Dealing with comments like "You're too thin!" and "You're not going to lose much more, are you?"

[WillWorkForShoes 19]

How do many of you deal with invasive comments such as "Aren't you getting too thin?" and "You don't plan to lose much more weight, do you?"

I am still overweight! I am 5'9" and currently weigh 178, so still at least 13 more lbs until I am at the high end of normal BMI. I think people just have it in their head that I am "supposed" to look one way, and can't seem to wrap their heads around the change. This comment is happening (in some variation) on a nearly daily basis. The other possibility is that I have lost a lot of mid-face volume as I am middle-aged. I have really high cheekbones, so I think that this makes it seem that I am much thinner (just from looking at my face) than I actually am, and that I may appear a bit...gaunt, when I am actually still overweight. Did this resolve for others over time? I've just been saying that my goal is a healthy BMI that meets my doctor's goals, but the comments are getting old. I've made myself a promise to remove toxic people from my life, but those commenting seem genuinely concerned, not malicious or jealous.

Edited February 3, 2017 by WillWorkForShoes

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

How bout responding by asking if they had sex last night? Their question to you is just as intrusive. I'm sure if you do it once, they'll never ask you if you are getting too thin again. It's what I used to do to people who would ask my husband and I when we were going to have kids. Make sure you smile when you say it -- and when they look shocked tell them what they are asking is not a matter of public discussion but between you and your MD.

[Berry78 4,259]

They are probably concerned about anorexia and the like. Maybe tell them that you agree you look thin, but the doctor assures you that everything is fine. People really aren't always trying to be rude. They care! I would let the fact that you want to lose a bit more go unsaid in these instances.

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[AnA92212 577]

I get this quite often, "are you still losing weight?". I was the same weight for over 6 months. In that 6 months, I lost went from a size 6 to a size 2. What can I say, weight training makes you smaller??? I stopped taking the pill so we can try to have another baby and lost 10 pounds in two weeks. I wasn't trying at all.

You can be as open or even sarcastic as you wish. It is an invasive question. I read an article on here once that said people have known you at your heavier weight so that is the norm for them. They see the drastic weight loss and assume that you are where you should be. This may or may not be the case. That is for you and your doctor to decide.

[mollymckim 27]

People just care, they don't realize it's intrusive. I guess that's one thing we have to deal with, that our weight-loss journey/ struggle can't exactly be hidden like other struggles people have. I would let it just roll right off. I think it's always better to see the good in people.

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[kimberb 323]

Maybe try "thank you for saying that" "I've been working really hard to be at the healthy wait my doctor has suggested for me" " When I reach my healthy goal weight. I will maintain then." These are going to be my lines

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[Little Green 582]

I've thought about this because many people in my (non-WLS) weight loss online communities talk about going through this. They say they start getting it even when they are still considered obese! I'm not sure how I will handle it if it happens to me, although I'd like to think I'd just be super sincere and say, "No, I actually still weigh 220 pounds! I've got 50+ pounds to go. Isn't that crazy?!" to make them feel bad for asking. In real life I will probably stutter and make an awkward comment... LOL!

[SharBear617 146]

I do get those comments, mostly from people I work with because unlike family and friends who've known me my whole life, they've never seen me at a more normal weight (even though I still have another 30 lbs before hitting "normal" bmi) so I get I look like I'm melting away to them. I also get when people say those things they usually are out of concern, it's just interesting to me that when we're overweight and our health is in much more danger, they keep their concern to themselves because it would be considered rude for them to say, "hey, you know you're getting fat and you don't look healthy, are you going to start losing some weight?"

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[BuffyBD 3]

I'm worried about becoming too thin actually and look sickly, anybody else fear this?

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[SharBear617 146]

Not fearing that at all at this point. Can't say I never will, but I believe as long as I continue to eat healthy and stay active, my body will find where it wants to be weight-wise. Since our bodies have a brilliant way of trying to guarantee our survival, I don't think my body will continue to lose weight until I disappear. If anyone fears that, I recommend you never read the Stephen King book, "Thinner."

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[tenseintexas 182]

Just try to relish it.... I mean someone is saying you are too skinny!! Annoying yes but I mean come on!!' Can you believe the words!! Yeah!

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[Hazel_eyez 173]

How do many of you deal with invasive comments such as "Aren't you getting too thin?" and "You don't plan to lose much more weight, do you?"

I am still overweight! I am 5'9" and currently weigh 178, so still at least 13 more lbs until I am at the high end of normal BMI. I think people just have it in their head that I am "supposed" to look one way, and can't seem to wrap their heads around the change. This comment is happening (in some variation) on a nearly daily basis. The other possibility is that I have lost a lot of mid-face volume as I am middle-aged. I have really high cheekbones, so I think that this makes it seem that I am much thinner (just from looking at my face) than I actually am, and that I may appear a bit...gaunt, when I am actually still overweight. Did this resolve for others over time? I've just been saying that my goal is a healthy BMI that meets my doctor's goals, but the comments are getting old. I've made myself a promise to remove toxic people from my life, but those commenting seem genuinely concerned, not malicious or jealous.

I am the same height as you and I got down to that weight on my own several years back and my sister made a claim that I was too small and anorexic. I think it was a combination of how the Black community looks at weight and her own issues with being overweight. I let it get to me and gained over 100 lbs. So with that said, try to understand if it is coming from a place of love but let it roll off of you. You know you best, they are outsiders looking in and worse case scenario you can tell them if they are hurting your feelings. If they love you they will listen and back off.

[WillWorkForShoes 19]

Some great ideas in this thread, thank you all very much! Such an odd thing to hear ("too thin") that I was at a complete loss for what to say!

[Candygyrl 637]

Yes I get this all the time! I don't take offense or feel as if people are being too opinionated or invasive. There are people I work with who may not know me personally but have seen me around who say wow you look great you don't plan to lose more do you? or People who know me well who say you look good right there don't lose anymore because you are a nice weight and you still have great curves you don't want to lose that.

My mom feels like I should ignore everyone lose as much as I can because why else go to this extreme to have surgery without achieving the highest weight loss possible.

I feel like I'm a good weight too but I know I want to lose a little more just to have some wiggle room. I'm 5 '4 166 pear shaped size 8-10. 160 would be a max weight 150 would be a reach weight. 140 was my original goal but now I don 't think I want to go lower than 150 lb.

So all that matters is what you think and feel. let them say whatever I take it as a compliment that people think you're getting too skinny lol! I've been wanting that problem for years.

[ryan_86 335]

Yes! I heard this so many times, including people admonishing me that my goal weight was too low (thank you, person who is not a doctor! you opinion I meaningfully yours!).

My favorite was last week when my father volunteered that at some point I "have to pick a size" because it's expensive to buy new clothes or alter old ones. Yep, because that's a thing I'll decide: stop losing weight because so I don't go from a large to a medium.

Most people mean well. Many of them are stupid. Some of them are just clueless.

Bottom line is that as society has collectively gotten fatter, its image of what a healthy weight and appearance are have gone up. People are conditioned to see someone who doesn't have any spare fat and think they're unhealthy. Case in point: Homer Simpson didn't get any larger over 28 seasons, but his weight, when referenced in the show, did.


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