Body image and sex

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

So this may be tmi but my doctor pointed something out to me the other day and I wondered if anyone else had this issue.

Even though I'm not anywhere close to goal I have a bunch of hanging skin since I've lost 200 lbs. I just turned 30 and just started dating again. I don't feel comfortable being naked with someone because I feel disgusting.

My doctor pointed out I was fine and didn't care about how my body looked when I was much heavier.

It really made me stop and think. I don't know why I was more okay being naked when I was heavier than I do now.

The only thing I can think of is that I didn't care at all what I looked like before and now I do. I wear make up and I dress nice now.

I don't know how to become comfortable enough with my new body and hanging skin to be intimate with someone.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I can't speak for you or anyone else but for me the differnce is, I look very small and normal in clothes. When I was big, I was big and people knew exactly what they were getting. Now I feel like I am false advertising even though I am not trying to.

No guy I have been with has commented or cared but it is my comfort issue.

I'm really struggling with it. Most people that post on here are married and older or in a LTR, so there aren't many people that can relate to dating with loose skin. So don't expect many useful responses.

[theantichick 2,204]

My husband assures me that guys by and large (no pun intended) don't care about any of the stuff women care about. They are getting laid, and that makes it all good in their book. LOL.

I have given a lot of thought to the hanging skin. I know I'd rather have that than the fat, but I don't know that I'll ever really come to love it.

However, I am damned good at costuming. LOL. Quality lingerie can hide a multitude of sins, rolls, and whatnot. And there's nothing like french lace to make you feel pretty, IMNSHO. I will be finding what lingerie styles camouflage the stuff I don't like seeing, and having fun collecting pieces for my "naughty" wardrobe. I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.

I think it's a matter of finding what will help *you* be OK with (or maybe even love) the way you look, and the right guy will love it. You'll have a whole new body to dress and play with, enjoy it!!

[rspk1963@gmail.com 42]

I have the same thoughts. I'm in a long distance relationship. We've discussed my surgery and the end results. We will eventually be together and not long distance and traveling. The sex later with extra skin terrifies me. I need something to hide it until I can have surgery because it's going to disgust me. So I'm stuck too not knowing how to handle that.

[LittleBill 2,231]

I am not really one for extramarital sex, but that is just me. I do not judge you. This may sound simplistic, but turn out the lights. I write that as one who has been married for 33 years. It is all about the experience, and not about the looks. A pretty woman is not always the best lover. If you are good at it, they will be too.

Consider this. I do not say you are ugly. I am just giving you this for perspective.

[LittleBill 2,231]

P.S. Mrs. LittleBill gets mad at me every time I play this song. But I love her anyway.

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

I agree with @theantichick. If a guy gets to the point of having sex with you and the skin is a bone killer than you didn't need that relationship anyway. Anyone worth a damn won't hesitate. Theantichick has a great point about making you feel better though, lingerie is nice! Honestly I enjoy the mystery of lingerie during sex. Completely naked is fine by me but some lace and high heels does more for me than just a birthday suit. I have a sneaking suspicion that your smile, attitude and simply how cute you are will overcome any issues that you are concerned about.

[larry971 279]

Well speaking for myself, if I was with you and that was a problem for me, then I'm not the one for you. You need someone who likes YOU. Skinny, fat, short, tall, hanging skin...doesn't matter. You need someone who likes you for your heart. I don't know about the rest of you ladies but I've seen a picture of you pixie and you look great. I want someone who likes me....not how I look with them... Find someone who likes your mind and the body will follow.

Sent from Larry's S7

[rspk1963@gmail.com 42]

Littlebill I was married 20 years and lost my husband. I am in a committed relationship now, I don't believe in just having sex with every tom. Dick or harry. Turning out the lights is fine, but the excess skin (mine being all in my belly)null still be hanging in the way. Doesn't make it appealing in.the dark either when it's in the way.

[rspk1963@gmail.com 42]

What if it's more a problem for you not them but me. I'm thinking a pair of tastefull, lacey, crotchless underwear will do the trick as long as there's a little control top in it. And you're right if someone can't love you for who you are you don't need them in.your life. But I also feel if I don't love myself, how can someone love me?

[LittleBill 2,231]

Littlebill I was married 20 years and lost my husband. I am in a committed relationship now, I don't believe in just having sex with every tom. d**k or harry. Turning out the lights is fine, but the excess skin (mine being all in my belly)null still be hanging in the way. Doesn't make it appealing in.the dark either when it's in the way.

I cannot help you. I am not there. My suggestion is just that, not a panacea. There are ways to work around things, but you have to find them yourself, not rely on strangers.

[rspk1963@gmail.com 42]

Littlebill I was married 20 years and lost my husband. I am in a committed relationship now, I don't believe in just having sex with every tom. d**k or harry. Turning out the lights is fine, but the excess skin (mine being all in my belly)null still be hanging in the way. Doesn't make it appealing in.the dark either when it's in the way.

I cannot help you. I am not there. My suggestion is just that, not a panacea. There are ways to work around things, but you have to find them yourself, not rely on strangers.

And when the time comes we will figure it out together. The man I'm dating and me.

[Mindy78 372]

I had the same ?. I'm engaged but he hasn't seen me that way. Honestly not worried about him. He loves me. I am very self conscious though. We are getting married in February and my anxiety grows.

Sent from my 5054N using the BariatricPal App

[Dub 9,922]

My husband assures me that guys by and large (no pun intended) don't care about any of the stuff women care about. They are getting laid, and that makes it all good in their book. LOL.

I have given a lot of thought to the hanging skin. I know I'd rather have that than the fat, but I don't know that I'll ever really come to love it.

However, I am damned good at costuming. LOL. Quality lingerie can hide a multitude of sins, rolls, and whatnot. And there's nothing like french lace to make you feel pretty, IMNSHO. I will be finding what lingerie styles camouflage the stuff I don't like seeing, and having fun collecting pieces for my "naughty" wardrobe. I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.

I think it's a matter of finding what will help *you* be OK with (or maybe even love) the way you look, and the right guy will love it. You'll have a whole new body to dress and play with, enjoy it!!

Damnrite !!!!

That's how I roll, too.............I wear camo garb to bed and try to provide the whole Duck Dynasty experience......or is it Duck DieNasty. My beard could use a little work.....perhaps if I let it grow long enough It'd hide things well, too.

Combination of camo and low lighting and is all good at gametime. At that point its all about the right theme music in the background and hoping the arthritis meds kick in at the right times. Geriatric spidermonkey.

It ain't purty, but it's how I roll.

[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

I didn't think that I would see the term "Geriatric spidermonkey" in here. Love it Dub!