How does everyone deal with the social pressure to eat while eating out?

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

The people who own and work in restaurants are there to make money. They don’t appreciate people who take up their seats and their time and don’t spend enough money.

They would rather have someone order a $40.00 meal and leave an $8.00 tip than someone who orders a $3.00 bowl of Soup and leaves a fifty cent tip.

They don’t care that you can’t eat more. When I go to a restaurant, I order a full meal and a takeout box. I tip generously. I usually have enough leftovers for three more meals, but I don’t make the business owner and waitstaff suffer because of my inability to control my eating without surgery.

Damn...I waited tables for years and never got peeved because someone ordered soup and salad vs a full meal. I should have been mad at the elderly, kids and non-drinkers, too, eh? And not ordering apps AND dessert?? How rude, while filling all those seats intended for $40 meals. The nerve of them. Maybe restaurants should have a dollar limit that you have to reach or you get charged that much anyway.

I think I'll keep ordering my soup and a glass of wine, tipping 50% and ignoring the fact that opinions like yours exist.

[pixiesleeve 55]

I'm really open about my sleeve. My procedure wasn't covered by my insurance. I paid a pretty penny for it. I'm not much for fancy shancy stuff, but i pride my sleeve. It's my most fanciest accessory yet.

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[ShelterDog64 2,364]

I eat out a lot and not once have I felt I need to explain my small intake. I have gotten comfortable asking for an aduustment for how something is prepared and/or substituting something. My experiences have been great. Servers want to help you have a good experience. I am glad I like leftovers.

If we don't think of ourselves as different, others won't either.

This! When I do order an entree, I always ask for vegetables in lieu of the starch. Or if there's something that looks really good but is clearly too large and won't reheat well, I ask if they can do a smaller portion.

I was at a favorite restaurant the other day that does a gorgeous salmon sashimi appetizer, and the server remembered that I've ordered it several times as my meal. When I ordered it this time, she asked if I wanted it made as an entree with vegetables and rice...I said yes to the veg and no to the rice, and the restaurant didn't immediately go out of business

[rolosmom7 740]

@@LisaMergs I could not agree more with ^ statements. I also waited tables for 20 years. I treated everyone the same if they order a small something or a full meal. I was not there to tell people what to eat, only to take the order and serve them what they ordered and give the best service to everyone.

I only order a full meal if i know my son at home is going to want the left overs. I don't eat leftovers that often. They don't agree with me.

I have no problem going sit in a restaurant and ordering a bowl of Soup and nothing to drink...... or i may just order a few cocktails... Depends on my mood

Also agreed - I would never leave a 50 cent tip. Even at buffets or order at the counter places, etc I always leave $1 per person and $1 for the table. Minimum. And that's at places you aren't even expected to tip.

[The New Kel 1,312]

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

This brings back my only truly awkward/shocked/speechless moment. I had just been cleared for soft foods and I went to the market's salad bar to get my teeny tiny lunch. At that time, I was especially fond of their chicken salad and their seafood salad. I got MAYBE two tablespoons of each in the salad bar container (knowing I would take half home) and went to the register.

The cashier, a big girl herself, looked at me (remember, I was just about 6 weeks post op and still quite the fatty) and said, "Girl! You know you eat more than that! Who you trying to fool??" in the loudest voice. And yes, everyone in line turned to look at me and my pathetic salad. I was hormonal, stressed at the idea that any food I ate still came back up because of my stricture, and absolutely floored that anyone would say something like that. I barely held my **** together, told her I had stomach cancer and moved on through.

She's not looked at me in the eye since.

OMG!!!

[rolosmom7 740]

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

This brings back my only truly awkward/shocked/speechless moment. I had just been cleared for soft foods and I went to the market's salad bar to get my teeny tiny lunch. At that time, I was especially fond of their chicken salad and their seafood salad. I got MAYBE two tablespoons of each in the salad bar container (knowing I would take half home) and went to the register.

The cashier, a big girl herself, looked at me (remember, I was just about 6 weeks post op and still quite the fatty) and said, "Girl! You know you eat more than that! Who you trying to fool??" in the loudest voice. And yes, everyone in line turned to look at me and my pathetic salad. I was hormonal, stressed at the idea that any food I ate still came back up because of my stricture, and absolutely floored that anyone would say something like that. I barely held my **** together, told her I had stomach cancer and moved on through.

She's not looked at me in the eye since.

I have very similar stories - no one quite so rude, but a comment every time I put my salad on the scale. Yes, it's 3 small pieces of chicken, an egg, and veggies. Yes, it weighs 0.3 of a pound. Stop the comments about "that's just your snack right?". NO! Now stop making a comment about everything, charge me my $1 and change for the salad and go about your day.

This guy just asked if my calamari salad was my snack on the elevator. Why do people think they can just ask strangers anything they please? RUDE.

[The New Kel 1,312]

@@LisaMergs I could not agree more with ^ statements. I also waited tables for 20 years. I treated everyone the same if they order a small something or a full meal. I was not there to tell people what to eat, only to take the order and serve them what they ordered and give the best service to everyone.

I only order a full meal if i know my son at home is going to want the left overs. I don't eat leftovers that often. They don't agree with me.

I have no problem going sit in a restaurant and ordering a bowl of Soup and nothing to drink...... or i may just order a few cocktails... Depends on my mood

Also agreed - I would never leave a 50 cent tip. Even at buffets or order at the counter places, etc I always leave $1 per person and $1 for the table. Minimum. And that's at places you aren't even expected to tip.

My first experience going out to eat post surgery was a week ago, to my favorite little restaurant here in town. I ordered the boiled chicken potstickers and my husband ordered a regular meal and some beer. The waitress was so incredible sweet. She came back to check on us and saw I had only eaten one and a half of the 6 potstickers. And noticed that I had pretty much dissected the things trying to get to the meat inside. the waitress asked me if the potstickers were OK. I said yea they were great (even though my sleeve was not tolerating the seasoning..not her fault). She looked a bit concerned but wasn't nosey or over questioning.

When the bill came she smiled and gave us a coupon for 20 percent off, saying that next time she hopes I find something that pleases me more. It was actually a really nice gesture.

[suzzzzz 1,005]

I eat out a lot and not once have I felt I need to explain my small intake. I have gotten comfortable asking for an aduustment for how something is prepared and/or substituting something. My experiences have been great. Servers want to help you have a good experience. I am glad I like leftovers.

If we don't think of ourselves as different, others won't either.

This! When I do order an entree, I always ask for vegetables in lieu of the starch. Or if there's something that looks really good but is clearly too large and won't reheat well, I ask if they can do a smaller portion.

I was at a favorite restaurant the other day that does a gorgeous salmon sashimi appetizer, and the server remembered that I've ordered it several times as my meal. When I ordered it this time, she asked if I wanted it made as an entree with vegetables and rice...I said yes to the veg and no to the rice, and the restaurant didn't immediately go out of business

"I'll have what she's having!" Love that movie - When Harry Met Sally (in case someone doesn't know what I am referring to.)

[rolosmom7 740]

@@LisaMergs I could not agree more with ^ statements. I also waited tables for 20 years. I treated everyone the same if they order a small something or a full meal. I was not there to tell people what to eat, only to take the order and serve them what they ordered and give the best service to everyone.

I only order a full meal if i know my son at home is going to want the left overs. I don't eat leftovers that often. They don't agree with me.

I have no problem going sit in a restaurant and ordering a bowl of Soup and nothing to drink...... or i may just order a few cocktails... Depends on my mood

Also agreed - I would never leave a 50 cent tip. Even at buffets or order at the counter places, etc I always leave $1 per person and $1 for the table. Minimum. And that's at places you aren't even expected to tip.

My first experience going out to eat post surgery was a week ago, to my favorite little restaurant here in town. I ordered the boiled chicken potstickers and my husband ordered a regular meal and some beer. The waitress was so incredible sweet. She came back to check on us and saw I had only eaten one and a half of the 6 potstickers. And noticed that I had pretty much dissected the things trying to get to the meat inside. the waitress asked me if the potstickers were OK. I said yea they were great (even though my sleeve was not tolerating the seasoning..not her fault). She looked a bit concerned but wasn't nosey or over questioning.

When the bill came she smiled and gave us a coupon for 20 percent off, saying that next time she hopes I find something that pleases me more. It was actually a really nice gesture.

Unrelated, but I love potstickers. I pull the excess dough off and eat mainly the insides. Yummy.

[Bugaboo77 18]

Ok, I was banded in 2010. I received the Bariatric surgery card to use at restaurants. I had a bad experience at a restaurant once and since then I don't really use the card.

When we were first escorted to our seats, I asked the hostess for a kids menu. Her response in a sarcastic tone, "why. Do you want to color?" I am in my 30's.

I explained to her that I had a stomach surgery and could not eat much food. I told her I had a card from my doctor explaining that.

She left and then her manager came to the table to talk to me. They said they "don't do that, and lunch portions were the same as kid portions." I was pissed. So my mom and I shared a meal. They would have gotten more money if they allowed me to eat off the kids menu.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[blizair09 3,250]

I eat out a lot and not once have I felt I need to explain my small intake. I have gotten comfortable asking for an aduustment for how something is prepared and/or substituting something. My experiences have been great. Servers want to help you have a good experience. I am glad I like leftovers.

If we don't think of ourselves as different, others won't either.

This! When I do order an entree, I always ask for vegetables in lieu of the starch. Or if there's something that looks really good but is clearly too large and won't reheat well, I ask if they can do a smaller portion.

I was at a favorite restaurant the other day that does a gorgeous salmon sashimi appetizer, and the server remembered that I've ordered it several times as my meal. When I ordered it this time, she asked if I wanted it made as an entree with vegetables and rice...I said yes to the veg and no to the rice, and the restaurant didn't immediately go out of business

"I'll have what she's having!" Love that movie - When Harry Met Sally (in case someone doesn't know what I am referring to.)

Best movie scene, ever!!

[The New Kel 1,312]

@@LisaMergs I could not agree more with ^ statements. I also waited tables for 20 years. I treated everyone the same if they order a small something or a full meal. I was not there to tell people what to eat, only to take the order and serve them what they ordered and give the best service to everyone.

I only order a full meal if i know my son at home is going to want the left overs. I don't eat leftovers that often. They don't agree with me.

I have no problem going sit in a restaurant and ordering a bowl of Soup and nothing to drink...... or i may just order a few cocktails... Depends on my mood

Also agreed - I would never leave a 50 cent tip. Even at buffets or order at the counter places, etc I always leave $1 per person and $1 for the table. Minimum. And that's at places you aren't even expected to tip.

My first experience going out to eat post surgery was a week ago, to my favorite little restaurant here in town. I ordered the boiled chicken potstickers and my husband ordered a regular meal and some beer. The waitress was so incredible sweet. She came back to check on us and saw I had only eaten one and a half of the 6 potstickers. And noticed that I had pretty much dissected the things trying to get to the meat inside. the waitress asked me if the potstickers were OK. I said yea they were great (even though my sleeve was not tolerating the seasoning..not her fault). She looked a bit concerned but wasn't nosey or over questioning.

When the bill came she smiled and gave us a coupon for 20 percent off, saying that next time she hopes I find something that pleases me more. It was actually a really nice gesture.

Unrelated, but I love potstickers. I pull the excess dough off and eat mainly the insides. Yummy.

I used to love them, but my new tummy has turned against them!

[The New Kel 1,312]

Ok, I was banded in 2010. I received the Bariatric surgery card to use at restaurants. I had a bad experience at a restaurant once and since then I don't really use the card.

When we were first escorted to our seats, I asked the hostess for a kids menu. Her response in a sarcastic tone, "why. Do you want to color?" I am in my 30's.

I explained to her that I had a stomach surgery and could not eat much food. I told her I had a card from my doctor explaining that.

She left and then her manager came to the table to talk to me. They said they "don't do that, and lunch portions were the same as kid portions." I was pissed. So my mom and I shared a meal. They would have gotten more money if they allowed me to eat off the kids menu.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

That's messed up. I would have left the restaurant and gone elsewhere. Then I would have yelped them poorly (evil me).

[rolosmom7 740]

Ok, I was banded in 2010. I received the Bariatric surgery card to use at restaurants. I had a bad experience at a restaurant once and since then I don't really use the card.

When we were first escorted to our seats, I asked the hostess for a kids menu. Her response in a sarcastic tone, "why. Do you want to color?" I am in my 30's.

I explained to her that I had a stomach surgery and could not eat much food. I told her I had a card from my doctor explaining that.

She left and then her manager came to the table to talk to me. They said they "don't do that, and lunch portions were the same as kid portions." I was pissed. So my mom and I shared a meal. They would have gotten more money if they allowed me to eat off the kids menu.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Damn. That's messed up. Talk about rude. Sorry you experienced that.

[Candygyrl 637]

I'm late just wanted to chime in. Not many people know about my surgery So I don't feel any social pressure. When I order I always ask them to bring be a carry out container with my meal. That way when I'm done-- I can quietly pack my food away while we're chatting it up. No one is really paying attention to me and what I eat or don't eat.