Feeling kind of betrayed


45 posts in this topic

Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, I'm not sure exactly where it would go :(

So with Valentines day being earlier this week, I had reminded my boyfriend the week before that I couldn't eat chocolate, which he should know regardless because it's something I've told him plenty of times--he doesn't know all the details of my surgery but he knows it affected how I eat, and I've complained to him a million times about how sick chocolate makes me now, and also he knows I watch what I eat like a hawk, so you'd think he'd know better...

His "big valentines present" for me was a giant box of chocolates. Like 30-something pieces of chocolate that I can't eat. (also I planned literally the entire evening and bought him like $50 worth of presents but thats not the point lol)

Idk what to do. I've spent the last few days feeling really shitty about it, like it almost feels like a personal attack even though I know it's just him being oblivious. When he gave it to me I was just kind of like "Oh... thanks....!" and then later in the evening brought up how it felt like he didn't listen to me and he went "yeah, that was stupid of me" but otherwise it hasn't come up and I've just had this box of chocolates sitting in my room because I can't eat them but also feel bad giving it away--especially since he's been here in the mornings so he would see if I brought it to work with me :60_sweat: I was just gonna let it sit in here but chocolate is a total trigger food for me and last night I opened it, ate 2 of them, and ended up puking sooooo... it needs to go.

Anyways idk I guess I'm just wondering how you guys handle situations like this. I feel betrayed but also feel like that's a way overreaction over a box of chocolates on a holiday meant for chocolate. I'm not sure if I should bring it up again or just trash it or take it to work even if he sees me doing it or what.

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You darling have to put yourself first and you are the one that went through surgery and it's your responsibility to be selfish now and make sure your new self is respected, don't feel bad and take them into work or to friends and just say to him that it would take you ages to get through them as they make you sick unfortunately! Next time a card and a cuddle will be a wonderful gift, and say if you continue to bring me chocolates I have no choice but to give them away, I would remind him everyday once a day that you cannot eat chocolates till he gets sick of hear it, it's your health don't accept that behaviour.
Hugs


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A- Give them away, take them to work, ask him if he wants them back, but get them away from you. Who gives a rat's patoot if he sees you??

B- Give some hard thought to why you feel bad giving away something you explicitly told him you can't have because it makes you sick. That is the behavior of a people pleaser who wants to please others at the expense of herself.

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I'd either give them away or just put them in a drawer somewhere and forget about them. And, more importantly, I would have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your surgery, how you eat, and all of the assorted extraneous details. If he is a serious part of your life, he should know everything about your journey; otherwise, it isn't completely fair to hold him accountable for being sensitive and informed. (That being said, he should have known better in this case...)

Good luck!

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Get rid of the chocolates! All of the work, changes and sacrifices you have made, yet you don't want to hurt his feelings! I think you need to asses your priorities. YOU SHOULD COME FIRST! Though he may not have all the "details" of your surgery, is he that ignorant not to hear your comments and requests before hand? And when asked to say it was stupid; No, he he was stupid!

Let him see you trashing them, it will show that you mean what you say. If he has a problem with it, that's his problem to deal with.

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My take is Let him take them to work... that might sink in more.... and promise him something "special" for the next holiday. Easter? If there are no candies involved. He might remember that!!

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Some men can just be so oblivious...they dont mean to be, they just are. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just dont think....

I am so blessed to have a man who is attentive and who waits on me hand and foot since ive been so ill...he is amazing...it only took me 3 marriages to find my Mr. Right...

I hope your man starts paying more attention to detail or that you find a man who does :)

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2 hours ago, erikshappywife said:

Some men can just be so oblivious...they dont mean to be, they just are. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just dont think....

I am so blessed to have a man who is attentive and who waits on me hand and foot since ive been so ill...he is amazing...it only took me 3 marriages to find my Mr. Right...

I hope your man starts paying more attention to detail or that you find a man who does :)

How do you find 3 husbands?? I can't find one!! Lol.. ?

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How do you find 3 husbands?? I can't find one!! Lol..

LOL, the first two were VERY unlucky finds...except for the 3 wonderful kids i got from them (the first gave me a son who is now an EMT, HE MARRIED HIS CHILDHOOD sweetheart whom he had been with since they were 10. They gave me 4 grandbabies: a girl 11, a girl 9, a girl 5, and a boy 2. We also had a daughter who married a wonderful man she met at Purdue while he and i were students there. They have given me 3 grandbabies: a girl 7, a girl 4, and a boy 2...so even though husband #1 turned out to be a monster i have to be glad i met and married him, if i hadn't i wouldnt have my 2 birth children or my 7 grandchildren. Husband #2 turned out to not be much better but one good thing came from our marriage, we adopted a baby boy together. My adopted son is now 20. Husband #3 is so wonderful. He is so patient and understanding and loving. He fathered my kids as if they were his own. He and my oldest son are best friends and he is the only father my adopted son has ever really known, my husband has been his dad since my son was only 3. We have been together 17 years, married 16. My husband is totally blind and hearing impaired and absolutely (almost) perfect...i am VERY lucky now...but had to go through 13 years of hell to get here. For me 3rd times a charm i guess



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That's wonderful! You are truly Blessed! ?

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