talk with her. set some boundaries-ie no negative talk. the first time she crosses the boundary ( and she will cause this is her mo) -remind her of the discussion. the next time simply hold up your hand and say stop. if it continues then is the time to re-evaluate the relationship. I had to slowly stop a relationship because of all the negative talk. I started having other plans ( even if it was staying home reading a book) about every other time and progressed from there. good luck to you. you will find many supportive friends in your support group. ask someone who you like what they are saying out for coffee after the next meeting.

[ursusmaritimus 18]

I haven't had surgery yet but I have already experienced this type of negativity.

One friend keeps comparing it to plastic surgery. Even though I tried to explain that her breast enlargement was not the same as cutting out part of my stomach so that I save my own life.

My best friend, who is also obese, said, "But! Then I'll be the fat friend!" Talk about a painful thing to say.

Assorted other people simply begin a Litany of all the people they seem to know who have died from bariatric surgery. If you listen to the stories people tell you it would seem that only one in ten people survive surgery.

I've been tempted to write a research paper looking at how when you're fat you're criticized for being fat. But then if you take Extreme Measures to fix an extreme problem people criticize that as well.

I lost a hundred pounds during college the "natural way." That previous experience has somewhat prepared me for how the world changes it's reaction to me based on my body. But it's still difficult.

[Knittychic 24]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I researched alot so I can actually quote back to people specifics. Like your body may be at a set point and weight loss surgery decreases it. I believe for most weight loss surgeries there are less than 1% of fatalities that could happen. I would try to educate them more. Your friend that said but, then I'll be the fat friend, doesn't sound like a friend. Don't l let anyone treat you poorly just because you are doing something to increase your health. It just reminds me of when I was a push over. I let people get away with saying things like that. I would also sau something like, so your saying you don't want me to be healthy because you're afraid people will think you're fat? It's a very selfish way of thinking. People don't realize what they are saying until it's said back to them sometimes. As for plastic surgery. I would explain the wls isn't a quick fix. It takes people 2 or 3 years to get to the weight they want. They have to follow a strict way of eating for the rest of their l life. And exercise. Wls is just a tool. It really takes away all of the effort someone has put in when someone compares wls to plastic surgery. Tell her wls is like if she had a balloon in her boob and had to pump it up for 2 years before she got bigger Boobs. She used a tool to get big boobs. Sorry. Definitely set boundaries and explain exactly what you don't like and why it hurt you, and then state what you want from them. It's hard for me to tell people things like that so I use a DBT skill called DEARMAN, there's a version for relationships and another for respect, FASTMAN or GIVEMAN. If you gogo je it you'll find it. Hope it helps

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[Knittychic 24]

I had the same problem with my bff. I didn't tell her until the day before surgery that I was having it. Then she started like always " you don't need that blah blah.. just do what I do. Now mind you she weights 360 to my 250 she has major health issues with blood pressure bld clots etc. ( I had no health concerns) finally I said how has your diet been working out for you. I hated to say that but that's what it took. I also told her I didn't need any negativity in my life about my surgery and that's why I didn't want to tell her. I told her I had lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks and she said well I lost 14 in a week once. I said so did you keep it off? Convo
Ended. Sometimes you have to be a little mean so plp will understand. She no longer asks about my progress and that's fine with me.

That's not being mean. It's being honest. So many people want life sugar coated for them.

Sent from my SM-N920T using BariatricPal mobile app

[Queenie4U 17]

Thanks for all your advice, I think I will set boundaries and not take anyone's crap! I did this for ME. I'm gonna ignore all negativity and just DO ME. [emoji182].
P.s if they still chose to mess with me...I will tell them to kiss my shrinking ass!